Slayitalldown

Hmm. (First let me say OH GOD ME TOO I LOVED THE BLACK STALLION BOOKS. Books from my childhood haunt me. There was another horsey-book author who's book I devoured and I remember very distinctly that it was the first book to make me cry - heart broken sobs of angsty feels even though now I can't remember the author name but something about a little blind boy and a 'wild' horse... he 'tamed' it by taking it up a mountain every dawn and wishing for his eyesight so he could see her, he goes away for eye surgery and she breaks loose and terrorises the village and when he comes back and find out he goes out to find her and the very first time he lays on his beloved pet mustang *BANG* some bastard shoots her. :'( I'm adding this to the patchwork formula I am trying to devise. I didn't consider stories where the 'unwritten words' were a bigger part of the story later on... I remember watching Atonement and thinking about it for weeks afterwards, simply because of the few minutes at the end. Prefer books that are like catacombs, Forever Amber, Earth's Children etc but they seem very 'unfashionable' despite being fabulous best sellers. I've never once met a person who admits they have read or liked them so I'm wondering where all the fans are hiding or if its a secret club that I shouldn't be talking about...

I've told I write like Stephen King which does nothing to comfort me - I was imprinted very early on with the terror in which his books are supposed to be regarded!

I would be devestated if (should I ever be so fortunate) I had an editor who told me I had made almost no mistakes and still had a bad story. I know that magic puts a body on the bones but I need to find out what these 206 bones look like so I can put stuff on them that makes them pretty to look at and fun at parties! I have the sticky parts, the gooey bits and the wobbly peices but when I put it together it looks like... Abaddon, before she 'Thinged' her hands back on.

I am loving all this advice but the concept of 'trying to please someone' as though I am out for my Pulitzer, can we please shelve that? Trying to convince me to be happy with my own work just because that is what I should be doing is not answering my question. The goal of a writer is to write the best they can. To take the shapeless form ideas that are nothing more than a rush of emotion and the flash of an image and use words like a crystal to bounce ideas out of one mind and into another has a definitive set of rules. Underneath the shape of every ballgown is the stitches that hold it together and the weave of every fibre. The painstaking effort to take a wad of fibres with no form and turn it in to an Armani is not about a little seamstress sitting in her rocking chair with her knitting needles only to discover "Well fuck me, a ball gown!". It is masterful skill and driven intent. No one who ever truly succeeded has said 'Oh, well, you know, I just fuck around and stuff happens and now I'm a published author because I just loved sitting on my ass for hours on end making shit up with no real intention of selling it because lets face it, we're all just running out the clock til the cancer gets us.' What I am desperately trying to uncover isn't the wish upon a star, nor is it the power within, and it sure as hell isn't the giddy joy of accidental creation like an unplanned pregnancy. I am not trying to unlock the door to the Halls of Gratuitous Praise I am trying to solve the mystery behind the impulse of the faceless countless many who open their wallets and dump actual money on an actual counter for the opportunity to gaze into a mass-produced crystal - from the absolute crap that was the abomination known as 50 shades right up to the answers to the universe like... I can't think of the name of that terrible Tom Hanks movie and but I'm sure you know the one, the one knocking the chuch or the Bible or some nonsense. No one is reading them into saying things like "My god, such skill such technique it must have been so much fun to write this book! Forget Disneyland! Take me on this cruise, I must feel this rush for myself!" So what is that elusive pull that draws in so many - lets take a realistic look at the goals of a writer and be honest, how many are paying their bills with praise? - and makes them buy into the journey of 1000 pages? How can I use the map the project my imagery into other brains in the same fashion? All the joy and passion in the world, all correct grammar, all the neatly placed commas are just a big pile and useless fibre without a pattern. There are millions of patterns I am sure but let's face it, unless we are Lady Gaga there is a sameness to all of our tastes!

So bottom line, there is no such thing as 'good writing', there is 'fluff about and scribble down all your random thoughts because end of the day, there's only good editing.'

See this? Not helpful, FYI.

