HunterOpera

Okay, there's some interesting ideas and concepts going on here and I'd like to ballpark a little, just talk a little shop. Just some things off the top of my head - if it helps, great, and if not no harm done. The Tokyo Arc Kinda similar to the idea I was running with for a Utena narrative I've plotted out and never done anything with; noble people submitting to terrible things for the protection of others is a powerful concept, very Christic, and it resonates with people in a very powerful way. I think Lara would have issues with this, though, given that her core psychological virtues are based on survival and not protection; she's consistently around when other people die and moves on. If Takamoto's men could somehow tie Lara's survival with the other girl's than Lara would pretty much do anything to keep the other girl alive, even if the tie is only in Lara's mind. It would also give Takamoto and his men a further hold on Lara, as there is nothing more important to Ms. Croft than her own life. The actress thing could actually work, too, on the basis that we tend to look at celebrities as the gods and heroes of this era. If the celebrity in question was somehow tied to myth or history than it would give Lara another reason to care about her, perhaps the hook that Takamoto and his men need to get Lara seriously thinking about her survival and the girl's being intertwined. As far as the hunting concept - aside from it being hot as hell - it would give Takamoto a way to train his men against one of the world's best and most dangerous gunfighters with a very real and concrete reward. There's a real core of misogyny in Japanese culture, too, so the idea of these Yakuza badasses pitting themselves against a female that is better than they are and having to work together to bring her down and then punishing her for her impudence... well, yum. It wouldn't just prep his men for kidnappings, it would by necessity force them to get to Lara's level or at least something close to it, which would certainly give Takamoto an edge when dealing with other criminal organizations. What do you think? The Peru Arc Salvatorelli's arc is an interesting one that echoes what I've got going with Brannigan, but I think would go in a very different direction. Both of our characters are seeking revenge out of pride for old injuries, but while Brannigan is self-involved Salvatorelli could be using Lara's status to re-cement his control over an area. Lara, like Samus, tends to upset local power structures wherever she goes. In the culture of machismo that Salvatorelli hails from there can be nothing worse than losing and being injured by a girl, so I imagine his good name and reputation has suffered since his run in with Lara. You could establish that when she first arrived in Peru he tried to pass her off as his weapon, or to use her as a weapon to attack his rivals, but his injuries destroyed his credibility. By having her in his power he could be trying to show his power and strength to his rivals, re-establishing himself as the dominant power in that region. You could also have him using her to find an artifact that would heal his injuries completely or put him on the path to El Dorado or both. Tomb Raider's got plenty of mythology running through it, and one of the running themes of the games is the mysterious powers of the ancient world - it's one of the qualities that made the Axis of Tantilus such a compelling read back in the day. The Series Arc I'm forced to agree that Gordo and Everest would try to avoid putting Lara in any serious danger; she's just too valuable a resource to lose in such a way. But forcing her to complete exercises to keep her in shape, things where there is a safety net - maybe even ones she doesn't know about - that could be fun. Would that work for what you've got in mind?

EvilCareBear: I'm just as shocked we've moved into two pages as you are, though I'm certainly digging it. I grinned when I noticed that for the first time and I look forward to the possibility of three pages, though I'd prefer it if we kept the quality of these responses going to that point and past it. Quality, I think, is so much better than Quantity. And now you're just being a terrible tease re: your fic. I hope you find the inspiration you need to get there, though in my experience if you write what you want to you'll find ways to retcon yourself to that point, often using the point you want to get to for the inspiration of how to get there. I've written a couple of novels using that method, and the next area of this story is probably going to run on that idea. Your headcannon regarding Disney's purchase of Star Wars is now my headcannon. I love the idea of Disney kind of looking at Lucas and going "No... just, no. It's okay, just put the Star Wars down. That's a good Lucas." Have you seen the Red Letter Media Star Wars reviews?

