DemonGoddess

You may have read this one before, but it is worth a 2nd read I think!! LOL.
THE GAY FLIGHT ATTENDANT:
My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.
As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that 'Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super.'
On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. 'Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground.'
She calmly turned her head and said, 'In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one.'
To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat,
'Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, Bitch!'

The 2012 Calendar Contest has started! Rules can be found here.
The template is also available for download below.
temp_11.5x9_print.zip

I just want to thank all of you, you know who you are, for your wonderfully encouraging and loving words. You guys really ROCK! There is no way I can not carry through with you guys supporting me!
Thank you so much, you lovely people. I am lucky to have you for friends!
Love you all,
Rowdy

Getting near the end, been writing this story since 2007! Be-warned needs a beta bad, because I am a horrible editor. I had two or three beta's. but they fled long ago, so all mistakes are mine. I decided to write the story just for me, experimenting with content, humor, and sex as it pleased me. Only Chapter 75 and the Hot slashy afterwards to go.
Title: Darkness
Author: Gslinger
Rating: Adult+++
Pairings: Darkness and just about everyone who moves!
Summary: A Demon warrior is sent to kidnap a young half-elf boy, for his Dark Wizard Master, who has special plans for this particular boy.
Feedback: Oh yes please, just have mercy on my poor spelling and grammar!
Fandom: Original story with D&D influence, depending on a heavy slash content, because a beautiful evil wizard can't keep his hands and his perverse appetites under control... because he's a dedicated full time bastard... oh but he is pretty, but he tries to disguise his good side.
Url: http://original.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600094883
Thanks for reading, Calanthee aka the Gslinger
Guess what guys I actually got a volunteer to beta for me... Yippy-ki-ya... Hooray, and I thought nobody liked me. I just hope everything works out all right...because I had several beta's that fled after only a short time. I look forward to see how it all works out??? Stay tuned for further updates.

As an exceedingly few of you may know, I am the inventor of a language, more of a dialect really but a language nonetheless. The language in question is, what I refer to as PlaySpeak; it's used for two reasons: 1- to make the story sound much, much older than it actually is, and 2- to make anything and everything that a character says seem more charismatic and imtelligent. Here is an example from my apocalyptic short story James' Adventure, detailing the exact nature of PlaySpeak and how the dialect is used:
“Bloody whore,” Sir Isaac said whapping the Venus again. She bawed like a young child, as he whapped her again; suddenly, he stopped. The higher-up priest entered, his arms folded within the catacombs of his robe.
“Sir Isaac,” he said calmly. “You may depart. The heretic shall live her days with the mark.” Sir Isaac grinned ruthishly, pulling forth a searing hot mark. Suddenly a daliant sword pieced the air, knocking the mark free. A Saturn in divinn cloth swooped down and plicked her away.
“Red Velvet,” Sir Isaac whispered, as though the name was written on the wing of a moth. Red Velvet, the name of a right-doer who would foil the plots of Archbishop Michael Pennyweather. I don’t claim to know the lovable rapscallion who exposes the wicked and rights the wrongs of others, but he’s closer than you think dear readers.
As you can see, many symonyms are used, as well as invented words. Now, I know that this sounds like homework and that's the last thing that anyone would want over summer, but I'd like to see someone utilize PlaySpeak in some way, whether it be character speech or the entire book. I allow any and all challengers to use it in whatever genre they decide to use. However, in order for PlaySpeak to funtion (as evidenced by the DiCaprio Romeo and Juilet set in modern times) the time must be within the 19th or early 20th century, but no later than December 31, 1929; I look forward to seeing what you do with my creation, and I'm also interested in any sort of PalySpeak erotica (no gay porn [lesbian's fine], piss/shit, and/or genital torture; that's where I draw the line). Also, feel free to test out another, more artistic form of writing I invented, Articulated Poetic Intrigue Mentally, or A.P.I.M. for short. APIM is essentially a random collected assortment of poetic, essentially worthless, sentences and lines arranged to have no linearity or coherence to it, allowing readers to make interpretations on a deeper, philosophical level, such as:
Stop the troll, stop the inbred degenerate slime-covered hogs which fucked the cherry blossoms of virgin mothers and caulimantis abounds. The trips go on like a horse watching a giraffe in society’s evolution. Sometime the times just change too fast for that of a learned man, cultured and beauty within a pregnant flower, siphoning gasoline to get its own liquor off the cliffs of Harold. I regret nothing to what I’ve done. For you, Sweet Oliver, the time has come for you to comprehend why you became what you are today. A spell of ill cast by Him led through to your parents going. The Witching Hour bears many things of bones and socks and stones and frocks. ‘Tis but a time of fire and oil with which wine if drank of maggots and long-tails that thrive on those of which have spoiled. The blood of bold leaks into earth and to the thirsting demons of It, who thrive to torture and cause pain.
Feel free to interpret that paragraph as you will. You may choose either challenge, so long as you include a link to an emaple of either or both.

