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JayDee

JayDee's Review Reply Thread (Movies)

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On 1/20/2020 at 1:35 PM, JayDee said:

I never saw AVP! I didn’t know they had a celtic predator – does he have a kilt and carry bag pipes on his hunts? 

The first movie is, in my opinion, honestly a decent entry.  It’s not R-rated like both franchises and a lot of the characters are kind of bland (excepting Sanaa Lathan as protagonist Alexa Woods and Lance Henriksen as Charles Bishop Weyland), but it’s nonetheless got some pretty fun action scenes, well done creature effects and the third act is awesome.

Yes, Celtic employs plasma bagpipes that play Amazing Grace as they fire, and wields a telescoping shillelagh in close combat!  No, in all seriousness the three Yautja were given nicknames in the script, some of which made sense by the final film (Scar is the only one to kill a xenomorph and ritually scar himself with the mark of his clan, thus earning “blooded” status; Chopper has two long arm blades instead of the usual dual wristblades, so he can...you know...chop people up) but Celtic’s name seems to have been a reference to something that didn’t transition from script to finished film.  Maybe he was supposed to have Celtic-style weaving line patterns on his bio-helmet or armor or something, but the final design didn’t end up with those.

As for Gogedheh getting kicked in the crotch, kicks and blows to the crotch actually are a recurring element in the Deathstalker stories, having happened five times that I can recall, though only once to Gogedheh.

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Yeah, you’re probably right! Still, if something does blindside ya… sorry ‘bout that :)

Something actually did, but it’s difficult to explain.  See, it wasn’t actually anything you wrote (let’s just say you might have been copied, sort of).  When the review of the chapter in question goes up I will either be comically mock-indignant with you or genuinely depressed, it’s hard to call.

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So no SCAO oneshot? :p I mean, these are angels… I kid I kid!

You did actually call Alex a fallen angel, amusingly enough.

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again early Gogedheh (‘Go Get Her’ at least isn’t a silly backwards name while still being terrible...)

Oh God I didn’t realize it was a PUN!  I mean, it’s from the creator of Dreneparssa and Eparlegna, so I probably should have guessed.  Funnily enough, though, “Rehtegog” sounds like a pretty good demon name for one of your stories.

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still having some delusions of conscience or morality. And maybe a smidge of remorse.

That carried over into Multiverse Trophies, where he does seem to be fending off guilt (or at least that’s how I read it).  As you say, as the requests went on any semblance of guilt vanished (once the character goes as far as he did in that second story, there’s really no coming back).

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Later on as the requests demanded it he becomes even harder and less capable of human empathy than that weird biped tutle who runs the Senate for the Republicans.

That’s weird biped tortoise, thank you very much!

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Always awesome making folks laugh! Imagine being the poor bastard who has to make those dildo moulds. You’re having a quiet day and suddenly a crazy government type has a special order.

:lol: It’s just so specific.

“Fourteen inches and vibrating, got it.  We got those modeled on humans and, for the kinkier, horses.”

“No!  Like, neither of those will work!  They need to be donkeys!”

“We don’t have those…  If you want donkeys specifically, I’m going to have to go to the farm and take measurements and photos and the farmer’s going to think I’m really weird...”

“This is totally important!”

“I mean okay...”

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The agent’s a very sick woman. She wasn’t born with it, it was maybelline. Jane Maybelline, Black Ops brainwashing specialist and folk musician.

Pray you never hear her mandolin.

I kind of want to put Jane Maybelline into a fic now, but I don’t know if I have a place for her.

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Apparantly some folks find something inherantly call about tall blonde badasses kicking ass.

Yeah...uh...weirdos.  By the way, Uma Thurman is apparently seven inches taller than me.

Not that I find that attractive or anything!

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You know, blowing my own trumpet here but I think that anguished she was my peach! line really works. eh.

It does indeed!  It was natural enough that I didn’t even notice it at first, not until I started to make the “your princess is in another castle” joke.

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I dunno where the fuck using that like that came from either. I mean, these guys are Italian-Americans. There wasn’t some Italian sausage around?

Maybe it was because the guy on the Pringles can looks vaguely like Mario?  I mean, not exactly, but...he’s got a mustache.

