[Oh my goddess] The Vain Rose's garden Review replies & Discussion thread

[h3nta1fun]

Hello everyone!

This topic is dedicated for answering reviews (as I cannot post replies directly there), as well as any other feedback someone wishes to give for my story.

The Vain Rose's garden is an Ah!/Oh! My goddess fanfiction that's based on an alternate universe where Peorth grants Keiichi's wish instead of Belldandy. From that point on, it follows the lives of both that couple, as well as the other goddesses and their dealings with their mortal friend. Also, while it does adhere to the same slice of life format that Ah!/Oh! My goddess uses (even with a much more harem like setting), there's a lot more sensual content and interesting situation for the readers to enjoy.

The story can be found here: http://anime.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600055428

Additionally, you can also find me in hentai-foundry,com and archiveofourown.org under the same username, and the same can be said about my story (same title there too).

Criticism is always welcome!

[h3nta1fun]

Il Dodo [id # 3000093269]

I want to thank you a lot because stories of "Ah my goddess" are pretty rare here. And this one is really well written. I'm very curious about what happens next. Hope you will continue this story which seems to have good potential!

Il Dodo [id # 3000093284]

Excellent as the first chapter! I am totally ok with description of others than Keichi : I always thought that it's better to let the author do his story.

I like the more mature Skuld. In fact, it seems that it's Belldandy that is the less mature here.

Otherwise, I understood that you publish this story on other websites. Can you tell which one is your main website ?

Thank you very much for the kind words! I apologize for not being able to offer a proper reply earlier, but I was a bit uncertain as to how to do so, given that I cannot reply on the review section.

To begin with, you can find my story here, as well as Hentai Foundry and Archive of our own, as I've also mentioned in the opening post of the thread. My primary website is technically Hentai Foundry where I first started with this story, but I also enjoy Archive of our own, since it offers a much more direct manner of replying to reviews (as it threads them) and even allows anonymous posting that if often desirable by some of the readers. I periodically check them for any feedback and try to answer them to the best of my ability.

Now, in regards to the story itself, I do plan to keep this going for a while (albeit not on an extremely tight schedule, given how large the chapters tend to be). The idea is to offer a sensual, yet believable version of Oh! my goddess, where the plot drives the events, instead of the other way around. It's going to have a harem feeling, but at the same time, I wish to avoid some double standards in terms of who the goddesses are allowed to sleep with, all while Keiichi enjoys several of them. As a result, this is more of a case of an open marriage/relationship instead of a typical harem scenario with Keiichi being the only man allowed to do anything with them.

Still, that doesn't mean that I'll throw random, anonymous strangers (of either gender) into the mix as partners for the goddesses. If they have an affair of their own, that's going to influence the plot and in Skuld's case, that also caused Belldandy to seek Urd's advice, making her visit her sister who was currently with Keiichi. Such interactions in my opinion add to the plot, by giving some topics of discussion between the characters, aside from the sex scenes themselves. There will be certain limitations of course, before the situation becomes too crowded for the lack of a better word.

If there are any other questions, or anything at all, feel free to post here!

[Guest Il Dodo]

Oops,I didn't see that forum, and post more or less the same questions after your third chapter... Guess I need holidays! ^^

Thanks for your answers. I'm happy to see that your story will take the road you described. Actually, I m reading another story of another universe (naruto), but with the same use of plot and sexyness as yours. And it's one of my favorite stories on the Web. So, keep going!

[h3nta1fun]

No worries at all! I know that it's a bit out of the way to answer the reviews here on the forum, but it's better than having no other alternative.


Now, to add to the above answer, there's definitely a long time goal for this story and even from the next chapter I'll start introducing the antagonists, too. Although the sensual content will remain, I'll make it look like the first half of the series, focusing around Keiichi's college days. As such, there will be some less sex driven events, but whenever that happens, I'll have to rely more on the other characters for some extra sexiness.


And there's definitely will be some interesting development with Belldandy for the next chapter (which counts as a summer special too). I know that I've already had her introduced earlier, but I wanted to give her some time (in story) to interact with Keiichi and get to know him.