Mildly innaccurate - right in principle but innacurat in the detail. I am writing for myself but not to prove something to others, I just have a much higher expectation than 'she'll be right' which is why my frustration has occured. Minor detail, a word here or there and improvng on someone else's idea is no longer satiating the beast. I am no longer satisfied hunting small animals - I want to sink my teeth into a bear. Perhaps I should have said "I am no longer writing for my own amusement" because I no longer find this amusing. I don't 'hope' to be a writer. I want to run into this battle screaming to live in triumph or die in glory. Ambition has replaced amusement in a particularly agressive way.

I would never deny the greatness of fanfiction - it is an all-you-can-read buffet and for a writer it is a delightful playground. My concern is how dos one graduate from the school-of-hard-reviews to a published author without being eviserated emotionally?

Here's a breakdown of my problem as a writer. DREAM SEQUENCE: I'm a cook. I'm a writer. "OMG, I love food! Can you cook me..." "OMG, I read books! Can you write me..." "No. I will be serving at this massive buffet with everything imaginable, buy a ticket, I'll see you there and maybe you can try what I've cooked already." "No but you can read the book I've already written." BUFFET NIGHT BOOK STORE *Thousands of steaming trays giving off delicious smells, all neatly presented with their chefs waiting behind them to serve* *Thousands of neatly printed books with beckoning covers and enticing blurbs* "Oh good, you came! Would you like to try my dish?" "Oh good you came! Would you like to buy my book?" "Sure, I would love to but I'm an insanely fussy eater who likes to try new things but I'm really only interested in the stuff I already like. I really like steak but I like it medium rare, I prefer pepper sauce, I'm allergic to nuts and I don't really like raisins, but I thought the spiced carrots looked interesting. What's in it?" "I love science fiction but I am secretly in love with a whole bunch of characters already and I hate vampires and I like romance but I'm not sure about all this BDSM stuff. Your story looks kind of cool. What's the short version?" "I tell you what, it doesn't have nuts and it is medium to medium rare and it comes with a cheese and pepper sauce. There are raisins but I think you're in for a nice surprise. Try it and tell me what you think." "Its science fiction but there is a lot of character driven parts and a bit of smutt - dirty BDSM smutt. Have read, tell me what you think." "Okay, I'll give it a shot, I have money to burn." "You seem nice, here, take my money." "OMG I LOVE THIS. It has RAISINS, PEOPLE - AND ITS DELICIOUS." "Shut the front door, raisins and steak?!?! Gimme some!!" "Wow, this is great - love the smutt, I am giving this to my friend." "Teeheehee... it says boobies! I'm showing this to my husband!" REALITY "I'm a cook." "I'm a writer." "What do you cook?" "What do you write?" "I... made a sandwhich. I'm not sure how to cook." "Fanfiction mostly. I'm trying to write a novel and I can't find a recipe for steak with raisins." "Oh, they have books for that!" "You're a freak."

What about as a paying customer? The pleasure of writing has completely been lost to me at this point - I am chasing the dragon now. Its a need and it owns me and if I want any hope of control back, I have to figure out this mystery and I am counting on a secret map so I can find my own holy grail! I am trying to write a story that has a plot but is also driven by its characters so - somewhere amongst their reactions to the device of the plot and each other lies the story I want to tell. I too prefer a slow burn - who doesn't - and I find getting straight to the naughty bits means readers aren't looking for a STORY and hello, people aren't wondering why fanfiction satiates such a wide audience! I actually wrote a 'PWP' and people wanted more of the story so I wrote them more 'PWP' and they are LOVING the story. Bastards. Its not giving me any insight into a world I am pulling out of my ass though - no one is going to wade through mud to get to sexy times that are too 'off the track' to find right away and yet you can make porn plausible with very little work - did somone order a pizza? It also skews my motivation - I'm writing a complex peice of pornography with a long boring backstory instead of a long fascinating history in which two characters are driven by outside forces to save the world that includes 'oh my, they're boning!' on a few pages. I understand enough about the mystery formula to know that a story needs tension and sex is like pouring soap into water - all the surface tension is lost and if you leave it in the sink it gets the wrong kind of dirty. The sink needs to be refilled every time with new water after the tension is broken and its the pull of conflicting forces not the tedious wait for more water that keeps the pages turning. I know there is a recipe. I just know it. Once I can fit what I'm trying to say into that recipe I can start cooking and I am tired of being a kitchen hand... I wanna cook already!! But fear of failure is keeping me down. Sigh.

