GeorgeGlass

Review responses for "Star's Crossed Lovers" (Star vs. the Forces of Evil)

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GrayNeko 2016-06-06 id # 3000071623

It's good to finally get a chance to read this, I've been looking forward to it ever since you were asking for help with the title in the forums(once again, glad to be of help).

Thanks again for that--as you can see, your suggestion was very helpful to me.

I'm loving the start of this, from the wingman fistbump to Star constantly bringing up her parent's sex life.

The parents'-sex-life thing grew out of a comment that Fairy Slayer (who is kindly beta-ing this story for me) made about Star seeming oddly comfortable talking about sex in the initial draft. I agreed, and decided to make it a little more uncomfortable for her. :)

I really enjoy how casual and comfortable they are around each other, even as things got awkward.

This is the chief aspect of the show that makes me want to write fanfic about it. I love the relationship between Star and Marco and how easy they are around each other, as though they've been friends all their lives.

As always you capture the aspects of the show that make it great just perfectly. I look forward to more.

Thank you, and thanks for the review!

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thatguywiththeface 2016-06-07 id # 3000071625

Chapter 1 This is really good so far. Once again I love how in character you make Star and Marco feel.

Always my top priority. Thanks!

This was a good place to start. Some titillating images without going to far early on. Looking forward to more

Right--I didn't want to get into anything heavy early on, but I definitely wanted a little "action" in the first chapter, and the fantasy-sharing came to mind as a good way to do that.

Thanks for reviewing!

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*Note: The text editor is telling me that I'm using too much quoted text, so I'm putting the quoted text in red instead of quote blocks.

Disclaimer: I'm the proofreader, so all typos and such are my fault. :)

For starters, I like the little recap of Marco's and Star's love-live situations, both to ease into the discussion and also provide enough background for those who aren't as familiar with the series.


The series doesn't make it entirely clear where Star and Marco stand with their respective crushes; we don't know, for example, how Marco's conversation with Jackie on the bus went at the end of “Interdimensional Field Trip.” So I wanted to give a clear indication of where Square One is at the beginning of the story.


It strikes me a little that many teenagers fret almost non-stop over how to appeal those of the other sex, yet at the same time they could pretty much write a book on what they've picked up about various types of people among their own gender. If they just used some of that observational power… Yet on the other hand, there's still a hint of the blind leading the blind as both have their confidence shaken here and there


Part of the reason why I liked this story idea enough to actually write it up was the obvious advantage of having an opposite-sex best friend to give you romantic advice. But nobody is omniscient about what others of their own sex want, so yeah.


However it's awesome how they both keep perking each-other up.


Morale is critical to the success of Operation Wingman. :)

So it seems to be working, and I won't complain. :)

Setting up the plan and negotiating the number of parts was perfectly in-character and rather adorable on both kids' parts. It ran rather smoothly, thanks to the small number of entries; the last item though is great for proving that this is going to be one hell of a sexy story. Thank goodness Mewni is a bit more liberal about sex. :)


Star's being from another dimension, whose culture and mores we don't fully know, provides a lot of helpful latitude.

Also, Star's line “If you need to measure it, it’s not awesome.” still cracks me up. :lol:


Talk about your soft endpoints. :)

Then the restless night and all that deliciously sexy talk was fantastic, and it's cute that Star is not above teasing Marco a little bit as she gets him all flustered.


That bit was inspired by the moment in “Freeze Day” when Star briefly pretends to be frozen just to mess with Marco.

The goings-on of chapter two played out well with each accomplishing their first checklist items so well. Marco was terrific for calming Star down after she jumped ahead on the list – especially being The List Guy, but it's clear that he cares more for Star's happiness than anything else. Perhaps even getting with Jackie Lynn, if it came to that; at the same time, I wonder if Star would also care more about her best friend succeeding. This could make for some interesting complications;


Hmm, perhaps.


Janna too seems like she'll be sticking her face into their business and raising havoc. Niiiiice. :)

Every game needs a wild card. :)

The subtlety of "that face" was pretty cool, though it was good you pointed it out for people like me.


And people like Marco, who might not catch such things on his own. (I was about 18 when I realized that the girl with whom I had had a summer-school romance 2 years earlier had subtly offered to let me see her naked, and that I had been completely oblivious to her innuendo at the time.)


Also, giving us the pronunciation of Rogelio was clever and just a really nice thing to do.


Well, the spelling isn't exactly phonetic for us speakers of inglés, so I figured it couldn't hurt.

