The Poetry of Sex

[SereneLies]

I have read several stories that involve explicit sex and I have found that sexual scenes written in an artful way are more of a turn on then those that well end up like this:

Her slender, silken thighs opened to the sweetest, tightest piece of woman he’d ever had.

Finally he was able to lodge himself within the tightest passage that had ever enclasped his throbbing manhood.

He felt a moist warmth enclose the end of his throbbing manhood, and then more than the end.

She saw the small sensual flare of his nostrils.

And with each pulse came a sensual rain that eased his way even more.

He continued his sensual movements, caressing her most private nub of flesh with his thumb.

The tip of his finger found her tiny love button, and he rubbed it.

He drew back to caress the nubbin of flesh now tight and throbbing with need.

… he could part her legs and put his tongue on the burning pearl of flesh that made her scream out.

I am reading a very interesting article right now about the mechanics of sexual scenes in writing. And reading through these examples of novel scenes, I have to agree with author of this lengthy article - these are terrible scenes that would drive me more to laughter than anything else.

I’ll start with a theory: no matter how messed up we are as a culture when it comes to sex, no matter how obliged people may feel to disavow an interest in reading about sex, almost everybody is drawn to it. Because that’s true, some authors feel obliged, and write sex scenes for the wrong reasons. Usually this ends badly. The basic truth is this:

any

and

every

scene needs to earn its place in the narrative flow, and sex is no different. No matter how much I love a character and a story, I’m not interested in following them everwhere. The author can safely leave out bathroom visits, cutting of toenails, the phone call about the electric bill, the spilled coffee, the songs on the radio while the character drives to work. Unless something significant happens (Anna discovers a breast lump while she’s in the shower; Mary spills her coffee on her wedding dress accidentally on purpose) this stuff doesn’t belong in the story. In the same way, you end up with generic, boring, unnecessary sex scenes stocked with color by number orgasms

unless there’s a compelling reason to include the scene in the first place

.

Carefully constructed, thoughtful sex scenes are one good way to show what’s right or wrong in a relationship; it’s in high tension situations that characters let go, and really, what else is sex about? Where else is character revealed in such a direct way? It’s not the only way to do this, but it can be a very effective one.

So sex scenes go wrong because (1) the author writes such a scene for reasons that have nothing to do with characterization and story; (2) the author is personally uncomfortable with such scenes. In either case, a writer often resorts to shortcuts, and what is a shortcut in fiction? Stereotype and cliche. It’s hard to come up with an interesting, non-generic sex scene that’s motivated by the characters and the narrative, so some authors fall back on the tried and (supposedly) true. Then you’ve got a generic sex scene which is boring and (at best) poorly written or (at worst) unintentionally funny.

Which brings me to these examples. These sentences are from published novels, each of them from a different author, but you’ll notice that there are some striking similarities.

He knelt between her silken thighs, his throbbing manhood poised at her entrance.

Her slender, silken thighs opened to the sweetest, tightest piece of woman he’d ever had.

Finally he was able to lodge himself within the tightest passage that had ever enclasped his throbbing manhood.

He felt a moist warmth enclose the end of his throbbing manhood, and then more than the end.

She saw the small sensual flare of his nostrils.

And with each pulse came a sensual rain that eased his way even more.

He continued his sensual movements, caressing her most private nub of flesh with his thumb.

The tip of his finger found her tiny love button, and he rubbed it.

He drew back to caress the nubbin of flesh now tight and throbbing with need.

… he could part her legs and put his tongue on the burning pearl of flesh that made her scream out.

If you’re writing about driving a car, the same terms are going to come up over and over again: steering wheel, ignition, stick shift, turn signal, key. The same is true when you write about sex: certain terms come up again and again. These happen to be terms which are loaded down with all kinds of secondary meanings and associations, and so an author chooses from variants available based on (1) the tone of the story and scene (2) the character’s leanings (3) the author’s own comfort level. It’s a simple fact of social conditioning that some of us just can’t write certain things down. Let’s take, for example, the range of euphemisms for the word

penis

. In the examples above we get the infamous

throbbing manhood

, but in each of those cases other variants could be substituted that would be far less coy. The same is true of cliches and euphemisms you see here for clitoris. The result? The reader’s attention is dragged away from the story.

