Sparrow
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Posts posted by Sparrow
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Chapter three is up. Much shorter than the previous one, I’m afraid.
- InBrightestDay and JayDee
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Chapter two is up. Better grab a sandwich or something, because this is a long one.
- InBrightestDay and JayDee
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Authors: Sparrow and InBrightestDay
Title: Bunkerkampf (Mortuus Orbis Part Two)
Summary: Following the events of Part One, the remaining survivors attempt to rebuild their numbers, only to face new threats in the dead city. More pressing, however, is a threat already among them, that their fragile unity may not survive.
Feedback: Reviews and constructive criticism much desired.
Fandom: Misc Video Games/RPGs > Crossovers
Warnings: Abuse Angst Bigotry BMod BP Contro HC Hum MCD MF MiCD Minor2 Oral Racist Rape Solo Tort UST Violence
Solo or chaptered story: Chaptered
URL: http://games.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600091480
Review Reply thread: http://www2.adult-fanfiction.org/forum/topic/69143-mortuus-orbis-discussion-thread/
- InBrightestDay, InvidiaRed and JayDee
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Ok, Satsuki getting marked for the successful hunt like Machiko back in the old Aliens vs Predator novel was an awesome little scene.
Yeah, @JayDee now that I think about it Satsuki has entirely too many similarities to Machiko (reminds me that I really need to read that story at some point, could only find the comic version), minus the whole ‘superpowered sailor suit’ thing. Nothing new under the sun, I guess.
QuoteIt is a great story. I hope the two of you are happy with how it came out because for the most part I had a great time reading it.
That means a lot to hear. In truth I wasn’t as happy with this one as I was with the sequel, mainly because of the thing I mentioned a while back with my idea of what I wanted out of the story changing halfway through. Thus the thing with Chun-Li in the first chapter that feels kind of incongruous with the rest of it.
QuoteFavorite character – double one this- Chun Li from the characters I’m familiar with, Satsuki from the ones I’m not.
Chun-Li I expected, but Satsuki is a pleasant surprise. It occurs just how bewilderingly strange her character must be to anyone who hasn’t watched KLK themselves (for instance, they might not know that her transformed appearance is this), so, why would you say she was your favourite? Just out of curiosity.
And in answer to what you and @InvidiaRed said, I’ll definitely try and get around to posting the sequel at some point. Need to have a think about what the tags should be, though.
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And Fifteen, the final chapter (really more of an epilogue) is now up.
- InvidiaRed and JayDee
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22 hours ago, InvidiaRed said:
I actually disagree, I think you nerfed the Hierophant not Satsuki.
Mm, I think it’s kind of a “big fish, bigger pond” kind of thing. In a modern-day setting, or even a more futuristic one like the original Alien, then this thing would’ve been an utter terror. As you can see when it takes Ash apart without her even hurting it, or how being blown up by Cindy and shot with armour-piercing bullets by Kyle just upsets it for a bit. Even the injuries it inflicted on it by Satsuki and Night Eyes it heals from rapidly. But against something as absurdly overpowered as Satsuki, without the handicap of the situation, it would’ve been crushed in short order.
23 hours ago, InvidiaRed said:I do have to ask the character’s aren’t inhaling Chemical A0-3959X.91 – 15 are they?
Harry was the only one directly exposed to the bioweapon, and indeed, if Tania hadn’t killed him then he probably would’ve transformed into some kind of hideous mutant (or just died) before long, but the Hierophant by itself cannot cause anyone to mutate.
However… the canister of the bioweapon is still out there in the Necropolis somewhere, for who or whatever to stumble across. Perhaps, so is whatever caused it to be brought there in the first place.
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3 hours ago, InvidiaRed said:
What I’m trying to say its incredibly lore compliant
For the Yautja perhaps; I got a few complaints from people that Satsuki should’ve atomised the Heirophant with ease, despite the bits I’d put in mentioning how she couldn’t strike at full strength for fear of bringing the whole bunker down on herself.
What do you think about that?
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11 hours ago, InvidiaRed said:
Chun-Li manipulates Ki as do almost all street fighters. Which is to say Kikoken is using the ambient life energy around and her own to form the projectile.
It suddenly occurs that I never saw her using that in the animated movie that she’s supposed to technically be from. Would’ve thought it’d come in handy in the fight with Vega… hrm.
Lets just keep going and hope nobody notices.
Actually, while you’re here, you mentioned that you enjoyed the final fight scene here. Which is a huge relief, cause the first time we did it JayDee said it wasn’t as good as the first fight between Satsuki and the Hierophant, and I myself sort of agreed that it felt like we’d spent all our best ideas. We redid it into the form you see now. So, what did you like about it? Was there anything in particular?
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What the heck. https://imgur.com/a/e5D1oZS
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20 hours ago, JayDee said:
Still, I suppose it could have had a call back later, like Kyle getting a hand job and then remembering the energy blasted from those hands.
I recall wanting to fit a bit into Bunkerkampf at one point where Kyle goes to her ‘So, I always wondered, how do you do that thing with shooting fire out of your hands’ only to then realise that I don’t know how she’s supposed to do it either.
20 hours ago, JayDee said:Hey! We had websites with images in 2003! Ain’t that long ago.
To me it is, I was only a little kid then.
20 hours ago, JayDee said:That is some pretty darn creepy art.
That it is. The guy does some amazing work.