the Celeb category you list. btw, as this involves real people, you will end up having to name 'em in the disclaimer

Underagers
Inconclusive -399
Returning minors -57
Confirmed adults -542
OLD minors being processed -638
OLD minors, processing completed - 323
Deleted, now 18 and able to return - 468
Users posting for minors -16
First time deletions -270
Being processed-1
Taken over (posting for minors, minors who keep coming back) -9
Total number of members looked at -2723
Trolls/Flamers/Spammers
Processing completed -226
Accounts taken over -9
Being processed - None at present
Total members looked at - 235
Plagiarism
Resolved - 120 (there were some duplicates last month, so the count is down for that reason)
Permissions confirmed - 41
Co-authored stories (confirmed) - 22 <--not plagiarism, simply record keeping
Citation corrections - 60
Citations needed - 26
Unsubstantiated -42
Being processed -7 (this includes users we know about who may or may not be here yet, but have plagiarised elsewhere, where we monitor)
Accounts taken over - 34
Total members looked at -352
Other TOS Violations
Being processed -4
Resolved -313
Total issues looked at -317
Invalid emails
Being processed - 3
Processing complete - 257 (this is deletions for no contact with working email, or corrections with working email)
Total members looked at -260
Duplicate Accounts
Merged in to one account- 407
KNOWN shared and allowed additional accounts - 26
Being processed -6
Total members looked at -439
*This number does NOT include the total accounts per user merged. Number is also subject to change depending upon age verification. If they are minors, they're not merged, they're deleted. This will also apply in other areas where it turns out the member in question isn't so much what they were being reported as (i.e. troll), but actually underage.
Something else to remember, is that this can affect an author's review board as well. When I delete a minor, for example, I also delete their reviews. Same for trolls, plagiarists, and etc. I delete ALL their content.

Archive profile
See this?

157 stories. That's right. 157. All with the same damn thing. Except a name change.
So, I asked if I could delete this spammer/troll....THING. Imagine my surprise, when I found out, that this person has been trolling the archive off and on since 2002. EIGHT YEARS.
Well, enough is enough, yes?
No more of your garbage unstories are allowed here.

And here we go again!
Here is his archive profile. Oh yeah, has a forum profile too!
First, we were monitoring this person for spamming the archive with a ton of unstories. Then, there was the duplicate stories for awhile.
And now, we come to find, he's a STORY THIEF.
Publication dates tell the tale...

As does the copy/pasta...

Of course, taking all the spacing out, misspelling things and whatnot, still does not take away from the fact that this person plagiarised another.
See ya...

Archive profile
You know, all we asked of this person, was that she return AFTER she was 18 years old. That's not much to ask, right?
The user has a whole FIVE MONTHS to wait until she can start posting here. 5 months and 3 days, to be precise.
But now, because this person opted to not only ignore the emailed responses she got, but to come back and brag about it?
This person is never, EVER allowed back.

From a smart man:
I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck causing him to have to drive on to the shoulder to avoid hitting her. This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his window and flipped the woman off. "Man, that guy is stupid" I thought to myself.
I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic and here's why: I drive 48 miles each way every day to work, that's 96 miles each day. Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper. Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway so if you just look at the 7 lanes I am not in, that means I pass something like a new car every 40 feet per lane.
That's 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles. That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars. Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper to bumper, I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars. That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars I pass every day.
Statistically, half of these are driven by females, that's 18,000. In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS. That's 642. According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying or unrewarding. That's 449. According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide. That's 98. And 34% describe men as their biggest problem. That's 33.
According to the National Rifle Association 5% of all females carry weapons and this number is increasing. That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, has PMS, and is armed. Flip one off?
I think not.

