NightScribe

The first bit of my sig is from "Monty Python and the Holy Grail," where King Arthur unexpectedly finds himself being lectured by mud gathering peasants about dictatorships, the class system, monarchies, etc. Classic bit. Highly intelligent, not to mention sarcastic, and set in the silliest of settings. The other is a quote I'm rather fond of from one of my fics, then there's a link to my page.

"Officer Snape, isn't the dash cam supposed to face the windshield and not the back seat? OH!...is that...is that your service revolver? Oh...well, yes that's certainly a very nice pistol...yes, officer, I am quite impressed by the size of the barrel. Okaaaay, I'll stroke it...huh? Of course I'm familiar with the song 'Happiness is a Warm Gun'. What was that? You'll let me go, if I help you discharge it? Well, if that's the case, just slide that pistol of yours into my tight little holster."

"Officer...Snape, is it? Umm....look is this going to involve a strip search? What? You're going to have to restrain me and do a full body cavity search? And use your baton? Are you referring to the baton that's standard police issue, or the one you were born with? What do you mean, both???"

I've thought about what "legally wed" really means. I sit and ponder these things from time to time. I mean let's go back in time shall we? I believe that marriage was instituted as a means to protect the property (land, chattal, etc) of the man who owned it. That is to say, his rightful heir(s) were to inherit the goods. How to make sure that happened? Well, let's have a ceremony that is recognized by whatever powers that be. That way, only the off-spring produced through that legally recognized union can inherit, not the *ahem* bastard love child/children that might have been sired. And the custom stuck and when the church got involved it turned into something more, with the idea of "uniting the lives/souls" of two people. I think part of my theory has been validated on some program I was watching a while back. I've got nothing against marriage (but I'm not crazy enough to have done it yet and if I do, one word: ELOPE). If gay people want to marry, let them. Some may not understand or necessarily agree with that, I really don't want to call it, "lifestyle" isn't really the right word, but come on. We need more happiness and contentment in the world. Why deny anyone that? And there's plenty of people who don't marry (I'm referring to heteros now) who have been together for like twenty years and they're perfectly happy. If they don't want to marry, let them be as well.

If that were happening, I wouldn't break a sweat, in fact I've seen things like that and I classify it as "weird, conincidental nature of the fanfic beast" it often can't be helped. It's the stuff that shows up a couple of months later, or when they're posting updates a few days after I do that gets me raising my eyebrows.

I think my ass just fell off!!!! You are soooo right, lightgoddess. My God, what have I done??? Mmmm....Snape the cop...."Officer, what can I do to get out of that ticket?" Oh, the uniform, the authority, the handcuffs!!!!

That's exactly what I did with that first little gnome (AFF staff was so spastic getting the site going again, I decided to handle it myself, rather than bother them). That chick pulled that story in less than 12 hours when she realized she'd been caught. And that story of hers was beyond craptacular. it was turdtastic. A remember a real reviewer had asked her "why did you make your OFC so obnoxious and unlikeable? And Snape is so ooc he's like a messed up teenager." That's why I decided to read it. It's pretty bad when you know 1/4 of the way through the first chapter that they're ripping you off (and badly) and you can predict what's going to happen next. Yeesh!

**laughing madly** Crackfic!!! Sorry to disappoint, but I assure you, I was not on crack when I wrote that, 'cause ya know, crack is wack. It is merely the product of my warped imagination. Thanks to all for taking a look and leaving your comments, both here and on the review page. I appreciate it so much and I'm glad I could make you laugh. Now, how's this for funny and freaky...the morning after I posted that story, I was driving to work and was behind some guy, dressed all in black, who was riding a Harley. I was listening to "Back in Black" (forever in my mind Snape's theme song) and when we were sitting at a stoplight, the guy lit a cigarette. I nearly cracked my head open on the steering wheel, I was so doubled up laughing. True story, I swear!!! My fics are haunting my reality. Hmm...now, if I were to write a fic where I meet Alan Rickman and Ralph Fiennes....**gazing dreamily at wall, with a vixenish smile**.......

