The Ones We Love

[taker]

I know that a number of us posters are virigins (myself not included). But they can still post, just because you haven't experiment with the body yet, doesn't mean you haven't felt true love and not realized it.

Lets think back to like our first 3 loves and/or lovers or even our current. You can change your lovers name if you wish, but I'm not. I'm 70% sure she won't mind, I just wont say where we live or anything to private.

My first love was a young woman named Molly, she's a lesbian but ever since I first met her. I've just felt "She's so beautiful. Please God, give the chance." We've been friends for around 3 years, and a year ago she gave herself to me. Even though we had a little falling out, I'm still madly in love with her. not that i stalk her or anything. She's my best friend, my first real girlfriend since I lived in Michigan about 11 years ago when I was too young to understand love. She's not only my best friend, she's also my lover. I know where my heart lies with her, but I don't know where she lies with me. I've tried calling her but to no availe: OUT OF TOWN. Untill like Monday or something. But I'm not hear to talk about our sexual experience.

For us older members who have realized true love. What are you best and/or earliest memories of the ones you've loved? For me, whenever I see Molly, after school or around midnight, we were always togher untill it was 2 or 3 in the morning. We'd just sit togher and talk, her prescence was just so wonderful. When I was around her, even on my shittiest of days, I instantly felt better. She likes girls, I do too. I'm not with her because I'm tyring to pursue a M/F/F relation with her. We're just so open with each other about everything. I mean, there are thing I just cannot explain with words or actions, just my memories.

Anyone else willing to share? You retain the right to change their names when, or whatever. Please explain how and when you first knew it was love.

[Guest omnichild]

Well I am still relatively young. Being 21 and all. I have not really found three loves yet in this life. Two yes, but I wouldn't say three.

My first was this boy,well now man that I met when I was a sophomore in high school. To be honest with you, it was love at first sight. He was younger than me by two years. And when I found out that he was still in junior high, I told myself to forget about him. And for a little while I did. Then the next school year, I was in band class with him. Old feelings stirred but I pushed them down and focused on another crush. That other crush fell through and my friends realized what a crush I had on Ryan (the name of the guy.) So they told him. (evil friends!) From that day on, Ryan started talking and flirting with me. And my love for him grew. I was all about him. Honestly I believed we would start going out and be together forever. Unfortunately he kept dating other girls. Maybe it was because I never told him myself that I liked him. But I thought my obvious flirting and advances on him were clue enough. Apparently he never got it, or didn't like me as much as I thought. So I told myself to give up on him. I tried, I really did. I even started dating one of his friends. That relationship lasted a whole week. And despite Ryan dating other girls, he would still flirt and hang around me. I know he lost a couple girlfriends due to his relationship with me. When I graduated, we lost touch for a time, talking only occasionally over the internet. It was then that I found out, he would have dated me had I told him myself that I wanted to be with him. But by then I was with someone else and he was with someone else that he loved very much.

Then one day, I went to a friend's party, he happened to be there. Old emotions came flooding once again. I told myself to stay away from him. That things would happen that I didn't want to happen. That I should just stay away and let things be the way they were. But I couldn't do that. I just couldn't my feelings for him were to strong. And he had been having problems with his then girlfriend for some time. That night he got drunk and was all over me. I was his designated driver and when I took him, he kept on insisting we have sex. I refused, despite the fact that I really wanted to. He instead masturbated in my car. The next day I was of course, very confused. Did he or didn't he want me. Did I want him, was it enough to leave my current boyfriend? We started talking again and talked things out. He ended up working things out with his girlfriend. And I went back to "being satisified with being just friends." Then he broke up with his girlfriend. To tell the truth, I was happy. Even though I was with someone else, I was happy he was single. It was like I had a chance with him. Another party came up and we ended up making out and exploring each other's bodies. Once again he asked for sex and once again I refused. He did afterall just break up with his girlfriend. We once again went back to being friends. Then last october, we went really heavy into making out and messing around. This time going as far as me giving him head. I refused sex again though. No condoms was my reason. The next day, I was upset with myself. I had told myself numerous times to just get over him and I realized that I couldn't He found out that I was upset and got upset with me, telling me that he only did those things because he was drunk and that we could never do anything again. I was very upset by this. I knew for a fact that he was not very drunk. And now we no longer talk and I have been told that he has become a major ass and his new girlfriend is a bitch. And I tell myself I am over him. Sometimes I believe it. Most of the time, I know it is not true. I still think about him everyone in awhile and wonder if he ever thinks of me. I haven't seen him since October and I hope I never have to again, I don't think I could handle it.