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which presumably increased as he kept going after Laras.

He’s killed three of those now, by the way, and his apprentice is killing her way up to a fourth.
 

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It really isn’t the only time a tall blonde comes close to defeating him either- Samus sure did in that one of DS’s stories I mentioned to you that I think set you off down the DS fic rabbit hole! If it hadn’t been for the darned canonically impossible EMP…

“Are we learning yet?” Ahem.

Don’t know what “are we learning yet” meant, but yeah, she did, and that is the best she has ever done against a Predator.  Fun fact, there are literally no stories I can find on the internet where Samus fights a Predator other than the ones by Deathstalker, so that only ends one way...so far (I may have unintentionally caused a thing to happen; fingers freaking crossed that it doesn’t go horribly).

Oh, and…

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Abolutely enjoyed the heck out of reading them, and that JAAAAYDEEEEE!!! bit had me laughing out loud!

You’re welcome! :)

Edited by InBrightestDay

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14 hours ago, InBrightestDay said:

The first movie is, in my opinion, honestly a decent entry.  It’s not R-rated like both franchises and a lot of the characters are kind of bland (excepting Sanaa Lathan as protagonist Alexa Woods and Lance Henriksen as Charles Bishop Weyland), but it’s nonetheless got some pretty fun action scenes, well done creature effects and the third act is awesome.

I guess if it comes on when I’m around I’ll look out for it. Always been a bit of a Lance fan. One of his lines in Near Dark was one of my all time faves for delivery:

Bartender: What you people want?

Jesse (Lance’s character): Just a couple more minutes of your time, about the same duration as the rest of your life.

But, you know, delivered by him.

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Yes, Celtic employs plasma bagpipes that play Amazing Grace as they fire, and wields a telescoping shillelagh in close combat!  No, in all seriousness the three Yautja were given nicknames in the script, some of which made sense by the final film (Scar is the only one to kill a xenomorph and ritually scar himself with the mark of his clan, thus earning “blooded” status; Chopper has two long arm blades instead of the usual dual wristblades, so he can...you know...chop people up) but Celtic’s name seems to have been a reference to something that didn’t transition from script to finished film.  Maybe he was supposed to have Celtic-style weaving line patterns on his bio-helmet or armor or something, but the final design didn’t end up with those. 

As for Gogedheh getting kicked in the crotch, kicks and blows to the crotch actually are a recurring element in the Deathstalker stories, having happened five times that I can recall, though only once to Gogedheh. 

Pretty sure if we held a vote there’d be a lot in favor of seeing your great take on Celtic pred :D Gotta wonder if ‘Chopper’ gets a different reason for the name in porn fics, mind.

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Something actually did, but it’s difficult to explain.  See, it wasn’t actually anything you wrote (let’s just say you might have been copied, sort of).  When the review of the chapter in question goes up I will either be comically mock-indignant with you or genuinely depressed, it’s hard to call.

As much as I enjoy and am entertained by your comic mock-indigation, if there’s a depression risk point feel free to skip any of it that might cause that and avoid risking it! I doubt anybody’s copied me, even sort of – more likely someone got inspired by whatever inspired me! – but although a couple people have reposted my stories under their names, most don’t stoop as low as my shit when there’s better authors to nick from.

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You did actually call Alex a fallen angel, amusingly enough.

Yeah, I saw that. I bet I did it intentionally too, but can’t recall now!

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Oh God I didn’t realize it was a PUN!  I mean, it’s from the creator of Dreneparssa and Eparlegna, so I probably should have guessed.  Funnily enough, though, “Rehtegog” sounds like a pretty good demon name for one of your stories.

Rehte Gog – the civil war era cousin of Gog and Magog! I don’t even know if it counts as a pun since it’s more a drunkenly surred version of the phrase than proper wordplay :)

Inspired by his name, I remember DS came up with a Pred called Dehscrimung, but didn’t say what it was meant to read as initially – ‘Die Screaming’ he said later – so I asked if it was meant to be “Descry” and “Mung” meaning ‘to see a bean’ and asked “Does he only hunt characters with extreme camel toes?”

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That carried over into Multiverse Trophies, where he does seem to be fending off guilt (or at least that’s how I read it).  As you say, as the requests went on any semblance of guilt vanished (once the character goes as far as he did in that second story, there’s really no coming back).

