h3nta1fun

[Oh my goddess] The Vain Rose's garden Review replies & Discussion thread

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Chapter 5 is up! ;)

As promised, the Queen of the Campus event was featured in the chapter, as well as the biggest incident in the story so far: Belldandy.

Now, I did introduce her a while ago, but this is the point where she 'bonds' with Keiichi. This was a very challenging chapter to write (by far the most challenging as of yet), yet I did have a lot of fun writing it, despite all the frustration I had at certain parts.

And with this done... I can move on with the plot. Oh, and... more fun
^_^

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In other news, I've decided to set up a tumblr account. :D

You can check it here: https://h3nta1fun.tumblr.com/

Of course, I'll definitely continue posting here, as well as the other sites I'm hosting this work, but now there's a new place where one can read or even share (reblog) my story. ;)

Edited by h3nta1fun

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Chapter 6 is up!  ^_^

It took me a while to get this finished, since I did little progress during the holidays, but Mara is not officially added in the story! Of course, keep in mind that this is her intro, so not much happens with her at the moment, although there should be enough to give you an idea of things to come.

And... Lind also arrived on Earth, which only adds more options for the next chapter.

Also, for those wondering, both Mara's intro scene and Aoshima's interaction with Belldandy were heavily inspired by the manga, where Mara first showed up in Keiichi's dreams and Aoshima tried to get Belldandy to a love hotel. The scenes in this story though were significantly altered though, just to avoid repeating the same content from the actual series, as well as to better fit the mood of this story.

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Good  chapter again! A little less steamy as the end of both erotic parts ended a little down. The problems just start to arrive. I guess you're still placing the pieces. Which is good : the less Ruch you are , more deep and complex the story is. Just wish that you update more often. But I understand that you also have a life ! Look at me : I am not sure to have reviewed your previous  chapter! 

Also will Keichi will be used to end in compromise position with girls a lot,  like in To Love Ru? 

I guess Mara will be part of the harem too! 

I can't wait to read next chapter! 

Thank you very much! I was honestly worried that the chapter was a bit too underwhelming in the erotic department, but considering my goal to write a somewhat plausible story, I need to spend some time setting up the plot. In this case we’ve got Mara’s introduction, as well as Aoshima’s first attempt to make a move, which gives us some antagonists (well… Mara isn’t too involved as she’s following orders, but… she still kind of counts) to further add to the story. Despite being a mostly smut story, I feel that a pragmatic tone can make it more enjoyable in the long run, even if I had to spend a chapter setting up future events.

As for Keiichi’s tendency to end up in all sorts of situations… I suppose it’s a running gag. At least as far as his introductions to other immortals are concerned, which in this case involves Lind. I’m not going to overdo it though, as it might start to look silly after a while (plus it depends on the circumstances).

Now the biggest thing is that I’m not going for a big harem (at least not in the most typical description of a harem). Basically, both Lind and Mara are involved with other characters (Belldandy and Urd respectively) and that’s their ticket into the entire situation. As such, Mara won’t become one of Keiichi’s girlfriends, but she won’t be totally left out from what’s happening, especially when it comes to Urd. Of course I didn’t go far enough with those two in this chapter, but you can expect a lot more in the next chapters and at some point even Keiichi’s going to get involved with them.

This will hopefully make this a bit more plausible as each character won’t have more that 2-3 love interests, although given some overlapping cases (Keiichi-Urd and Urd-Mara), we can expect more interactions between character who wouldn’t normally get involved on their own. I’m not sure if there’s a term for such a thing and I’m probably making my life more difficult to set something like that up, but in the long run I think it’s a bit more plausible than having every female character become Keiichi’s girlfriend at some point or another.

Another benefit with that approach is that certain characters won’t be even involved romantically with Keiichi and yet they’ll get to have sex with him, just like I did with Hild and Ansuz during a previous chapter. Granted, they’ve only done that with some of Keiichi’s temporary clones, but at some point (and in Hild’s case that’s gonna happen rather soon) those two will join in the fun with their daughters (in a non incest fashion, of course) as part of some kind of bonding with them (and perhaps as part of checking whether Keiichi’s fit to be their future son in law).