[Nanaea]

I agree with taker that you don't have to be sexually experienced to experience love. My earliest memories of being in love with someone was a boy that I had gone to school with since kindergarten. When we were in junior high we would call each other up and talk until the wee hours of the morning about the mysteries of life. I still recall those long talks fondly. We were friends all throughout school but we never really dated and although were comfortable with physical affections like hugs and cuddling, it was a purely platonic relationship.

I've actually had a lot of guy friends that I loved deeply (even one that I swore I would marry someday) where sex was not even a factor or, it was only a minor part of the relationship. I've learned over the years that there are many different kinds of love, even in het relationships. Some of them are platonic, some are obsessive, some are spiritual, some are brotherly/sisterly, but they're all shades of love....

When I did find my soul-mate I was 19. It was love at first sight and he was all those wonderful shades of love rolled into one package. I realized that everyone up until I found him was practice - like rehearsing for a play, one scene, one emotion at a time.

[Guest Corvis]

I debated about wether or not to take a stab at this one, but here goes.

I've had 3 people in my life that I can say that I 'love'. The first boyfriend, of course, when everything is new, and all that jazz. Getting buzzed just because he was picking me up to go out that night, going to his prom, acting like an adult. I loved him, but I think it was more of I loved the idea of being in love. And when he dumped me, I missed it.

Enter boyfriend number 2. A total asshole, although I was too stupid to get that at the time. Maybe it was lust, and that wanting to be adult and do things that I thought equalled a healthy relationship. But long story in a nutshell, I got pregnant at 16. Love kicked my ASS. He left, and I wish it stopped there. He tried to get custody because he was older and had people come to my house to scare me, follow me, harrass me. Finally, after many court battles and physical cnfrontations, he was legally forced to exticate himself from my life. After a year he broke into my house and tried to 'take me back', telling me that he changed and all that. He then met my friend Louisville Slugger and never came around again.

I realised then just how stupid 'love' was. It had turned me into a Lifetime Movie basketcase, getting arrested for assault, and going before a judge to explain why exactly I felt the need to pummel him. I had become something I always snickered at when I read the paper or watched TV.

I met my husband through his sister. She and I hung out a lot together, and when I moved away, she and her brother moved with me, all of us paying rent and whatnot. The relationship with E and I just sort of happened. Maybe it's convenience, or stability for both of us, I'm not sure. But when I got pregnant for the second time, we tied the knot. He adopted my first child, and now we own a house and have another child on the way.

Wether I love him or not is a moot point. I do, but not in that fevered way I loved the first two times. I love my kids, and would do anything for them, but me and E have something that I can't even categorize. We're familiar with each other, too comfortable to look for something else, and too apathetic to even try. Maybe that seems cynical, but when I think of getting involved like I did in the past, I just can't. Maybe the feeling isn't there, maybe it's still hiding, I don't know. But when I go to sleep, I irrationally fear disaster that I rationally know won't come.

Perhaps I need therapy, but I know what's in my own head better than any passerby. I'm happy with my life, content with the things I gave up. And even happier knowing the things I gave up when I gave up love. I just don't think the feeling is going to come back, and I hope it doesn't. I'm living my life, and my kids are flourishing. So I know in the respect that I'm at least doing something right. Wether or not my methods are orthodox is a debate that I think about all the time.

Sorry for the long winded speech there. But that's my view. As cynical as it may be..