I bet even DS regrets having him take that non-executive directorship at Tesla.

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That’s weird biped tortoise, thank you very much!

Dang it! Not even the worst wrong word in my reply – that was writing “call” instead of “cool”. ‘the fuck do I become illiterate when writing forum posts? I mean, more so.

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:lol: It’s just so specific.

“Fourteen inches and vibrating, got it.  We got those modeled on humans and, for the kinkier, horses.”

“No!  Like, neither of those will work!  They need to be donkeys!”

“We don’t have those…  If you want donkeys specifically, I’m going to have to go to the farm and take measurements and photos and the farmer’s going to think I’m really weird...”

“This is totally important!”

“I mean okay...”

Hahaha!

Maybe she’s got a fetish for the dude from Shrek! We don’t know!

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I kind of want to put Jane Maybelline into a fic now, but I don’t know if I have a place for her.

Well, maybe one day you’ll write a story where you need a dangerous hyper sexual psycho building from the pysche of a decent human and at the back of your mind Greensleeves will start playing… and she’ll have found you.

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Yeah...uh...weirdos.  By the way, Uma Thurman is apparently seven inches taller than me.

Not that I find that attractive or anything!

She’s got tall energy. Like, she’s shorter than me but I feel like if I was in the same room she’d feel taller.

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It does indeed!  It was natural enough that I didn’t even notice it at first, not until I started to make the “your princess is in another castle” joke.

Yay!

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He’s killed three of those now, by the way, and his apprentice is killing her way up to a fourth.

Read this after the Lara part:

Spoiler

Are you including this story in the three, because he doesn’t kill her in this story? The xenomorph totally killsteals! He does take the trophy because he beat her, but doesn’t really take the pride in it as he realises she was not at her best. On the other hand, he does save the entire human race and most other life on Earth in a moment of unrecognised heroism!

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Don’t know what “are we learning yet” meant, but yeah, she did, and that is the best she has ever done against a Predator.  Fun fact, there are literally no stories I can find on the internet where Samus fights a Predator other than the ones by Deathstalker, so that only ends one way...so far (I may have unintentionally caused a thing to happen; fingers freaking crossed that it doesn’t go horribly).

Oh, and…

I think I had the Terminator 2 quote for something in my original accidentally lost reply, and didn’t write the replacement quite the same so uh oops.

 

As for Samus vs Predator, Fanart’s got ya covered! (safe for work)

https://www.deviantart.com/ptimm/art/Samus-vs-Predator-1-564990285

https://www.deviantart.com/ptimm/art/Samus-vs-Predator-2-565128547

 

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You’re welcome!

You’re also welcome!

Edited by JayDee

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@InBrightestDay looks at part 6!

Random note on this part – originally Sonya Blade was just described as a special forces soldier for MK publicity so she’s described as a soldier here. Later games made her a veteran Marine who wouldn’t be described as a soldier. Oh, and the user who got me to write Shokan Lust once started on an alternate follow on from this that crossed over with The Dresden Files and had the Queen of the Unseelie Court kill the driver and invite Sonya on a hunt…

Never got finished, but woulda been interesting to see!

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Well, this Agent Horowitz interlude was...less funny than the other one.

No arguements here! Though having Charlie from Long Kiss Goodnight spot her shaodowing agent and beat him up was a high point for me.

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I do like the mention of OWLF, keeping continuity with Predator 2, and I'd be lying if I said I couldn't see Agent Horowitz hanging out with Agent Keyes, and holy shit wouldn't that be a hell of a thing to see, Alicia Silverstone and Gary Busey ramping the crazy up to eleven?

Hollywood exec, snorting a huge line of coke: “Get roles for Nic Cage, Christopher Walken and Lady Gaga and you’ve got a movie!”

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Anyway, the rest of the interlude here is short and, again, not terribly fun to read.  Sonya does kind of provoke the fight, but it's so incredibly one-sided that I can't help but feel bad for her, especially when everybody just decides to participate in her sexual assault.

Jax is definitely a little bit out of character here. Just a smidge. Hey, the roughtest to read part in a Gogedheh story doesn’t even feature him! It’s the kooky chick from clueless doing the cruel shit! That’s kinda funny… no, just me then?

