Inshadowsidream

I have seven chapters of a Supernatural/Harry Potter crossover on another site. I am getting next to nothing in feedback, so I thought I would post it here as well. I don't have a beta, and the readers here have never been shy about offering constructive criticisms. I am half way through the eighth chapter and realized I have a huge problem, at least it is to me.
You see, the fic is a request where I was asked to find away to blend the two worlds, but place them in a setting such as can be found in the game, Diablo. If you are unfamiliar with the game, let me explain a bit, before getting to my problem.
Diablo is basically about hunting down demons. There are no guns or cars, and no electricity. You come across a lot of ruins and abandoned places in which you fight zombies, demons, and demon spawn. There is also the occasional evil spirit. Everyone knows about demons.
However, Dean would not be Dean without the Impala, Sam would not be Sam without his laptop, so I tried making the setting less archaic. 
So here is my problem. Large stretches of land is barren of cities or farms. Humanity is huddled together in cities or what is essentially groups of farmers banding together. Here and there you will find villages. You can't buy gas, only a synthetic fuel. If cars and laptops exists, would cell phones? 
I don't want to loose the feeling of desolation, and I am unsure if something as sophisticated as a smartphone, would require more in the way of technology than would be plausible. Building a car wouldn't take a lot of technology. Computers could be simple devices used solely for information. The smartphone has me stalled in my tracks. Any words of wisdom on this?
 
 