Did you find a new beta or are you still taking applications?

How much detail are you needing looked at and are you willing to return the favour?

Well, then. There's really no refuting that. I think I'll have that response cast in marble and passed to my descendants. And you threw in the formula - three crises, I haven't found it ever so eloquently and simply outlined. And I was TRAWLING the other day (when I can't write I read and by golly I READ) for a simple breakdown of 'chapter goals' to help me outline and I stalled. All I could find was the 'first chapter goal' - hook the reader, introduce your characters, ground them in the setting, give them a puzzle to solve. Then I could find a damn thing. I got so hopeless lost in trying to make goals I implored my writers group for help and recieved a scathing response to the concept of plotting. Their philosophy was an adamant 'just write, like travelling across country by only what you can see in your headlights'. I was so intimidated by the staunch opinion being expressed (in the area of "plotting is for sissies") I didn't even begin to point out that I am currently in the middle of an extensive road-trip and I rely on three electronic devices, a map and a compass just to get from one town to the next. Flexibility I can get on board with but no plotting leaves me cold with terror. Mind you, the Nanowrimo approach scares me too. If I were to drive the way I write it would be with my maps in front of me and my eyes on the rear-view mirrior. Come to think of it, now I understand why my every attempt at writing dies at the end of the driveway... How is it a person can be entirely self-aware, have an arsenal of information and STILL be so utterly clueless until the obvious is pointed out?!?!? This is why I'm not spy!!

Very understandable! So, a certain amount of vagueness works - I must admit I do get a bit bored when I am being told in a story all about the landscape and its long extensive history, or worse, in the case of Jean M Auel - whom I otherwise adore - the technique for flint-knapping... blow by blow every time someone does it! It reads like a bloody manual. Yet the history of things is intriguing too... I admit that LOTR does bog down in the telling of the story but I then find George R Martin's books are reading like a gossip magazine with everyone fascinated by their own past... Cercei Lannister in particular seems to spend a lot of time polishing her internal trophies! I just cannot seem to grasp it in my own writing. It always seems so threadbare as I try to focus on the action - my POV is a poor budget B-Grade movie with a lot of 'vaseline on the lens'! So now I'm wondering, is this not a technique issue but an issue of confidence - how do I tackle (and overcome) this hurdle?