Once again I really want to thank you for the feedback! Also if you have any other questions, don't be afraid to ask. I check this thread from time to time, so it's much easier than waiting for the next chapter.

[h3nta1fun]

Quote

From ANON - Kalaong on September 16, 2016
 

Just wanted to say I really enjoy this fic and hope you continue to update it. It's hard to find lemons that strike a balance between characterization and erotization, especially in older or less-frequented sections like Ah My Goddess. And I'm *really* looking forward to seeing how Bell and Keiichi... "handle" each other after his previous encounters with Peorth and Urd, who are far more forward. I'm hoping for  something sweet and tender while still being intense, especially since you're implying that Urd and/or Peorth are going to be *present* when B&K close escrow.

First of all, thank you very much for the kind words. It’s always encouraging to know that this story is appreciated, especially given the sheer size of the chapters. That is also one of the reasons of my rather slow update schedule, but I do promise of keep this going until I reach a satisfactory conclusion. The last thing I want is to just abandon a story for  no reason whatsoever.

 

Belldandy is probably the most difficult to deal with characters in the entire story, given that I’m not going for a completely broken and OOC version of her, just to make matters easier for me. Although it’s undeniable that I had to take some liberties here and there, to make a more sensual version of the otherwise pure AMG, I want the characters to resemble their canon counterparts, or the whole point of this story is lost. As such, I’ll indeed make Keiichi and Belldandy’s relationship a bit sweeter and more innocent both inside and outside of the bedroom. Not only it is important for the sake of keeping her from going too OOC, but also it’s necessary to give each of the goddesses a distinctive feel about their approach when it comes to lovemaking. Otherwise, there would be no difference between them, which in my opinion takes away from the experience of reading the story.

 

Also, you’re indeed correct that one of the two other goddesses will help Keiichi and Belldandy during their first time, but it won’t happen like many of the other scenes where I feature threesomes. It will be intense, but in a fashion that I hope will do justice to the series’ most famous couple.

 

And for a bit of a hint about the next chapter, I will also deal with some of the consequences and implications of an open relationship for Keiichi. With Belldandy added, he’s got three girlfriends and for the moment everything seems like a fantasy for him. So, from now on, he needs to be tested whether he’s worthy of the love of so many goddess or not.

 

Once again, I’d like to thank you for your feedback and support, and if you wish to ask anything, please don’t be afraid to post here. An account isn’t required to do so (guest posts are allowed) and I’ll be happy to answer to the best of my abilities.

[h3nta1fun]

Quote

From ANON - Il dodo on September 18, 2016
 

Hey ! Well, sure it was a little longer than before,  but I thought you were probably in holiday. So it is good for me. :-)

I like more and more your characters. The interaction between Skuld and her father was really nice. 

Hild is the same trouble maker. And at the end, "Keichi " manages to do both mothers and kind of did it to Skuld too! Belldandy remains,  but it doesn't seem a too long issue. I never thought that he'll do Skuld or Ansuz. But , why not like that.

Still, some troubles will appear soon, it seems. I like the interaction between Ansuz, Hild and Tyr, and the fact that they repair the damages. I hope Keichi will have more or less the same. 

The question now is : what is Skuld doing on Earth ? And what Hild will do to his lieutenant? 

Continue your good work! 

Thank you very much! I must admit that it took me way longer than initially anticipated to finish this chapter, especially as I had to a few modifications here and there several times (which only made the delay even longer).

In ll honesty, I really enjoyed writing that scene in the bar, since it was a nice opportunity for Tyr to discuss a few things with his daughter.

I did want to give the mothers a chance to have Keiichi and the whole situation with the clones was just too good of an opportunity to pass. However, Skuld might be a possibility, although it won’t happen right away.

Oh, Skuld’s on vacations, as mentioned in the previous chapter when Belldandy called her. It’s just that she wanted to have a talk with her friend before she dropped by, and that’s why she’s here now. As for Hild… well… that’s going to be addressed in the next chapter.

Once again, thank you very much for the feedback! I’m glad you’re enjoying this story for this long.

[warellis]

Been reading and really enjoying this. Tell me, would any of the goddess' angels be getting involved in the fun as well? I noticed in the first chapter about how seeing Gorgeous Rose was also making Keiichi hard in addition to Peorth.