For example, let’s consider

burning pearl of flesh

. The thoughts that went through my head: Can a pearl burn, and if

that

pearl burns, she’s in pain and not having a real good time just now, right? Isn’t a pearl too hard a substance to serve as a metaphor here? And the color’s all wrong, too. And if the pearl of flesh is really burning, he’s about to get a big surprise — and a blister on his tongue. Maybe some sensual rain would be a good idea at this juncture, eh?

The bottom line: a writer who can only be comfortable writing about sex by resorting to these kinds of suspect terms and images shouldn’t be writing about sex at all.

Genitalia, erogenous zones and specific acts aren’t the only place where the unmotivated, uncomfortable or lazy writer will resort to cliches. There is a list of words that have been so overused that they should be retired, maybe permanently. Silken thighs, raven tresses, sensual anything — these phrases have been stripped of any meaning they might have once had. Now they are nothing more than placeholders, and funny placeholders, at that. When the author resorts to these terms, you really have come to the place where it would be possible — and preferable — to substitute “and then they had sex” for the whole extended scene.

-

http://rosinalippi.com/weblog/?p=413

Anyways, the reason why I originally posted this topic is because I need help. I want to be able to write the artful sex that isn't cheesy and I will admit that while I am knowledgeable enough, I don't know how to transfer that knowledge to the page in a piece of art.

Oh and I would suggest reading this article ^

[Keith Inc.]

Finally he was able to lodge himself within the tightest passage that had ever enclasped his throbbing manhood.

Lodged in? That doesn't even sound appealing.

I generally have two reasons to write a sex scene graphically. To enhance, advance or define a couple's relationship, or because it's expected.

I mean, if you're writing fetish fiction, the fetishists are going to be a bit disappointed if there's no exploration of the fetish.

Still, i try to keep the characters real, even in PWP, if for no other reason than my personal pride.

And for real, i try to figure out how at least one of the characters would describe the scene. I mean, i've never had a shipmate come back from liberty and say 'i lodged my manhood in her tight passage.' Or brag that he was enclasped. I don't think that's even a word.

I got criticized for using 'manhood' in an Old Testament fanfic, but i really believe that that would be the word the character would have used. I can't imagine that an antediluvian version of 'heat seeking moisture missile' would have worked in that fic. In a fic where the narrator is a professional zoologist, i'd expect him to refer to the Lamia's cloaca rather than to her honey-pot or 'womanly love-slit.' But if i was writing about a machinist mate having sex in a liberty port, i'd probably go for slang instead.

How would you describe the act to your best friend the day after? That would be the most comfortable for you, and it's likely to read the best for your story.

[Melrick]

I think that's an excellent point that you use words that the CHARACTERS would use, and you're totally right in that some people would use words like "manhood" while others might use "shlong" or "slug", etc. In fact, I know for a fact that people do in real life. Because that's what stories are meant to be trying to sound like: real life. I think writers are always going to get criticisms for words that writers use in their stories, no matter what is used. Some people criticise "cock" or "dick", some criticise "penis", some criticise "manhood", and on and on. It's utterly impossible to please everyone, so like the song says, "you can't please everyone so you've got to please yourself".

Oh and apart from the line that Keith pointed out, I'm afraid the "tiny love button" line made me giggle. Just goes to show, you can't please everyone. Write for the audience you want to attract to your story.

Lodged in? That doesn't even sound appealing.

I generally have two reasons to write a sex scene graphically. To enhance, advance or define a couple's relationship, or because it's expected.

I mean, if you're writing fetish fiction, the fetishists are going to be a bit disappointed if there's no exploration of the fetish.

Still, i try to keep the characters real, even in PWP, if for no other reason than my personal pride.

And for real, i try to figure out how at least one of the characters would describe the scene. I mean, i've never had a shipmate come back from liberty and say 'i lodged my manhood in her tight passage.' Or brag that he was enclasped. I don't think that's even a word.

I got criticized for using 'manhood' in an Old Testament fanfic, but i really believe that that would be the word the character would have used. I can't imagine that an antediluvian version of 'heat seeking moisture missile' would have worked in that fic. In a fic where the narrator is a professional zoologist, i'd expect him to refer to the Lamia's cloaca rather than to her honey-pot or 'womanly love-slit.' But if i was writing about a machinist mate having sex in a liberty port, i'd probably go for slang instead.

How would you describe the act to your best friend the day after? That would be the most comfortable for you, and it's likely to read the best for your story.

[SereneLies]

Oh and apart from the line that Keith pointed out, I'm afraid the "tiny love button" line made me giggle. Just goes to show, you can't please everyone. Write for the audience you want to attract to your story.