DrkVrtx: Glad you're continuing to enjoy and comment on my little experiment. There's a couple more steps to Brannigan's restriction of what Samus can and can't do - and while you're right about rendering her unable to attack (that'll come), the effects of this are as much about form as function. Brannigan and Melissa are trying to strip Samus of her most basic powers and agencies and it sounds like I'm getting that across all good and proper-like. The next bit after Zoomer II will deal with the idea of sensation itself as a torture method - I'm kinda hoping to experiment a little more with erotic despair before going into full throttle terror in the next area. I'm also glad you liked Kriken-speak (Krikenese? Krikish?). There was more than a little thought about how they would talk, and why - I wanted to portray something alien that would hint at a completely different psychology than what we're used to. I play a lot with language (it's almost like I'm a writer or something), and inventing ways to get across different sorts of psychology is important. People give a lot of themselves away by the words they use and the tones in which they say them, and even basic rules of grammar and syntax betray much of the worldview inherent to the people using that language. I find that wile area of psychology and development increasingly more interesting as I get older, the ways in which language defines reality and thought. Mia Xen is a creation of Samus/Alyx/ComicCaptor, and I've got permission to use her. Expect the very best kind of terrible things to happen to her very shortly. Madeline's also got some fun times coming towards her; sexy time is not limited to just Samus, though most of it will be inflicted upon her for the simple reason that this is a Metroid-fic and Metroid is about Samus Aran, her journey, and her progression as a character. I like to think that this story treats Samus and crew with more respect than Other M did, but your mileage may vary.

Hey, EvilCareBear, good to see that you're still out there. Where you been and what've you been up to? I'm pretty sure Disney will do a better job with the new movies than Lucas did. I collect bad movies, and the prequel trilogy was awful. Half the fun of this experiment is trying to fix the damage to the Metroid canon that Other M inflicted. And, well, let's just say that Madeline would be pretty cold without that blanket. Next chapter is pretty much done and I've got two-thirds of the one after that complete. It's what comes after that's going to be an interesting little bit of writing, so there might be a delay there... but I've noticed that there tends to be a break in this story between areas and area bosses before we move onto the next scene; not sure why that is, exactly. The forest differs from the other two in terms of build, too, which is something I'll want to talk about after posting the next two chapters. I want to make sure the themes and concepts I'm trying to work in come across properly.

My cousin recently got me hooked on what he calls "crack coffee," which I've found to be a fine aid for writing. To make it, take three heaping spoonfuls of coffee and add three heaping spoonfuls of condensed milk, add boiling water, stir and drink. Do not plan on sleeping for a bit... One of the reasons I started my thread was to discuss things like story and ideas, where the plot is heading, and to make sense of the narrative that has taken up residence in my brain. I imagine this is the perfect medium in which to talk about things like that and to see if what we're doing makes the sense we think we're making. What were the sorts of things you had planned, and why'd you scrap 'em?

... and I got here to reply to a response and found an even larger one waiting for me. Kinda flattered, really, so let's get to this. Fatman Chronicles is always going to hold interest for me; the various twists and turns - to say nothing of the sex scenes - have always been a bit of an inspiration for my writing here and elsewhere. I have a tendency to pick the structure of narrative apart (just ask EvilCareBear) to figure out what works and why and, just as importantly, what doesn't work and why. FMC always veers on the side of works, so it's been one of those things that I go back to time and again to pick apart and make sense of and enjoy. And I know what it's like to write something and despise it almost immediately after. Not sure if you're familiar with Dethklok, but band frontrunner Nathan Explosion has deleted a number of albums on the basis of not thinking they were good enough. I've done that with entire novels and scripts; one book in particular ended up getting written seven times from start to finish before I was happy with it, and it still has to go through the editing process before it goes anywhere near a publisher. I've also got a couple of ideas for other experiments for this site that I keep wavering on and not doing anything with: there's been Utena, Catwoman, and Guinivere stories that have just gone nowhere, and a weird Harry Potter fic that I really should do something with if I ever find the time. For the moment, though, Bergman is a pleasant enough distraction from everything else I'm working on. Like Ivan/Vasily, Brannigan was a spur of the moment thing. So were the Kriken. This story is going off in directions I never intended when I originally plotted it, and it's forced me to look over my old notes. The core story is still the same, and the key characters are still doing the things I expected them to do, but circumstances keep shifting. I've been happy with how things are going, though - inspiration is just always a fun thing to run with and I'm digging what's going down in your writing, what with how Lara's enemies have turned her ally against himself and her. If you've got an emulator you can find the old Metroid roms online and play through them; I'd recommend it. Super Metroid is outstanding, with Zero Mission and Return of Samus also being excellent. The Prime series are some of the best games of their period and still hold up well - I'm actually in the process of replaying them now. All good times if you can get ahold of them. I tend towards the obsessive end of things with concepts, ideas, or narratives that I like, so my knowledge of Metroid canon is kind of ridiculous, but I think that's helping the overall narrative in the Bergman Affair, so there's that. And I would have loved to see what you would have done with Samus Aran. As for questions: 1) I'm actually running through a couple of novels right now and editing a few more, so that takes up a lot of the time that isn't devoured by my day job. I also have a tendency to veer off into tangents, so the friend that got me to actually do this (out of spite, no less), challenged me to keep things short. Since the last short story I wrote clocked in at 33 125 words, it was thought that limiting me to 2 000 words would speed things up. Alas... I'd rather tell the story properly, or maybe the story would rather be told properly. Whichever, the two thousand word limit tends to get broken with alarming frequency. 2) The story was designed to go through six major areas, with four scenes in each and two chapters at the beginning and end to wrap things up. This did not happen. Jump was not supposed to be it's own chapter, but it is. The flow of the story has sort of taken over, which is a good thing for the writing and the narrative and annoying for my earlier notes (not that I'm complaining - I love it when a story starts using me to write itself). I'm a big believer in writing being a lot like shamanism, a sort of controlled schizophrenia. A simpler answer would be that I plotted out the scenes and chapters but I'm more than willing to expand on ideas as they present themselves and go wherever the story wants to take me. I know what the ending is and what it's going to take to get there, but there seem to be more and more detours cropping up along the way. Provided those detours work with already established mythology, I'm more than happy to play with them and see where they go. 3) Madeline Bergman is being both physically and psychically molested by the clone that considers itself to be her daughter. Melissa, like Samus, did not have a conventional upbringing and despite appearing human is very much not, but she's now having to cope with human sensory input with a mind that was not built for that. A lot of things don't make any sense to her, so she's doing the best she can. I'll be revisiting Madeline and Melissa's relationship again shortly, but for now I'm kinda focusing on Brannigan and his arc and transition. 4) I have plans. Oh, I have plans. That guy, that guy right there? I have plans.