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Sorry there's not a ton to say about this chapter, but it's a relatively short one, so...moving on!

Thanks for plowing through it with your thoughts. I appreciate them and totally get why there isn’t any fun to be had here.

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On 1/24/2020 at 12:15 PM, JayDee said:

Bartender: What you people want?

Jesse (Lance’s character): Just a couple more minutes of your time, about the same duration as the rest of your life. 

Oh my God that’s amazing!

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if there’s a depression risk point feel free to skip any of it that might cause that and avoid risking it! I doubt anybody’s copied me, even sort of – more likely someone got inspired by whatever inspired me! – but although a couple people have reposted my stories under their names, most don’t stoop as low as my shit when there’s better authors to nick from.

I’d already read the chapter in question (the Lara Croft one) by the time I said that, so there wasn’t really any way to avoid it, but I appreciate the thought.  As for the copying thing, I don’t mean you were plagiarized, merely that a commissioned Deathstalker fic (a tie-in to the Gogedheh series, referenced several times in My Enemy’s Enemy) very much seems to have taken inspiration from that chapter, with several plot elements being reused and certain imagery as well.  The ending bit with Gogedheh, while not written precisely the same way, is nonetheless so similar to a bit with the Predator in that story that it was the exact moment I decided these two were linked.

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Inspired by his name, I remember DS came up with a Pred called Dehscrimung

Yeah, that’s...that’s the guy from the story I’m talking about.

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Are you including this story in the three, because he doesn’t kill her in this story? The xenomorph totally killsteals! He does take the trophy because he beat her, but doesn’t really take the pride in it as he realises she was not at her best.

Yeah, he counts her in the other stories, so I did too.

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Though having Charlie from Long Kiss Goodnight spot her shaodowing agent and beat him up was a high point for me.

Yeah, that was a fun thought.

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Hey, the roughtest to read part in a Gogedheh story doesn’t even feature him! It’s the kooky chick from clueless doing the cruel shit!

Don’t worry, I’m sure he’ll find a way to one-up her!

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As for Samus vs Predator, Fanart’s got ya covered! (safe for work)

Yeah, I actually saw that a while back.  That’s a nice piece of work.

Edited by InBrightestDay

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10 hours ago, InBrightestDay said:

Oh my God that’s amazing!

I’d already read the chapter in question (the Lara Croft one) by the time I said that, so there wasn’t really any way to avoid it, but I appreciate the thought.  As for the copying thing, I don’t mean you were plagiarized, merely that a commissioned Deathstalker fic (a tie-in to the Gogedheh series, referenced several times in My Enemy’s Enemy) very much seems to have taken inspiration from that chapter, with several plot elements being reused and certain imagery as well.  The ending bit with Gogedheh, while not written precisely the same way, is nonetheless so similar to a bit with the Predator in that story that it was the exact moment I decided these two were linked.

It’s entirely possible! There’s been a few cases where people have liked something I did enough to request something else based on it and just didn’t tell me or leave a review – when I was over on hentai-foundry some dude commissioned fanart of one of my Harry Potter stories and I only found out because when the artist posted it he mentioned what he’d been asked to base it on and suddenly I got a handful of extra reviews.

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Yeah, that’s...that’s the guy from the story I’m talking about.

Huh, coincidence! I don’t think I got to read the story with him, I remember DS talking about the character name he was going to use but I think DS must have published it after I’d quit there and he’d quit AFF.

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Yeah, he counts her in the other stories, so I did too.

Fair enough! – I wonder if it is an oversight, like, DS remembering Lara was in the first story and maybe not remembering she’d already had her ultimately-fatal facehugger encounter before the pred got there?

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Don’t worry, I’m sure he’ll find a way to one-up her!

With a guy like DS writing him it is certain!

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Yeah, I actually saw that a while back.  That’s a nice piece of work.

Artist has some talent for sure.

