evilcarebear

What have I been up to recently? Puking my brains out. Don’t get the flu. Only upside it that it does make you appreciate feeling normal afterward though. More generally I’m now a professional software developer. Which is still weird to think about even though I’ve been at it for about a year. This does mean I don’t have a ton of time for stuff outside of work, so it’s almost certain I won’t do anything with Descent, it’s just much too big to get back into. I do however have two much smaller ideas I think would be fun, they’ve been bouncing around in my head for awhile, would like to get them down. But man, I wish I had the same drive to write as you, I can think of ideas all day that I think are super cool and interesting, but actually writing them down is tricky. I have a bad habit of demanding everything be perfect on the first pass before moving on. Which sort of stifles progress. But back to your story – that is after all what this thread is supposed to be about. I see what you mean now with Mia being a foil for Damara, that does make sense after having it pointed out. I can’t help but feel like there was more you initially wanted to do with her/ the kirkin empire, but then cut down on later because of scope creep. Also, you are 1000% correct about FemShep. FemShep x Garrus best romance. As for the ending again, I see what you mean about Samus not being one to toy with her opponent and it does makes sense for her character. It just not nearly as fun. However, I still think I’m right about the psychic fight. If the physical fight is a quick takedown, then the mental one needs to be much more in depth and detailed. This is the climax of the story, all bajillion words have been building up to the moment Samus turns the tables and escapes. It can’t just be a quick “and then Samus wins”. It makes it seem… cheap? I don’t know. I still strongly feel the mental fight with Melissa should have been more, it’s a really good idea that deserved being expanded on.

It's good to know at least one person will be looking forward to my story after a four month wait. I suddenly feel like a horrible person. I decided to watch the review right now because sleep is for the weak. His voice, oh my god, his fucking voice. It's amazing. I couldn't stop laughing throughout the entire video just because of his voice. I'll probably have to watch it a second time to catch everything, but it really is incredible how little sense every single decision makes when you think about it. Random side-note - Do you have any idea what these points are about? I apparently have a little over 2 thousand dollars in this site that I would like to put elsewhere. Also what is this emoticon? WHAT EMOTION DO YOU REPRESENT!?!?

I've always been an advocate of quantity over quality myself. Just ask the Germans over in Russia during WW2. Checkmate. Yeah, upon re-reading I realize you are correct. I could have been a bit more tactful and less 'look at this amazing thing I can't tell you about' . Oh well, what's done is done, it's not like there's a - wait what's that? There is an edit button. Huh... interesting. I'm still not changing it. I have heard of the Red Letter Media review, but I have not seen it myself. Mostly because I've heard it's even longer than the movies are. That someone can talk about how bad a movie is for longer than the movie lasts speaks volumes.

Holy crap this has two pages now. I'm not sure why that blew my mind. Don't judge me. Also, yes I am still alive. I have been busy lately with school and work, but I'd be a dirty lying communist if I said that was why I've made little progress. It's really been because I can't write for crap unless I have inspiration to. For a while it's been if I have inspiration to write - I can't, and if I can write - I have no inspiration. To make everything worse, on those few times I could and wanted to write, I had this idea. It's an awesome idea. Trust me you guys, it's gonna blow your frikkin minds. Problem is, I can't seem to think of anything else and it can't happen for at least two arcs. Thus little progress that is worth keeping on the next chapter. As for the Disney thing, I just find the whole situation hilarious. I choose to believe Disney saw the Star Wars dance game on the Kinect and said to Lucas "Stop... just stop. Give us the damn thing before you hurt yourself."

Search your feelings Luke, you know the answer. ®Disney

I can definitely say that your beta reading helped me out a lot. After almost every comment, I re-read the section and wondered how I thought that made sense when I wrote it. Having someone point out a specific part really helps to look at something more clearly. As much as I love the idea of Samus being Space Batwoman, and how much sense it makes, I'm going to have to directly contradict it. Two plot points rely on her being fairly well known and I don't think I can rework that. Ironically, another plot point relies on her NOT being recognized. It'll make sense in the end...hopefully. It appears your Melissa is somewhat more powerful than mine. Only by an order of magnitude. I see her powers as being more localized and needing a good amount of time to take full effect. Melissa will explain her powers fully in chapter 5 if all goes according to plan, via monologue of course. I think this difference is a good thing, variety is the spice of life.