Yeah, I really hope that the author was parodying sex when they wrote that line. Honestly "tiny love button" sounds like a kids toy!

[LuciferxDamien]

Well, SereneLies, I think the most helpful thing I can bestow upon you is this: Know your characters. Whether it be for fanfiction or original fiction, you MUST know your characters. Now, I know it's not like you can possibly know everything about a character that isn't yours...but you should at least know the likes and dislikes of that character, their personality, and how they talk. For instance, Spike (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) probably isn't about to go skipping through a field of flowers at high noon...That was Andrew's fantasy, not Spike's. Something else that's really important about knowing your characters is knowing what time period they are from! If your writing from a period pre-dating plastic...You're not going to have the convenience of bottles of lubricant or condoms, something very important, if you ask me. You need to consider what words to use, as Keith stated, I find it highly unlikely for a man from the time of the Old Testament to use profane or slang terms. It just doesn't seem realistic. Luckily, the word f*ck has been around for the past 500 years or so, so at least you've still got that word if you're doing a past piece. But, you also need to be careful in how you use f*ck; it's a powerful word, and if your character is shy and sheepish, it probably wouldn't sound so natural if they're spouting off like a sailor. If you're unsure of how long a word has been around, use Dictionary.com! They give the origins of words and when they came about, very useful.

Secondly, use your judgement. If you really don't think your character would do something, or say something, then don't do it! If someone else doesn't like it, too damn bad for them! It's YOUR piece, your writing, not theirs. I think that by creating this thread, you want help and you actually want to go the extra mile, take the extra time to do the best you can. It's refreshing to see someone like that, compared to a lot of people who just rush through something to get it done and then post it without so much as a spell check...That may be one of the biggest reasons sex scenes come out less than desirable. While a quickie can be fun, it's a lot better when you have the time to take the time.

Something that continues to baffle me is the debate of whether there should be sex scenes in some fanfiction or not...I think it depends on the build up to the bedroom scene (Or where ever it is they're having teh sex). I mean...If one of the character's mother just died, they're probably not about to jump into bed with someone and have hot, torrid sex. That's just weird. And there is one important thing to consider while thinking about the 'to write the sex scene or not to write the sex scene'...this is ADULTFanfiction.net...That kinda implies we all come here to read some pr0nz, no? Like Keith said, if you advertise kinks and fetishes then don't deliver...It's more than a little bit of a let down. And just because you haven't done something personally isn't much of an excuse to advertise then deny...There's a whole world of internet out there with information on anything imaginable, you just have to be willing to do the research. I am a yaoi/slash/boy-on-boy writer, and I am female. I'm pretty sure I've never had gay sex with a man before, yet I seem to deliver the goods quite well, or so I am told.

I think a good tip for writing in general is not to use the same word over and over. As I said before, I'm mostly a M/M writer so I know how hard it is not to use the same words over and over, having two 'hes' to contend with and all, but that's a whole other pie of crazy-confusing. Anyway, the easiest way to make sure you're not over-doing it, is to simply read through your work, and if you find that a word occurs too often, it's really easy to go to the thesaurus and look up a new word.

I know I tend to prattle on, but I hope that I helped you, even if only a little. Oh, and in my opinion, 'penis' isn't that sexy of a word. It sounds too clinical and I hate to see it in a sex scene. But! That is entirely my opinion, and if you like to use penis, have at it.

[SereneLies]

I am very grateful for all the help I have gotten so far .

I agree that using "penis" does sound too clinical but what I think the hardest thing for a writer is figuring out what euphemisms you can use, and defining the line between reasonable and ridiculous.

But I guess that is something you have to figure out as you go along

[Keith Inc.]

Oh, god, i read one fic where the dialogue included a character referring to his penis, as penis, five times in one paragraph. I don't think i say penis five times in a month.

Then again, do you need to say penis, or any euphemism? If you're not comfortable with 'she grabbed his cock' maybe the scene works with 'she grabbed him?' I mean, if they're naked and in bed, in shower, in the grassy field together, it's not likely that she'll grab him by the ear and guide his ear into her no-no place.

[Guest jj19]

I have also run across this problem, especially for some fetish stories, the words available are either unplausible or very clinical.

[MorbidFantasy]

Sometimes I have to wonder if the authors honestly go back and read their sex scenes before posting. At least on my part if I can't read my own sex scenes and get a hard on from doing so I take the whole thing back to the drawing board and rework it.

