Raymy

Review Replies for "The War Within" by Raymy

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Chapter 1. Subterfuge: Mislead the Fools, Conceive the Plan

Thank you for your reviews. Your comments give me inspiration and motivation.

On 2013-2-02 amazonblues wrote:

I'm excited by the premise and will be keeping my eye on this fic. I hope you have lots of fun writing it :)

I'm glad you're excited, so am I. Yes, I am having loads of fun writing this. I can't get my mind off of it. I hope you continue to enjoy.

On 2013-2-05 Cuzosu wrote:

I didn't realize you'd started posting this! *growl*

I couldn't help posting it. I just get squirmy and need to share.

I've said it before, but I really like where you're taking this. It's wonderfully dark and definitely entertaining, and I absolutely want to read more.
Glad my thread on the forum helped you with Kurotsuchi.

Mmmn. The word "dark" makes me want to live up to that. Thanks. Yes, you're a great source of Bleach info, that's why I count on your feedback. You're important to me.

On 2013-2-07 FicticiousDelicious wrote:

Mayuri is absolutely an eccentric man...thing...shinigami, it strikes me maybe he's vain too... (considering his 'pristine' appearance)

Mmm hmm. Definitely vain. If I can't have him as a perfectionist, then at least he has a very high opinion of himself. Chap 2 goes into more detail of how he views himself.

So Kyoraku and Ukitake are peace-makers, huh? Or open minds.

At least that is how they appear. Remember that Shunsui whispered to Jushiro when he arrived. He knew in advance that he would need Jushiro's support.

I'm all for shirking hollows and putting them in cereal boxes by the way!

I so love that! It reminds me of the funny typo thread where Naruto's fox became Naruto's fax. I wrote:

"He summons a very small fax which happens to be Naruto!"
So that's a pocket fax machine used to send anime characters to your friends. Yay! Send me...um...Ichigo!

I wouldn't buy a bleach action figure, but I'd daydream about a little Grimmjow jumping out of my cereal box, giving me the finger, and then *poof* he'd disappear. That's got a kind of "Harry Potter" magic about it.

I'm not entirely sure why but the term 'penis' is refreshing. Perhaps that's my quirk, overuse of 'cock' makes any term but 'pecker' sound more attractive.

I thought that in this instance, penis was more fitting. (no, not due to its size) Generally, I'm a cock girl. (no not futanari)

It's rather painful to swallow that she doesn't realize Mayuri is morally bent while treating her like machinery

She found his 'penis' rather painful to swallow, also. Heh, heh.

Is Mayuri going to be capable of understanding love?

Well, that would be a spoiler, but, I doubt people like him (excessively selfish), have much room for growth. However, I wouldn't discount the possibility. This is fiction.

TicLIc, thanks so much for all the effort you put into your reviews. I love reading how you react to the story and many of your responses make me rethink or add new info.

Edited by Raymy

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Chapter 2. Selection: The Unsuspecting Volunteers

On 2013-2-08 BookMaggot wrote:

Damn this is awesome! I just everything about it, from the characterizations to the in depth and fluid writing style. You're really amazing, I can't wait for chapter three... please update soon :)

Thank you so much. I'm a fan of your stories, too. I hope you like some of the ideas I have coming as I think they're right up your alley.

On 2013-2-08 FicticiousDelicious wrote:

At 10 pm huh? That sounds like a date!

Well, again, spoilers, but I don't think they think of it as a date. The timing is somewhat significant. I'm not saying that it's strictly business, either, given what they're going to talk about.

I think it's a defense mechanism to say he mixes "work" and "play" time so he isn't a "workaholic" but I guess future chapters will tell of his activities to give us a true perspective.

It may be just his definition of 'workaholic', but he thinks that if you enjoy what you're doing, it's more like being a 'playaholic.'

One out of three, Mayuri might get more than he bargained for if he's greedy about nabbing an Espada...or two.

Oh yes, he'll get what's coming to him, erm ... I mean, he'll get more than he bargained for. To put it another way, he'll get less than what he hoped.

This chapter was crystal clear, very well explained. Me likie much!

Great! I'm happy that I got my meaning across. Comments like these are very helpful and again, you're an awesome reviewer. It's such a joy to read them.

Edited by Raymy

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I couldn't help posting it. I just get squirmy and need to share.