Well said Cal!
As to imagery, the stories I've found which featured older couples, when they were written well, the imagery was all about their interactions with each other.

Being very sexy and having a seductive personality and having alluring salacious personality... has nothing to do with old age at all... For surely there is ... a good number of older women and man, out there with the skills, abilities, and artistic charms to seduce just about anyone. It all in your stance and mannerisms and the image of confidence you project to the world. Just think of all our older actors, who still project a confident sexy personality and outstanding charisma.
Age has not nothing to do with it, its all in your outstanding smooth active romantic groovy style!
Groovy, Calanthee

It would depend on how the scene was written. If the author focuses heavily on the fact that the lovers are older and overuses words like "wrinkles" then I can't help but think the scene would read like it was written by someone with an old-age fetish. Having not read anything with such a fetish, I can't say for sure, though. I can say I've read stories where the author is overly focused on a young couple's absolute physical perfection, to the point that the descriptions make one wonder whether the author is hung up on that in real life. (Sorry if that sounded harsh, while I'd never call an author on that, that is the impression I get sometimes.)
I've read excellent stories involving older couples that just sound natural. They make mention of the fact that the characters have aged, and they're unlikely to "perform" in bed exactly like two lovers in their early twenties, but they nonetheless have a hot and satisfying relationship.

You guys are doing a wonderful job. Please keep up the excellent work!

I do not know how we can put this any more clearly. I'm guessing you are not an author and therefore do not understand the pain involved in getting your work stolen. Author's spend a lot of time and energy creating and posting their creative work.
Quite frankly, I don't care if you were mid stroke and about to cum, but there is no way that we are going to release information about someone who stole (which is illegal just so you know) someone else's story. The fact that you would even ask for it simply astounds me.
I recommend that you let this go.

For the past year, I have been using one-word prompts to write drabbles and oneshots. I find that it's a nice break when writing multi-chapter fics and it helps "freshen" me up when I return to them. I hope this helps you too.
Prompt: scurrilous
- grossly or obscenely abusive
Sample post taken from rules.
Pen Name: Apollo
Story link: (Link)
Review replies link: (link, if you have one)
Type of fic: Drabble
Rating: Adult ++
Fandom: Original
Pairing: N/A
Warnings: M/M, PWP, Oral, Bond
I don't plan on closing this thread.
I hope that I posted this correctly.

Wow.
I'm convinced.
he's so mature there should be an exception in his case.
He is the fucking victim here, after fucking all.
Just...fuuuuuck.

I believe that was my story, Broken Mirror. Unforunately, I deleted it from the site for some rewriting. But as soon I'm finished, I will repost it.

JUst had an idea that seems to have potential, but i'm just not in the mood to write it.
Some library, a bit in the future, is almost entirely electronic. A poor choice of words in the AI's programming has it surfing the web for library content, but accidentally includes fanfiction.
The poor AI is at a loss on how to organize this stuff into the DDS. It begs for help and the librarian dons a headset to go into the virtual library.
There the AI's avatar is not only overwhelmed by a huge stack of AFF stories, it has read some. The content dribbles into his, for lack of a better word, mind.
"Miss Jones, i have an unfortunate need to drill you to the wall with my magnificent man-meat."
"Oh?"
"Yes. But Miss Jones? I have neither a drill nor meat. How do we solve this difficulty?"
"Oh, my."
They explore all sorts of words Dewey never imagined needing a category for ("Anthro Vore Crossover Drabble, Miss Jones? Three shelves of AVCD?"), and deal with the mortal stirrings in the immortal's virtual frame...
Free to whoever wants the distinction of Dewey Decimal Porn...