The other thing is some author think erroneously that they HAVE TO plug in descriptive words like "silken" or "vestal" or "throbbing", but loading your sentences with that sort of vocab can easily take your reader out of the mood, just like too much sugar in your coffee. Sometimes fewer words are better, and simplicity often works wonders.

I definitely think that the flow of the entire scene is what makes or breaks the piece. I have to be able to render the scene in my mind as I read, like a well done sex scene in a film. If I have to pause to ponder the veracity or grammatical sufficiency of a series of words or descriptions it only serves to break my mood.

[JetKL]

I definitely think that the flow of the entire scene is what makes or breaks the piece. I have to be able to render the scene in my mind as I read, like a well done sex scene in a film. If I have to pause to ponder the veracity or grammatical sufficiency of a series of words or descriptions it only serves to break my mood.

I agree some authors never go back and reread anything... couch cough (the plethora of badly written and unedited Nanowrimo stories). I think that so much of the issue lays with OOC moments. If the style and mood of the chapter is one way than a signifigant change in vocabulary or flow needs to be poinent. The things people say during sex is usually the biggest issue that I have. One man might say 'suck my cock' another 'blow me' another might just shove his dick in his partner's mouth. People are comfortable with certain phrase or words and its those variations and that specificity that really makes a sex scene great.

[greenwizard]

Lots of good advice in this thread. The only thing I can add is find a good beta. They're hard to find I know, but I seem to have hit the jackpot You need one that will tell you if something doesn't work.

And of course, don't write sex for the sake of sex. I recently read one HP story where Harry was in the Hospital Wing and he and Draco went at it soon after he woke up. I mean the rest of the story was good, but that just didn't fit. I think someone else mentioned that.

[Kimba147]

Some not totally comfortable with sex between two people yet. They have yet to find the balance of the right words and flow and have trouble defineing the lines between 'passionate love-making' and 'a quick fuck.' But, (and this may sound a bit weird to newer writers) if you just can't get it down when your characters are supposed to be doing 'the nasty'...try it with one. That was the best thing I ever did for myself.

The first fic I wrote tried to have this wonderful, heart-breaking sex scene and it wound up being one character trying to use every possible variant of the word 'fuck' and the other was practically vomiting roses with all the crappy, flowery description. After that, I wrote a new one were it was just a guy getting off. I mean, almost everybody masturbates. You know how it feels and what you think about, so it isn'tall that hard to come up with a good scene after you get past the initial awkwardness. If you are not up to exploring the world of kinks, but you still want to have a good scene, cheat. Use your own sexual experiences and try to see it through the eyes of your chracter. What would they think about it? Hell, it might not be very original, but it will give you a solid foundation and an overall enjoyable sex scene.

[marley_station]

Read slash written by a guy. I'm telling you, it can't get more authentic than that.

[InvidiaRed]

Oh, god, i read one fic where the dialogue included a character referring to his penis, as penis, five times in one paragraph. I don't think i say penis five times in a month.

Then again, do you need to say penis, or any euphemism? If you're not comfortable with 'she grabbed his cock' maybe the scene works with 'she grabbed him?' I mean, if they're naked and in bed, in shower, in the grassy field together, it's not likely that she'll grab him by the ear and guide his ear into her no-no place.

um... I hate to break it to you

but one of my friends has an ear fetish. She once told me she liked how it felt down there

[Tempestuous]

Read slash written by a guy. I'm telling you, it can't get more authentic than that.

Welll... I read slash written by a guyfriend of mine. He writes more cliché than any girl. Gotta love 'm anyway though.

[Danyealle]

For those interested, I use this link to help with some words. It's great! It also has a section on there of what NOT to use in any case.

Now, coming in from the published world of erotica, the one thing I saw on all sites when I was looking to submit was they want 1.) heat factor-to make the sex scenes as hot, erotic and believable as you can possibly get them and 2.) for you to use the correct terms for things in the way real people would refer to them. Some colorful euphemisms are fine but what they want is real and a sex scene that people can visualize. They also want it tailored to what you are writing. That at least gives you some hints as to what people seem to look for

[Ryder]

Totally agree with everything said here, and there is one thing that bugs the shit outta me that seems to be in quite a few stories I have read lately:

When people refer to female genitalia as 'sex'. Like, "she slid her hand down the front of her skirt and rubbed her sex", "she licked her fingers to taste the sweetness of her sex" .

What the fuck? I don't get it, it makes the whole thing sound awkward and just really weird....