MorbidFantasy writes: I absolutely loved the imprisonment arc. Loved the way Samus is subdued through shear numbers of psychic and physical restraints. I read all the chapters in one go and was sorely disappointed when I reached the end. The fact that Samus's views on sex is unconventionally liberal and is immune to the psychological trauma of rape is a big hook for me. I especially like how you described her as for the most part being open to the pleasure even though her logical mind is telling her that it was being used to condition and own her. Taking away her jumping abilities leads me to believe that you eventually want the only position for Samus to be in that isn't punishable to be for her to be on all fours. The gradual limitation of her movement without actual restraints is a fantastic idea, and I look forward to seeing what you have next for her. I must admit that in my haste to continue the sex scenes, I skimmed over the overarching plot line in the rest of the galaxy, and had to backtrack after hitting the end to pick up the missing pieces, but that was of my own volition and not that your writing's fault. Which is pretty damn high praise. I've got a huge amount of a respect for your writing, so this is more that a little flattering. I'm glad you dug the Cave Arc; it was hard to tell if I was getting the proper amount of erotic horror across, so I'm increasingly glad that it looks like I hit what I was aiming for. I'm definitely not done with the psychic/physical restraints, but we'll get more of those in the next few areas; the forest has its own dangers, which I hope you're enjoying just as much. Psychology is one of the more important things, I think, when it comes to writing any sort of scenario, and especially anything involving passion. You've always been very good at this with Lara, getting into her head and making her responses and reactions believable in even the worst circumstances that befall her. Samus Aran had a bit more of a unconventional upbringing, being raised by a highly evolved but declining species of birds. I doubt she even saw any other humans after the attack on her homeworld until she was in her mid to late teens, so it stands to reason that a lot of our cultural taboos and expectations simply wouldn't apply to her. I'm glad that's coming across. Melissa and Brannigan are just getting started on redefining what Samus can and can't do - the chapter I'm working on now takes things to what I hope is a rather twisted turn. Brannigan is more than a little bitter and Melissa more than a little twisted; what they have in store for Samus should be more than a little interesting. I hope you continue to enjoy it. And it's good to know the writing is strong - where do you think the overarching plot is going? I'm just curious to see what people think of the seeds I've been planting since the beginning of this story.