I get like that sometimes, too. No worries. I just wasn't aware you'd started. :P

Mmmn. The word "dark" makes me want to live up to that. Thanks. Yes, you're a great source of Bleach info, that's why I count on your feedback. You're important to me.

I don't mind you living up to "dark".... *evil grin* You're welcome, and I certainly try! (I don't know whether to blush or thank you for the last sentence, but thank you anyway, and you can probably guess that I'm blushing.)

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Chapter 3. Somnolence & Delinquency: A Novel Cure

On 2013-2-10 Cuzosu wrote:

the bits you added in for Starrk and Grimmjow's scenes? Epic. Hilarious, too, because I've got such a skewed sense of humor, but that may just be me. ;)
Happy to tickle your funny bone, although, I feel like "WTF?", cuz I'm pretty sure I wasn't aiming for hilarious. *waves hands in defence* I'm not offended, you take it any way you like. If you enjoy, then that's the point, right?
Of course, knowing at least vague pairings may help, too. ;D Yumminess in the future, but with bad stuff to go through first.

You might need to add "Spoiler alert" to your reviews. Are you giving away trade secrets? Well, knowing ahead has its pitfalls. 1) no surprises when I post. 2) surprise! I changed it.

And I still don't know what to think about Aizen and Gin, exactly (or, more truthfully, Gin alone)

Mwaaahahahah, now I know something you don't know. It just came to me earlier. And I think I'll hold this close to the vest, because I really want to surprise you.

having Starrk and Grimm all...high on hormone supplements? (I know, you said ENZYMES, but really, it's like Szay slipped 'em roofies or something.)

Nooo. *choke* not hormone supplements! Yeesh! You want they grow breasts or something? And to be precise, not enzymes either. Coenzymes - a fancy medical way of saying, "a substance needed for an enzyme to function". The coenzymes in the injection are not what is making them high, they are for the procedure to work. Szayel did say, "Opiates", that's for comfort during the DNA transition, makes your pain disappear, relaxes you, or in large doses, produces euphoria and pink elephants may appear. You know, from Opium, like Sherlock Holmes smokes. Natural derivatives: Morphine, Heroin, Codeine - take your pick. (Opioids - synthetic derivatives of Opium = Demerol, Methadone) I wasn't being too specific on which opiate, but I think Szayel would choose Morphine. I just chose the generic word because my lab tests for any drug that falls under the category "opiates" and it's the word I'm used to, but now that I think about it, I should have been specific with a word more recognizable. You think I should change it? Oh, and Roofies, aka, Rohypnol, (similar to Valium) definitely would cause sedation and is a "benzodiazepine", which we also test for. Now, when Szayel suggests a sedative for Grimmjow, it could have been this drug. One more thing, the "sensual side effect" isn't from the opiates, Szayel added a few extra ingredients, heh, heh. Important to the plot, no less.

if you need or want help with them at any time, you have (at last count) three different ways to say, "Hey, take a look at this," and you know I'll be there ASAP.

Did you include PM on fanfiction.net? That would make four, by my count. Oh, my beautiful assistant (I assume you're beautiful, work with me, here; or I could just be referring to your nature), I so greatly appreciate your help. I'm torn between benefitting from your wisdom and desiring to amaze you with unforeseen content. No. Really. Like I said, I do want to surprise you, and it's almost disappointing that you already know what's going on. But, I still want to pick your brain, so I guess I'll just suck it up, buttercup.

On 2013-3-07 BookMaggot wrote:

I love Starrk. He's such a funny guy, and if this is turning into a Starrk/Grimmjow story then I will be in fangirl heaven ^_^

Thanks for the review. Starrk as a funny guy? Is that the way I write him or is that the way you see him in the anime? Anyway, it gave me inspiration for my next chapter, to give him a one-liner. Um, Starrk/Grimm pairing is of course on the menu, but as for it being "their story", I'm not that far enough ahead to know what's in store for them.

I am in awe at how well you interpret the characters, and how well they interact with each. You really have a talent for characterisation. Your writing style is very impressive as well, but I found myself spacing out whenever it got a little technical >_> Sorry I'm really not smart. But I do think it might be a good idea to either simplify the technical aspects or to describe it differently, to keep the reader interested.