I am so glad somebody else knows what I'm talking about, having experienced it themselves. It makes me feel less of a loon. And Pink, I'm sorry you have to go through that nonsense as well. A friend of mine tried telling me that it's kind of flattering, that my stuff made an impression, etc. Well, yes, but...if someone is inspired, how hard is it to drop an e-mail and say I'd like to use that idea in my own fic, is that ok? or put something in an AN (inspired by blah blah blah by Pink Lace, NightScribe, JaneDoe582 or whoever?) I thought of amending my usual disclaimer and saying "all OCs and the events depicted in this fic are the intellectual property and copyrighted material of... If you're inspired, please make mention in your AN." I always mention the author/artist in my disclaimers (Rowling, Leroux) and anything I directly quote (poems, songs, etc.). I started to write one fic, months ago, that really started off well, then as I was getting towards the big finish, I realized the payoff was alot like something I had read on another site, by an author I really respected and admired. I shelved mine because I felt it would be wrong to continue. If/when I figure out an ending, I may finish it, but until then, it's in limbo. To me, it's just the right thing to do. Well, I got a few hours sleep and feel better, apart from the lingering headache. And even though in my tirade I said "I quit!" I know I'm not. Getting me to stop writing is like trying to get Andy Dufrense to stop chiseling out of Shawshank. It ain't gonna happen. I guess I'll have to avoid my sub-category and the latest posts sections of the HP archive, otherwise I'll go insane. **sympathetic hug to Pink**

This may come off as the rantings of a totally arrogant, conceited, self-centered bitch, but I really don't care. This may not be the place for it, but I honestly have to get this off my chest, because I don't know what to do about it anymore. I'm quitting writing HP fanfics. I started posting on AFF about a year ago. Love the freedom of the site, I think it's awesome, no censorship, (or forced self-censorship), you can really express yourself in your works. However... Earlier this year, especially after AFF came back up after being read-only, I started to find HP fics that were...uncomfortably similiar to my own. The first, and worst, was a blatant chapter for chapter rip-off and others have "borrowed" (some so heavily) it's sickening. I usually don't scroll through my sub-category (SS/OFC) because I inevitably find a synopsis, coupled with glowing reviews, that sets off alarm bells in my head. I can't even bring myself to try to read the stories anymore; it pisses me off so much and I end up awake at....1:30am stewing. If I recall correctly, I've seen at least six (two are gone, three I shrugged off, and the last I haven't looked into because my BP is high enough already). What burns me so much is that my stories get hits, great ratings, but no reviews. Hmm, could lurkers be responsible? To me it says, "hey, your story is great, but I'm not gonna leave a review, cause I'm stealing parts of it. Then, I'm gonna have my cheerleading squad, my mom, my beta, my teacher, whoever review it. Ha-ha-ha sucker!" Believe me, I wouldn't be surprised if a month from now, a story shows up where Hermione owns an upscale restaurant catering to Muggles and Snape is the maitre d, having to deal with screwed up reservations and complaining customers, including Harry & Ron. (That's actually a good idea for a crackfic, but I digress). Every time this happens, I just don't want to write anymore. I feel like my ideas/fics are being kidnapped, raped, disfigured and then thrust back out there. Well (and sorry for the vulgarism) I'm tired of getting pissed on. I've been working on a five part epic for almost a year. I have the rough drafts for the last two chapters of the fourth story done and I don't feel like finishing it. And I sure as hell don't want to even write the fifth. I feel guilty about it, and it's unfair. Unfair to me and to the decent people who have been quietly reading and enjoying. But then I think, if they can't bother to say anything why should I care if I leave them hanging? Like I said, I may sound like a complete "all about me" psycho about this, (it's late and I'm tired) but it's killing my enthusiasm to write. So, I'm derailing the gravy train. The NightScribe soup kitchen is closing; I won't feed those lurking, s.o.b. hacks anymore. I love the forum, you guys are great **hugs all around** and I'm not leaving here (unless I get kicked off by the admins for this little rant). If anybody can suggest how I can shrug off this whole thing and keep plugging away, bring it on. I love the writing process, I love my fics, I just hate the games.

StoryJunkie Somehow hot monkey sex just wasn't calling to me with this story. I was more focused on the transformation of Snape. (I'm not a big shipper, either) However, if you're looking for both a funny & sex laden story, check out Journal of Miranda De Noir if you haven't read it already. But "nobody's holding a gun to your head" to make you read it.

Here's the link for the parody discussed in an earlier thread. Flame if you must, (hey I cranked this out in five days, give me a brake). Anyway, I believe there are flashes of brilliance sprinkled throughout, if I may be so immodest. I hope it supplies at least a couple of laughs. The Gryffindor and the Grease Monkey Please to enjoy!

ROTFLMAO Nanaea, just watch Dark Harbor to appease that craving for flesh

What the????? Is the site freaking out or is someone messing with me? I didn't post the bit quoted in poly's post. The tip off was that I don't have a husband!!!!

