BronxWench Posted January 16, 2011 Report Share Posted January 16, 2011 Apollo: I totally thought it was a flashback, until the end. It would have worked perfectly for a PWP flashback, but I love the twist at the end! Thank you! I love a good twist at the end... JayDee: As a really minor totally anal bit of feedback to start, characters has a typo in your disclaimer. I know, I know, but I'd like it if someone told me So, reading the story now......you wrote the sex scene and it was totally hotter than I'd imagined reading the other part. Really good erotic description for the oral and then the sex was so passionate in so few lines. Great stuff. Then the ending - not being familiar with the fandom, I assume from the dialogue the demon is able to either bring the memories up as a dream or stick them in his head? Certainly an unexpected ending, and it's sad how Wraith's crying over it. Makes me wonder if having this put solidly in his mind could affect him wanting to continue with Alistair. Thank you, especially for catching the typo in the disclaimer! I'm glad the sex was hot enough. It's not easy in the shorter formats when you're as wordy as I tend to be! And yes, the demon enslaves people and feeds off their life essence by trapping them within dreams it creates from their memories. Wraith breaks free of the demon's control, and this is what he's offered as a second chance to give in to the demon. As to Alistair, we'll have to see... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BronxWench Posted January 17, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 17, 2011 pittwitch: aaaaacccckkkkk ... it's all a dream, an illusion. Evil demon. Evil wench. Evil, evil, evil. Such a beautiful moment too! Well done. Thanks for sharing, Pitt I am a very evil wench, but the demon was more evil by far... poor Wraith.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BronxWench Posted January 20, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 20, 2011 FairySlayer: Lunging with his sword... twice in one flashfic, how sweet. Actually that demon deserves thanks for creating such a real and lovely scene between the two men, especially after such wonderful friendship had blossomed between the men. For a quick scene you did a terrific job describing it and making it real.Of course, "taking away" that friendship that he valued so much is more than good enough reason to send the demon to the kind of Hell even Hell Dwellers fear. (Probably being stuck in a theater that plays only Twilight movies.) Thank you! I figured since Alistair is slow on th euptake, Wraith had to have some action. And gods, a theater playing nothing but Twilight movies? That's hell anywhere!!! Techno-Ninja: Ah, what a twist! The sex scene was beautiful. It was emotional without being corny. Well done! Thank you! I'm glad it worked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BronxWench Posted February 4, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 4, 2011 Shadowknight12: I very much like the name you picked for Wraith. Sounds elven, but at the same time, strong (and ominous) and with just a hint of approachable. Much like the character himself! The scene was amazingly hot, and ah, sadly all too short (curse you, word limit!). There is some minor repetition near the climax (someone was a bit distracted, eh? ), but nothing too terrible. The only concrit I'd give you, which, of course, has the evil Word Limit to blame, is exploring the transition between dream and reality, the crushing realisation in Wraith's mind that his beloved Tamlen is dead gone, and that it was all a cruel, cruel illusion. Oh, and, of course, it would've been nice to know if Wraith has or hasn't been tempted by such an offer. After all, it would be rather tempting. Other than that, excellent job, as always. Thank you! Wraith's name, Samahlen, means laughter in the elven language. And ack to the repetition... :facepalm: As to whether or not Wraith was tempted by the offer, he may or may not choose to reveal that. It's largely up to him... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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