[Mortuus Orbis]

21 hours ago, JayDee said:

They got Part 8 up.

Just doing the promo with InBrightestDay being busy an’ all :p Plus because it’s a great story that oughta be promoted.

He’s busy? Oh good, I was starting to wonder if something had happened to him, haven’t really heard from him since last month.

[Mortuus Orbis Discussion Thread]

34 minutes ago, InBrightestDay said:

I seem to recall she’s from something Sparrow wasn’t super fond of; I think he said she was the only really good thing to come out of that story arc or something.

Yep, she’s from, or at least is introduced, in the run-up to the original Spider-Verse comic. Which managed the rare feat of taking a multiverse horde of spider-men/people fighting a foe that wants to eradicate them, and made it boring. The movie is much better.

37 minutes ago, InBrightestDay said:

Sparrow found me an online version of the comic that showed how we got the Spinneret that appears here (no spoilers, so I can’t discuss more), and I was actually rather pleased to find out there was a universe where One More Day had never happened.

D’you mean for the comic she’s from or for this story? Since I don’t really think it is a spoiler if so, frankly I feel like we could’ve done a better job explaining it here. I don’t think Spinneret actually tells anyone what the deal is until the sequel. I dunno, @JayDee, do you understand what the deal is with this character?

42 minutes ago, InBrightestDay said:

As for why the character in the next chapter doesn’t provide the Terminator line, I always assumed the line’s use here was intended as foreshadowing.

Yeah, nah, I’m pretty sure it’s left over from before we even decided to use the character who will be introduced in the next chapter. Pure coincidence.

 

Y’know, I’m really starting to wonder now if there isn’t some sort of cognitive thing inherent to reading something that makes you think everything you see (or think you see) in the story was put there deliberately by the author.

[Mortuus Orbis Discussion Thread]

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So, super unexpected Harry Potter!

Yeah, I wonder now if I would’ve done better with someone else for this part. Originally the idea was that I wanted a male character who wouldn’t be too overpowered, and to facilitate that I had Harry be from literally the very start of the series, when he’s 11 and doesn’t know any magic. Then I realised that (and what happens to him) was too much even for me, and aged him up some. Hence why it possibly feels a bit awkward.

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Harry’s got kinda a Sir Mix-a-lot feeling going on it seems like.

Actually had to think about that one for a second to figure out what reference you were making. Not sure if that’s more distressing than the fact you made a pop-culture reference that’s older than I am or not.

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‘nother spider-named character – Is this also an “Into the Spider Verse” type fanfic? :p

You joke, but initially I had planned to introduce more Spider-people further down the line, who’d end up hooking up with Spinneret, but then realised this would be massively OOC for her, and more importantly, might make people think I’m catering to a cuckolding fetish, so I noped way out of that.

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‘Come with us if you want to live’ …a Terminator reference! Good solid couple of films. Probably for the best they never made any more sequels.

Yes, and in light of one of the characters introduced in the next chapter it really makes me wonder why I didn’t have them provide this line instead, would’ve made much more sense. Nevermind.

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Just generally so far the first three chapters have been good at introducing the characters, like the ones I know fairly well and the ones I’m way less familiar with.

Mm, we’ll have to see if you feel the same way in the next chapter, as that’s when a bunch of characters all get introduced at once. Though it might not be as bad on here, as I’m unable to use the pictures I inserted originally to illustrate what they look like.

Pity, though, I spent ages finding all of them.

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Something that’s occurred to me now – you’ve got a fairly detailed summary which tells folks about what kind of story it is but doesn’t really let them in on the fandoms that would draw in some readers. It might be worth seeing if you can cut it down to, say, half length and listing a few of the characters or sources with more major roles – your Chun Lis and so on.

Probably a good idea, though I’m unsure how to name all the characters in a way that wouldn’t give away which characters survive the story (via the ones having the biggest roles) or make people think that some characters get more screentime than they actually do. Plus, this is an ensemble piece, so in theory everyone has equal billing. You see my problem?