[taker]

Omnichild: Subtle hints DO NOT WORK. Strong hints DO NOT WORK. Obvious Hints DO NOT WORK. Just say what you want to tell us! We're men, not mid readers. Our lack of mind reading isn't proof of how little we car about you. We're jsut thick headed in more than one area >_>. I hope you didn't have to clean up after him. Men can be numbskulls, once we believe we find the perfect mate, I think it's just instinctual to blow everyone else off. I hope I don't become like that, I like the few females friends I have now, I like the friends I hang out with. I wish you the best of luck.

Nanaea: That's so romantic. Yes I'm a breeder male who sad that exact line, anyone got a problem? Those long talks are worth more than anything in life, I swear it is! I've met Mick Foley (AKA Mankind, Cactus Jack and Dude Love), I love the man, he makes me laugh laugh, I mark the fuck out for his matche (I'll GLADLY pay $500 to see him wrestle one match) but the days I've spent talking with Molly just made me feel more complete. I believe sex is just an added bonus to any relationship. IT makes things more exciting and spiritual, but I know couples who have sex 1 a year or NOT AT ALL because there so involved with just loving each other than making love. The first boy reminded me of my rrue first girlfriend (the one I was too young to understand love) we were 5 and 6 when we first met (I was older) we just had a friendship I realized later in life that would have been everything we've ever shared with each other. Kind of like Kairi and Sora from Kingdom Hearts or Fred Savage and the girl he always crushed on in The Wonder Years or even Eric and Donna from That 70's Show. Know what I'm saying?

Corvis: Its okay, stab away. Alot of people I think never truely realized they're in love with the idea of being in love with them. Oh yes, many of nights I was afraid of the Louisville Slugger seeing alot of people around here don't think highly of me, but I know how far I can walk before I cross sacred grounds. Atleast he took the hint and hasn't tried anything since! I cann't stand men who beat on others for dominance. >_< I'd die to protect my sister's offspring, sure I don't like younger sister and i've already disowned her and her future children, but my older sister who's mentally ill, I'm long decided to join the army, however I know I can get stationed around her to protect her from her fiancee since I really don't trust him. I just have this earie feeling that I'm shooting blanks so I've decided that if truely want children, I'll adopt. I see where you coming from even though the first isn't his, he was more than willing to accept hte child into his life, but can I assume the child was willing to accept him? You did get hurt very badly the first two times, I can relate to being unable to show everything despite being married, having 2 children with him and such. I think that subconsciencely you're still afraid that he'll leave you alone in a world that's so cold. Corvis, you don't have to appolgize for anything. We're adults here, well most of us atleast. We might not have the relationship you share with E, but you know what I'm trying to say?

[Guest Nympho]

I'm only nineteen, so I guess I really don't have three great loves behind me. I'm one of those girls that somehow manages to get stuck as an honorary "one of the guys".

My best friend Kevin was my biggest crush. He was just a little taller than me, with hair that somehow started out brown at the roots and fased natually into a wheat blond color. He was and still is one of the most gentlemanly man I have ever met. He was also adorably naive in some matters. I remember once, when there was talk of the Chippendales coming to Kansas City, my gal friends and I were talking about them at the lunch table and Kevin suddenly blurts out "That sounds like fun." Turns out he thought we were talking about Chip and Dale, the chipmonks. Poor guy turned bright red when I explained to him what the Chippendales were.

Unfortunately, the closest we ever got was falling asleep and curling around each other on his couch during a movie-fest, and the stammering act he did when he first saw me in a bikini. We sort of drifted apart after I dropped out, we still trade emails though. He's attending KU to get his degree in architecture, and I'm staring massage therapy classes in Novermber with another old friend from high school. I still get the warm fuzzies when I think of him though.

[Guest ChibiShiva]

Oh boy, my love life... *laughs* A series of deceptions, I might say. A long entry, maybe more therapeutic than anything, but it resumes what happened so far in my life, minus a lot of repetitions.

All the times I "fell in love", or had a crush on someone, I apparently weren't their type of girl, didn't want to go out with their friends, well all that stuff to tell me "no". I'm right now at a point where I have a few crushes, but they're not as obvious as my 2 previous ones where... and I don't know if I want to make them obvious. I guess I'm afraid of being rejected because it happened in the past. I wasn't really hurt, I just thought it sucked.