Ah, so retribution is at hand - quite literally, in fact. Samus discovering the knife and finally getting her hands on it brought a smile to my face too, though I have to wonder just how Samus can overcome the Zebesians in her present state. She's clearly exhausted and worn out, physically and mentally, but despite the supposed hopelessness of her situation, she doesn't forget who or what she is. She's been trapped in this particular circumstance for what, about 5 or 6 chapters now? I don't think that the story has stagnated at any point during that, in fact I think it's really come into its own. The things Samus has gone through in there have blurred the line between disturbing and arousing, and sometimes I think I'm enjoying it a little too much lol. The scene with the Zebesians before Samus discovers the knife, for instance, is just...hot, and I'm wondering to myself why I'm not hating them with passion for what they're doing. Well, I'm sure they'll be getting their comeuppance soon enough ^^ Speaking of that, after this, again I have to wonder what's next for Samus. Kraid? Ridley? Metroids? Shriekbats??? And of course, Meliisa seems to be piecing together her plan and progressing at a frightening pace; I doubt she brokered peace between the Kriken/Federation for honest, reputable reasons. I'm interested to see what she ultimately has in store for Madeline, too. Sorry for the length of time between chapters - I'm on a contract gig right now, so most of my attention is there. Between day job, trilogy, and burning wrecks on the side of the highway my life has been sort of interesting lately. That out of the way... I'm glad you're continuing to like this little experiment of mine. I'm sort of looking at this as almost a deconstruction of Metroid tropes, but a few things have to remain true to my story for it to work within the greater context of Metroid's narrative. Other M failed to do this, I think, which is one of the major reasons Other M failed as hard as it did. Samus needs to win, ultimately. She needs to save herself because the idea of other people saving her runs contrary to her nature and the nature of narrative. I think it's why the Other M Ridley scene seemed like such a betrayal of the character and the franchise... and I don't think I'm done with the Zebesians, but to be honest this story is taking on a life of its own. As for what's next... well, I have plans. Terrible plans. (insert maniacal cackling here). Brannigan's our next big sub-boss and if you liked what the Zebesians were doing you'll love Brannigan. And Melissa's terrible plans are moving forward exactly as she wants them to; nothing in this story so far has run contrary to her expectations. Glad you're liking this and I'll see about posting more soonish.

Everything makes sense inside our heads; that's why it's vital to have someone else actually edit your writing. A writer is inevitably too close to what they craft. Canon states that her identity - hell, even her gender and species - are known to only a select few throughout the cosmos. We are, however, writing our versions so we can do whatever they hell we want, provided it makes sense in what we're writing and respects the mythos we're writing in. Go wild. I think both of our stories are qualitatively better and more true to the characters in the Metroid mythology than Other M was, so have fun. And agreed on all counts.

DrkVrtx says: Hmm, I left after reading Ch11 slightly depressed haha. I guess the fact that intelligent, sentient life forms have been introduced into the mix makes Samus' circumstances really hit home. In all the previous encounters, I'm able to somewhat wall off the fact that Samus is being abused and taken against her will due to the perpetrators being far far from human. The Zoomer/Kago/Kaayes encounter became increasingly disturbing as it continued, however. IIRC, the encounters up to that point have lasted a chapter, with Samus rising up to cut down whichever creature bothered her at that particular time, but now we see her seemingly well and truly stuck. "Samus Aran screamed, pulling on her bonds, shaking as she tried desperately to free herself." This line bothered me in particular, it's certainly not what I expected Samus to do, even in her predicament. I don't know...it gives me echoes of Other M's Ridley scene. Perhaps that was your intention. Though I suppose in this case, her reaction is more justifiable, as she's literally stripped down, weakened and defenceless. Well, now that Samus has encountered the Zebesians - who actually look like they know what they are doing and why as well as how to truly humiliate the esteemed Hunter...I suppose I should get used to this depressed feeling in preparation for future chapters. It's well written, and I do and don't like it, if that makes sense : ) Hmmm. Well. I don't think Samus has well and truly given up just yet. Circumstances have worn her down somewhat, and she's not in a good place, but she isn't nearly as beaten as the Zebesians and Madeline think. I have no intention of Other M'ing her in this story, and by my reckoning I'm not quite two thirds done, so clearly other things have to happen so that this can continue. Broken Samus simply isn't Samus - she isn't the sort of person to break, though this is a new battlefield for her and she's definitely playing catch-up in a war she's having trouble with. It's also been about fourteen days since the Kago initially got her. She's exhausted and a little stressed. I understand your difficulty with that line and, in retrospect, I probably should have gone with "roared" instead of "screamed." I was trying to convey anger and not fear - I'll have to be a little more careful about that in the future, and it's for that very reason that I'm writing this in the first place. Your reaction makes perfect sense, but I wouldn't count Samus down yet. Just sayin.' We've got a long way to go before this thing reaches its conclusion.