I wouldn't dream of taking anyone's beta! I've never actually used one, so any flaws and/or craptastic fics I may have written are solely my responsibility!

I thought about the round robin thing, too, but last night I pretty much plotted out a short fic. So how about this? An unofficial parody challenge. Anybody wanting to take the the idea of the mechanic setting and living with Hermione can just run with it. They can be happy together, miserable, or whatever. When complete, put a link in this thread, so the usual suspects know it's up. Madapple, I found that to be some of the most lyrical garage monkey literature I've ever read. You're too hard on yourself.

My god, I forgot about that. I thought that was a particularly creepy and twisted bit on Rowling's part. The darker those stories get the better. Sixth film must have the Inferi, or whatever you call them. That was so vivid to me; that weird green light in the cave and Harry slashing open those things, too cool.

Yeah, you shook me all night long!!! Sorry, rockin' to AC/DC over here. *chair head bangin'* Okay, my totally serious fic is going to suffer, but I'm going to do a one-shot with this. I'm usually pretty fast with short, humorous stories. I'll keep you posted and put up the link when I'm done.

I'm seriously considering this absolutely ridiculous parody, just for kicks. I can picture Snape in the work shirt, with the little oval name tag "Sev" sewn on the left breast, scarfing down a Rueben sandwich and a Heinekin when Ron & Harry come in. Hermione tuning into one of those "all love songs, all the time" radio stations, to which Snape promptly changes to classic rock as Black Sabbath's "War Pigs" starts playing. Hermione: "Severus, you know how much I hate that song." Severus: "I'm not listening to those insipid love songs for 10 hours." Hermione: "I liked you so much better at Hogwarts, when you were just a snarky bastard, taking points and handing out detentions." Severus: "Nobody's holding a gun to your head to make you stay." Hermione: "You're not the man I thought you were!" Severus: "Yes, reality so rarely lives up to fantasy. You're not the only one who's disappointed."

"Thanks, baby," he muttered around the cigarette tucked into the corner of his mouth. Are you thinking what I'm thinking, poly? Parody!!! Consider this (submitted for your approval) "Breaking (or Braking) Up is Hard to Do" Post Hogwarts years, post war. Severus has had his fill of magic and decides to live the Muggle life. He moves to the U.S. and opens a brake & muffler shop in Cleveland, Detroit, Chicago, someplace like that. Hermione has tagged along (she handles the books, brainiac that she is) and they're shacking up. People think Sev's Dark Mark is a wicked, but faded, tattoo. Big old Harley in the parking lot (Hermione a biker bitch?) One day, who should roll into the shop, but maybe Ron & Harry, in the Ford Anglia. They're having car trouble during their tour of the States....

Does your DVD collection include "Dark Harbor"? I had a bit of a time finding a copy of that one. Strange little film, but interesting.

Yeah, poly, I caught that too and it's such an easy thing to correct. Proof people! It made me wonder if the magic thing didn't work out and they opened a Midas shop together. "Herm, honey, hand me that socket wrench, would you?"

Oh, I'm hot tonight (and not just from the weather-which reminds me....) So, a little while ago, I got back from the store, switched on the t.v. and started to change. PoA was on and I got a little distracted...then I realized that, aside from a pair of panties, I was nekkid as a jay bird. To which I shrugged, until...a Snape scene came on and I felt I should cover myself immediately, like he could see me. Do I need help, or is the heat just getting to me? Anyway...here's another for the craptacular file. I haven't checked out her other stuff yet. I can only imagine. Narnia Story Get a freakin' beta!

Here's a link to a pretty bad fic. It's a bit old, but *shudders* worth sharing. Actually, it wasn't a bad idea, just badly executed. Dude, ever hear of a thesaurus? Oz Story I feel like I owe this to lightgoddess, although I've seen worse.

Who you calling old, missy? (shaking my quad cane at you ) Seriously, though, it does rather warm the cockles *snicker* of my heart that younger people and the ancients (like myself) can discuss things so easily. My mom told me something once that I've never forgotten; "I'm willing to discuss anything, as long as it's done intelligently." I think that's what's going on here. I also think that being writers, we put some some thought into what we say, even if we don't agree with someone. This is such a laid back forum, and I'm reminded of some t.v. show from way back (actually kind of before my time) that used the phrase "the lively art of conversation." In real life, I've found that "lively art" ain't so lively anymore. Here, it is. It's nice to know there's a place where goofballs like us can get together and "rap."