Edited September 24, 2016 by warellis

[h3nta1fun]

1 hour ago, warellis said:

Been reading and really enjoying this. Tell me, would any of the goddess' angels be getting involved in the fun as well? I noticed in the first chapter about how seeing Gorgeous Rose was also making Keiichi hard in addition to Peorth.

Yes, that’s definitely going to happen and I do have plans for all the main goddesses’ angels (since we only saw them in the series). The only reason why I held back with the angels is that a lot was already happening and didn’t want to throw in too many characters in a single chapter. However, you can expect two angels make an appearance on the next chapter and from that point on, they’ll also interact with Keiichi a lot more.

[warellis]

Ooh! I hope we do get to see the angels have fun with Keiichi! Threesome?

Edited September 24, 2016 by warellis

[h3nta1fun]

Eventually? You bet! Although it might end up in fouresomes…. given how many might be involved into those scenes (Keiichi, a goddess or two, plus their angels… kind of adds up a lot of characters).

Now that won’t happen right away on the next chapter, since I’ve got something a bit special for two of the angels (I’d rather not to spoil what it is though), however, it’ll definitely spark Keiichi’s interest in angels (and not just in a sexual fashion, he’ll try to learn more about them). Also, since this is an AU version of the story, both the situation with Urd’s angel as well as Lind’s twins is sort of unresolved as of yet. So, those situations will have to be eventually addressed too.

In the long run (maybe the chapter after the next one), you can definitely expect the angels to actively join in the fun.

[warellis]

I forget, how big are the angels in comparison to humans or goddesses?

Also considering in the manga Hild showed some interest in Keiichi, will that also be shown here? Her fucking him I mean. I read her fucking those clones but what about the original himself? While Urd was quite adamant about not wanting her touching Keiichi, I get the feeling Hild won’t let something like that stop her!

Edited September 25, 2016 by warellis

[h3nta1fun]

The angels should be about the same size as their hosts, actually. Also, while they don't generally unfold their legs, they do posses legs (as seen in the movie), so that also means they're capable of sexual activities.

Now for Hild, I see no reason for her not to be able to eventually sleep with Keiichi. Urd's main concern is a situation where Hild's going to seduce her boyfriend, but as long as she won't be added as a girlfriend, Urd might eventually allow it. Or… it might happen afterwards, since Hild isn't one to take no for an answer indeed  (although she won't try to antagonize Urd too much).

[warellis]

It's been a long time since I've read the manga but what kind of bodies do the various angels have? Any details there you have? I have vague recollections about them having nice bodies but I can't quite remember more.

[h3nta1fun]

The angels’ bodies are mostly similar to those of their goddesses, although each one of them have different hairstyles and a few other features (like the tattoos on World of Elegance for example).

Here’s a list of them:

Holy Bell (Belldandy’s angel)

 

World Of Elegance (Urd’s angel):

 

Gorgeous Rose (Peorth’s angel):

 

Noble Scarlet (Skuld’s angel, although keep in mind that in my story she’s aged up, just like Skuld is)

 

And finally, Spear Mint and Coll Mint (Lind’s twin angels)

 

Keep in mind that all those are colored versions of the official artwork from the manga, so they are indeed nice looking and not just a hentai/ecchi version of them

[warellis]

Whoa! They look nice! Does Hell have their own equivalent to Heaven's angels here? I don't quite remember if Hild had something.

[h3nta1fun]

Hell does indeed have something close to that. They’re called devils or familiars (depending on the translation), but their appearance varies. In the series, there are a few imp like creatures called familiars, but the ones who truly match the angels are far more similar in appearance. Unfortunately, there’s only one example when Hild tried to gave Belldandy one (in the Angel Eater arc).

 

Keep in mind that the last image is fanart, and in reality, the devil depicted here isn’t colored in the same fashion as seen in the anime (her skin is the same complexion as Belldandy’s and her hair are dark blue).

 

For Hild, there’s no confirmation in the series that she’s got a devil, let alone any images of her. Of course, if I wish to do so, I can come up with something that could be something in between the devil depicted above (her name is Blue Lance btw, but she was actually named a bit later in the manga) and Urd’s angel, World of Elegance.