EvilCareBear and I did some beta reading for one another, and while I can't speak on his behalf I know that his input made my story stronger - he corrected a couple of discordant phrases spoken by various characters and kept the story flowing. He also had a couple of comments and questions that I'll address here, in the interest of sparking conversation with whoever cares to join us. Vogl thinks Samus is a guy? Hahaha, soon he will know what Metroid players felt back in the day I totally remember that sense back when I beat the first game in under an hour - wait, Samus is a girl? This is awesome! Totally worth the play through and the multiple endings. The original guide paints Samus as utterly mysterious, and later additions to the mythology make it clear that Samus' identity is not known by very many people. We know she served in the GF military, but I figure that Adam destroyed all records of her service after she left, probably at her request. Further, given the destruction of K2-L, it's not likely that anyone would know who Samus Aran is from that angle. She is, in effect, Batman in space. I'm curious, is this how he (Vogl) saw it at the time of (chapter contact), or in retrospect? Basically wondering if Melissa had been able to influence him before contacting him. Melissa's been at this for a while, as we shall see. I'm cackling like a maniacal loon over here. I figure about six months have passed since the destruction of the bottle ship, and maybe seven since Melissa escaped. At least, that's where I began my story. It's entirely possible that Melissa's been working even longer than that - I guess I'll learn more about that as the story develops. They're (the Kaayes) hologram projectors too? Did she breed different ones for different purposes? Nope. The Kaayes amplify psychic signals sent through them. Melissa's using them to extend the range of her already ridiculous psychic abilities; one of those abilities just happens to be psychic projection. Melissa can basically send her will anywhere she can place a Kaayes, though most of the time her knowledge of what's going on there and her manipulation of people and events is subconscious - she needs to be aware of something to focus on it, which is why there's monitors keeping track of Samus, and why she projected herself to Vogl. The limits of her power will become a little more clear as the story progresses, which is part of the process. I sort of put her in the same league as (comics) Saturn Girl or (comics) Professor Charles Xavier, maybe even a little higher. She's terrifying and completely insane. Mother of God. She took control of the whole (kriken) empire? Are the Kirken controlled by a single hive mind, similar to Mother Brain, that she could take over? Or does she have that powerful of influence? She's just that powerful. The canon reason that everything attacks Samus on Zebes is that Mother Brain took control of the whole planet. In Other M, Melissa managed to take control of the entire bottleship when panicked. When she's actually trying to focus her power, well, she's on an entirely different level than most people are capable of understanding. Scary, no? I think I need to brush up on my Metroid lore. Am I supposed to know who they (the Vhozons) are yet? Yep. They're from Hunters, the same place the Krikens came from. The Vhozons are represented by Noxus, a rival to Samus and a bit of an overbearing bastard. The entire species are supposed to be Lawful Good Paladin types. I figure they're mental discipline would make them a hard fight for Melissa, who simply has better things to do that try and break through their defenses. I just thought about this, how long has this been going on exactly? Since the Kago got her? About fourteen days. Not that she knows that. Pardon me while I cackle maniacally. I wanted to be one of three things when I was a child - a pro wrestler, a professional writer, or a Bond villain. Occasionally I like to indulge in all three. I may have missed some descriptions earlier, but I'm not quite sure how she is positioned. I've assumed she's laying down on her back, with her arms and legs in the Kago's woven. Again, may just be me not remembering. Double checked this and tried to clarify in the text of the most recent chapter - Samus is bound so that her stomach is lying on the hive, her arms and legs splayed around and down the length of the outer cage. Sorry for the confusion. I like that Samus describes them as bugs, it makes a lot of sense. She would have to dehumanize them so as to not feel anything while killing them. It also shows a bit of racism (speciesism?) which she is bound to have. I like speciesism. I think she'd be fairly accepting of most species, but there's absolutely nothing but hate for the Zebesians in her. The other characters have also exhibited bits of prejudice all throughout this narrative, which is another issue I'm sort of having fun with. Alright, off to eat, plot, and read. I'll finish up this section before moving onto the next writing project I've got, but if anyone has comments or questions I'll be happy to respond to either here.

