BronxWench

As much as it pains me to ask this, if you’ve purchased books from Torquere Press, please don’t. They’ve stopped paying authors, editors, and cover artists. While we’re all trying to get our rights reverted back to us, our books are still listed for sale on Amazon, Torquere, Smashwords, Barnes & Noble, Google Play Books, and All Romance, to name a few. Check before you buy: if the publisher is Torquere, please don’t buy. We won’t get paid.

Writer Beware post

There is no mead in the mead shop. Not a single drop. Not until after Christmas, anyway. In desperation, I walked into the ASDA earlier to ask if they sold it. They’d obviously never heard the word before in their lives, and insisted on pronouncing it as: “Meeeeeed…?” That is what I call a wasted youth, and *waggles finger* it’s a sign of just what has gone wrong with this country since the time of King Arthur.
Let’s make Britain great again. Let’s make mead! We could employ at least… ten people! And thousands and thousands of bees. That will give the bees work to do, and stop them from dying all over the place from worklessness. We have lots of bees, all doing nothing for most of the year. Hiding in their homes with the curtains drawn while the rest of us go out to work in the morning.
We all know China is making cheap mead on the side, flooding the market with it. That was a fantastic day… but anyway! We will install a giant net over the UK, keeping our bees safe, and foreign bees out!
/satire
Tip! To make this parody for yourself, mix equal parts Donald Trump and Iain Duncan Smith. Full recipe details can be found on any mainstream news outlet.
 
Oh, but sadly I wasn't kidding about the mead

We’re finally, FINALLY getting some new hires in which show promise.  Maybe, just MAYBE, we (mgr and I) can start normalizing our work weeks.

2016 is not done with us yet. Goodbye, Andrew Sachs, and thank you for making me laugh.
“I know nothing!”

Advantages to online xmas shopping: Done in an hour, easy, get stuff for cheaper than out in town, get stuff you couldn’t get in town.
Disadvantages: The delivery. I’m waiting for around thirty items, but today, if I’m lucky, the postman will deliver one or two of them at best. Also, I went back to bed at 8:15 am, then got an email at 8:26 which I didn’t read, advising me a driver would turn up between 9:25 and 10:25. Seriously!? I woke up at 9:45 to find an annoying card. They didn’t even manage to wake the dog up. They must have tiptoed to my door… *growls*
Right now I officially hate Christmas. And I was doing so well this year.
I can’t help imagining how much worse Scrooge would have become if he’d woken up on Christmas day morning to find cards from the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future saying: “We’re sorry we missed you!”

Last month, a part of my filling fell out. I say fell, I was actually reliving my childhood with a surplus halloween Drumstick lollipop. Today, my appointment at the dentist came up. Thankfully, they didn’t need to do anything painful. They just removed my temporary filling, cleaned it and redid it. I feel like I just got a get out jail free card while on death row. Also, my dental hygeine is great and they don’t need to see me ever again (or for twelve months, which is much the same thing). 
Excuse me while I slump into a relaxed pile of vaguely human shaped happiness. Then I will update stuff.  
I will also think twice from now on before reliving my childhood with chewy sweet things.

So, just signed a contract for Loving Sarajevo! I’m pretty excited and really looking forward to the end of 2016 because 2017 is going to be awesome. The tentative release date for Falling for Him is April 2, mark your calendars!

I’ve been trying to write Elrond/Celebrian all day, despite frequent interruptions, and I have to say, while she is a dreadful tease, he can really tie her in knots with words when he puts his mind to it… Surprised me when I started noticing it, but then I suppose it makes sense, him being such a diplomat and all.
Yes, this means I am writing heterosexual romance… hold the press.
It also means I have broken into your box and eaten your chocolates, CL… I was writing het, I was desperate. I will get you some more
 

A very happy Thanksgiving to all who are celebrating today. I’m grateful for family, and friends, and that includes the family I’ve found here at AFF. 

A very happy Thanksgiving to all who are celebrating today. I’m grateful for family, and friends, and that includes the family I’ve found here at AFF. 

And I just came up with my holiday fic idea…..

Now that I’ve gotten over my childishness earlier, on this Thanksgiving day, I am toying with the idea of writing a comedy/horror story where the ranks of the ghosts of the working class, past and present, conspire to terrorise their enemies. Wherein the first idiot to say: “Yeah, but they’ve got a widescreen tv to watch Jeremy Kyle on!” will be decapitated by a horrifically angry child in rags. Where London’s biggest Waitrose branch becomes a food bank. And every beautiful old building we’ve got that’s been converted into a luxury anything is immediately reclaimed as a public library/art gallery/place to hang out.   
Those hiding in the Ritz and Harrods will find themselves in a converted factory, on an production line where they have to sort stones from pebbles as piecework. Forever. The first of them to say: “I’ve worked hard for what I’ve got.” will lose a limb, teaching them a valuable lesson about what they’ve actually got, and how little it relates to imaginary work that they’ve never had to do. Until now.

A very happy Thanksgiving to all who are celebrating today. I’m grateful for family, and friends, and that includes the family I’ve found here at AFF. 

It’s not my birthday, but I just wanted to take a moment to thank my mum for squeezing out my 11 pound 5 ½ ounce hulking frame naturally all those years ago.  And my 11 pound brother, 11 pound other brother, and 10 pound sister.  All naturally.

Happy birthday to our very own DemonGoddess061!  Huzzah!!     

Happy birthday to our very own DemonGoddess061!  Huzzah!!     

Happy birthday to our very own DemonGoddess061!  Huzzah!!     

Happy birthday to our very own DemonGoddess061!  Huzzah!!     

Happy birthday to our very own DemonGoddess061!  Huzzah!!     

Frankie Boyle. Please don’t ever stop.
 
 

Goodbye, Leonard Cohen; thank you, and peace to you.
2016 continues to march... On remembrance day, too. It seems as appropriate as any of the other insane things that have happened lately.
“They shall not grow old, as we that are left grow old,
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn,
At the going down of the sun, and in the morning,
We will remember them.”
At the two minutes silence today, it’s obligatory to look back, but recent events might cause a few of us to look forward.

I have like a million things to post, but I am lazy. Also, one of my fillings fell out. What is *wrong* with today?

My 10 yr old son just burst into tears when I broke the news to him that Trump had won. I didn’t understand how invested in this race he was until I asked him why he was so upset. Well you see, my kids are Muslims and he was afraid Trump was going to block him from going back to the place he was born to visit his Grandma and Grandpa (which of course he can’t since we are all American citizens with the passports to prove it). This election has far reaching effects and I don’t think anyone will escape at least a little of the fallout.

Had a relapse on Fallout today, will have to get back on the wagon...later.
 

Feeling productive today, replaced the dryer heating element.