Finally though, another night with Marco and Star together in her room turned out rather nicely. She's such a carefree yet considerate young woman. I'm glad that for all of Marco's fretting he was able to fall asleep without ruminating on the situation too much.


Part of the point there was to show how relaxed Marco and Star are around each other. It was a bit of self-indulgence on my part; I love that aspect of their relationship, so I wanted to highlight it for the reader.


Let's just hope the puppies don't start crawling around inside his pajama bottoms. (Or maybe that's just what Star will claim happened… okay, maybe not in this story. )


Is there a tag for pseudo-bestiality?

So thanks for all the fun, and I'm really looking forward to seeing how this adventure goes. Thanks for sharing.


Thanks for betaing and reviewing!

Edited by GeorgeGlass

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Christopher (Email Hidden) 2016-06-16 id # 3000071647

Very good new story. I hope that Janna will be let down easy or Star will find someone else for Marco because it is SO obvious that Janna is into him in the show.

Glad you're liking the story. As for Janna, her romantic future has yet to be written--literally. :)

GrayNeko 2016-06-16 id # 3000071648

I really enjoy the pacing you've got going on, nothing feels rushed or forced.

Thanks! I've been making a conscious effort to keep the pacing semi-realistic--but not dull--in terms of how quickly the plot (and especially the 5-step plan) moves forward.

Loved Tom's and Janna's scenes, can't wait to see how an aggressively forward girl like Janna will throw a wrench into the main duo's plans,

Yeah, it's gonna get a little- well, you know the theme song. :)

and the humor between Tom and poor Boner was fantastic.

Thanks! I loved writing that scene.

Also I love the title of the third chapter, sounds like it could be the title of a rock song.

I originally wanted to make it three rhyming words that dealt with the three main scenes in the chapter (this was before I decided to add the park scene at the end), and I came up with “Dreams, _______, and Evil Schemes.” But for the life of me, I could not think of a rhyming word to put in the middle that had anything to do with sparring or bouncy armor, so I had to try something else.

In any case, thanks for reading and reviewing!

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New review forStar�s Crossed Lovers from GrayNeko

Awww shit son that got intense in a fantastic way.

Thank you!

I have to say I can't get enough of Star and Marco talking about their relationship, it reminds me of something Star is going to reveal in my own piece.

My interest is piqued. Any idea when we might expect your next chapter? (Feel free to say that you have no idea; I usually don't. :) )

And I'm digging Grandpa Rogelio so far, his wisdom is both gross and insightful.

IMO, part of the fun -- and the challenge -- of writing fanfic is coming up with original characters that will work well with the canonical ones. Glad you like this one.

The club scene was great and I have to say I was surprised with how far you were taking the action once it started, it seemed to clash with the pacing of the earlier chapters but that ending made it all so clear and I can't wait to see the fallout.

Yeah, things went pretty far for a first date, but...yeah. Definitely some fallout coming.

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New review forStar�s Crossed Lovers from Fairy-Slayer

SPOILERS!

Chapter 4 was a nice bit of fun, with a nice move forward in the story and some really good kissing plus boobage to be had.

Heh heh, I'm a dedicated second-baseman. :)

Star getting miffed at Marco's comment that they're just friends was a cute aside and makes clear that Star's feelings for Marco are deeper than her (perhaps hormonally-driven) lust for Oskar. Marco may have realized the mistake in communication over his words, but I don't think he yet understands the full impact of her feelings – even if they aren't intended to be romantic. (Yet? ;))

I ain't sayin' nuthin. :)

It did seem suspicious that the kids' inhibitions were eased after drinking the glowberry punch, but I'd wondered if it was the other-dimension version of alcohol or something more intentional. Now it's a big oopsie for Star to explain herself to Marco, who will probably have at least three angst-ridden feelings on the matter.

Oh, yes indeed.

However my biggest concern is what Star may have to do in order to keep her lie to Janna going. Stealing bodies is probably a bit beyond the scope, so whatever she has in mind is probably a lot more fun.

Or maybe just a lot more lame.

Thanks for another fun installation. I really look forward to what's next.

Thanks for another fun review!

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From Fairy-Slayer on July 24, 2016

(Disclaimer: I'm the beta reader.)

SPOILERS!

Chapter 5 was quite a great sneaky-sneak attack, most of all for being so fun while the conflicts rolled in and then abated with the kind of fun ease we associate with the show. I love the "cultural misunderstanding," both in practice of how it would be creepy to only give the drops to their dates and also Oskar's understanding; more importantly, no way Marco would have been able to wait one second longer than needed to get the spiking issue aired out with Jackie.

