Do those close to you support your writing?

[Guest SaydenEmery]

I've been with my girlfriend for about a year now, and I havn't let her read any of my writings.

She's read over some of the things I've read, and asked me why I was reading smut. Trust me, I don't do it for sexual gratification, but because I truly like mature themed stories. Comments she has made like that make me think she will look at me differently, and its like I'm almost ashamed of my writing. I don't let my family read any of it either, because I'm afraid they will look down on me because of some of the things that I write.

I'm a lesbian, and I usually write slash. I enjoy it, and it's not a sexual thing to me, but I don't think she would see it that why. I know she was ask why I happen to be writing about two men going at it. She isn't a writer. I just don't think she would understand.

Are there any other lesbians in the forum that write slash and have to deal with this?

Are your partners aware of your writing? Do they support you? How about other people in your life? Are you in a way, ashamed of your writing?

I stopped writing for nearly a year because of all this. I don't want her to see me writing, and ask what I'm writing about. I want to think she would be supportive about my writing, but I don't think she will be.

Edited August 11, 2009 by SaydenEmery

[Turkaholic]

Hey,

I know exactly how you feel. I'm not a lesbian, I'm bi, but I do have a girlfriend and I know what you mean about people close to you not being able to understand.

I write yaoi, it's a huge part of who I am and I wouldn't be without the feeling I get when I write. Some of my fanfic are the best pieces of writing I've ever done and I'm so proud of them, but I daren't show anybody in my family what I'm so proud of because I know they'll think I'm writing it for perverted reasons. It's hard to explain exactly, but it's more like a spiritual thing than a sexual one, though anybody will think I'm crazy if I try to explain that to them in real life.

As for girlfriends, well... I had the amazing fortune of finding one that is a yaoi fan too, and she loves reading my stories and giving feedback, helping me work plotlines out and role playing scenarios with me for characterization. She's the most amazing, understanding person I could ever have asked to meet, and yaoi isn't something she looks down on me for, it's something we share.

The best advice I can give to you is this: If this girl loves you, she has to love all of you and not just the bits she understands. If writing is a part of you that you can't live without, then you can't make yourself miserable by hiding such a talent. You have to make her realise that even if she can't understand what you're doing, she has to respect it. If she can't? Well then you guys have problems. Big ones. And you're gonna have to decide: if she can't respect one aspect of your personality, what happens if another one comes along that she can't?

Your family is another matter. Your partner by default should respect your interests, but your family doesn't have any strings attached as far as that's concerned. If they're open minded, you could probably tell them that you're writing 'gay romance' but not go into detail, maybe if they're interested let someone read any chapters that aren't explicit to introduce them to the idea. At least then they'll have some experience with your writing and you don't have to hide it. Just... don't let them read any hardcore sex scenes or it might not go exactly as planned...

You shouldn't have to feel ashamed for such a big part of your life. Seriously. You need to talk to your girlfriend and get all those skeletons out of the closet. If writing yaoi makes you happy, why should she complain?

Good luck x

[Guest SaydenEmery]

That's absolutely fantastic that you've found somebody like that. I wish you two all the luck in the world. :]

And thank you for taking the time to give me some advice. I'm not really worried about my family, but I would like my girlfriends support. I may try to show her something I've written soon, minus the mature parts. It's still a really scary thing though, to not know if someone you love so much is going to be supportive of such a huge part of yourself.

I think I've decided that if she can't deal with it, and support me, that this relationship will not work. Sadly.

I still don't know when I'm going to grow a pair an actually show her something though. Lol. 

[hitagashi]

Actually this is a good topic. I had to deal with this with one of my girlfriends. Like you, I am a lesbian. My mom is a mod here and she knows I write slash. (I honestly have no idea whether or not she actually reads any of my stories >>) My girlfriend and I write slash fiction both separately and in roleplays that we post on the internet. As for my father, he supports me he just doesn't want to see it. It's not his spiel. That's all. Hell even most of my friends support slash. And if your girlfriend is stupid enough to think you're turned on by these stories well good for her and her stereotypical thinking. Really now, if she can't support you, then she's not really meant for you. I understand the whole "I love her and I don't want to leave her" bit, I was like that too. But then you also have to remember that real love is unconditional. (Oh God I sound like a fairy tale person) As for your parents, you just have to hope they understand.

If they say good job, then yay them. Otherwise, just remember that you might have traditional parents who don't believe in slashiness. But if they support your lesbianism than they'll likely support this.

I hope this helps you get a little more confidence in it. Really all you can do is tell them and hope they all understand.

[Guest SaydenEmery]

Thanks :]

Talking to you two has made me feel a lot better. I'm no longer ashamed of my writing. I really thought something was wrong with me. I know I'm a lesbian, but I really enjoy writing slash. I didn't think it was normal.  I really think I'm going to have her read something of mine soon. 

LOL. And as I share this, she tells me she had a dream I had sex with a man. xD 

Maybe I'll wait a little bit long x33

[CrazyPedantic]

Hey . I'm not a lesbian, in fact I'm very straight. Also not a fan of slash. But people not supporting is a universal thing

Only two people I know haven't ridiculed me for writing. One is a friend I've had for 20 years. I told her and she said "you're such a geek. that is just the sort of thing you would do." She then threw a tim tam at me. Her way of saying what were you worrying about for telling me.