What was the original purpose of this thread? Oh yeah. JViper 2012-08-12 id # 3000046389 Well good Sir, I stand corrected. Not only your description was good, but you managed to even start the action in high gear. Just wished there were more action with Samus zer suit. I mean, the soldiers just went straight to take it off of her. No rubbing, grinding, humping or anything =( I guess that's just my fetishes taking over. Otherwise, the story is coming along very nicely and I'm intrigued as to where this is going so I won't be reading the ff.net version at least until this is over. Thanks for the good read and keep'em coming. I really tried to pay attention to the descriptions, so it's good to hear you enjoyed them. Funny thing about the Zero-Suit, I debated about it disappearing or having the soldiers remove it, but in the end continuity won. I already established the Zero-Suit worked the same way the power suit did with the mental link (I don't see another way of getting it on or removing it honestly) so if one went the other had to go with it. This story won't finish for a while, based on my current pace I would say at least 5 months. Thanks for reviewing and don't worry, I intend to finish this no matter how long it takes.

Most of my knowledge of Metroid comes from the Prime series, never played any of the earlier ones. (I know, I'll set up the stake to burn me on) I was planning to incorporate all of the other hunters from those games, space pirates/Ridley (of course), a few of the basic enemies from the games, and an entire 'arc' will be entirely outside of any established Metroid lore, just something I assume would exist in that universe. My take on Samus' view of Ridley is a combination of intense fear and hatred. It's something she struggles with daily (I hinted at it in chapter 1 with the scrunchie reminding her of her home planet, and thus Ridley destroying it) but to see Ridley in front of her would easily make her lose it. If I had written the Ridley scene in Other M, she would have been shocked at first of course (she did see him die on a planet that blew up after all) before quickly setting into a single minded need to kill Ridley at any cost. The end of the fight being Samus using a power bomb to finish a wounded Ridley off despite the protests of Anthony/Adam telling her it would destroy the room. She would be the direct cause of the destruction and Anthony's supposed death (him surviving still doesn't sit well with me) and she would take it as further proof as to why she needs to isolate herself. And yes, I have actually seen his comics. I think he does a great job given the limitations of gmod (using head swapping to have a pseudo nude Samus model was clever). I like his presentation of Samus' personality, though he does seem to change how powerful she is to fit with plot points. Overall I enjoy it, look forward to when he continues it. Another comic I find hilarious is called Systems of Entertainment by HeartGear on deviantart.

I know how you feel about having trouble writing the sex parts, every time I write the plot around it first and leave a blank space to fill in later when inspiration strikes. The most difficult part to me is that you are describing an inherently very repetitive action, so the only real solutions to me are change what is happening frequently enough to not be repetitive or focus on the sensations of the action more than the actual action itself. It's something that is difficult to do for me, and currently the only reason chapter 3 is not up right now.

Novels!? Longest thing I've ever written was a research paper last semester, though this is quickly catching up in length. I initially planned to have pirates/Ridley get to her first through some form of trap, but decided it was too mainstream of an idea once I considered Melissa. I was trying to make Melissa into someone who basically sees no hope in her life now and only seeks to ruin the lives of those she sees at fault for her ruined life by any means. Basically a foil for how I plan for Samus to deal with the situations she will go through. Also a bonus of using her, since she has some of Mother Brain's AI (as I understood it, was a bit confusing to me) she should be able to understand Chozo tech and manipulate it. This can easily be used to depower Samus if she can study a Chozo upgrade, which as you said is very necessary. As far as what is planned in the future, lets just say she passed to a few different enemies. This should happen first around chapter 5, then again around chapter 7, then a bunch of times after that (debating exactly how many I'll go into here) before finally landing with the last one who should have at least 4 chapters. I know I'm probably being annoyingly vague, After him I have a few possible endings in mind, basically either bittersweet ending or happy times ending. On a completely unrelated note, while writing a few scenes for chapter 4, I discovered why having the villain explain their plans and how they did it is so popular, it's just too damn convenient a way to explain it. Needless to say, Melissa will probably fit the archetype of a typical Bond villain in that chapter.