However it also made for a wonderful conflict at first, and really sad how Marco stormed off (or well…) and Star's mixture of guilt & anger fueling her until she had that important realization about her parents. Well played, Mr. Glass.

Thanks! One of the great ironies of being a teenager is that you want to be treated like an adult, but you really don't want to turn into your parents.

When Tom appeared I thought he'd have been responsible or at least aware of how the evening had went, but seeing his plan (and rather crude but sexy way of testing) was a lot of fun. Also, since Boner's first appearance I can't help but smile every time he's in a scene, and not just because of his name either.

I'm really quite fond of Boner. I envision him as having complete job security, because even though he's only moderately competent, he's probably the only person in the Underworld who has the temperament (and immunity to death) to last more than a week.as Tom's servant.

Nice escalation of what a dick Tom is when Ruby explains why she doesn't care for him anymore.

If Tom were any more of a dick, he'd wear a condom as a hat. :)

I like how Mrs. Diaz "caught" Star and Marco together, and so much better that she agreed with her husband when he observed the exact same superior Mewnian logic that Star had come up with the first night they stayed together.

I think Star and the Diazes get along in part because they are weird in similar ways, so it made sense to me that Star would be able to predict how the Diazes would react.

Also, I had a proud moment when Marco caught himself while explaining to Jackie that he and Star are best friends.

Particularly because Star was out of earshot at the time. He didn't just say it for her benefit; he said it because he believes it.

The next smooth writing move was mentioning Janna's tone that Star can never quite interpret as the crushing girl confronted Star about her lie.

Why, thank you. ;)

Finally, once we were all set up to enjoy a nice party and see what other shenanigans could happen there, whether by Janna or Tom BAM! you remind us that, oh yeah, there are monsters who want the wand and are willing to hurt humans to get it. Perfect cliffhanger. Thanks.

You know I can never resist a good cliffhanger. Thanks for the beta and review!

Edited by GeorgeGlass

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From Fairy-Slayer on August 22, 2016

Chapter six is awesome. First off, the opener was a great resolution to the cliffhanger that led into some nice exposition: Oskar's fangs make sense now, plus Marco's teasing about it later was cute;

I’ve always thought that some kind of explanation for Oskar’s fangs was needed. Given all the time he spends in direct sunlight (usually on the hood of his car), the vampire thing didn’t seem plausible, so…half half demon.

I also like the bit about Star's excitability and Oskar's unflappability evening things out.

Some couples I know seem to have that kind of compatibility, so it made sense to me.

Next, no surprise athletic and strong Jackie has a hardcore father. Nice of Marco to suggest the Nachos, and I especially like the quiet reverence Star used when backing up his claim about them.

Everyone knows super-awesome when they see it…or taste it. J

It's refreshing to see Tom being a bit more self-aware as he works really hard on his new plan to win back Star. The amount of effort and discipline comes through, especially keeping himself from fuming and instead directing his efforts into something much more useful: Janna. I love how you touched on her thought process while sticking to the effective narrative tone of the story. (It's not safe to get too close to the crazy, perhaps. ;))

I like getting into Janna’s head and trying to show how and why her internal logic doesn’t quite mesh with everyone else’s.

It's great timing – well, a great lucky accident – on Tom's part to make contact with Janna just after she discovered "the plan" and the pieces had fallen into place in her mind.

It was no accident: Tom had been remote-snooping around the school for weeks by that point. Were he a bit more perceptive, he probably would have identified Janna as a potential ally sooner.

(But what is it with Tom and public bathrooms?) He was very suave and smooth in the in-(full)-person meeting, not even needing to do a full brainwashing but just a light rinse to take advantage of all of her bubbling feelings and wants.

LOL at “just a light rinse.” But yeah, you don’t stay Prince of the Underworld for over a century without having at least a little game.

She rationalized away any down-sides to his requests quite nicely, plus we know she's used to being a bit odd and a troublemaker, so any missteps are easily covered.

Oh, but I must respond: "What more did she have to do to show him that she was interested?" Answer: Finally graduate from third grade. :)

Janna attends the same charm school as Ronnie Anne Santiago.

However, I loved her romantic imagery of Marco as her boyfriend, though Tom then made the excellent next step with his comment about him being between her thighs anytime she wanted. The guy really knows how to make a sale. I'm pretty sure I know what "the gift" for Star will be,

If you can guess that, I’ll be very impressed. I’m not saying it’s impossible, but it’s probably not obvious.

but now I'm really looking forward to how he's going to implement his own plan and how he's going to make Jackie Lynn look bad in Marco's eyes. Is that even possible? Scarily enough, if Tom says so then I kind of have to believe it's true…

No spoilers. *demonic laugh*

Anyway, excellent work. I hope this story stays high on your lengthy to-do list. Thanks.