Now on to @InBrightestDay ‘s review for part 7! Having just re-read it myself my own biggest question is where did I get the sentry from that he knocks out? Is she a reference to a specific game or book or movie I can’t recall, or just a random? If she is a reference, why doesn’t it seem to be covered in the disclaimer (the current disclaimer was written on the AFF edit, so I may have missed it then, but could update now if I did work it out. Honestly, I might just have thrown it in because DS likes seeing goths) Also, another example of earlier slightly-less-of-a-total-monster Gogedheh here as he only disables the unarmed sentry rather than murderin’ ‘em like he probably would in later years.

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My reaction to this chapter is...complex (Facebook status: "It's Complicated").  This chapter upset me, but not in the way such things usually do, in the sense that it wasn't the content of the chapter itself that did it, but the fact that the chapter just would not stop reminding me of another story, one written by Deathstalker but I'm 95% sure based on this chapter, either in terms of DS subconsciously taking elements of this chapter and using them, or the commissioner requesting specific notes (which he pulled from the chapter) be hit, or something like that.

Whatever the case, I need to try and look at the chapter in isolation.  So...

Thanks for the reivew on this chapter also! Given the issues and flashbacks it seemingly caused you I feel bad you had to go through that stuff again and extra appreciate you making the effort! As I mentioned above it is entirely possible that the requesting user did request some of the same points, but also possible that this chapter riffed off something else entirely that the requester was also riffing off. Parallel riffing! DS would probably know for sure.

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in isolation.

something something Alien: Isolation joke something something

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The woman had been Laura Cruz, an educated novice nun turned pirate who lived and fought as a man. The last entries detailed demons from the skies, and the hungry devils that grew inside humans around the then-remote settlement.

 

The text got sketchy, some pages seemed to have been ripped loose. The last entry Lara read in the light of her torch. The sky demons were gone, but they had left behind devils. The pirate Laura Cruz had masterminded their defeat. Fire and burning pitch had forced the devils into the new built catacombs where burning oil consumed them. The survivors had sealed the last of the devil’s eggs beneath the Earth, and Laura had stayed behind to ensure it didn’t spawn a devil.

Have you ever considered writing this?  I mean, not only is Alien vs. Predator vs. Pirate a hilarious title, but the description of what Laura pulls off at the end there is incredibly cinematic and cool.  Throw in a colorful cast of pirate crew members, the Anne Bonny-inspired story of Laura hiding her gender to get the crew to listen to her...this could be really awesome.

I haven’t! Thanks for thinking it sounded cool and cinematic though! AvPvP does have a pretty funny ring, too, nice one!. Weirdly I wrote a chunk of pirate related stuff recently for that Sarsa story I haven’t finished (...needing to fit the Xebec prompt in) but never considered doing a full take on this background myself. Given how little I am managing for longer format at the moment I can’t see it happening, but given how well you can write action scenes and plots and the rest feel free to do it yourself if you ever want to!

Just imagine… she’s tall, which helped her pass for a man, and needing to strap down that well developed cleavage, oh, hey, there’s that cabin boy she got from a raided ship, about 16, well educated and being sent into colonial exile by his cruel father for standing up to the old man, instead he ends up in service to the wild pirate captain… service that takes on a more romantic element when he accidentallly discovers her true gender… I mean, he probably gets killed by an alien or Predator at some point, giving her even more impetus to stay behind and make sure the devil doesn’t return…

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Anyway, back to the present.

Probably for the best :)

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I'm not 100% sold on the idea that Lara can riddle Gogedheh's legs with bullets and he can just shrug that off.  Don't get me wrong, I know what this is referencing, the slaughterhouse fight in Predator 2 where Harrigan puts eight or nine shotgun rounds into the City Hunter and it doesn't die.  I guess he needed to be in top or near-top form for the fight he's about to be involved in outside.

Haha, the one time I try and base something squarely in film canon and it just doesn’t come across as realistic :DHe’s kind of getting more and more beat up by this stage, with his existing wounds and damage getting a bit of a run down, but yeah, probably should have been a bit more crippled. I guess I was thinking about how many pistol shots Lara needed to slow enemies in the first Tomb Raider game, then assuming he was much tougher, but having the bullets stuck in him probably should have done more for sure.

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The inclusion of Carla Burke is a nice touch, the great great great great grandmother of Carter Burke from Aliens, I presume, which means working for the Weyland corporation is a real family institution!