We all know that our beloved AFF is host to an ugly amount of, erm, less-than-quality fic. Here are a few tips on making sure that what you've written isn't adding to the rubbish. (There are a lot of references to the Harry Potter and Firefly fandoms. Hopefully readers less familiar with those areas won't be too confused by their presence.)
The Curi Guide To Responsible Authorship,
or Good!Fic, Bad!Fic, Smut!Fic, Crack!Fic
The Conscientious Author Shall:
1. Suppress the urge to place the Author's notes in the text. If the Author absolutely must justify Harry's sexual relationships with Dobby and Winky to the audience, notes are acceptable before or after the story text.*
2. Never hold updates hostage to reviews. Authors who need validation should adopt puppies, kittens or ferrets. Or rats. Voldemort had a rat-man. And a snake-soul. Even Dark Lords need validation.**
3. Ensure correct word choice whenever possible. "Conspicuous" and "inconspicuous" are antonyms, not synonyms. "Definitely" and "defiantly" are adverbs and share both prefix and suffix, but not meaning. "Congenial" and "congenital" rarely belong in the same thought, let alone the same sentence. Homonyms are very rarely synonyms, and as such should be approached with caution and respect.***
4. Utilize spell-check without expecting it to fix each of the Author's mistakes. Proper names, especially in fandom, are rarely part of spell-check's repertoire; the same goes for foreign words. It is wise to double-check spell-check's changes so that "Hermione" doesn't become "Hormone." On the other hand, Shepherd Book is a fucking Shepherd. Like Jesus. From The Holy Bible.**** Not a Sheperd, Shepard, Sheppard, or, you know, Shepurd. Additionally, savvy Authors know that Lucius looks luscious, but refrain from addressing him as such, given that Lucius' distant cousin, Luscious Malfoy, was disinherited for his fascination with Muggle queendom.*****
5. Never attempt to excuse the Author's own laziness. The Author will not draw attention to the Author's failure to research or invent a proper locking charm—or ignorance of the Pinyin for a given Mandarin phrase (nor instruct the reader to imagine that the phrase which appears in English has been presented in Mandarin). To do so reveals to the audience the Author's lack of commitment to follow through.******
6. Never write, "Sorry for mistakes, English isn't my first language," as to do so holds the Author's work up to inspection by everyone for whom English is a first (or second or otherwise intimately familiar) language. The audience will immediately note the comma splice, and every time a character's dialogue is awkward the readers will think, "Well, here you can see that the Author doesn't know English very well." Language is a tool for communication and should not stand in the way of a good story. For this reason, when writing in a language other than the Author's own, it is best practice to have the work assessed by someone who knows the language very well, ideally a native speaker.*******
7. Remember that British English is markedly different from American English. Having a piece Brit-picked (or Ameri-picked) where appropriate is a brilliant idea. There are very few situations in which Kid Rock!Harry is appropriate. Such instances usually reference the term "crack!fic." Bonus points for Draco's performance of "Bawitdaba."
8. Abstain from requesting that reviewers correct the Author's grammar, punctuation and spelling. People who read fic are interested in the ideas and the entertainment, not extra work. Reviewers who do highlight the odd typo or comma splice are trying to be helpful, not offensive. The person who takes the time to politely point out that "vile" is not the same as "vial" and that "pubic" and "public" are generally mutually exclusive sees the potential in the piece and wants to see it presented at its best. The Author shall endeavor to understand and appreciate concrit, unless the Author has explicitly requested that reviewers not share criticisms.
9. Find and form a meaningful dialogue with the magical creature known as the Beta. The Author shall accept and utilize the special skills the Beta has been known to share in a relationship with a chosen Author.******** The Author shall determine in which areas the Author desires and requires assistance (regarding ideas, issues of canon and characterization; grammar, spelling and punctuation; or any combination of the aforementioned) and locate an appropriate partner (or partners). Even the best work can benefit from the attention of a second critical opinion—and usually has. Many Authors are good friends with their Betas. An unproductive Author/Beta relationship is best acknowledged and discontinued in favor of forging a more harmonious partnership elsewhere.
10. Present to the audience a finished piece. The Author will take steps to ensure that completed writing is presented to its best advantage and adheres to posting guidelines where applicable. The Author will post confidently rather than timidly and will never use the following phrase or any variations thereof in a summary: "This is my first fic and I think it's crap." Very few people willingly take the time to read something they have been told is poo. The Author will not beg reviewers to be kind nor warn against flames; flamers are rude people and do not merit attention.
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* The Author is in no way required to defend the Author's choice of ship or plot outside the confines of the story. Fiction is fictional and writing non-con and other potentially controversial content does not make the Author misogynistic, sadistic, chauvinistic, or a threat to society. Or to House-Elf Well-being.
** Curi does not endorse the use of coercion or Crucio to secure affection or reviews. It's just bad form.
*** Though JKR seems to have had trouble with this concept, an "apparition" is a ghost or other visual thingum. Has nothing to do with magical beings in transit. Promise.
**** The Holy Bible (Spirit of God, A Bunch of Drugged Israelite Prophets, Saul Called Paul, John the Revelator, et al.) is sponsored by The Gideons and can be found at a hotel or motel near you. The thoughts and opinions shared therein are those of the Authors and Scribes contracted (or possessed) by God The Father, Christ His Son, And/Or The Holy Spirit, Three In One, Three In One, and do not represent Curi, Curiosity Kitten or Curi's Livejournal. Curi does not condone attacks on any of the following: homosexuals, sexually active teens, or doctors who perform abortions. Curi reserves the right to flee citing the Bill of Rights should anyone attempt to make her pray at a public school. She did quite enough praying, voluntarily, at private Christian school.
***** Curi does not endorse Malfoy bigotry. She does endorse Malfoy bigamy, provided Severus and Hermione are present.
****** Additionally, excessive specificity can damage a story's flow. If that locking charm isn't a crucial plot point, it's enough to say that "Hermione waved her wand at the door, locking it with a charm."
******* Really. Imagine if Simon tried out his Russian phrase to stop River's crazy in The Maidenhead only to discover that he'd really said, "Please tickle my horse's balls." Mal would be dead and the message would have been lost in translation. And not in a Japanese hotel room. Plus there'd be a confused horse. Not convincing? Imagine that Neville is creating a volatile potion (far, far away from Severus) that needs a special spell. He confuses Latin conjugation with Greek sentence structure during the incantation. Result: Neville with elephant ears and the reproductive organs of a female mouse.
******** The Beta/Author relationship is unique to each agreement. While some Betas and Authors exhibit Veela-like tendencies at the thought of sharing their partners, not all relationships are monogamous.
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Curi On Curi
I've suffered through violations of each of the above guidelines, which are meant to be helpful, somewhat humorous, and not fascist, though I like rules, so there's that. There are exceptions to each of my ten rules, and I know that. I also know that a lot of people aren't as fond of structure as I am. That's cool. I'm aware that AFF is neither the best nor the worst archive in fandom and that bad!fic can be found anywhere. Or almost anywhere. Not only that, but these guidelines aren't Torah. They're not even as comprehensive as the Ten Commandos Commandments (without Charlton Heston, please). But for newbies and youngsters, the unspoken niceties aren't always clear. So I spoke them.
Feel free to spoke your own niceties and to pimp!cane o'Lucius de Malfoi the list if you want.