Thank you!

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From Fairy-Slayer on October 02, 2016

Tom certainly is full of himself these days. I'm hoping that his smugness and the way he put down Janna comes back to haunt him.

It’s my guess that it was Star who ended their relationship, and that Tom wants her back largely because her leaving him was a blow to his ego—which suggests that his ego is pretty big.

At least Boner's surprise for him was a step in the right direction. The soultini was a perfect netherworld reference, especially with the modified Bond-esque option.

The way the spa passes appeared was intriguing and very fun, in the show's style. Star may actually have a point about those squirrels…

My wife is half convinced that squirrels are evil. She’s resented them ever since one of them dug up a flower she’d planted and buried a nut in its place.

Star and Marco's back & forth about the potential for a trap was cute. Marco's ambivalence about Jackie wanting to go ahead anyway was cute, considering that he probably wishes she'd have a bit of Safe Kid in her too (not just Marquito) but was happy she wasn't holding bad feelings about the previous attack. Then when she was willing to true the blueflower incense with him, despite the mixed experience with the glowberries, that was a very hopeful sign.

This time she had a choice, and that made all the difference to her.

The spa sounded like such a nice time that now I want to go,

Maybe you should call Uncle Hardegarbamar. Oh, wait…

and the detail about their massages was so good that even I was starting to feel quite relaxed too. Janna was great, but I didn't internalize too much of Marco's technique, which is good because for a moment I was afraid he was going to confuse his fantasy with Star's and start biting.

No spoilers! :)

Seriously though, it sounds like he did very well, plus it was cute that Jackie was comfortable topless while he worked.

He’s done a lot to earn her trust in the course of their relationship thus far.

Nice imagery as Marco's confidence got an Obi-wan Kenobi boost from that image of Star saying nice things, making him go for it. Jackie's reaction to his ass-grab was quite delicious, but of course he's got a strong sense of duty for his friends, so awesome cliffhanger it is.

I can never resist a cliffhanger.

Knowing how well Marco and Jackie were doing together now I'm really curious to see how things between Star and Oskar went. Hopefully the emergency isn't anything too terrible – unless that's the fun. Thanks for another great chapter.

Thanks for another uplifting review!

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From Fairy-Slayer on January 21, 2017

Chapter 8 had all kinds of great action. :)

I find that writing fight scenes and writing sex scenes aren’t really that different. They’re all about whose limbs are doing what where. :)

I'm so glad the "emergency" turned out to be a good thing, and definitely a good reason to interrupt Marco and Jackie. Even better is how the interruption and explanation gave Jackie an opening to move things along for them as well. Safe Kids is Smart Kid.

I figured that Star’s definition of “emergency” is probably broader than most people’s. And Jackie isn’t easily thrown off.

The lovemaking was wonderful, both in the action and in the beautiful descriptive imagery throughout. It was very sensual and also pretty hot.

Thank you! Given that it’s what much of the story has been leading up to, I tried to make it live up to readers’ expectations.

Jackie's bashful comment about doing it a lot more was cute, and Marco's response about the blueflower incense was a perfect little compliment.

Both comments just seemed in-character for them.

Of course, Star and Oskar having raving screaming crazy monkeysex one booth over was pretty funny too.

I had a hard time deciding whether to show Star and Oskar in action, too, or just stick with Marco and Jackie. Ultimately, I decided that the Star/Oskar fun was perhaps better left to the imagination.

Marco and Star's banter when the ambush was revealed was funny, and I loved the PC talk among the villains before attacking.

That just seemed like something that might happen in Star’s world.

Great description yet good pacing on the fight scene, plus good comebacks as always. Also, it was nice to see Marco a bit more easygoing and even appreciating some friendly ribbing here, like they've been working his character towards on the show.

What with the mineral pool, the massage, the incense, and the afterglow, I figured that Marco would be his most relaxed self at this point in the story.

The villains may be inept (or just seem inept) but, yikes, they got the job done and Star is none the wiser. It will be interesting to see how it takes hold on her and what side-issues that will bring about; combined with Tom's other machinations it all has me quite intrigued.

Good… :)

Thanks for another terrific chapter.

Thanks for another great review!