The Prime games were awesome. I'd recommend adding Zero Mission, Super, and Fusion to that list, as all of them were awesome. I look forward to seeing what you come up with as an extension to your Metroid mythos - there's been some incredibly creative takes on Metroid fiction that I've read in the past that add to the story and feel, so hit us with what you've got. I also dig your take on the Ridley/Samus battle from Other M. Run with that as opposed to canon - your idea is better than what was in that game. I loathe the way they told the story in that game so very much. He's apparently going to start season two near the end of this month, which is something I'm looking far too forward to. And SoE is goddamn brilliant; that Koopa watching over Samus is a great little foil for her.

I'm definitely aiming to describe feelings more than activities, but that holds true for writing in general. It's feeling and emotion that give actions context, and without context there's no way to connect to much of anything. Should you need a beta tester, feel free to send it to HunterOpera@gmail.com. I think conversation here is good, though, for the simple reason that it gives other people a chance to join in. Feedback is king.

I see Melissa as being inherently entropic in outlook, too - her plans, I think, would involve ruining other people more than gaining anything for herself. I'm running with the theory that Melissa is a mental clone of Mother Brain and a physical clone of Samus; she lacks Mother Brain's memory but has her psychic power and intellect, but is now stuck with a physical body with standard human senses. Given that the Chozo made Mother Brain (the canaries really get around), it makes perfect sense that Melissa would be able to grasp and understand their technology in a way that the Zebesians never could. Your Samus and mine seem to have a lot in common and little to do with the personality depicted in Other M, which I think says a lot about her having a perfectly reasoned and reasonable persona prior to that game. It also means we're treating her better than Other M did. Which games are you drawing from? I'm going with as much of the mythos as makes sense for my narrative, which is why Dare is in there, and Keaton, and Sylux. I'll get to Noxus soon and maybe Gandrayda, but it's Ridley I'm most concerned about. I need to make certain that he's terrifying, so here's hoping. I should have the first bit of the final cavern chapter up this weekend - what's your update schedule look like? And, yeah, the monologue is convenient and a good tool, and it works with a certain kind of grandiose villain. Melissa functions with it for the simple reason of intelligence - she wants you to know that she's smarter than you, but she also believes that there's nothing you can do to stop her. She's also, in many ways, a perfect foil for Samus. Have you read Alyxcaptor's Metroid comics over on DeviantArt?

EvilCareBear: I'll admit, your story is the reason I chose Melissa to be the first villain in my story. I initially planned something else, but I liked the idea. That said, I enjoy your characterization more than mine. I've always been fascinated by characters who believe themselves to be in the right and want to 'convert' the hero to their way of thinking and I think you pulled that off really well. As for the sexy parts, I think you do a great job as well, they are always really hot. Overall, great job and I look forward to future updates. I'm kinda glad you did - Melissa is a great concept, better than Other M deserved, and I'm enjoying you're take on her. I'm aiming for a sort of giddy manic genius, whereas your take of her seems more subdued and jaded but just as bright and thoughtful. Who were you thinking of using before? Villains, I think, should never know they're the bad guys. Very few people walk around kicking puppies and declaring themselves evil - the most interesting villains are the ones that are doing terrible things for the very best of reasons, and I wanted to play with that a bit not only with Melissa, but with Madeline, Sakamoto, and Keaton himself. I'm glad that's coming across well. Also glad you're digging the sexy parts. I was worried about those, truth be told, because I've always believed that I utterly suck at writing sex scenes.

I finished another novel and caught up with most of the my editing, and there were some techniques I wanted to experiment with before moving on to the next set of books; I'm finding that this is a really good way to fiddle around with story in a way that I'm not so used to. Fanfiction smut - who knew? The Bergman Affair started out with a name, a concept, and a hatred of the story in the Other M. I liked a lot of the concepts and characters introduced in that game (and the gameplay itself, mostly), but I despised the execution of the narrative and wanted to play around with it a little. From there I looked at some of the baseline elements of Metroid itself - the enemies, landscapes, and themes that were part of the franchise. So, right off the bat I knew I needed to depower Samus, that Samus had to be isolated and forced to explore somewhere she knew nothing about, and that she would have to rely on herself to grow more powerful as the story continued. There's no Chozo tech here, so she's being forced to rely on more primitive technology in my take on things. I also knew that each area would need a boss battle, but that I could play around with that a little... After that I decided to look at things from Melissa's viewpoint, the idea of using pleasure instead of pain to conquer. This did have to be smut because I'm not comfortable writing smut and my previous efforts in that area have been terrible at best. I like to think it's working this time, which is why feedback is so important (special thanks to JViper and Drkvrtx, you guys rule). Scenes were plotted around individual enemies for the Smut, though they've changed in the writing. The characters often do unexpected things, too, especially in the core plots - Dare was never supposed to pop up, and the Krikens were completely unexpected in the last chapter. I know where this story ends, but getting there is going to be a whole other kettle of fish, and if the story's end changes because of the story that happens I'll run with that. I've got some research to do before I start the next book and I'm going to try and finish the Cavern scenes before that happens. Initially that was supposed to be a single additional chapter - boss fight, so to speak - but now it looks like it's going to be two chapters. Ridley, when I get to him, will be at least three. I'm kinda looking forward to where you're going with your story. What've you got planned?