I tend to have crushes on guys who can make me laugh. If the best way to a man's heart is through his stomach (or so I've heard hehe XD), the best way to mine is to make me laugh until I cry. Good looks are a good bonus too ^_~. If we have common hobbies or interest, and if I have fun with them... then that's it, I have a crush. Not every guy though...

There was Gabriel, who was a bit younger than me. He was a gamer too, and he was really a good pal of mine. We both were in the school band, both played saxophone, both into the same music... he was someone I could have pictured myself with for a long time. I really appreciated his company. But in my last high school year, we drifted apart... we bought found new friends, etc. Amazingly, I saw him in Montreal back a few months. He was living with one of his friends, had no girlfriend and worked somewhere I can't remember.

Another was Nathaël... actually the same type as Gabriel. He was more into D&D though, gamer also, same hobbies. But when he found out I had a crush on him (through friends), he talked to me about it, saying he didn't like me this way, and when I asked "will we at least still be friends?", he didn't even answer me. From then, he simply avoided me. I was a bit sad after hearing this, but I got over it over the night. Guess it wasn't something serious. The guy who's going to be my boyfriend will return my feelings - if they don't, I'm not gonna bother and I'm gonna get over it.

I had one boyfriend though, his name was Matthew. This one was online, but we saw each other through webcams and we had planned a meeting once I had moved (I was at my parents, still). He even wanted to marry me. So that good! I finally had a boyfriend! Someone who loved me for who I was... or so I thought. He left me after 9 months, 4 days before my 18th birthday (or was it my 19th? Oh well...) because his friends thought I wasn't good enough for him *insert major eye roll here*. Of course I was sad, but I got over it rather quickly (I cried more because I was refused at the National Art and Design Center, 2 months after...), mostly because if he easily influenced by others and couldn't think for himself, I was better off without him.

We continued to speak for a while, but everything turned to shit. His new girlfriend hated me, therefore he didn't want to speak to me anymore, but when they broke up, guess what happened? He realized he really loved me, that he wanted to be with again... I said "no fucking way". So he started to blackmail and harrass me, saying that all this time he had used me. Thankfully, there's that little BLOCK on MSN. Problem is, every now and then, he gets a new email address, still knows mine (I also refuse to change, but that's another story) and he adds me. I just block it. What an asshole ¬¬'...

I live so well without him at the moment. Over the 9 months we had been together, he had started to get controlling (and if there's something I hate in a relationship, it's when they get this way), asking me to stay online for a while only to be with him. If I wanted to go somewhere, he'd get angry (but I'm VERY stubborn and went anyways, hell he wasn't living with me) but he could go wherever he wanted, whenever he wanted... weird, no? (Hah...)

Then I told to myself, "no more online relationship"... I haven't had any since then. And to be perfetcly honest, it doesn't bother me. I don't want a boyfriend right now. Sure I have crushes and if love comes, it comes... I'm just not searching for any guy at the moment. It's somewhat selfish, I know, but I love my freedom. I don't have to wait for no one when I wanna go out. I don't have to sleep with someone, I don't have to do anything I don't want to because someone else wants to. We'll see what happens though, you never know... maybe I'll fall in love tomorrow, maybe tonight, maybe it's gonna take 10 years.

[Guest Rob]

I'm 24 now and I'm in love with a girl I shared a house with in my last year of Uni, I've been in love with her for nearly three years now and she still doesn't know (at least I assume she doesn't) because I haven't told her. Now I have a track record for doing this, I've only had one girlfriend and can probably count the number of times I've had sex without taking my shoes off, my problem is this: if I like a girl, the chances are I will not tell her how I feel, the crux of the matter is I simply do not know how. I'm not the worlds best communicator at the best of times but I really don't want to make a mistake a screw things up so I never tell her how I feel. This has been happening ever since I started to 'notice' girls and I remember each and ever one, how I felt, how pissed off with myself I am for not saying anything

[taker]

ATTENTION WOMEN (and some men): THE FASTEST WAY TO A MANS HEART IS THROUGH HIS STOMACHE OR HIS PANTS! PROVEN FACT.