Zowie! What compliments! Thanks a bunch. Yes, the technical crap is not for the faint of heart. I only do it to show that Szayel is like that (me, too), but also to convey some information. Don't worry about spacing out, that's an appropriate reaction. There will be more technical trials ahead, but just know that if you space out again, you didn't miss much. I will explain things eventually in a more reader friendly fashion, but I'll keep in mind when I write technical stuff that it will need to be clear if I really want my readers to understand.

Edited by Raymy

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Chapter 3. Somnolence & Delinquency: A Novel Cure

Cuzosu wrote:

Happy to tickle your funny bone, although, I feel like "WTF?", cuz I'm pretty sure I wasn't aiming for hilarious. *waves hands in defence* I'm not offended, you take it any way you like. If you enjoy, then that's the point, right?

You might need to add "Spoiler alert" to your reviews. Are you giving away trade secrets? Well, knowing ahead has its pitfalls. 1) no surprises when I post. 2) surprise! I changed it.

Mwaaahahahah, now I know something you don't know. It just came to me earlier. And I think I'll hold this close to the vest, because I really want to surprise you.

Nooo. *choke* not hormone supplements! Yeesh! You want they grow breasts or something? And to be precise, not enzymes either. Coenzymes - a fancy medical way of saying, "a substance needed for an enzyme to function". The coenzymes in the injection are not what is making them high, they are for the procedure to work. Szayel did say, "Opiates", that's for comfort during the DNA transition, makes your pain disappear, relaxes you, or in large doses, produces euphoria and pink elephants may appear. You know, from Opium, like Sherlock Holmes smokes. Natural derivatives: Morphine, Heroin, Codeine - take your pick. (Opioids - synthetic derivatives of Opium = Demerol, Methadone) I wasn't being too specific on which opiate, but I think Szayel would choose Morphine. I just chose the generic word because my lab tests for any drug that falls under the category "opiates" and it's the word I'm used to, but now that I think about it, I should have been specific with a word more recognizable. You think I should change it? Oh, and Roofies, aka, Rohypnol, (similar to Valium) definitely would cause sedation and is a "benzodiazepine", which we also test for. Now, when Szayel suggests a sedative for Grimmjow, it could have been this drug. One more thing, the "sensual side effect" isn't from the opiates, Szayel added a few extra ingredients, heh, heh. Important to the plot, no less.

Did you include PM on fanfiction.net? That would make four, by my count. Oh, my beautiful assistant (I assume you're beautiful, work with me, here; or I could just be referring to your nature), I so greatly appreciate your help. I'm torn between benefitting from your wisdom and desiring to amaze you with unforeseen content. No. Really. Like I said, I do want to surprise you, and it's almost disappointing that you already know what's going on. But, I still want to pick your brain, so I guess I'll just suck it up, buttercup.

Since the comp I'm on wants to be difficult, I'll have to do this the hard way. *sigh*

So. I believe I've told you before that I laugh at things many would consider inappropriate or dark. It's partly the family oddness rubbing off on me again, but mostly it's the experiences I've had that took me to such...dark? Desperate? Blood-thirsty? Inhumane?...parts of my mind/life that it was either laugh or cry. Since I've always despised crying without sufficient reason (for me, typically a death in the family, or multiple deaths), obviously I wasn't going to cry. *shrug* I learned to laugh at everything, however unappealing it would be to most people. I do apologize if I disturb people; it's just that I haven't learned to curb my sense of humor because my family (save one) went through that darker period with me, so they understand. Still, sometimes I find myself getting strange looks while people edge away, and I try not to get that bad often.... (I think I'm rambling. I'm tired....)

I don't think I need to add "spoiler alert" to my reviews, on account of I didn't say WHAT pairings, and I even said, "vague"...which, to me, implies that you've told me some but I'm betting there are going to be some changes here and there, because most good stories evolve. ;)

Oh? Okay. I can go for that. I'm not particularly bothered by either knowing or not knowing. I'll respond to it when I read it, and if I review and remember it there, then I'll comment on it (generic "it") again. :P

*cracks up* No, it's just that I've been lacking sleep (again) and PMS hasn't helped, and anyway my grandma keeps going on these ranting sprees about hormones and hormone supplements and beware this and take that and.... Ugh. My brain gets stuck trying to flinch away sometimes. Anyway, yes, I was wondering about the opiates, but considering I know people in both my family and my bf's who are allergic to some (morphine, for example), so I tend to be wary of naming the types. *shakes head* Not fun stuff. I leave the pharmacudical research to my mom, who has a fond hatred of doctors and is absolutely thorough when she checks the warning labels...and besides, I share some allergies with her. The stevia plant inevitably makes me run fevers for long periods after I eat those fake sugars, which has been a problem since currently we live with his grandparents. *cough* Um, back on topic. I figured Szayel might have slipped something additional in. I probably would have, in his place. ;)