[Mortuus Orbis Discussion Thread]

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Something I didn’t ask before – had they been keeping the other woman alive because they didn’t have a replacement and this was why they raped her to death and ate her now, or ws it just coincidence that it happened when Chun Li had been captured? It did read like they had already been super rough with her so that suggests more coincidence I guess?

Uuuh, honestly, I don’t think I thought about this very hard. As I recall initially (and indeed, as I restored it for the less gnarly cut) all that’s left by the time Chun-Li arrives is gnawed bones, tats of fuchsia hair everywhere, and a ragged team rocket t-shirt that Chun-Li notices still has most of an arm in it. In this case let’s say sure, they’d been keeping her alive until they had someone new. Makes it seem like I actually planned this part of the story.

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Ending up running into someone else’s web was a pretty funny touch too – I’m not familiar with that character at all. I read a few of the Spinerette webcomics a few years ago, which kind of took the piss out of superhero and spiderman tropes (Spinerette’s web did not come from her wrists…) but didn’t know there was a similarly named actual super-character!

Yeah, as it happens, for a while @InBrightestDay thought I was making reference to this character as well, but in fact, once she reveals herself properly in a chapter or so I’m sure you’ll recognise who she is.

Though I worry we may lose some viewers between now and then; after what I thought was a good start, I’m less confident about the next three chapters. Feel like they’re kind of slow.

[Mortuus Orbis Discussion Thread]

16 minutes ago, JayDee said:

Awww! I liked the pornographic bits! There’s one cunnilngus bit I saw that was amazing, but I I enjoyed all the sexual stuff! As long as the great fight scenes are still in there – I fucking loved seeing Chun Li’s game moves show up! My short fom review is that the two arcs I read were great, you two oughta be pretty darn proud of your work on it.

Not to worry, this one is the original. Figured I might as well go for the full version on here. Porn and splatter remain. 

Though when you mention cunnilngus I think you must be thinking of the second story, which I doubt will end up on here for donkey's years, assuming I think it's worth posting here at all. 

Which would be a shame if so, as I think part two is much better. 

16 minutes ago, JayDee said:

I’ll get around to longer re-reviewing the updated chapters properly at some point, for sure. Hopefully other folks’ll look it over and review too, although it’s kinda odd on this site – some stuff you’d think would do great for reviews gets none, some gets reviews that makes you think “Wait, what the fuck? Who likes Spyro the dragon snuff?”

By all means, though as I said this is the same version as IBD already showed you. The Director's Cut is just this but with some stuff taken out here and there.

 

Would like other people to review also, yeah, but given how I'm literally the very first person to use this particular tab on the forum I won't hold out much hope. 

As for Spyro... Well, looking at this story, I don't think I should judge. 

[Mortuus Orbis Discussion Thread]

1 hour ago, JayDee said:

Great to see it showing up here! @InBrightestDay sent me through the chapters previously and I sent ‘em some feedback, which I think they passed on. Possibly not the tangents about how there could be a fresh donut store.

Er yeah, I think they just passed along the main part of it, cause this is the first I’ve heard about a donut store. What’s that about?

1 hour ago, JayDee said:

 For anybody else looking at this I highly recommend the story! It has Best Girl, Chun Li.

Yeah, though the events of the first chapter may put them off if they’re a big enough fan of her. I actually produced a sort of “director’s cut” version of this story not long after it was finished, to both make it less overtly pornographic, and to remove some of the parts I found didn’t fit so well going forward. Such as the end of this first chapter. It being the first thing written meant that when the story was finished, some three years later, what I was interested in focusing on in it had shifted a great deal. You’ll probably see what I mean as it goes on.

[Mortuus Orbis Discussion Thread]

Wow, this site’s been around for how long and nobody’s ever used this tab before? That’s almost impressive.

Anyway, this thread is for anyone wanting to leave thoughts or comments concerning the story I’m starting to put up on here now, Mortuus Orbis, a work I cowrote with my good friend InBrightestDay. I hope there will be some.