The Man on the Clapham Omnivorebus
Review by @InBrightestDay February 6, 2026 at 12:00 AM
Do we get any clues about what yours is about? More of that bounty hunter story? The Lake House? Spider Woman adventures? (a recent user was looking for really good insect porn...) I getcha though, I’m trying to leave time between a last draft and posting to really re-read and see things I missed first time round. I have been working on the challengestory set in the Buffy universe (on to chapter 6!), with a few more chapters to finish there, but the next thing I actually post will likely be Victims which is around 1/3 text from an old rpf story I’ve mine I’ve made changed details to be fictional, and maybe 2/3 new stuff – guy gets his dick bitten off by a “wolf” (yes her) and eaten alive. It’s a bit dark in places. Having done a few drafts I too need to leave it for a while before going back.
Thank you for taking the time to review! I hugely appreciate it.
I appreciate the negatives as well as the positives!
Heh, I had it in my head like an action movie, bursting through the portal, kick ass music starts, heading towards the Omnivorebus, stop anybody being hurt… and then “Wow! that’s a great costume! Can I get a pic?” Sarsa might be sane again, or as close as she gets, and repentant, but she’s still Sarsa!
...and next morning it’s all on social media.
The sad fact is I’d really messed his hands up in part 1, because I had the idea of him getting his hands messed up leading to a) accidentally spooging up Sarsa’s back, and b) being unable to resolve it himself. Then, for part 2 and further sexytimes, I needed a way for him to have use of his hands, and also for Sarsa to be so happy she’s like screw it, I’m giving in to the backwash spell horniness too!
It kind of ties into Kizzy’s over-arching plan though, that all the demons may be capable of redemption, since meeting Shannon, being saved by Shannon, and realising she may have made one or two slightly unfortunate decisions over the billions of years. Maybe the only real difference between demons and angels is belief in what they are, to the extent that demon-targeted weapons only target demons helped by their own willpower?
But it was mostly writing myself into a corner and back out again so he could fondle some demon dugs.
Heh, thanks, had some fun with Sarsa brief role-playing the posh noblewoman type there. As for Kent… well, apart from pockets of poverty and deprivation I understand a lot of the southeast of England is very wealthy by comparison to a lot of the rest of the world (and much poorer than some hyper elite places!), but London has the most of both – but as a proud Londoner Dylan picked a target outside the city for gentle mockery.
I’m sure Buckingham Palace’s recently received letters complaining about an individual’s sexual sins are sadly somewhat less funny…
Glad the jokey bits landed though!
For some folks, Biohazard tattoos have a speciifc meaning related to disease – for others, it’s just a cool symbol – I kind of liked it as an “this demon is a literal biohazard” type symbol, and the idea that Sarsa picked it herself as both self-awareness and to avoid letting Kizzy slap something too nerdy on her.
Folks like a horny devil classic cartoon demon!
...plus having the eyes change meant I could have the “literally damned eyes” line that just appealed to me.
It’s kind of like the Speed vs Speed 2 thing – in Speed they end up really close ‘cos of the closeness of death and so on, and Speed 2 it’s all over, new guy to meet. Sarsa saved his life AND fixed his fucked fingers so he’s especially emotionally disposed towards her! Plus, there was that horniness backwash. A bit of seperation after she goes back to America (and possibly starts double dating alongside Shannon) and getting properly into post nut clarity and he’d probably realise he was over-reacting to just having really really good sex. Or maybe he just falls in love easily. He’s young!
Ok, yeah, I definitely threw some of the transformation details in for your reaction I figured nobody else would read it!
But I also feel I explained it in character of how we’ve only ever seen her previously with her true form submerged and hidden, whereas when she starts forgiving herself she ends up back as more of a badass warrior angel form… with special skills for writing. Amazonians can be nerds too, even if her nerdiness is different to Kizzy’s. One likes Deep Space 9, the other’s a Babylon 5 gal.
Plus once they remove the binding she can change form and get the cartoon devil selfies again :D
Lupa is the most likely if it was any of the main four, but by the time Kizzy’s got her license and set up the agency it is years after the Slumber Party and even the ending of You!, so it may have been a suggestion of numerous other associates Kizzy’s built up over the years.
From another unfinished story, I don’t even have a title for yet, in which Kizzy and Kate are called in to help with some weird shit by the police:
...It’s probably someone unexpected, like Janet.
At least on Saturday morning they can go out and do other things!
Thank you again, I genuinely don’t think it was all that great, but it was finished and I hadn’t done that for a while with a story so it did feel pretty good. And it got me back working on the Buffy Challenge, which also has been feeling good.
Was pretty cool to re-connect here, too! I know I’d had the odd email with you where I was sometimes I bit slow to check in and respond, but I kind of went through a period where I was a bit slow to do anything. Hopefully better now!
I am looking forward to your next story whatever it turns to be!