Ah, yes, I see I forgot one. And thank you for the compliments! I don't see myself as anything higher than "cute." My man often insists that I'm beautiful/sexy, but seeing it from my own POV, I think he may be biased. Or I'm just blind about my own looks. *shrug* When my mom actually dresses up and puts on make-up, she looks like a light-skinned, colorful gypsy. As to me knowing/not knowing what will happen in the story: I enjoy either way. Surprises are great as long as they're not up close and in person (I'm a bit of a paranoiac, yes), but then again, it's always nice to read a chapter and its reviews and know, "Hey, they're cheering the part I helped with!" And then there's that feeling of pride in one's self and pride in the author who actually wrote the scene in question (you, in this case ;) ) and it feels great to help another author (again, you ;) ). Why? Because sometimes we all need help, and besides, we're friends and this is the kind of thing I do for friends. :P

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Chapter 4. Instinct Reset: Primera & Sexta & Octava, Oh My!

I've included a link for the song set referenced in this chapter to my Youtube playlist if you want to listen.

Anon wrote:

No offense but the constant references to songs is kind of annoying.

None taken. It's an art thing. Mixing music and story isn't new, but I wanted to show how the choices and specific parts had impact on the story. It's not everyone's cup of tea, and I knew that going in. Thanks for reading.

Edited by Raymy

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Chapter 3. Somnolence & Delinquency: A Novel Cure

On 2013-3-11 FicticiousDelicious wrote:

when I read about Grimmjow getting five other arrancar killed in your story I felt the impact more from Aizen's point of view... I've never had trouble considering that he thoughtlessly led his Fraccion to the killing floor, but this time I was ready to jump on the 'let's punish him' band-wagon. Kind of bitter huh?

Yeah, I wrote very little about it, so I'm amazed that you took so much from it.

Gah! Tosen's just a frickin' acrotomophile (sexual attraction to amputations)! *cackles*

Shit, you crack me up. I was grinnin' through your whole review. You just went off on a loop. If I didn't know better, I'd think you were high.

I like this relationship between to fox and his lord. I'm also very fond of the way Gin's speech and thoughts flow (smoothly) in this chapter.

Thanks for the Gin speech kudos. I was thinkin' it was too much, but if you like it, that's good enough for me. Erm, the relationship 'tween Aizen and Gin is not what it seem. (pathetic rhyming)

Though [at this point in your story] I know more of why Mayuri lacks than why Aizen might." I like that bit of mystery, wondering if Aizen will be cruel, cold, or something altogether different. He obviously has an affectionate side but is it perverse? Much food for thought this mood from his conversation with Gin creates.

Your comment gives me food for thought, too. Decisions, decisions.

I enjoy science, down to its gritty details, but I thank you for sparing me those for now because I'm rather enveloped within the plot of this story.

Aye Carumba! BookMaggot says too technical, now you say I spare you the details. I feel like The Three Bears. Who's gonna say, "this one is just right." I'm teasin', k?

There goes Starrk for his hundred meter dash and Grimmjow's kite mode has been activated!

Sometimes, I have a hard time following your metaphors. I get the 100m dash, but Grimmy's a kite? *shakes head and giggles* You're just too cute.

Well if Szayel didn't know about Grimmjow's arm being sliced: a) it must have happened recently, b) word doesn't travel fast, or c) Szayel really doesn't prefer to stick his nose in the others' business. (perhaps a combination)

Ah! I can respond to this. I meant to show that Aizen was contemplating Grimm, and subsequently Starrk, immediately after the arm lopping incident. That is when he runs into Gin in the halls. Everything happens quickly after that so Szayel doesn't have a chance to find out about Grimm or his brother. Aizen dickwad doesn't inform him when he speaks to him. Something about it not being relevant, I don't know. Aizen doesn't tell me anything either.

I wonder WHO Szayel dissected...cadavers...what a morbid thought...to be cut up. I wonder if the Espada was already dead...

