My Inner Demons Need a Vacation

[CloverReef]

They’re at it again. Two little creatures by the names of Distrust and Insecurity have been hounding me for months. They think they’re protecting me from the things I love to do, like writing and drawing, and sometimes I believe them.

But I want to write.

Do you ever get the feeling that your writing is inconveniencing others? Like you’re ramming chapters down the throats of a captive audience? Even though you don’t ask anyone to read your stories, there’s that overpowering anxiety that the ones who choose to read are reading out of pity and you can practically feel the disinterest exuding from your monitor.

I don’t know what I’m trying to say. I don’t know if there’s anyone out there. I’m just having a bad month and felt like it might help to spew forth my soul-crushing fancies into the ether.

Edited July 23, 2015 by CloverReef

[DemonGoddess]

Rant away Clover! It does help.

[CL Mustafic]

I don't feel like my audience is captive more like that they're fleeing from my stories. My problem is when I start something and it gets good feedback, I'm afraid I'm going to screw it up. It makes writing what I want harder to do because what if it's not what the readers expect and they hate it? It's so much easier to write when people's expectations are low and you can surprise them by writing something that doesn't completely suck.

I'm sorry you're having a bad month. I miss your updates and look forward to your next one - whenever that happens - I'll be here.

CL

[BronxWench]

I think we all encounter those little demons, more often than we'd like. I'm ridiculously insecure most of the time, and it's only because I'm more stubborn than scared that I even post anything online.

I will say, from the perspective of someone who sweeps this archive weekly and gets to see a great deal of content, you both are marvelous writers. If the dedicated wankers might want more fap-fodder than plot, there's plenty of that here, but I'll take plot and quality over gratuitous smut any day.

[DirtyAngel]

and violence, don't forget violence...a little gore always brightens a scene up

and clover, if you're happy with what you write, then screw the rest of the world

[CloverReef]

Ah fuuu-someotherFwordthatsnotaswear! I just wrote a big, elaborate reply to everyone. All kinds of brilliant quips and beaming compliments. Then I pressed backspace and apparently the field wasn't selected and it's all gone! [insert overdramatic sob here]

Anyway, the gist of it is, you're all awesome. After I had wrote this, I felt so awkward and weirdly exposed, I wanted to take a blackout marker to my screen. I'm glad I didn't, these replies made me smile. Thanks DG. I should probably rant more often, but then I'd spend all my time fretting over the rants themselves. And DA: Hells Yeah violence makes stories funner to write!

BW no one surprises me as much as you when it comes to relating to people and reassuring and speaking/typing with skill and tact. And stroking writers egos. That's an important skill too.

CL: I had originally responded to you with a metaphor of that fear of screwing things up sneaking in and mounting its victims. But now, since I lost it, I get to pretend I never got that weird, so yay!

I think that's all I had to say... Um... Well there was more, but I can't quite figure out how to word any of it in a non-awkward way so... Walking away now.