I am struggling with my original fiction and I am wondering if there is some sort of checklist for scene building and character building. So many advisory articles say things like 'don't just tell us your character is beautiful'. Well, how the fuck do I make an attractive character without stating 'blue eyes, black hair, the most kissable pair of lips and an ass that won't quit' without a) having another character say that or b) having the POV character perving on themselves in the mirror? I find 'show don't tell' the most useless bit of advice in all of the writing world. I JUST DON'T FUCKING GET IT. How far into a story does a reader need to be before they can 'see' what is going on? How much do they need to see? If I have a scene where two characters are walking in the bush, how much do I show, how much do I tell? Do I start with 'it was a bright sunny day, cicadas were chirpy, birds were flying around, wind rustled in the trees and Johhny's boots crunched on the deadfall beneath them' before I launch into Johnny bragging about his new camera-phone or do I start with Johnny bragging and then describe the forest in drabs - 'the crunching under his boots making him speak louder, the sun making him squint, the cicadas droning getting on hi nerves'. I keep reading 'keep it relevant to the story' but how relevant exactly? Does the reader need to know if they red gums or salmon gums or pine trees to qualify as 'bush'? Does Johnny have to be described in every detail or is it enough to know he's a bipedal male? What is the difference in detail to separate 'good' writing from 'absolute crap' and 'pointless waffling in an attempt to be good'? What is GOOD writing anyway? Is it the choice of words, the number or words or some X-Factor quality like good singing and fine art? (I saw a tweet the other day from Joss Whedon - "A story is ten words" and he managed it with 'The head was removed carefully, the gown less-so". Good writing or cleverness and celebrity?) It could be a crippling lack of confidence but I start to write and everything I write feels... like I've drawn it sloppily with a crayon and I have explain what my picture is afterwards like I'm still in preschool. I am utterly lost as to what fits where anatomically. I know the basics - head at the top, two legs, two arms, add fingers and hair - but all my writing comes off kind of 'stick figurey' with lots of white on the page and now I'm not even sure if I CAN write... is this a confidence, technique or talent issue? I look at my writing and I can see what ISN'T there but not what SHOULD be there and beta's seem to (in my experience) want to praise the words I managed to find but not coax more. (This is not a bad thing - betas are amazing but my relationship with betas is complex) I want to be a good writer - the best I can be - and not just an adequate or functioning one as I'm sure we all do but I am finding the more writing I do the more frustrated I become. I learn something, attempt it and someone will point out something else that I have utterly failed at that I wasn't even aware of. So I research til I'm blind, plot my ass off and end up back where I started - fearful of the blank page, even more so of a full one. I have the ambition so where can I find ways to maximise the skill? I practice but honestly, all I have is pages (and pages and pages and PAGES) of stick figures wearing down all my hope. I feel like the more I write, the unhappier I become and it doesn't seem right! Surely someone has had this problem before me and has link or two that will offer a solution?

Author: Slayitalldown Title: Danger Danger, Naughty Naughty Summary: Katherine, Elena, Sam and Dean - together. Elena, hunted and troubled, is trying to learn what it is to be a vampire while on the run with Katherine. The devious femme-fatale has softened towards her newly turned doppelganger and arranges a gift - a night with the two most dangerously delicious men she has ever been introduced to. PWP, femslash and romping in expensive sheets. Feedback: Feedback - especially concrit - is very much welcomed and will be hugely appreciated. Fandom: Crossover - The Vampire Diaries and Supernatural - both owned by the CW and not by me! Pairing: Katherine and Elena, Elena and Sam, Katherine and Sam, Elena and Dean - Foursome romping. Warnings: Smutt, Femslash/Bi-Sexual Activity, Graphic Foursome with Partner-Swap, Crossover Solo story or chaptered story: Solo one-shot URL: Danger Danger, Naughty Naughty at Adultfanfiction.com

I am hoping I can find a patient soul happy to check for grammar and spelling errors in a piece that I will be reworking from a fanfic that I have already written and posted. I currently don't have a beta for the fanfiction version of the story, its been a work in progress for some time and while the people who review it love it, it has been mentioned in the past that it could 'use polishing' for minimal errors. I had a lovely beta begin with the first chapter and post some corrections for me and it has helped a lot with spotting my own mistakes but with none of us being perfect I'd really appreciate the talents of picky pair of eyes! WARNINGS: The story itself is a sci-fi romance with some smut and violence, lots of space-travel and adventure. And swearing. Lots of swearing. No other real warnings - besides the amount of words! 75, 477 and counting - but it will need significant altering of certain details to move it from Riddick-verse into a 'verse of its own so it could probably use a B-story and the potential there is endless - both for adventure and minor errors! If I do my job right there shouldn't be any left-over info from the source material, I've added a lot of my own lore to incorporate my original characters and I just need to build on that to recreate the narrative. If you're a huge Riddick fan and can pick up those kinds of details too I'll consider it a much-appreciated bonus! Here is the link for the current fan-fiction version: Fire, Ice and Furya by Slayitalldown I am currently working on the original fiction version and really hope I can find someone keen to stick with it the whole way - it is a lot of words - but I'm hoping that with the quality my writing is at currently it will just be a case of a story to read while keeping a sharp eye for mistakes. At this stage I'm testing the waters. Feel free to PM me if you are interested.