You have a talent for wondering about things I haven't even had an iota of thought about. But now I do ... because of you. Except, I'm in funny mode, so I'm imagining some hand scrawl on the Espada poster, "Grand Fisher, we miss you!" No. He was Arrancar, but not Espada, so I'm not sure who. Except, Szayel is NOT a cruel fuck like Mayuri, so - the Espada was already dead. That I am sure of.

Szayel's offer to let Starrk actually listen to his heart firsthand made me smile. I remember how cool listening to my heart was when I was a kid, but man those stethoscopes can seriously amplify sound! I hope Szayel wasn't pulling his leg.
"Listen to my love." What an interesting concept and refreshingly original.
Oh no...and the perversity starts. Tingly tingly... How interesting that Grimmjow overheard. I wonder if he really doesn't care or if he finds it too much of a strain to try comprehending.

I must keep this in my brain cuz I don't think I've addressed these issues yet. Check 1) stethoscope - heart listening 2) Grimmjow - comprehending hearts. Thanks for the reminder.

What a joy it is to read your reviews. I may not always follow what you're saying but I guess you could say the same about my story. Overall, it's worth the work writing it to have you read it.

Edited by Raymy

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Chapter 4. Instinct Reset: Primera & Sexta & Octava, Oh My!

I've included a link for the song set referenced in this chapter to my Youtube playlist if you want to listen.

On 2013-3-14 FicticiousDelicious wrote:

Grimmjow...whimper...at first it didn't seem that the sentence I was reading was written correctly (and then I remembered you're the author and you can make the characters do whatever you like). It just seems strange thinking about Grimmjow, of all characters in the scene, whimpering.

Of course the author can do whatever she wants with a character, but if it's doesn't seem appropriate, then it ruins the experience. Mmmn. With Grimm, I was thinking that because he's got such a macho exterior, that perhaps he's hiding a needy, and sometimes insecure facet. In the first instance, his whimper reflects his needing to fulfill his lust. Later, it's given in submission to his Alpha, and at the end, it's involuntary after his stupendous orgasm. It's one of those embarrassing, uncontrollable quirks a person has but tries to hide unless something (like an aphrodisiac hiding in the drug or fear from someone stronger) reveals it accidentally. I'm sure you can think of something you'd not want the public to see, but might sneak out if you're not vigilant. Mine is rocking. With no rocking chair! I do it when I'm alone (doin' right now!), but sometimes I'm at work, having my break alone and rocking while listening to music or something. Then, someone walks in and I instantly stop. I don't think anyone knows. Heh, heh.

I'm glad that Grimmjow's dialogue has a raunchy tang; however Starrk speaking with any amount of raunch just seems bizarre. Maybe I just need to get used to his character in your story. Starrk's lusty side just seems very dark.

Yeah, he's not been a fully developed character in canon, because he's sleeps a lot and behaves so apathetically. However, I believe that once I explain the reason for his apparent lethargy, and remove it, I'll have a blank canvas to make him whatever I think he should be, given the backstory I'm crafting. Since the drug he was given is directly related to lifting the "curse of somnolency", you've witnessed what I think is underneath. We'll see if I'm consistent in future chapters. If not, poke me.

I was cheering for Grimmjow to kick Starrk in the face or do something gutsy to break from his Beta role and assume Alpha position. He seemed so close, his mind was ready but Starrk was too intimidating I suppose. This confuses me a little...Grimmjow WOULD push Tosen (a superior) to the point of breaking (slicing off an arm) and never give in to his authority. Yet here Grimmy is below Starrk (a superior) and he's caving. Grimmjow would push Tosen but not Starrk... Is there a solid reason for that? (Maybe Starrk's admirable leadership, but is Grimmjow thoughtful enough to consider the differences in a 'good' and 'bad' leader?)

*big grin* I just love how you question everything. Got me backed into a corner. No wait, I come out swinging, and ... yes! A right hook to the jaw. Okay, so Grimm was not under the influence of the drug when mouthing off to Tosen, but it wouldn't have mattered because when I (later) describe what the drug actually did, you'll see that who he defers to is important. His desire to overpower Starrk is not crushed by his acquiescence; he's just put in his place for now, but he still desires to be Top Dog. The drug is influencing him now, though, and well, I can't give away future details, but it's part of the "solid reason". Yes, I believe Grimmjow is thoughtful enough to consider leadership qualities. Have you seen what his options were so far? Delusional Aizen and/or his minions, ancient Baraggan, sleepy Starrk, and an androphobic Harribel. The new and improved Starrk is far and away the best choice for a leader.