As far as efficiency goes this isn't ideal, but it does let more voices get in on the conversation and that's always a plus. I'm equally amused that we ended up here at about the same time. Bitamin/Porneater and I were workshopping Downfall ages ago - back when I was fairly certain I couldn't write smut and had little reason to try - but my desktop crashed since then and I've lost the details for that story. Sad, but true. Do you skeleton your stories or have a general layout?

J Viper: Somehow I managed to miss these last updates. Anyway good work in advancing the plot. And poor Samus can't even catch a break, It's one situation after another, not that I'm complaining. I'm genuinely curious as to how she's going to escape this and how Anthony's part develop. I've been loving the journey, so keep it up good sir. Also, saw that you responded to me in the thread, thank you. Sometimes just like the author the reviewer miss the attention. Nah, just kidding. I'll try to be a little more timely in my updates; it depends on my writing/editing cycle for other projects. This project was designed to be an experiment on multiple levels, but I'm sorta caught up with other projects and the thing I do to relax from writing is experiment with writing (or read. Or play video games. Or go for long long walks...). Melissa was detailed and terrible plans for her sister that Samus, as she is, probably isn't going to like very much. Ms. Bergman the younger's goal is galactic conquest (of course), but on a more personal level the enslavement of the Hunter for reasons of her own. Anthony and Keaton also have a lot of things coming their way, all of which will tie in to what our favorite bounty hunter is going through. Glad you're like the story so far... and feedback is very much appreciated. Feedback is necessary, especially on experimental works like this one. Besides, I've always enjoyed frank and open dialogue, but apparently the review thread is not the place for it. Thankfully, we have these wonderful forums.

DrkVrtx Oh, the humiliation. Our brave bounty hunter conquered by the lowly Zoomer. The only way this could be worse is if it had been a Geemer. The Kago/Kaayes 'torture' is cruel but in a completely different fashion to, say, the Draygon encounter. Being brought just to the point of release continually over the duration of several days seems to be quite the maddening experience of pleasure and pain. However, seeing as Melissa is intending to 'punish' her (what on earth does she consider her previous machinations to be? lol), I have to wonder what she has in store to provide Samus further discomfort. Also, it seems the influence of the Kaayes has infiltrated certain political circles? Hmm, you certainly aren't finished with them yet, have you? : p l always thought the Zoomers were a little weaker than the Geemers, though I might be wrong. I guess I'll just have to go and play a little more Metroid, so, um... no loss, really. The idea for that actually came from porneater/bitamin in some talks we had way back when, so I'm glad that scene worked out. Melissa - as I'm writing her - is insane in a way that puts her on par with an eldritch force of nature. I'm trying to get across the idea of a massive intellect being trapped in a body that can't quite handle that degree of processing power, but that sheer mental power not being able to process sensations that the rest of us take for granted. Let me know if I'm getting that across; I like to think I am but that doesn't mean it's carrying over in the writing as much as I'd like it to. Samus has a lot of intense fun coming her way, so we'll see how that works out. Her idea of punishment is up now, though really the fun is just beginning. We're heading into the climax of the caverns now, which was initially meant to be a single chapter but will probably end up being two - there's a lot of character and plot progression coming up and I kinda want to give it all time to do what it needs to. And, yes, I've got plans for the Kaayes. Terrible, terrible plans. They were initially going to be a minor plot point but they're just entertaining to write and they work with the overall narrative in exactly the way I need them to. I'm sort of wondering if anyone is going to catch the references made in the name of their home planets or if that one was just a little too obtuse...?