[warellis]

Wow. It really looks like a lot of women - goddeses, demonesses, angels, and devils – will be having fun with Keiichi in various ways. And no doubt the majority of them, with maybe the exception of Belldandy(?), would have more experience with sex than him?

[h3nta1fun]

That’s indeed true. Well, Belldandy has some experience, although Keiichi’s going to be her first male partner (she only had Lind so far, so all her experience is with goddesses). Also, Skuld isn’t too experienced either, since she just got a boyfriend and at this point, Keiichi might actually have more experience than her.

It is also the reason why I’m not going to directly involve all characters with Keiichi, to keep the story a bit more plausible. For example, Skuld already has a boyfriend, yet she’s there to spend some time with her sisters, and Lind is mainly involved with Belldandy (who in turn will become involved with Keiichi). And both Hild and Ansuz have a lover of their own, but since their daughters are involved with Keiichi, there might be a few moments with him too, eventually.

[warellis]

I forget but how good are the angels at sex?

One thing I read from the wiki is that angels can switch hosts, like Keiichi gaining Holy Bell for a while for example. It kind of makes me imagine him having one of the angels (or maybe two in the case of Cool Mint & Spear Mint) and it coming out of him unexpectedly for quick or secret sex somewhere. Like he wakes up in the middle of the night with an angel sucking or fucking him.

Another thing I remember from the manga was Hild having a child form that dressed in a very racy racing outfit in the broom race chapter. Will we get to see her avatar in action? IIRC Hild often kissed people outnof the blue.

[h3nta1fun]

The angels should be as good as their hosts are. After all, they share memories and feelings, so each of them should behave in a somewhat similar way to her goddess.

It's indeed true that they can change hosts, but the process can put a lot of strain on Keiichi's body. Still, something of that nature might actually happen, although not because the goddesses gave their angels to Keiichi.

Now, for Hild's avatar… The truth is that I'm not comfortable with minor characters (even if it's only their appearance and not their actual age) in a story like this. However you might indeed see Hild (in her full body) in that outfit, and her habit of kissing others out of the blue will remain.

As far as that outfit is concerned, there are two versions actually. One is what she actually wore in that race and the other is part of a cover from the manga. Here’s the images:

In story:

 

And he’s the other one:

 

Edited September 30, 2016 by h3nta1fun

[warellis]

Yes! Well I could imagine her wearing that in her adult form here!

[h3nta1fun]

That’s definitely going to happen at some point

Although I’m leaning more towards the second version.

[warellis]

1. I'm wondering, what demons will have fun with Keiichi here? Hild is obvious so I imagine Mara will as well?

You know I'm wondering but how would you describe Hild's body in your mind? Or any of the other demonesses you've shown so far. Like what is Hild's body like for example? Or Hagall's?

2. Regarding the goddeses' angels, you mentioned earlier that 2 would show up in the next chapter. I imagine those are Cool Mint & Spear Mint?

Also I forget but considering you mentioned the angels' bodies are mostly similar to their mistresses', what kind of bodies would you say Peorth, Urd, Belldandy, Skuld, & Lind have?

Also I noticed Ansuz apparantly had a very small chest?

Edited October 8, 2016 by warellis

[h3nta1fun]

I suppose that Hild is the obvious choice, but with Mara… things will be a little bit complicated. That’s all I can say for now

For Hild and Hagall, I guess this is what they look like:

Hild: http://fav.me/d1gkfp0

Hagall: http://fav.me/d9a0o8g

For the two angels, I’ll only say that it’s definitely Gorgeous Rose along with another one of them. The two Mints will show up at a future chapter.

The goddesses:

Belldandy: http://fav.me/d21w0pj

Urd: http://fav.me/d20zqrf

Skuld:http://fav.me/d225jzj

Peorth:http://fav.me/d21f1x0

Lind: http://fav.me/d21pc8k

[warellis]

Any of the angels into a bit of femdom or anything? Because Gorgeous Rose and her vines makes me imagine her tying up Keiichi and teasing him before letting him squirt. Probably not at all true to her personality or anything.

Edited October 11, 2016 by warellis