Welcome to the Annals of Fear II thread. This has been set up for anyone who wishes to discuss the latest installment of the 'It Matters' series.
Thank you very much for reading it, if you are; and I hope that you're enjoying it. <3

This is where you can post what your character (or characters) description. I will start. ^^
Not sure how helpful this will be but here goes! lol
Name: Demonsangel – Can be called Rae, DA, or Bit. Gender: Female
Race: Angel/Demon
Age: Looks 19
Height: 5' 5"

Physical Description;
Hair: Straight, Waist Length
Hair Color: Black w/ red streaks
Eye Color: Silver with red around the pupils (will flash (and may stay) red when angered. Also when she is in a fighting mood or excited in a more sadistic way.)
Body: Slender, 5 inch scar on right shoulder
Wings: Angel - white feathers

Personality;
Likes: Calm, quiet, and solitude but loves a good fight and rarely passes one up. Seems rather fond of children though she prefers to avoid people she doesnt know.
Dislikes: Rude people (though she can be rude herself at times), idiots, anyone hurting children or innocent/helpless victims.
Hobbies: Drawing, Singing Training, Playing her fathers flute, and staring blankly at the moon/night sky while thinking.
Favorite food: Strawberry Pocky, Blood
Least favorite food: Peanut Butter

Abilities;
Physical: Increased strength, speed, agility, flexibility and hearing. She is very good at martial arts, and healing. Side note: She is infected with the t-virus though hers is reactive. Meaning, most the time it is dormant within her body. She is not contagious when the virus is inactive but when it is her blood and saliva can and will infect others.

For the record, my current obsession is Wesker!

Name: Kagome
Race: Human
Age: 18
Height: 5'4
Physical description:
She has long black hair with blue eyes. Her skin is fair.
Body: Skinny
Weapons: bow and arrows, spiked chain and a couple of small knives
Personality:
She has a fiery temper when it comes to stupid people. She will fight for whoever she thinks need saving. She will speak her mind if someone pisses her off and doesn't care what harm comes to her as long as other are safe.
Hobbies: Shopping with friends, Drawing, Reading, archery, riding her bike.
Favorite food: Ramen, Rice
Abilities: She is reincarnated from a Priestess in the Feudal era. She can power up her arrows when she is in battle and purify when needed. She is not much of a fighter but will try her best.

Basics
Name: Apollo
Gender: Female
Race: Head Evil Wench aka Goddess of AFF
Age: An ageless 27, can dress elegantly to look older, or down to look younger
Height: 5' 7 (Normally hits almost 6' with her love of heels)
Physical Description
Hair: Slightly wavy, shoulder length
Hair Color: Lovely shade of auburn, golden red highlights
Eye Color: Blue for the most part, but half of the right eye is brown, this half changes spots based on emotion (true fact!)
Body: Slender athletic build, think 36-26-36
Other
Outgoing
Vivacious
Sexual adventurous
Prefers nice strong looking men, strong jawline, muscled, well hung...
Enjoys having a good time, making friends.
Adores Heels! The higher the better
Prefers clothing in rich jewel tones to set off her hair, form fitting to an extent, think sexy not slutty
Hates idiots with a passion, tends to try and kill on sight.
Abilities
Think Goddess - Powerful, but restrained in use, prefers to disguise herself as human unless she has to use powers.

Character Description:
Name: BronxWench
Race: Unknown. Appears human but can shift to a red dragon at will
Age: Unknown. Aside from silver hair, can be taken for late 30s
Height: 5' 5" but looks taller
Hair: Silver-white, slightly wavy, falls to mid-back
Eyes: Very dark brown, with a slightly slitted pupil
Build: In human form, slender and fine boned, but is much stronger physically than she appears. In draconic form, a fully adult red dragon, capable of breathing fire.
Personality:
Sarcastic, often impatient, and has a pathological dislike of Sues. Can be very patient with friends and is loyal, both to people and to causes she espouses, which are remarkably few. She is fond of elaborate armor, in particular drow elven armor, and prefers daggers when she needs to resort to weapons.
Abilities:
In human form, she is an adept fighter in hand to hand melee combat and uses her deceptive strength to good advantage. She is fast and agile, with almost preternaturally fast reflexes, and has above average hearing and sight. She is also quite charismatic, and can often sway an opponent with her words when violence is not the prime option.
In draconic form, she is capable of flight, can breath fire and has considerable resistance to both magical and non-magical attacks. Her scales are nearly impervious to most weapons, although she is susceptible to cold-based attacks. Her talons can penetrate and tear steel, including armor and most vehicles. Her teeth can crush bone easily, and she can digest the most saccharine of Sues with ease.