Ouch...Grimmjow the rough one and Starrk the Alpha at the same time...? OUCH... OOOOUUUUCCCHHH! That's a grizzly prospect my friend, a very grizzly one indeed (though Szayel doesnt get mauled but still...).

LOL! I think of Szayel as very flexible. Even though it hurts at first, he's very into the sensations and is able to turn it into pleasure. I just watched a guy (ahem -- research) that I thought embodied Szayel. Slender with long blond hair (I subbed in pink), big eyes and pouty lips. He had a feminine quality about him but was not a shemale and had a voracious appetite for c0ck, both orally and anally. I mean, no theatrics in pretending to like it, he enjoyed himself and you could tell by his stiff reaction, moaning and the colour in his cheeks. He was with two men, double stuffed, and was quite happy about it. And talented! Deep throat with no gagging. Mmmmn. Great inspiration derived from reality. Oooops! Did I share too much? Heh, heh.

The whole threesome process was little jumbled but for a 'first encounter' that seems appropriate. I would suggest that future sexual encounters between these three transition from this awkward first encounter into fluid and [completely] smooth as they each become used to one another's bodies. Though that is just a suggestion, take it or leave it if depending on how well it might fit your future plans for this story.

I can see that you're trying to point out a problem with the (technical?) sexual aspects of this encounter. It is my first (literary) threesome, so I wouldn't claim to be proficient, however, I'd like more specific critique. Email me with your thoughts, k? I'm not certain how to improve based on this response.

TicLic, I just want to thank you for your thoughtful reviews, you always give me reasons to think and defend my position; that's very helpful in fleshing out my story. Also, thanks for defending this chapter's inclusion of music, demonstrating not only your courage in speaking your mind, but your compassion in aiding a friend. Mucho appreciation.

Edited by Raymy

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Chapter 5. Altered States: Uryū & Chad in a Joint Venture

On 2013-04-02 Anon wrote:

I don't know if this is just yaoi, but I'm hoping for Ichigo/Orihime.

If you're going to inject someone into Orihime, how about Hallibel or Nel?

If you pick Hallibel then you could have a serious determined Orihime, if you pick Nel you could have a goofy Orihime with an ass kicking mode...

Or you could pick Cirruci Whateverthehellhernameis and have Orihime go Dominatrix and make Ichigo submit to his Queenie.

Urk, hit submit too soon, You could have OrihimeCirruci make the other girls submit to Queen Inoue, King Ichigo and Lord Ogichi. I'm sorry if it's a terrible.

Thanks for your quick review, Anon. I had barely posted when I heard my email notification beep and saw you had reviewed! I am planning on two het pairings, maybe more. I'm still thinking about F/F. I don't actually take requests though. Maybe I'll want to do a story someday that reflects your ideas.

Edited by Raymy

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Chapter 4. Instinct Reset: Primera & Sexta & Octava, Oh My!

AND

Chapter 5. Altered States: Uryū & Chad in a Joint Venture

On 2013-04-03 BookMaggot wrote:

I have been a little busy of late and only got to this story today, and low and behold two whole chapter sfor me to read! I was certianly excited so I dived right into the first one with unbridleded eagernesz andl endedssss upper withl bizzle snizzle whizzle floggen dogi shooon woggle flipple flop flip

*Thud*

... thats wasss friggins awesomez Okay, concussion dealt with, I am reviewing both chaptes in this review... cuz I can :D

At first I thought, "Man! Does she need spellcheck!" Then, "Oh she must have had her fingers on the wrong keys; I've done that." Finally, "Jeezus, she's had a stroke! I hope this won't affect her writing." Very descriptive way to convey your feelings. I laughed out loud. Tee hee

And:

Chapter 4: 'Wow' is a word I don't think covers it all that well. Awesome is a bit better but still doesn't do it so let's just go with 'Superawesometaculertimessix'... yeah that about does it. Writing, I'm not even going to say anything about that, it's always brilliant no matter what you do. In hotness... just...just... jushshible- no! I told myself I was going to get through this dammit it! Aver eyes, aver eyes! okay, calm breaths... phew... I found the songs an interesting add on to the story. They kinda gave a cool timeline so you know how long it's going on... which is pretty rare. I mean I can give a perfect timeline here... which aweseome! The story is perfection as always.