Finally, I wish to thank you for being so patient with me. I know that I’m taking far too long to write these chapters (roughly two months for each), but as much as I try it’s pretty hard to write them any faster. I’ve even considered splitting each in two parts for a monthly release, but leaving some scenes unfinished with a ‘to be continued’ cliffhanger… doesn’t quite work when sex is involved. I mean...it’s the definition of the word anticlimactic in the most literal of ways, and something I’d like not to pull on my readers. Rest assured though, I am actively working on this story, even at a snail’s pace ^^;

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On 9/26/2016 at 9:26 AM, h3nta1fun said:

Hell does indeed have something close to that. They’re called devils or familiars (depending on the translation), but their appearance varies. In the series, there are a few imp like creatures called familiars, but the ones who truly match the angels are far more similar in appearance. Unfortunately, there’s only one example when Hild tried to gave Belldandy one (in the Angel Eater arc).

Considering Hell has these, how do they compare in demeanor to angels? And would any of these devils get to interact with Keiichi in ways similar to the angels?

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Devils are more independent compared to angels, so there should be some subtle differences between them and their hosts. Of course, they shouldn’t bee too different, as they’re dependent on them and the influence their hosts have over them isn’t easy to ignore.

The devils aren’t going to be much of a focus right now, although there is one angel (Urd’s) who has some clear influences of her mistress’ dual nature and in a way that makes her somewhat similar to a half devil too. As such, World of Elegance will display some demonic traits like the devils, although she’s technically an angel. And she’s definitely going to make an appearance.

Edited by h3nta1fun
typo

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58 minutes ago, h3nta1fun said:

Devils are more intendant compared to angels, so there should be some subtle differences between them and their hosts. Of course, they shouldn’t bee too different, as they’re dependent on them and the influence their hosts have over them isn’t easy to ignore.

The devils aren’t going to be much of a focus right now, although there is one angel (Urd’s) who has some clear influences of her mistress’ dual nature and in a way that makes her somewhat similar to a half devil too. As such, World of Elegance will display some demonic traits like the devils, although she’s technically an angel. And she’s definitely going to make an appearance.

What do you mean by "intendant?"

You mentioned Blue Lance before and possibly, if you so desired, Hild having an OC devil as well. Will either appear in this fic?

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46 minutes ago, warellis said:

What do you mean by "intendant?"

You mentioned Blue Lance before and possibly, if you so desired, Hild having an OC devil as well. Will either appear in this fic?

Oops, I meant independent ^^;

I haven’t made a decision about Blue Lance, as it might depend on whether or not I’ll go with a certain idea or not. However, Hild’s devil will show up later on in this story. For now I’ll focus on having Keiichi meet some of the other angels, with World of Elegance being a plot point for the chapter after the next one (the next chapter will focus more on the main goddesses and Keiichi).

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I’d like to make a short note over a thing that occurred to me over the last few days.

Due to changes in the the site’s software, the requirement for someone to give their e-mail before submitting an anonymous review was removed. However, due to the lack of other anti spam mechanisms, the administrators disabled the anon reviews on all stories, and recommended users not to enable it until they find a way around the problem. The exact quote is here:

Quote

We’ve made some big changes to the review process. The biggest one is removing the REQUIREMENT of inputting an email address to make an anonymous review. Now, you simply leave the review. Just remember to add your pen name where it’s asked for, so that the author knows who it is!

I have had to disable anonymous reviews globally for all users, due to an influx of spammers. If you want to reset your account to accept anon reviews, you can. I would suggest until we figure out how they’re getting around the anti spam stuff we have in place, that you don’t.

More about this can be read here: http://www2.adult-fanfiction.org/forum/topic/64699-so-early-spring-or/

As you can understand, I’d prefer to stick to the recommended guidelines and leave the anon reviews disabled until a solution can be found. I do apologize if this causes some inconvenience, but as an alternative to those who don’t wish to create an account in order to leave a  review, the version of the story I’m uploading over at ao3 does support anonymous reviews (albeit with a moderation system).

Additionally, I’ve received a notification about an empty review a while ago, but it was apparently deleted from the site as spam. I’m not certain if it was a legitimate case of spam or merely a glitch that ended up having the review to have no text at all, but if anyone sent me a review during the past month or so and they can’t see it listed, then chances are that one of the recent software updates may be to blame for that.

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Chapter 7 is out ;)

Most of the chapter focuses on Urd and Skuld, but I hope that's a nice compensation for the less steamy chapter 6. I also spent some time addressing some issues that might arise in such a polyamorous setting, at least to the point where it doesn't ruin the story. Of course I could've simply ignored all that, but this seemed like a touch of realism that makes the characters more believable.