The other is a guy I've known for 10 years. He shook his head and said "is there smut in it?" He's a twisted little pervert.

Everyone else including my family has ridiculed me for trying. It took me seven years to get the nerve to even post a story. And that was less than a month ago. It does really hurt when people you look to for support don't give it. No one I know has ever read anything I've written. So the criticism was really hurtful .

So I like to remain annonymous. Maybe one day my self esteem will recover enough for me to believe

[Danyealle]

Like someone else said, not being accepted for writing what you do is a universal thing. Though I'm straight, I've had this problem as well.

I write a bit of all kinds of things from straight to bi to slash to yuri, it doesn't matter to me what it is. If i like the story line i write it and don't really care what most people think of it.

Honestly, right now, my fiancee knows what i write and actually reads most of it (he does stay away from some of the more strange and hardcore stuff I do under a different name). For a time, he actually beta-ed for me and is very supportive in what i do. But most in my life used to just roll their eyes and didn't take it seriously, thinking it's just one of those weird things that I like to do. However, that has changed the last couple years after I managed to get something published (funny how that works, isn't it?). Now they are all kinds of supportive though i doubt any of my family has actually read the novel I wrote, they just have it to say they do and point to it when someone asks what I do with my life. The only exception to this might be my daughter (she's going to be 23 this year and has a kid of her own-though the thought of her reading some of the stuff makes me cringe a bit, hey I'm her mom fer cripes sake so that's expected, she's old and mature enough to do so). She is very supportive when it comes to that, even knowing the anime section I work in, asking questions. But, really, I don't care. It's my thing, I'm going to do it if I want. Now, well, it's just more accepted that I'm going to spend hours on the computer or with a notebook writing something. Since then, they no longer say a word when i say I'm writing is all. That's fine with me, gets me bugged a whole lot less when I'm in the 'zone'.

I learned long ago not to let what someone else says or thinks about that kind of thing bug me. If it is something you enjoy and it doesn't bother you, fark them! After all, it's my life and something i adore doing, not their concern.

For you though, I will point something out... right now slash, M/M romance and other things in this genre is hot and most of it is written by women, read by women. Very little of what is out there and sold is written by men. It's not only written by women but sold to them as well so this isn't that odd.

[Palantean Writer]

I've tried to tell my other half that I write, but he's really not interested. Totally apathetic to it.

At first I mentioned just the non-adult stuff that I'd written and he reacted with surprise... and then apathy. I get very self-conscious about my stories when talking to someone in person about them, so I tried mentioning it to him again a little while later hoping that he'd realise I was quite enjoying it. I was hoping for moral support so as to grow my confidence, so I tried telling him the whole plotline of one of my stories. At the end he simply shrugged and said, 'It's another world', meaning the world of writership.

He's a great boyfriend apart from this. Although now he's aware that I write a lot and enjoy it, I find that I'm almost leading a double life because of his lack of interest. I haven't mentioned that I write slash. I have, however, mentioned that writing short stories will be a way to crack into the magazines etc. and be the first step to getting published. Then I mentioned that the Cliterati section of Scarlet magazine buys adult stories, which I intended as a hint that I might write some. He raised his eyebrows at that but there's been no more mention of it since.

So while I'm not keeping it a secret per se, it's pretty much an enforced secret because he just doesn't seem to care about my artistic output. I think that's a shame, but I don't think it's worth pushing past this point. I'll just carry on writing and if I end up making a profit from it, I'll end up making a profit.

Gah...

Edited March 15, 2010 by Palantean Writer

[megadeth425]

Nobody close to me knows about what I write, save for someone online who's like a little sister to me, and that's more because she used to write it as well and it was easier to talk to her about it. Friends and family would pretty much definitely either roll their eyes or scoff, especially some of my earlier, sort of insane work involving tentacles and stuff that acts as sort of an old shame, but not enough of a shame to disown it and remove it from the internet.

[TalValante]

It's a shame that some people can't accept diversity. I understand indifference -- my family and friends don't read my stuff either because it's slash or because they don't like reading in English -- but it's a far cry between that and changing your opinion about the writer.

This isn't really a question about showing your writing to your partner. It's about how open to new ideas your partner is. It will definitely meet you in other aspects of life, in and out of bed. I personally don't like the idea of having to hide a part of yourself for the sake of a relationship. Today it's your slash writing -- what would it be tomorrow?

Never mind enjoy slash; if your partner can't bring herself to accept it, then IMO it's indicative of many things you might want to consider. Sorry if this reply is a bummer.

[Shunskitten]

I'm bi, and my family, meaning my mother, father, even my 13 year old sister knows i write smut (even tho she found out through going through my shit again) i told my mother, and she actually said she wanted to read them, and told me that i could make it as a author easily. my father hasn't given his feedback, but i know he doesn't mind. and my husband knows as well, he thinks its awesome that i write sexual material given to my sexual nature.

some people accept the fact that you would have a awesome talent such as writing, some people dont. its a chance really when you tell them what you write, because of the fact that you don't know what they will say, wether they like it or not.