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From Fairy-Slayer on February 11, 2017

Chapter 9 had some pretty powerful and critical story advancement, to say the least.

SPOILERS!

Yes, this is the, "Hey, what's that brown lump speeding toward the fan?" chapter. :)

Easing into it with everything seeming fine (or better than fine) then switching to Star's nice dream… then discovering her minor mistake were subtle enough not to raise the alarm. Only when Star's agitated thoughts leaked out and then she caught herself was it clear the ooze was starting to affect her. The bit about the sheen the next morning was a nice bit of symbolism too as it represent encasing and trapping the real start. (Or maybe I'm just reading way too much into it.)

Nope, you're not.

Her insensitivity and hostility the next morning hit pretty hard.

The slime had had several hours to take effect by then.

BTW, I'm really surprised you didn't get my reference about her dissing the nachos, but perhaps I wasn't grasping the context of the story as well as I thought.

No, I got it, but I didn't think the situation was quite the same. Kirk doesn't seem to be aware that he's saying something hurtful, whereas Darkstar is being deliberately mean.

As for the emergence of the shadow personality, I found it very creepy and disturbing on a few levels. The bit about her image in the mirror flashing that mocking smile once Star realized what was happening – what had just become complete – was brilliant. The thought of being locked-in is pretty horrifying on its own, but I could feel (even relate) to her suffering as "she" started hurting those she loved, coolly and even dismissively. The cut-aways to her screams packed more punch than I think you even realize, especially as each verbal or emotional blow Darkstar landed on Marco made real Star weaker, less… (That's why I had to make such a terribly lame joke in the commentary to keep myself from being too affected, but I didn't want to be so cruel as to inflict it upon you. You don't deserve that.)

Yeah, it's pretty rough stuff, I guess. The point, really, is to show the depth of Tom's depravity: that he's willing to do something that terrible to Star to have the girlfriend he wants.

As for the lame joke, now I'm curious. :)

Thank goodness for Rogelio – or as I like to call him, The Absolute Mostest Bestest OC EVER! His keen observations skills, no doubt fueled by his affection for his grandson and the cheerful princess, plus is eccentric similes make him awesome. His advice really got Marco to think – and more importantly, to act without hesitation.

I'm so glad you like Rogelio. That line about the pig was the seed of the idea for his character; everything else grew from that.

Aggressive Marco was fantastic, especially in his conviction as he confronted Darkstar a bit violently. However the switching to spankings was pretty funny, especially with real Star cheering him on. (Darkstar's comment was weird for such a bad girl, but perhaps she really prefers to give the spankings.)

Remember that Darkstar is brand new. She only knows what Star knows; she has no life experience of her own.

The fact that Tom didn't mind revealing his scheme and even gloating was a bad sign.

Yes, it is.

(As a side note, the fact that Marco could recognize Star's scent and, maybe to a lesser degree, his chosen method of attack, "intrigues" me a bit too. )

More on that later.

However, even with all that conflict, pain, and even fighting, you still managed to add just the right bits of show-style humor, even in some dire moments, all seamlessly. That made it really feel like the show and much more enjoyable.

Thank you!

Heck, Oskar's unintentional bad-ass comment was a total win.

:)

Thanks for such gripping chapter.

Thanks for another gripping review. Although I swear I didn't grip myself too much while reading it. :)

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From GrayNeko on March 06, 2017
Just wanted to toss out a review for the finished product and thank you again for giving me a chance to beta for you.

Thank you right back! Your comments were valuable.

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I like that you gave more description to the skin demons, it was the one thing I realized I forgot to mention while I was working after I sent you my notes.

It occurred to me that I ought to provide some kind of explanation for why they’re called “skin demons.”

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I'm glad to see the Blood Moon brought up and the characters made somewhat aware of its importance, should lead to some great tension in future chapters.

“Blood Moon Ball” was obviously a very important episode, but its potential significance wasn’t addressed at all in the rest of season 1, so I decided to get after it in this story.

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You did really well increasing the drama of Star and Darkstar's struggle at the end, it felt way more compelling.

Thanks! You put the idea in my head with your comment.

So thank you again for the beta, and thanks for the review!

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From all_possible_worlds on March 10, 2017

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This is the story that got me into writting on this site.

Wow! I'm flattered.

 

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The situations are hot (and cute at the same time), and the characters are extremely on point as of SvtFoE season 1, which is when this story seems to take place. I have been wanting to do a chapter by chapter review of the whole thing for a while, but I realized I will never find the time to do that, so asside from the above, I will comment mainly on Chapter 10 and then perhaps write or edit this review for future chapters.

