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foeofthelance

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Posts posted by foeofthelance

  8. Funny or Stupid Game Stories

    in Aimless Babble

    Posted

    From the Forum Games Board, at Dazzled's request. I will match stories for stories, until mine run out. Hopefully by then, there will be plenty of others as well. I'll even start it off, with the aforementioned story of how my party once turned a dragon gay.

    We were hunting for the world destroying mystical artifact of a fallen god (what other kind is there?) when we found ourselves wandering through an extradimensional cavern. We had been in it before, but it was a vast, vast plane of existence. So we had discovered yet another entrance, and were exploring it, after looting the barren tower which stood over it. What, we're adventurers!

    So we have made it more then half a day without much excitement. Dull rocks followed by more dull rocks. Not even shiny rocks, which was making our catgirl sorceress rather sad. She liked the sparkly rocks. Well, she actually liked anything sparkly, which was why her favorite spell was scorching ray, but meh. That's catgirls for you.

    Finally, we find ourselves in a rather large cavern. And as is typical with such caverns, this one was occupied. By a rather large, and annoyed fang dragon as it turned out. Well, what to do when facing dragons? One can either fight, flee, or try talking it to death. The third doesn't actually work, since Dragons tend to live much longer then the average adventurer, but such is life, no? Well, this particular party liked the thrid option, mostly because it gave us time to cast all of our buff spells behind its back. If talking failed, preemptive strike! (Gee, that sounds familiar for some reason...)

    Well, before we wanted to attack, we decided to get some information. Or, our gnome did. Those familiar with gnomes can probably skip to the end, having some idea of how this is going to turn out. For those of you who don't, this is gnome story, so be warned! Take hold of your sanity, lock it away some where nice and sunny, then keep reading.

    Well, our gnome (He had a name, but nobody knew what it was. Nobody would go near him actually. He had found an enchanted Elven saber in an earlier encounter and had tucked it down his pants. When the encounter had ended, we had cast Detect on all of the loot, and the something long and hard started to glow in the gnome's pants. Needless to say, there much less curiosity about the gnome after that.) cast detect magic. Still with me? Or did that rather long bit in the parenthesis confuse you? Ok, good. Its not good to get confuzzled.

    Well, being a creature of deep magic, the dragon began to glow ever so faintly. This inspried our gnomish hero (I use the term loosely) to great deeds. While the rest of the party continued its efforts to distract the dragon, the gnome boldly rushed forward to the attack. The dragon, only somewhat surprised at the attack, tried to bite the smallish target, but missed. Jumping through the air the gnome let out a great cry of 'Huggles!' and promtly latched himself on to the dragons front leg. Squeezing for all he was worth, he attempted to activate the dragon.

    Well, we all know the fickle sense of humor for which the dice gods are known. Of course the die came up 20 on the roll. Our dragon was quite successfully, turned on. Yes, you read that correctly. The dragon found itself immeadiately attracted to the smallish gnome now clinging to its leg. This greatly confused the dragon, for he had already made plans to spend the evening with a lady dragon friend of his. And yet, here he was, his heart all but aching for him to be with the small lump fo fat and nose that was hugging him.

    Remember that fickleness I mentioned earlier? Well, when the check was made, the die came up a 1. Our dragon was now quite gay. He even recieved the +10 to fashion sense checks that come with such a conversion. He let us go, with narry a blow struck, though we fear his poor heart must have broke when his beloved gnome left him for a life of adventure on the high seas.

  22. The legendary Rasputin

    in Aimless Babble

    Posted

    Actually, if I remember correctly, Rasputin was first poisoned, then shot, then had his throat slit, then was chucked in a river to drown. And I think the final cause of death was hypothermia or some such. Though they may have decapitated him later, just to be sure.

    Hmm, Rasputins death is one of the greatest stories I've ever come across.

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