For next chapter... Peorth and Bell. 
B-)

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15 hours ago, warellis said:

I've always wondered, does Skuld look like this here?:

__skuld_aa_megami_sama__8f60b358aecf0475

Hm…   cannot see the image, but here’s what I can find as references for Skuld’s adult form:

Edit: Actually, I found out where the image was from, but danbooru doesn’t allow direct linking, so it cannot be posted here like that. Still, that’s exactly the version of Skuld I had in mind for this story. Here are some screenshots from the episode where Skuld was an adult (the same episode where the gif image originated from):

 

SkuldGrownUp.jpg.4c9ab95141ebfa6e085c1d28ab22810f.jpg

SkuldMegami8.jpg.bdf52a256b4b9b5b666ff59f2b7f44e2.jpg

Those are both considered as canon, since they’re from the anime itself. So, that’s what Skuld should look like in this story.

The only difference is, that here, she’s a real adult, and not just temporarily aged up (as it happened in the anime).

 

Edited by h3nta1fun

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Not a too much improvement chapter but a sexy one. I loved the new interaction between skuld & keichi. I liked urd & gulveig too. But the new skuld is what I appreciate the most. She's no more the capricious kid that I read in the Manga, which was really annoying  (even if true to the story).

I understand the fact that these two "couples" won't be real one for the moment,  but I can't help and think that there will be more than just sex friends. The fact that you don't jump to this conclusion is good as it shows the complexity to those relationships. Keichi should focus on his 3 girlfriends more and learn about them before going to more complex things.

I guess Lind will be an obstacle too, like Skuld used to be.

I'm waiting for more the development of the story and see what the demons have in store !

Thank you very much! It’s nice to know that you found the chapter to be sexy, as I’ve probably spent too long working on that whole setup. As a matter of fact, this was originally meant to be half the chapter I had in mind, but eventually realized that it was better to devote the whole chapter for that scene, rather than rush it. Also, I’m pleased that you found this version of Skuld to be interesting. I have a lot of fun exploring her personality and while i retained some of her original attitude, she’s kind of mellowed down a lot more here than in the manga.

The additional couples won’t be anything permanent, but it will indeed expand the dynamics of the group, as it’ll let them grow closer and develop bonds that go beyond sex. That too will be present from time to time, but’ll learn to trust each other a lot more than they currently do. Additionally, I’m keeping Keiichi’s romantic interests to only three goddesses, since any more would make it really hard for him to focus on any individual at a time. Still, with this kind of approach, I hope to make it possible for him to interact with additional characters, without the need to devote far too much into dating them.

With Lind, I’ll follow a slightly different approach, since she’s far more stoic and collected than the temperamental Skuld. Actually she’s going to be the focus of the next chapter.

However, with that being said, the next chapter will bring a bit more development, now that I had this whole thing done. After all, I felt that at some point Keiichi had to face the challenge of dealing with the ramifications of the mechanics behind an open relationship, so I devoted a lot more into his and the others’ reactions to that. From this point on, I don’t need to devote this much time into a single scene ;)

Once again, thank you very much for the feedback!

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Chapter 8 is out!  :D

Although I originally intended for this to be only about Peorth and Belldandy, I still managed to fit Lind and Mara in there. Of course, those two are a special case, so don't expect them to get too close to Keiichi that easily. I've made some progress with them though, as well as the other characters present, and while those parts might not be as hot as some others, I believe that it was necessary for the story to progress.

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2 hours ago, warellis said:

Why do I get the feeling Lind's starting workout tomorrow will be very taxing for Keiichi? :D

You have no idea. Although, technically speaking nothing too much will happen during the workout session itself. It’s just that the view of Lind in tight exercise gear will definitely have an effect on Keiichi, and this will set up a series of events that will prove more than taxing for Keiichi. 

Of course, that will eventually involve Lind and Keiichi (in the same chapter too, just a bit after the workout part), but for a different reason ;) And to drop a hint, one of the goddesses will get a taste of what happens when someone ( *cough* Lind *cough*) frustrates Keiichi by inadvertently teasing him for far too long :D

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Guest za2531

A nice chapter. I have to admit that I’m usually not the biggest fan of multi-pairings stories, but that’s mostly because they are very hard to write with any sort of realism and believability.

Yet I’m very glad that you’ve been proving me wrong. Nice character dynamics and interactions and the cultural differences between mortals and immortals certainly help in the believability department of an open multi-partner relationship. Well done.