Looking after you from cradle to grave! Well, someone’s grave. Absolutely intended as an ancestor of Carter, and basically coming across as equally reasonable to Lara as Carter did to Ellen, without Lara getting to find out if she’s got a bad side to her.

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And, by killing the chestburster (presumably a queen), Gogedheh saves human civilization!  Of course, by rape-murdering FemShep and her crew and ensuring the total destruction of their reputations, he ensured no one was around to rally the civilized races and got every civilization in that entire galaxy burned to ash or turned into organic soup by the Reapers, so...let's call that a wash.

Eh, it wasn’t his home universe so fuck ‘em! I kid, I kid! 

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In the animal tank behind the broken glass screen, something big stirred.

Given that the Weyland Corporation won't get wind of the Engineers for another 83 years and thus don't know a thing about xenomorphs or the black mutagen yet, I have no idea what this is.

What is this? This… is hungry!

Thank you once again for reviewing! Only one more main part and a short epilogue to go now. The end is in sight!

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On 1/26/2020 at 9:02 AM, JayDee said:

Huh, coincidence! I don’t think I got to read the story with him, I remember DS talking about the character name he was going to use but I think DS must have published it after I’d quit there and he’d quit AFF.

Okay, listen, I read, and this precisely how I’ve defined this in the past, enough of this story to know what happens, and then avoided being really depressed by not thinking about it.  The combination of the chapter and talking about this is keeping the story in my head, and if we talk about this any more, I am going to be very tempted to go over to the Depravity Repository, copy Metroid: Last Mission, paste it into a PM and send it to you, so that that way it can live in your head too.

And yes, of course it’s a Metroid story.  Deschrimung wouldn’t be a Predator worth his salt if he didn’t get himself a Samus trophy.

I’m sorry; that was kind of mean.  My feelings are a little off-kilter at the moment.  Moving on...

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my own biggest question is where did I get the sentry from that he knocks out? Is she a reference to a specific game or book or movie I can’t recall, or just a random?

I actually wondered that myself.  Her description is striking enough that I figured she had to be from somewhere, but I couldn’t place her.

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Also, another example of earlier slightly-less-of-a-total-monster Gogedheh here as he only disables the unarmed sentry rather than murderin’ ‘em like he probably would in later years.

Yeah, in any of the following stories he’d sneak up on her and stab her through the face with his wristblades.

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As I mentioned above it is entirely possible that the requesting user did request some of the same points, but also possible that this chapter riffed off something else entirely that the requester was also riffing off. Parallel riffing!

I mean, it’s really similar, just more mean-spirited.  Sorry for talking about that again, speaking of which...

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Haha, the one time I try and base something squarely in film canon and it just doesn’t come across as realistic

Honestly, that criticism wasn’t fair.  At a guess it was probably bleedover from the other story.  I was probably wanting Lara to put up a better fight because of my feelings about Samus.

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Just imagine… she’s tall, which helped her pass for a man, and needing to strap down that well developed cleavage, oh, hey, there’s that cabin boy she got from a raided ship, about 16, well educated and being sent into colonial exile by his cruel father for standing up to the old man, instead he ends up in service to the wild pirate captain… service that takes on a more romantic element when he accidentallly discovers her true gender… I mean, he probably gets killed by an alien or Predator at some point, giving her even more impetus to stay behind and make sure the devil doesn’t return…

Don’t tempt me!  Actually, if I did this, she would probably be tall to pass for a man, with relatively small breasts (again, easier to pass as a man), and I’d probably follow the Anne Bonny example and have her have joined the crew after falling for the captain of the ship, with him getting killed by either a xenomorph or a Predator partway through the story, forcing her to try and rally the crew…

Shit, I might write this.  I’ll just add it to WitS, The Spider House, Sigrid and Reynard’s story, Aldreda and Elis’s story, New Year’s Visitation, The Arena

This might not happen for a while.

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I guess I was thinking about how many pistol shots Lara needed to slow enemies in the first Tomb Raider game, then assuming he was much tougher,

Game mechanics!  Actually kind of makes sense.  I wonder how many pulse rifle rounds you have to fire into a Predator in the AvP games to kill it.