Now that I think about it, I wonder if it’d be worth bunging the imgur collection I keep all the character art in here? Unsure if enough people even bother coming here for it to be worthwhile, though. What do you think?
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This is the kind of city where he might get covered in peanut butter and chocolate before being dismembered and eaten, just ‘cos [unnamed here evil force behind it all] fancied some Reece’s Pieces…
Wow, you really had to work for that one, didn’t you, @JayDee?
QuoteAlso, Chun Li getting in close and smacking it into the room with the ol’ game-like energy blast was another good image! Basically whenever Chun Li does something I recognise from one of the games I go full fanmode reaction!
Yeah, that one was IBD’s idea, and a good one too. Though it does occur to me now that I never actually figured out an explanation for how Chun-Li can do that within the logic of the story. Nor do any of the other characters react to it. Shame, would’ve been fun for Kyle to jump out of his skin when Chun-Li does it here.
QuoteOne point I liked was the Predator realising what type of critter it actually was, and knowing fear, but also realising that since the humans were having a good scrap with it he couldn’t just quit and run
I couldn’t put it in here cause the site is too ancient to support actual images, but in the original version of this (where all the characters were accompanied by a picture or illustration of what they were supposed to look like, as well as a few others) it was accompanied by this picture by artist spaghettibastard that I thought did a good job of getting across the atavistic terror Night Eyes experiences at this moment, seeing this thing.
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The penultimate chapter, Fourteen, is now up.
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Chapter Thirteen is up. Closing in on the end now.
- JayDee and InvidiaRed
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Chapter Twelve is up.
- InvidiaRed and JayDee
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I can't do as good a job as all these fine people have of reviewing WitS properly, so I'll just try and get to the point.
First off I want to apologise for taking so long to finish it. It certainly wasn't because of any flaws in the story, but more because of me. I won't get into all the details right now, but a large part of it was because after blitzing through most of the story I'd somehow got it into my head that it was leading up to some kind of soul-crushingly bittersweet ending. I think I may have glimpsed you discussing something else with someone on here and mistaken that for a spoiler for WitS, so maybe that's why.
In any case, I was afraid of getting attached to these wonderful characters of yours and then seeing them die. But then, earlier, I found myself in one of those sleepless, tortuous nights that never seems to end and thought what the hell.
And you know what? Having now finished it I feel a lot better. Which reminds me.
QuoteI know that the ending can ruin, or at least diminish, a story, and trust me when I say I worried a lot about this one, about whether the emotions felt real or the ending was too sappy and a million other things. In the end, I can only hope this finale was entertaining to read, and I am sorry if I disappointed you.
Shut up. This ending was perfect. It couldn't have been more satisfying if I'd done it myself (in fact it probably wouldn't be anywhere near as satisfying if I had) and I would not change a thing about it. Kevin and Luzurial have the happy ending I was so afraid would be snatched away from them, and the demon gets a seat of his own in the hot place. A part of it that I was unexpectedly touched by was how the devil mentioned that the lesser demon's messing around on Earth had screwed up its own, more subtle plans to corrupt the place, to the point where it was considering abandoning the Earth entirely as a lost cause. At least that was how I interpreted it.
You couldn't have known that little detail would appeal to me so much, but it certainly put a smile on my face.
Well done indeed, my friend. I'm glad to have seen this through to the end, now.
- JayDee and Sinfulwolf
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Chapter Eleven is up.
- InvidiaRed and JayDee
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1 hour ago, JayDee said:
one of the arc 2 characters seems kinda different to how he does in game, but that’s probably explainable by the game version being a computer program of a dead guy, while the one in the story is pre-death and lacking access to nukes for when someone messes with a girl he likes.
SpoilerThat’ll be Johnny, then. I think that was because A, we came up with and wrote everything for him before 2077 even came out, and B, I wasn’t trying to craft him after what we had from the promo materials for 2077, but rather what we had access to from Cyberpunk 2020, the original RPG. Do remember thinking since that 2077 Johnny seems like much more of a dick than the image I formed of him from 2020, based on what I’ve seen of it (not gonna buy it myself until it’s less buggy).
Not gonna lie, digging up a load of RPG books older than I am to bring the character to life was super fun, and indeed we had so much fun with Johnny that he was probably why part 2 was so much bigger than the first.
Who were the two you managed to identify before they were named, then?
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5 minutes ago, JayDee said:
I haven’t played the more recent Street Fighters so I don’t know if it made it into ‘em, but I bet anybody who played the old Street Fighter II and variants’d remember it and make the connection! I had a good nostalgic blast on SNES Mini when it came out – Those early voice samples were something else. Half the time I thought it was announcing “CHIP PAN!” instead of Japan.
I never played any of them, don’t have the reflexes even for fighting games that came out after I was born, but that was the hope. In fact now that I think about it the only material I consumed concerning Chun-Li here was part of the animated movie this incarnation she’s supposed to be from (I had IBD watch it to completion but I got bored and wandered off before the halfway mark, though I did come back for the part where you see Chun-Li in the shower and then she has the awesome fight scene with Vega) as well as osmosis and idle research over the years.
D’you think she came out okay? In-character and that? The others too, for that matter, since that was a big concern of mine.
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Chapter Ten is now up.
- InvidiaRed and JayDee
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Bunkerkampf (Mortuus Orbis Part Two)
in Promote a Story!
Posted
Chapter Seven is up.