*Grins wider than humanly possible* "Wow" is the word that covers this review, though. I'm really, really, really glad you liked it. And thanks for commenting on how the songs affected you.

And:

Chapter 5:

It was just so sweeeeet. I don't know it just tugged at the heart strings and had me 'aweing' more times than I could count. I've always had a secret fangirl flag for chad/uryuu and I feel you just nailed this right out of the park. It was perfect, I know I say that a lot but it just is. I loved how you convyed Uryuu in this, scratched and dug and poked at that vulnrability that he hides like a vampire but that manahed to shine through so perfectly here. And exposing that human need to be with someone. I found it heart warming, and so beautiful. A perfect coupling... that only the magic of weed could let come to pass. :) Ten thumbs up and I eagerly wait for the next installment! :D

Yeah, I thought it was schmaltzy but that was my intent. Poetry and love, don't get a lot of that with me, but I thought this might be a good forum, since I think Chad is so musically artistic and emotionally sensitive. Turns out, Uryu and Chad are suited well. I was watching the anime when they are going to save Orihime in H.M. and felt they just had this connection of understanding between them. Thanks for both your wonderful reviews.

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Chapter 5. Altered States: Uryū & Chad in a Joint Venture

On 2013-04-12 FicticiousDelicious wrote:

Uryu comes off as very independent and cautious. If he's "difficult to convince" and feeling "exceptionally alone with this burden" as well as wishing he "could confide in someone" I'd say that's a recipe for some more than slight suppression (which may lead to depression). He seems smart, but sensitive.
Well at least Uryu talked to someone. Urahara seems mature, it's a good thing Uryu confided in him (his father seems closed minded).

I think Ishida takes pride in his independence and is stubborn to the point of almost sacrificing his own well-being, but not so much so that he won't eventually give in to his need for connection (from being alone so much), which I think is stronger. (hence his seeking out Ichigo in the name of proving that Quincy's are stronger but really, it was to make a connection) If he didn't seek a confidant (in Urahara) or solace (with Chad), he could very well become depressed, wallowing in his secrecy and pride. I think he chose Urahara to confide in because he represents a father figure that he would like to have instead of the one he's got.

"Sado could sense Ishida staring at him, but it didn’t bother him as he was very comfortable in his own skin." the brings to mind a sincere 'good for him (Chad)' moment. Ooooh, so Chad AND Ichigo are fans of Mary Jane. Hee Hee.

Chad has a maturity that is beyond his age but is symbolically represented in his body. He's already come to terms with his childhood struggles and now faces adult ones. While his peers are still working out their teenage angst and parental issues, he's moving toward a crucial breakthrough about his very existence. And yes, Mary Jane has been very helpful in his acceptance of life's curves. He believes in meditation and fully embracing your thoughts and feelings, and so has a personal mission to bring his friends enlightenment. Both Ichigo and Uryu have impaired (somewhat due to immaturity) understanding of themselves and of relationships, so any assistance Chad can bring is a good thing, I think.

Life to the fullest... There's conflict about that between Chand and Uryu. It seems that this chapter is implying that the 'fullest' is when you have 'freedom' or when one feels 'freed', but that's just my take on it.

You're right. Unshackling the chains of duty and routine, even safety to some extent, can free you to desire more, experience more, live fuller. If you're hindering yourself by denying your own choices, you're left "empty". That's my take on it.

As for Uryu and Chad's relationship, even being not a very big fan of the Uryu and Chad pairing, I must say you've made it quite sweet. *smiles* The words 'slow/relaxed' and 'tender' also come to mind. For the dialogue though I catch the sensual and seductive vibes. In simple terms the way they speak is seductive, without being overkill or crass.
"...reflecting on your thoughtful insight just brings out such passion..." intellectual stimulation, Uryu you devil! Hee Hee, how delicious.

I don't see either of them being crass or raunchy. Chad speaks sparingly and when he does, it's careful and gentle. Uryu has tight sensibilities which, even with the help of MJ, still keep his speech on an intellectual level. Thanks for helping me with that one phrase when Uryu is surprised by Chad's revelation that he'd wanted to kiss and hold Uryu for some time. My first attempt was not in keeping with what I just described. I hope what he ended up saying was more suitable.

"“Do not, under any circumstances, stop talking.”" That made me laugh. Uryu definitely seems controlling but not too pushy, just enough get what he wants out of the encounter.