 

I appreciate the thought, nonetheless.

 

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So... yeah, Chapter 10 *spoilers*:

I shouldn't have liked this Chapter that much compared to the rest. No sex ensues, there is a rapid fire of cut scenes, and the Tom plot always rubbed me the wrong way (mostly because while Tom and Janna character's are perfectly plausible for season 1, both Tom as an evil-mastermind villain and Janna jelous of Star don't quite fit with their season 2 development).


As I mention in the disclaimer, I began writing this story before season 2 aired. And once season 2 started, I realized very quickly that it wasn't going to be possible to make the plot of “Star’s Crossed Lovers” jibe with season 2 canon. So consider this story an alternate version of season 2.

 

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And yet, I enjoyed it a lot, mostly because the characters dialog and reactions are perfectly on point when they need to be. Star sounds like Star, Marco sounds like Marco, Ponyhead is unmistakeably I-hear-her-freaking-voice-in-my-head Ponyhead. And you manage to do it with literal hordes of characters, when I know how hard is to get 2 or 3 characters interacting properly in character in a single scene.

 

Thank you! Accurate characterization is a top priority for me, so I'm always happy when readers comment on it.

 

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The callbacks to St. Olga, to Janna having read the book of spells (even though Narwhal Blast is not in there ;) ),

Once the story is finished, I'm planning on posting to this thread some author notes, which will include a short list of ways in which the events of season 2 contradict what happens in this story. The narwhal blast thing is one of them.

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and the scisors were super clever, and the way in which they fool Tom with the elevator could pass for part of the plot of an actual episode.

 

Thanks! I've been a little bothered (more than I should be, I'm sure) by the fact that Ludo's scissors were never mentioned again. Surely, Star wouldn't just throw away a perfectly good pair of dimensional scissors. So I decided to fill that plot hole myself. :)

 

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Now what I am really looking forward is to seeing what happens with the "destined to be together" bombshell that just got dropped on the four kids.

 

Oh, yeah, there's gonna be fallout.

 

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Also, extra-evil-Tom is going to get his ass so Narwhaled, and not in a good way.

There's a good way? :)

Thanks for the review!

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Chapter 10
To start, it was fun to imagine Darkstar beating up the skin demons, even if she had a much more violent approach and actually enjoyed it a bit too much.

I imagined that scene as a bit comedic, with Tom trying to have a phone conversation in the foreground while skin demons go flying by in the background.

Then again, I'm a big fan of "nice people" cutting loose once in a while to show that they can be hardcore. (Superman: Doomsday was the perfect example, IMO. :))

Agreed. Also his fight with Darkseid in JLU.

I'm glad Boner was competent for once and notified Tom when the elevator had been called.

We hadn't seen Boner for a few chapters, so I wanted to put him back in the reader's mind before his moment comes at the end of chapter 11.

Too bad the surprise attack didn't work out so well; and I had a lot of hope for Janna when she suddenly turned on Tom, but it makes perfect sense that she wouldn't be able to use the wand well at first no matter how much she'd studied. (It would have been a bit like finding an alien spaceship and just knowing how to fly it somehow.)

That was just as much a consequence of the wand being a little wonky.

Calling in the liberated Princesses was a great touch and made for a perfectly wild scene.

Thanks!

Finally, the key to Star's freedom was brilliant, and the way she discovered it had some nice feeling to it too. Nothing like a little self-discovery and growth to move the plot along. That it happens to be perfectly in-character for her is the cream cheese icing on this wonderful carrot cake of a story.

I have come to believe that hating someone -- like loving someone -- changes you. It's easy to be dragged down into the other person's negativity. For Star, that's the antithesis of who she is, and so hating Darkstar was slowly destroying her own personality. Remembering and embracing the positive person that she is gave her back her strength.

Then it was a nice to end on a "good news" cliffhanger, even if there was still a lot of stuff to deal with.

I can't end them all with deadly peril. I try, but I can't. :)

Chapter 11
There was some terrific action, all described beautifully yet succinct enough that reading it didn't take longer than the movements themselves.

I tend to favor keeping the action moving forward over heavy descriptive detail, which is sometimes a weakness in my writing but which works well for fight scenes.

Jackie's break to get the wand back to Star was great. Throwing in some exposition was great too, especially the bit about Tom's self-awareness. The swordfight was terrifically exciting and flowed perfectly. Ending with Star's reaffirmation of her lesson was a sweet little touch, though I also loved that Ruby got her revenge by lopping off Tom's other testi… er, horn.