If I have a small gripe with the story is that a bit more description during the lemons would be nice. But that’s mostly personal preference and only since the rest is already so topnotch that one wants it to go the little extra to a 10/10.

It will be nice to see how things develop in the story going forward, particularly with Lind. Always had a soft spot for her.

On the one hand it’s nice that you’re giving some love to a small old fandom, but on the other it’s a shame that you aren’t getting nearly as much notoriety as you deserve for such a great effort.

A faithfull reader,

Za

 

 

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3 hours ago, Guest za2531 said:

A nice chapter. I have to admit that I’m usually not the biggest fan of multi-pairings stories, but that’s mostly because they are very hard to write with any sort of realism and believability.

Yet I’m very glad that you’ve been proving me wrong. Nice character dynamics and interactions and the cultural differences between mortals and immortals certainly help in the believability department of an open multi-partner relationship. Well done.

This might sound a bit strange and totally ironic, but I too find such multi pairing stories to be a nightmare to write. I’ve lost count how many times I come up with something interesting for a chapter I’m working on, but in the end I have to reject it on grounds that it’s not believable. Sure, the entire premise of this story is to make a erotica version of Oh my goddess, but then again if I take too many liberties… the characters won’t feel the same anymore. Especially some of the trickier ones, with Belldandy and Lind being the most difficult to write in such a setting.

3 hours ago, Guest za2531 said:

If I have a small gripe with the story is that a bit more description during the lemons would be nice. But that’s mostly personal preference and only since the rest is already so topnotch that one wants it to go the little extra to a 10/10.

The lemon scenes had gotten a bit crowded as of late, with the number of participants increasing by each chapter, which results in less ‘screen time’ for each individual. As such, I think I’ll cut down the number of participants in each scene from now on, or at least make group scenes a bit less frequent, just so that I spend more time with individual pairings (or somewhat more easy to write threesomes).

3 hours ago, Guest za2531 said:

It will be nice to see how things develop in the story going forward, particularly with Lind. Always had a soft spot for her.

As mentioned above, Lind is a very tricky character to write, and no matter the context of the story, I don’t want to completely break her personality to make her work for an erotic tale. Her original personality is part of her charm and while that imposes certain restrictions, I’d rather deal with them instead of going for an easy solution. This means that her involvement with Keiichi must meet some logical steps that might also reference to things taken from the series, just to give a more believable feel to the developments around them. Actually she’s going to see character development in more ways than that too, since I try to give the general audience part of the story an almost equal importance to those juicy lemons. To me it’s much better to deliver a wholesome plot, rather than an excuse whose only purpose is to justify some lemon scenes here and there.

And in Lind’s case, most of the scenes in the latest chapter (chapter 8) had to do with her and Keiichi discussing the overall situation in a civilized manner, rather than just jump straight to the point where she has sex with him. As a matter of fact, she never did that in this chapter, and for the matter nor did Mara. I need more time and more developments for such a thing to happen, and while it might take a bit more time, I hope that’s going to work not only for me but for the readers too.

4 hours ago, Guest za2531 said:

On the one hand it’s nice that you’re giving some love to a small old fandom, but on the other it’s a shame that you aren’t getting nearly as much notoriety as you deserve for such a great effort.

A faithfull reader,

Za

Part of my motivation was that despite this fandom’s age there was little in terms of adult stories to read. Sure, there are a few out there, but it’s only a fraction of the popularity that other series enjoy. So, at some point I decided to just give it a try and write my own sensual take to the series. One that would somehow maintain as much of the original feel of the series and yet be sensual enough that others would like.

In that regards I’m quite happy that so far my story is well received, and while the reader base is slowly increasing, it’s increasing nevertheless. And to be honest I’m fairly persistent so it’s unlikely I’ll get disheartened or something. I have an idea about what I want to do for this story and while I’m working a bit too slowly, I’m making steady progress to that end. Whether I gain notoriety or not that’s never been one of my primary goals (in that case I would’ve just picked a much more popular fandom), but to deliver something that most fans of this old series would find enjoyable. And judging by the result, I dare say that I’m getting somewhere with that. One step at a time. 

Still, I’d like to thank you, and everyone else for the matte, who spent the time to give my story a chance and actually found it to their liking. Also I’d like to apologize for the rather slow updates, since such long chapters are hard to write with real life getting in the way, but I hope that you’ll excuse that as a necessity in order to keep the story’s quality from degrading.

