If I Were...

[madlodger]

I'd pass out contemplating going for the sixth.

If I were making out with a Demon...

[redsliver]

I'd be fantasising about someone less pointy.

If I were horny all the time...

[madlodger]

I'd be a Demon

If I were a cigarette...

[dazzledfirestar]

I'd be smoking myself.

If I were a quitter...

[madlodger]

I'd never finish this sentence.

If I were J.K. Rowling...

[redsliver]

I'd sleep on a pile of money with many many beautiful ladies.

If I were a mutant...

[Guest echtrae]

I'd be the one that can make toilet paper wet at a distance.

If I were a greek god....

[dazzledfirestar]

I'd have fried a few people with lightning bolts by now.

If I were a lightning bolt...

[madlodger]

I'd be drawn to discharge at the high places.

If I were a potted plant...

[dazzledfirestar]

I'd be spying on everyone.

If I were a spy...

[redsliver]

I'd use my government resources to secure naked pictures of people.

If I were a porn giant...

[dazzledfirestar]

I'd be having sex on a pile of money.

If I were a dollar...

[redsliver]

I'd be a loonie.

If I were a coin...

[dazzledfirestar]

I'd be a quarter.

If I were a penny...

[madlodger]

I'd be bad.

If I were a cofee machine ...

[Ginevra]

I'd be able to offer everyone fresh, hot, steamy...coffee.

If I were a straight jacket...

[redsliver]

I'd hold you tight.

If I were a bad pick up line...

[Ginevra]

I'd blow you...off.

If I were a red stilleto shoe...

[madlodger]

I'd squick with every step.

If I were a Penis Pump...

[Ginevra]

You and I would scare the hell out of my husband.

If I were a cordial cherry...

[madlodger]

I'd get busted.

If I were a yellow Corvette...

[Ginevra]

I'd paint you Candy Apple Red.

If I were a candy apple...

[madlodger]

... I'd be sugar coated.

If I were a machine gun...

[redsliver]

I'd be mounted.

If I were a Mountie...

[Ginevra]

I'd be a damsel in need of rescuing.

If I were a pair of handcuffs....