I never intended for Tom's horns to be a testicle metaphor -- just a symbol of his excessive pride and self-absorption.

Giving Boner a better name was very sweet of Star too. (I love that skeleton. :) )

Thanks for the idea! And I love Boner, too.

The subtlety with which Jackie's aloofness came into the picture worked nicely with the timeline. Not too sudden and not overplayed, and it was nice that Marco was his sensitive self enough to at least detect a hint of it when Jackie and Oskar left his house. When Jackie called Marco and Star to come over I knew that it was bittersweet o'clock. Marco's initial confusion about why she got out the pink-heart potion made perfect sense yet made for a nice little bombshell to end on.

Thanks! My original plan was to end the chapter with Star’s defeat (and sparing) of Tom, but you know me: I can't resist a cliffhanger.

Some people would say that it's possible to be soul mates even without romantic attraction, but even then it would get in the way of any romantic relationships anyway. My only hope is that Jackie isn't basing her decision entirely on what Tom told them about the Blood Moon.

We will get into all of that in the next (and final) chapter.

It's a great sign of your superior storytelling that throughout these chapters I didn't miss the erotic stuff one lick. :)

Thanks! It misses you, though, so it'll be back in chapter 12. :)

Thanks again for more doses of pure awesomeness.

Thanks again for another satisfying review! Or rather, for two of them.

#melius tarde, quam nunquam

Gratias. :)

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From all_possible_worlds on March 18, 2017

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As promissed...

Chapter 11 review:

Ok, I love this one and didn't miss the lack of sex in this chapter one bit. Well, to be fair that's in part because I know it is coming next chapter, but still. Great chapter.

 

Thank you!

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And... whoa, well, that's a cliffhanger…

I can't resist a cliffhanger. It's like heroin. :)

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*massive spoilers ahead, obviously*

So, the love potion only reveals feelings that are already there. Which means Jackie (with Oskar as a conspirator) is probing to see if Marco and Star have feelings for each other.

 

You called it.

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The question is what will Jackie and Oskar do when they realize they indeed do. Because, as much as I like Starco, I don't believe even the whole "destined to be together" thing automatically dooms their relationships with other people, specially not in the short term, and I mean, they are teenagers, short term is sort of the default assumption.

Pretty much all of that will be addressed in chapter 12.

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Also, I get that the fact that love potions can't make you do something you don't desire to do makes them less, well, date-rapey. But aren't there ethical implications to forcing someone to *act* on desires they might have? Isn't it a bit like truth serum that additionally (soft?) compels you to act on your emotions, even when it would be inconvenient to do so based on what you think is right to do? Not that Star and Marco couldn't refuse, since they are at least being told to drink it rather than have it slipped into their drinks... and well ... You know what? I think you are onto something when my reaction to your pornographic fanfic (and I mean it in the best possible sense) is to ponder the broad philosophical implications of your chosen plot device. Kudos!

Thank you! I've always believed that any kind of story can have depth -- even a porny cartoon fanfic.

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Of course, orthogonal to that whole discussion, I am very much looking forwards to see what happens. Both with Star and Marco, and with their relationships to the other two!

All shall be revealed...

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Also, I already ship Janna x Ruby. And I usually revile OC pairings in this kind of fic,

Wow. That's awfully high praise!

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but with Tom being a dick this pairing makes perfect sense for Janna and it can't be a truly epic fic without the best non-main character in the series getting their happy ending! (heh).

I wanted Janna not to end up the odd girl out after doing the right thing by Star. Then I thought about Ruby, and how much the two of them have in common, and there it was.

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Wonder if we will see more of *that* relationship…

Not in this story, because we're down to the last chapter, but who knows -- I might be inspired to write a spin-off story at some point.

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And, speaking about Tom being a dick, I second the notion that it is good that he is at least a self-aware dick of the "This is the cliche villain thing to do, but... well, here I go!" kind ;)

Like most villains, Tom (or my version of him, anyway) doesn't see himself as a villain. He is so self-centered that he sees everything he is doing as necessary and justified. That's what makes him irredeemably evil.

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I could repeat that the characters are spot on, but even you must tire of hearing that.

Never! :)

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Please continue! I need to know what happens now.

Your wish is my strongly worded suggestion. :)

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Guest G3ae

Shouldn't it be "Warnicorn" in stead of Unicorn. Not to be nit-picky, but I've never actually heard Star call anything a Unicorn. Still, nice work here. You'd be surprised how few people bother with a properly fleshed out (no pun intended) story these days and this is a prime example of a story properly told.