Edited by InBrightestDay

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56 minutes ago, InBrightestDay said:

Okay, listen, I read, and this precisely how I’ve defined this in the past, enough of this story to know what happens, and then avoided being really depressed by not thinking about it.  The combination of the chapter and talking about this is keeping the story in my head, and if we talk about this any more, I am going to be very tempted to go over to the Depravity Repository, copy Metroid: Last Mission, paste it into a PM and send it to you, so that that way it can live in your head too.

And yes, of course it’s a Metroid story.  Deschrimung wouldn’t be a Predator worth his salt if he didn’t get himself a Samus trophy.
I’m sorry; that was kind of mean.  My feelings are a little off-kilter at the moment.  Moving on...

I never knew it was a Metroid story! Just, talking about Gogedheh’s name reminded me of DS’s pred and that old camel toe joke I made, no idea the whole thing was the same thing so genuine coincidence. I am genuinely sorry to have upset ya and brought back bad memories.  Probably best ya don’t go and finish reading it. Sounds like it isn’t your bag.

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I actually wondered that myself.  Her description is striking enough that I figured she had to be from somewhere, but I couldn’t place her.

Still can’t think myself. I guess really she is just a bit of generic goth DS bait!

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Honestly, that criticism wasn’t fair.  At a guess it was probably bleedover from the other story.  I was probably wanting Lara to put up a better fight because of my feelings about Samus.

No, no it’s fully fair. He’s not even limping afterwards!

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Don’t tempt me!  Actually, if I did this, she would probably be tall to pass for a man, with relatively small breasts (again, easier to pass as a man), and I’d probably follow the Anne Bonny example and have her have joined the crew after falling for the captain of the ship, with him getting killed by either a xenomorph or a Predator partway through the story, forcing her to try and rally the crew…

Shit, I might write this.  I’ll just add it to WitS, The Spider House, Sigrid and Reynard’s story, Aldreda and Elis’s story, New Year’s Visitation, The Arena

This might not happen for a while.

Heh, at least it *might* happen. It’s never gonna come from me!

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Game mechanics!  Actually kind of makes sense.  I wonder how many pulse rifle rounds you have to fire into a Predator in the AvP games to kill it.

Hell if I can remember! I tend to forget playing it, but I did play the AvP game from the late 90s not long after it came out. Running around as an alien was all kinds of fun, even without the violence.

And moving onto the last review, for which I again thank you kindly. You’re an officer and a gentleman.

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Chapter 8 and Epilogue

The epilogue is pretty short, so I just did these two together.  Sorry for robbing you of a review like that.

No apologies required! I am grateful to get the reviews you’ve done. It’s got me to re-read the story, and cringe, and think about it as well as always being great to get feedback.

I would probably not separate out the short prologue/epilogue and shorter interlude parts into seperate chapters these days, instead keeping them at start or end of other chapters. I can’t even remember why it seemed like a good idea at the time – possibly related to some other place I was submitting the original version to.

“I just did these two together.” Shannon explained, nodding at the petite twins.

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The Weyland corporation had a giant, chemically altered snake in a glass tank that was just right off the hallway?  Did it feature on the office tours?

"...and if you look to your left, you'll see a twenty seven foot long snake that we've been working on."

"Is that glass bulletproof or something?"

"Nah.  Jim from R&D wanted ballistic plexiglass, but you know how that goes, budget cuts and all that."

Haha! It’s a lab in a secure facility that they let Lara work in! There’s worse off the other hallways! Also, it isn’t Weyland bioweapons if there isn’t a gratuitous lack of respect for the safety of employees or civillians!

I think I came up with a bunch of backstory and “what happened next” ideas for the snake at one point.

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Anyway, Sonya's story in this is just this one prolonged torture sequence, isn't it?  After her savage beating and rape last time, she goes through this little character arc in just one scene, where she slowly pulls herself back together and decides to carry on with the mission, and then of course we get Jax planning to murder her and then the snake smashes her into pulp and Horowitz seems to think it's funny (in-character as you've written her, mind you, but still).  Sonya's not even one of my favorite characters or anything, this story just really decided she was going to be its punching bag.