That is indeed very sad, I had always hoped that story would update at some point. As for planning out my story, yes I have a general outline that I made before the first chapter. In truth it's more of a working outline. If I think of something I want to incorporate or I think of a better idea, I'll move stuff around to make it make sense in the story line. However, there are certain main events that will happen no matter what, most of what I change is the order they happen or how they connect. The only thing I'm not sure of right now is how to end it, it's kind of up in the air right now. What about you, just have a general idea in your head and go or write something down? Also, did you get into a writing binge recently or have some chapters stored up?

Apparently I'm not supposed to review my own story, so I made this thread instead. I do find it funny that HunterOpera and I had the same problem at the same time though, I know that feel bro. This story started as being purely for myself because I wanted to write my ideal Metroid porn story, since I couldn't find one already written. Well, that's not entirely true, Metroid: Downfall was near perfect to me, but the author has apparently stopped. You may have noticed the subtle similarities in the titles. I have never understood why on one (that I know of anyway) has done the most obvious and basic story for Samus: captured by enemies, and like all good porn villains they get their revenge through sex. To anyone who is curious about my update schedule, it's kind of sporadic. I only write when I'm in the mood to write, otherwise it comes out painfully forced like my high school essays. Even then, I usually only write about scenes that I want to write about at the time, so this leads to a lot of scenes that I know the general order of, but need to connect later. These scenes are also usually not going to happen in the upcoming chapter, so this leads to a lot of half completed future chapters with disconnected scenes. Don't worry, it'll all make sense in the end, trust me I'm a fanfiction writer. Speaking of which, this is my fanfiction ever, so everything I'm doing is experimental. In light of that, any and all constructive criticism is much appreciated. I'm hoping to improve by the time I get to later chapters, those are going to be very fun and I want to do them well. I know I have problems with comma splices and I have never fully understood the rules of how to punctuate around dialogue, but I hope it doesn't distract anyone. On to the actual point of this thread! DrkVrtx 2012-07-14 id # 3000046189 I think I'm gonna keep on eye on both versions of this, it'll be interesting to see how and where they differ. I'm assuming Melissa is going to pound Samus into submission...hehe Yeah...that was the original plan, but I underestimated how much time having to write two stories would take. Also, I have no clear long term plans for the clean version, whereas I have the entire smut version planned out...mostly. JViper 2012-07-14 id # 3000046191 Interesting build-up. Still, I'll wait for more to come as this first, as you said, was all setup and very little sexiness. Not even a description besides my memories of the characters is not what I expect on this side of fics. But this could be a good thing. Descriptions is something else I can skip over easily if I don't think about it. If I can see it clearly in my head, why can't you audience!? DrkVrtx 2012-07-16 id # 3000046215 Ah, the shower scene. I've read quite a few of these in my time lol. Still, if it works. Liked the description of the Zero Suit, particularly you're reasoning as to why it's called 'Zero'. Don't think I've come across that particular explanation before, but it works quite well actually. One thing that seemed a bit strange was Samus being suddenly bothered by overhearing the two women when you established that she cared little for human social norms. Of course, it ties into the reasoning of why she would then wearing the Power Suit everywhere, but it still seems a little...off, so to speak. I'd personally suggest spacing out chapter updates, just so that you have a legitimate way of keeping your fic on the front page consistently. More potential views/reviews/etc. Yes, I took the easy way out. In truth I wanted some kind of smut in the chapter since two chapter without would be kinda weird and going all the way to be end of chapter 3 would have been loooong. The Zero Suit thing just came to me in a vision while I was mediating on a mountain. But seriously, as I was writing I was just trying to justify why the Zero Suit existed at all and I liked that idea the best. As for the overhearing the woman thing, I agree it was really out of character. I was tired and wanted to finish the chapter before my internet cut out. That is why I meant by weird forced writing earlier. If you didn't re-read the chapter, I replaced the scene. HunterOpera 2012-07-18 id # 3000046234 Well, this is damn interesting so far. If you ever wanna talk a little shop, let me know. It's always good to know someone is interested. I honestly have no idea how to contact you. This is the only way I know, but it's not the most efficient method.