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Star has used the word "unicorn" on at least two occasions that I can think of:

In “Star Comes to Earth”: “Some people have called me reckless and irresponsible just because I fight monsters, and tame wild unicorns!”

In “Blood Moon Ball”: “My best friend is a unicorn...I'm not gonna bathe in unicorn blood, Tom.”

And, of course, she loves Marco's ringtone song, "Space Unicorn."

To the extent that there is any logical consistency in the world of Star Vs., I would guess that a warnicorn is a particular type of unicorn that has been specially bred and trained for battle. But there are other types of unicorns, too.

Thanks for the comment!

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In hindsight, I probably shouldn’t have said anything until I’d seen everything on the show. Still, it seemed a relevant point to make. Your command of STFE trivia is very impressive.

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Thank you! I generally only write fanfics about shows with which I’m very familiar (because I want to get the characterization right), and Star Vs. is one of those.

It’s my guess that the writers of the show coined the term “warnicorn” while they were writing “Mewnipendance Day,” and they liked the word so well that they kept using it whenever the opportunity arose.

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From all_possible_worlds on April 11, 2017

Ok, you know you have made an impression when my first thought upon seeing this fic at the top of the Cartoon section was literally "Yeeassh! Finally!!" Just letting you know that.

 

Thanks! My ego is now fully inflated. :)

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Now, I actually wrote this first paragraph of the review before reading the chapter. Going in right now, the hype is real, I'll be back in, well, no time for you, since I'll post this review after reading…

Whoa. Time dilation… :)

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*Chapter 12 spoilers (duh!)*

That was... awesome! It was cute to epic proportions, without failing to be also extremely hot.

 

Thank you!

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You know how your gift is getting the characters exactly right? Well, you outdid yourself this time. I mean, I like that Oskar is not only not the jealous type but completely fucking unflappable (which you did establish well in multiple previous chapters).

Although Oskar is a canonical character, he has been used so little on the show that writing him is almost like writing an OC. That has given me a lot of freedom to develop him.

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I also think Jackie is pretty well done, like, she is cool, but she is also vulnerable and human and likes Marco a lot. And, ok, Star and Marco starting awkward and nervously was nice to see and pretty entertaining.

When I first thought of writing this scene, the awkward start -- especially the hysterical laughter when they try to kiss -- was the first thing that came to mind.

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Also, I think the quote “I suppose our screwing could screw things up. Wait—is that why that one word means both things?” is the most Star thing I can imagine.

I love words and wordplay, so I like coming up with ways to use it in Star’s dialogue. Being from another dimension means that she isn't necessarily familiar with all of our idioms (nor are we familiar with all of hers, like “riding the unicorn”), so there’s lots of room for language fun.

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That's all good. Your standard level of good. It lives up to the hype. But it is not what I am talking about here. I am talking, of course, of the moment they decide to stop trying to be serious and be their goofy selves except well, doing it. Their chemistry is off the fucking charts! And this is *exactly* what Star and Marco would be like if they ever had sex. It cannot possibly be topped. I mean, I am not saying I am going to stop writing Starco porn now, but holy shit, this is perfect!

Thank you! It took me quite a while to figure out how that scene was going to work. Eventually, I realized that the action needed to flow from the two characters’ personalities, and that meant their letting loose and having fun.

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Also, if this is truly the final chapter like you said and we never get more explanation from Jackie than “You love each other,” I am afraid I might have to hate you forever. Just saying.

My bad: My original plan was to end with the 12th chapter. But as I wrote it, I realized that there was too much material to fit into one chapter, so I split it into two. Now the last chapter will be 13 -- which will be posted soon, because it's already written and just needs a little cleaning up.

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I wish I had useful constructive comments for you, and I might give that a try on a second read, assuming there even are things that can be improved... but right now I am fanboying too hard.

*blushes*

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The only typo I noticed on my first read was that this part is missing a closing quotation mark: But you and Star have been best buds almost since you met.

Actually, the omission of the quotation mark there was intentional. When a piece of dialogue continues into the next paragraph, you leave off the end quote in the first paragraph as a clue to the reader that the same character is still speaking.

Thanks so much for the review! Final chapter coming soon.

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So, you're next is the last. Honestly, I can't say I'm that surprised though it saddens me to see it go. Still it has to or you'll never get around to making something new. Any idea what fandom you'll be using next? If not, might I suggest Milo Murphy. It seems right up your alley, has a ton of usable characters, and is pretty much the spiritual successor to Phineas and Ferb.

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