Sonya getting eaten by the snake was me tossing in an obscure Mortal Kombat reference – Antother character, Shang Tsung, had a snake ‘animality’, eating another character. None of the other stuff that happens to her is an MK ref I don’t think! (what happens to Jax’s arms is also a crack at him getting the cyborg arms in games!)

 

Found a clip of the animality – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2o8UWU1BFeM

But yeah, she gets a whole buncha undeserved shit in a Gogedheh story and absolutely zero percent of it is from him. I dunno why it turned out like that – I think I made made it up to her in Shokan Lust with all the pheremone lust enhanced orgasms from her seven foot tall captor/mistress!

 

Talking about the snake eating thing, the person who requested the shokan story said

“ I think it would've been funny/ironic if not only did she survive, but the predator actually gave her some medicine for her bruising, because he would've already seen her as being beaten and thus not one of his targets anymore.”

So if you want to imagine him handing over some medical gear and giving her a chummy pat on the head, that’s cool!

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Horowitz's backup plan against Gogedheh is actually kind of hilarious, especially because of his reaction ("No!  This is BULLSHIT!  Women do not consent to sex with me!  That isn't FAIR!").  She also comes very close to killing him there at the end, riddling him with bullets and all.

Hey thanks! It was definitely intended to be somewhat amusing - I think I said before I thought it might be the only properly funny bit in the story. Technically, she doesn't obtain his consent before going for his junk, so this could count as one of the few occasions where someone sexually assaults him.

And, yeah, having the 'joke' character come very close to killing him was definitely part of my original idea I'm sure. Then again, at one point I nearly had Sonya take them both out with the same bullet. Would have led to DS having a whole different name for his character!

(continued below, not letting me quote!)

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@InBrightestDay review continues:

We do also see another Gogedheh tradition starting here, namely that if the target is unwilling, he'll do his best to make her willing.  As with the other traditions, this escalates in the sequels, as in Multiverse Trophies he states that if Lightning doesn't fight him willingly, he'll just start beating her until she does.  It's actually pretty likely that's a reaction to his frustration with Horowitz here.

“Fight me! Fight me!”

“Can’t we just snuggle?”

“Goddamn it!”

She’s totally doing the opposite of what he wants – he wants them unwilling to fuck, but willing to fight! I wonder if that really was intentional on DS’s part – taking into account what happened with his target refusing to fight and working with it for getting his planned hunt to go to plan – or if it just seems that way looking at his psychology?

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I can sort of tell Beatrix Kiddo is one of your favorite characters, since her daughter actually gets a happy ending in the epilogue.

She’s a cool character! Also, I think I probably just thought that that was really fitting – she would absolutely have done that for B.B. I think. The Reserve angels also got that mission done out in Kazakhstan – very nice!

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All in all, this was an interesting read.  Sorry if I came across as overly critical from time to time, as this was a well-written story, told with that tongue-in-cheek style you use in a lot of your work, and it was interesting seeing where all these elements that would go on to be staples of the series began, and watching the evolution of the character over the course of the story and into the next ones.

There’s no such thing as overly critical when it comes to this stuff. Better to have it brutal and unvarnished – believe me, I have some very negative comments on re-reading it myself. I can see why you came back to read it after seeing what DS went on to do with the character – based on the lack of reviews very few others ever bother! They probably prefer the crueller pred with greater variety of settings version that DS does (plus, you know, him being thousands of times better at writing than me!)

Thanks again for all the reviews. Really, genuinely, hugely appreciated. I look forward to seeing whatever you finish and publish next, while especially looking forward to the final words of WitS when you have the motivation, and the words. S’gonna be badass!

 

Edited by JayDee

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A Fate Worse Than LV-426 because as TVTropes says, ‘Vasquez always dies’ 10 years since the last review!

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pbam

great premise though I wish it was longer honestly. really love your necro stories.

Thank you for the review! I’m really glad you enjoyed it. Sorry about the length. I guess I’ve always been a shorter form writer. I blame the muses. Only not too loudly because if they hear they might make me write more WAFF.

I’m glad you enjoy the necro stuff, a lot of folks say they find it ‘cold’, ‘stiff’, ‘unmoving’ in an emotional sense! I am not sure the last one I did now… feels like a while. I still chuckle over that corpse humping sex dwarf scene in the Tonks story… I may be broken. 

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