You’ll know. It can be pretty telling that the first scene of a character is them in a sex scene and the purpose of it.
Its kinda like IRL the pacing can be important. Some people click and go straight to the adult fun because they’re comfortable enough with each other to do it. Bonding through pillow talk and the second round.
Others require time and effort. Cultivating the relationship as you would with an exotic flower and hoping desperately you didn't kill the fricking thing with too much water or not enough shade.
There's the romantics who have to do the whole fricking song and dance number.
there's the antiromantics who just look at each other and go “we’re together now.” followed by a “O.k” life continues as normal types.
Let the characters decide when to smoosh naughty bits together.

Well said! It’s tragic you were discouraged before, but it’s good to see you’re powering through and coming back to your art. 
It’s great to write for yourself, but don’t be too hard on yourself for keeping your audience in mind too. Of course you can’t please everybody: some people out there will never be pleased no matter what. But you can get to know your particular audience, and what appeals to them so you can have fun playing with their emotions. 

But for the sake of staying on topic… Of course I agree with the people who said it depends on the characters and the situation. I personally don’t mind having chars jump into bed immediately, as long as there’s a damn good reason and it makes sense to the plot. Personally if I have a promiscuous main, I’ll have sex from the start, sometimes even with the main love interest, but if you do that, you need to balance it with a heap of conflict between them to make that initial roll in the proverbial sack interesting. 
Good luck with your story, and don’t hesitate to ask more questions! 

One more question and I will leave everyone alone, at least for awhile.
I hate it when characters jump into bed right away, but I hate it just as much when it is dragged out. How do you know when the time is right? 
In my story, I have one character that expects it to happen right away because he is sort of whoring himself. The other isn't opposed to it, but only with someone he doesn't plan to keep around. They will eventually become a couple, but how do I know, for the sake of the story and for readers, when the time is right? 
Like I said, I do not want them to seem as if they are jumping into a relationship too quickly, but I don't want readers to feel as if I am stalling at bringing them together. I have stopped reading stories where it felt as if that were happening.
 
 
 

One more question and I will leave everyone alone, at least for awhile.
I hate it when characters jump into bed right away, but I hate it just as much when it is dragged out. How do you know when the time is right? 
In my story, I have one character that expects it to happen right away because he is sort of whoring himself. The other isn't opposed to it, but only with someone he doesn't plan to keep around. They will eventually become a couple, but how do I know, for the sake of the story and for readers, when the time is right? 
Like I said, I do not want them to seem as if they are jumping into a relationship too quickly, but I don't want readers to feel as if I am stalling at bringing them together. I have stopped reading stories where it felt as if that were happening.
 
 
 

I have read of someone ghosting a kiss or a touch.
Mound is a term I have seen used in reference to the vagina. In oral sex, I have seen where it was called "folds". Compared to others I have encountered, these have never made me cringe. Love muffin put me off eating muffins for a while.

I have read of someone ghosting a kiss or a touch.
Mound is a term I have seen used in reference to the vagina. In oral sex, I have seen where it was called "folds". Compared to others I have encountered, these have never made me cringe. Love muffin put me off eating muffins for a while.

Crazy is good and why does thee have to be a reason, can't people just be crazy anymore?

Rectum... hell! I'd Killed'em!

Thank you. I hadn't thought about needing to hook the reader, and I should have. That is what gets me to continue reading most of the time. 

What do you do when you can't decide how to start a story? I can't decide on whether to start with a trip down memory lane, revealing what brought the protagonist to where he is in life, or to get on with it, letting his history be told in bits and piecs in later chapters. Either way would work, but I cannot decide which way to go. I was hoping for some advice in urging this nag out of the gate.

Thank you. I hadn't thought about needing to hook the reader, and I should have. That is what gets me to continue reading most of the time. 

What do you do when you can't decide how to start a story? I can't decide on whether to start with a trip down memory lane, revealing what brought the protagonist to where he is in life, or to get on with it, letting his history be told in bits and piecs in later chapters. Either way would work, but I cannot decide which way to go. I was hoping for some advice in urging this nag out of the gate.