Nympho: Warm and Fuzzy feelings do give you the idea that "yeah I think I live him/her."

ChibiShiva: I'm to hear about Nathanel. You positie it was love and not lust? ALL HAIL THE ALL MIGHT MSN INSTANT MESSENGER! BEST INSTANT MESSENGER AROUND! Online relationships suck IMO. I have a had a few in the past, but they weren't so good or healthy (mentally) for the participants. True I've met a number of people via forums and such. Atleast you have a positive attitude about love! I have a bland outlook

Rob: Oh yeah, you're not the only one bubby. I have bad communication on how I talk about my feelings. I don't know what is about us males to not want to share our feelings and emotions. We always beat ourselves up for not speaking up after something happens and sometimes we feel "I settled for the 2nd best." but end up totally miserable making the other people likewise completely miserable.

[Guest Twinstar]

Yay, I place where I can tell my story. I can say I've felt love. Maybe for three guys but I know one for sure.

The first one was my first bf. We had met in high school. He was a hard core Christian I guess you can say. He wants to be a missionary. We had went out for about 2 1/2 months and decided to just be friends. Then we tried that two more times over the next I'd say two years but it just didn't work out. The third time was after I had moved far away from him. We wanted to see if it would work with distance. We were wrong. It lasted longer but that's only because we couldn't talk as much. We are still really good friends to this day. I've known him for over 7 years now. We were just better as friends than anything else.

The second which is actually the third technically. I'm writing about this guy before the other one for a reason that you'll see when I write about him. This guy it was a whole different story than with the first one. I had met him through the third guy I'm going to mention. They had met online and this guy really wanted to meet me. So, the other guy and I went to this guy's place and well, it only took two hours for me to decide I was going to go out with him. Yes, it was quick but at that time it was to get back at the other guy (whole different story once again.) This guy was a smoker and a drinker, something I wasn't use to. I tried my best to "put up with it" but I couldn't. I got really mad at him one night (Christmas Eve to be exact) and I found him smoking weed with his buddy. I got really mad at him because he told me he wouldn't and I felt that ruined my whole night. I hated the fact that he would do that, let alone when he said he wouldn't do it. So, with the fact that I wanted to go out with the other guy again (my third one) I broke it off. Yes, he may have wanted to marry me and stuff, but I think that I never actually wanted that with him. We ended up only together for 5 months. It was too fast I think. Now he has a gf who he got pregnant after about 2 or 3 months and their already going through their problems. I try not to talk to him after the fact that he was trying to get me back for almost a year.

Now the third guy. This guy was actually my thrid bf but my second love. We had met in my grade 12 chemistry class (even though he was in grade 11 but for some reason they put him in my class.) When I first seen him in the class I wanted to be friends with him. I guess it was because I always saw him sitting by himself behind me. So, we started talking but at the time we were both with other people, both in which were long distance relationships. When both of us became available, we thought we'd give it a try. It was good and it only took me two weeks to give myself to him (I know that's not long but I always felt a connection with him.) It lasted 10 months with him. Then I was single for about 11 months after that (because he soon after had another gf.) I had tried to get him back but ended up going out with the second guy to originally get him jealious. Then when he broke up with that girl, he wanted me back. I eventually wanted him back too and we gave it another try. This time I had moved in with him and his family. We were together from Jan-Oct of last year. In Aug. we had moved to our own place which is were I'm living now. We may not be together right now but things are still ok. He's had a gf since and almost had one the other day. It bothers me alot but I love him too much to leave him now. I believe someday things will work. It's not horrible between us and I can tell that he still loves me. We're slowly tring to make it work again but I've been single for yet another 6 months, and it's torture to me. I hate being single, especially when I live with the guy. I'll admit we still have our "fun" and I'll also admit that I think that's one of the things keeping us so close. But it's not just that and I hope we can work things out again soon.

Well, I've said enough but I feel better getting all that out