Other than that, please enjoy the story, and I hope you’ll look forward for future developments.

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After spending most of the summer not being able to do much work, I’ve returned with the biggest chapter as of yet. And to make matters worse for me, it covered a lot of different subjects, that I had serious trouble of writing.

There were more than one moments when I tossed parts of this chapter away and rewrite them, until I was somewhat pleased with the result.

Trust me when I say this, but this chapter was a nightmare to write, and I plan to make things a bit more easy on me, from this point on, as to avoid getting in such a pickle ever again.

Still, I hope that the delay was worth it and everyone enjoys the new chapter!

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First of all, I’d like to wish everyone a happy new year, considering that this is the first chapter of 2018. I’ve been pretty busy working with the latest chapter, as it’s a bit of a departure from the norm.

To be honest, I’ve made a lot of revisions and changes until I was happy with the end result, and while it has little to no sex present here (which will likely be the case for the next one that’ll finish this little arc) I believe it was an important addition to the story. To begin with, I wished to have a nice reason for World of Elegance to show up, and this arc is also connected with Lind too. In addition to that, Keiichi’s going to have a far more important part in the next chapter as well.

One important note though: I’m not planning to change the overall tone of the story, even if this particular arc is definitely darker than the rest. After all, even in the canon series, the Angel Eater arc was probably one of the darkest arcs, but in this case I wanted to make several modifications to avoid repeating the same thing that’s in the manga, as well as to keep Hild in character (at least as shown in this story).

I really hope that everyone’s going to enjoy the new chapter!

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After what felt like an eternity, I got chapter 11 done, and with it, concluded the Angel Eater arc for this story. Of course, this doesn’t mean that the whole thing will be totally forgotten, but for the time being, the characters can relax for a bit and recover from these developments.

The whole arc went though several revisions, since I wasn’t perfectly happy with some of my previous attempts at concluding it. On one hand, I wanted to give this an original spin, rather than straight out adapt the arc from the manga, or the Fighting Wings OVA. And then there was the fact that some of them implied things I’d rather leave out of this story, so, I had to go back and forth with this one.

Still, I’ll have to admit that for a rather non-sexual (for the most part) chapter, I loved the interactions between the characters, and hope to introduce more of them in the future. Lind in particular was a fun character to write here, and exploring Urd’s personality can allow more developments in the future.

I really hope that you find the new chapter an entertaining read!

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Yes, your release frequency is low, but the quality is much much better than those who has a higher frequency so it is better this way !

Anyway, the compensation sequence by urd is finished  (more or less). I wonder if Vornir will manage to save his ass this time. There are different clues in his direction and it wasn't a little mistake.

But I'm more impatient to read about the new Urd, now that her demonic part is more or less free. Will it lessen the goddesses part in the contract with Keiichi?

I have also a feeling that you're creating a third clan where demons and gods live together with respect. But maybe it's too early to be sure.

Continue your work. I guess next time, Keiichi and his friends have earned some intimate relief ;-).

Thank you very much for your support! I’m really happy to see that you’re still following this story, as I often worry that most of my initial readers moved away from it, due to my long delays between the chapter releases.

This whole story arc was by far the most serious one in terms of the themes present, and thus made it necessary to keep the sexual content low, as to avoid making it seem too forced and unnatural. Still, with the arc done, I can use the outcome as an opportunity to push the story forward, as several characters were deeply involved in it. This of course includes Vornir, as well as the rest of the main cast, but more about that, later.

The new Urd is something I’m eager to explore, but it won’t happen all out once. After all, I don’t want her to sound like a new character, and even then, she’s likely going to take some time to fully explore the perks of having access to her demonic side. With that being said, we’re going to see some of the changes even from the next chapter. Also, I believe that you’re on the right track in your assumption :thumbsup:

I have a feeling that over time this can be a nice outcome of the story, or at least something that could come out of the overall setting. Of course I’ve got a few ideas I’d like to keep to myself for now, as to avoid any spoilers for next chapters.

I most certainly will! I’ve invested too much into this story, and I’d love to see it properly finished, instead of ending up as an abandoned project. For the next chapter, I feel that you can definitely expect some intimate interactions, since Keiichi and co. certainly deserve some rest. Even if I can’t say much about its release date, I hope that the next chapter will be really fun to read ;)

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