He's a bit insistent at this point because he's highly aroused and has figured out what keeps him stimulated. When he's in a battle crisis, he's also commanding and assertive. I think that if he doesn't have inhibitions to counteract his nature, it would be normal for him to state his needs.

You know, Chad's speaking of life and death makes me think about tragic heroes.

You know, your speaking this sentence makes me think about trying to incorporate tragic heroes into the story. ;)

I love how Orihime seems to being to 'grow some' by the end. Less meek than I thought, maybe...

Mmmmn. Inner fire, baby. Just waiting to be fanned.

What a heart warming and delicious chapter this was! You did a wonderful job editing! I continue to enjoy your writing, and I await the next chapter with bated breath! :o

Man, every time you give such a wonderful review, I remember back to your first review of Driven where you stated, "I'm not the best at reviewing works." Well, in my opinion, your ARE the best at reviewing works. Not only do you bring me joy with your praise and enthusiasm, but you often have excellent con crit that I take to heart. Thank you. *bows head*

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On 2013-5-26, kurahieiritrJIO wrote:

Wow, I can see the twisted captain going overboard like he's planning this round quite easily. I did not see Mayuri as being a very ethical person when I watched the series recently. You really nail Mayuri's proclivity for psychosis in this particular storyline beautifully. Good characterization is very difficult to nail faithfully, but I think you really have the mad scientist down pat. I look forward to reading more of this twisted scheme just so I can grin about a great internal monologue that fits the charater very well. Keep writing. :)

I'm so happy you think I did a good job with him. As for the internal monologue, I was concerned there was too much of that, but it's good to know that someone enjoyed it enough to want more. I don't know if I've kept the same style for him later, but I'll put some thought into trying to keep that consistent.

On 2013-5-27, kurahieiritrJIO wrote:

Reading chapter 5 was entertaining. I like the fact that you blended the original storyline with an off stage type scene to round out the chapter. It is also quite a normal thing for people with South American Indian heritages to use things like pot or peyote in the spiritual context. It looks like you did some great research the really brought Chad's other heritage to the fore. I like to see stories that keep things in context. Chad's descriptions of his ideal about love and death are quite Amerindian in nature in many respects. I found the characterization very good. Thanks for sharing this.

It was a little oneshot, really. But, I'm the kind of person who will try to incorporate what I've written in this chapter with future chapters. There really isn't any plot development here except to set up the next chapter a little bit. Now I've hit a slump because of my own high expectations and haven't written (or posted) in quite awhile. I hope to swing back around and get my next chapter out during my next vacation period. (beginning of July)

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing.

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On 2013-08-05, BookMaggot wrote:

*glomps* You're back!

And with a wicked chapter to boot!

I must say I have a strong liking for the title 'Uruhara's Shame' it comes across as something that doesn't make a lot of sense. Like 'Dry Ice' and 'freeze burns' you can never quite manage to picture it in your head XD

As always the pacing and story is brilliant, and your characters are done to the tee, especially Uruhara. When I read your stories I always find myself admiring the way you capture the subtleties of the characters with seemingly little effort. You bring them over in such a fantastic and elegant way it's honestly hard to pin point where exactly you do it. I think that's just brilliant writing.

But talk about a cliffy XD Oh Ichigo you mad lovable bastard you, he never takes any crap from the poor scientist. I say poor only in a figurative sense as literally he's a conniving bastard in his own right.

But don't you dare follow my example and leave us hanging for months on end -_-

I eagerly await the next update ^_^

P.S: My favourite part was 'Yourichi cat' it was just ADORABLE!

The Title was very difficult for me. I hope I can justify it in part 2 of this chapter. I split the chapter into two parts, not only because it was getting too long, but also to get something posted. That's been too long, also, hasn't it? I didn't even have the gumption to put an author comment in but I wanted to put this out so badly that I just didn't care about the extras. I don't usually like cliffies but since I had decided to split the chapter, I hoped this would be an interesting place. Leaves you wondering how Ichigo figures into it. Me too, cuz I haven't written much about him, yet.

Your flattery lifts me very high. Thank you. I don't know that I can agree about "brilliant writing" but I can accept that you have strong feelings and I'm so glad I can affect you that way. I'm especially fond of Yoruichi in cat form because of my two black cats. I will have her explain to Kisuke what she was up to, but I'm not sure where I'm putting it. It may not be in part 2 but much later.

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