So, this happened... Hello, Please take note that leaving reviews on your own story or chatting on your review board is not allowed as per our Terms of Service. We understand that it is important to communicate with your readers so we recommend creating a topic in the Forums specifically for your story and place the link in your story. Any topic posted in the Fan Fiction section of the Forums is open for guest viewing and posting, so don't worry that not everyone will be able to see it. Please remove any reviews you have left on your own story by accessing your reviews, go to the review in question and make note of the review id(s). Then access your author panel and on the left, there is a link that says 'Remove Review.' Select the story and insert the story id press the 'remove reviews' button to complete the action. If the self reviews remain, the story can become hidden until the content is removed. If it hasn't been corrected after being hidden, the story can be subject to deletion after thirty (30) days of being hidden. If your story is subsequently hidden, you will need to contact the ToS team with the name of your story, your username and the fandom that the story is located in once corrected in order to have your story switched back to a visible state. You can contact us by email at TOS_team@adult-fanfiction.org. Full text of the TOS can be found here: http://www.adult-fanfiction.org/tos.php Complete content guidelines can be found here: http://www.adult-fanfiction.org/guidelines.php Thanks, Danyealle Adultfanfiction.net Archive Moderator ... which is entirely fair and my fault for not reading the ToS as well as I should have. Thanks, Danyealle, and I'm certainly going to take you up on your advice. The Bergman Affair is an experiment for me in writing things I'm not comfortable with - fanfic, sex scenes, and keeping chapters under two thousand words. One of my colleagues asked me to experiment outside my comfort zone, and, well, this is the result. I'm taking the chance to fool around with formatting and the like, as well, and I'm curious to see if it's working at all. Feedback is very much appreciated and kind of necessary from my end, so I'd appreciate whatever people can give me as far as plot progression, storytelling, and character development go - is the stuff I'm trying to do working? The conversation thus far has been : JViper It would be a shame if one of the best Metroid fics to stay without any review. Especially since you're improving chapter by chapter. The story is a little disjointed as it has been repeating the same pattern of a little plot before and after the scene itself which is the longer part. So it can get a bit tedious due to the structure you choose since the scenes are so much better. I think you found a nice voice for Samus and seeing her dish out the pain after the deed has been incredibly satisfying, especially because said deed has been really hot most of the times. Looking forward to how this develops. DrkVrtx How this is without more reviews baffles me. This is a very intriguing fic, and there are times when I'm not sure whether to be sickened or aroused. Each chapter just ramps it up, so to speak. The little digs at Other M and Sakamoto most certainly drew smiles from me, but I have to say that without a doubt, my favourite moment(s) so far involve the Kaayes. I like the fact that they still had a residual effect on Samus even after she had dealt with them. After Draygon though...well I have no idea what you have planned on top of that, short of literally ripping Samus apart >_< Anyway, I will certainly be keeping an eye on this. Hope you plan on continuing it =) Me JViper - Glad you're enjoying this so far; I should have the next bit of it up this weekend. I'm more comfortable writing plot than outright sex, so it's sort of gratifying to know that I'm hitting the mark there. I honestly wasn't sure. There is an actual outline I'm working off of, so the bits of story will veer more into out and out smut as this goes on, as the MB I'm writing definitely has an insidious plan in mind. DrkVrtx - I have no intentions of ripping Samus apart. She's one of my favorite characters in fiction, but it just so happens that I'm a bit of a sadist and this seems like a decent place to indulge those urges while experimenting with style. I'm not done with the Kaayes - not by a longshot - and I'm really not done with the many digs I have planned at Other M and Sakamoto, as both deserve everything they've got coming. Sort of got caught with some contract work but I've given myself some breathing room, so I'll see what I can come up with for this. First scene of the next chapter is already done, next should be done by morning, and then we go from there. I like to think I'm treating Miss Aran with more dignity than Other M did, but that's not exactly difficult. Glad you're both enjoying this so far and hope you continue to enjoy what I've got coming. Drkvrtx The idea of Samus primitively dressed in leaves makes me laugh, such a far cry from her usual attire. I had to look up what a Kago was, I was reading that passage thinking 'Um, what on earth is that thing again?' Fascinated to see what exactly you have planned for Samus this time, I admit that I'm a little apprehensive for our favourite bounty hunter though lol Me I sort of found the idea of primitive attire fitting, especially with what Melissa has planned for her. I'd love to see somebody do art of this; I can write but not draw worth a damn and I lack the patience for GMOD and the like. Glad you continue to like it - I'm editing the next bit and most of the way through the bit after that. As for feeling apprehension, well, I'm sure she'll be fine. Any feedback and criticism would be appreciated. I just want to make sure that the devices I'm trying to use are working so I can use them in my other works. Thanks in advance, HunterOpera