Loric and the Chains of Fate

[SirGeneralSir]

I did an Original story, just the first chapter.

I am looking for any kind of feedback on the story, I may or may not continue it.

Author: Me SGS
Title: Loric and the chains of fate
Summary: The gods and goddesses are gone, the world is ruled by darkness even on a sunny day. A young tavern boy helping pull miners out after a collapse, falls into a crevasse to his doom only to wake up at the ruins of an underground temple with a beautiful woman sleeping on its altar, who happens to be guarded by a demon.

Story is about a young man that finds a goddess that has been asleep since the time of lights end when the demon hoards drove out the gods and their heroes.
Feedback: Feedback and constructive criticism much appreciated.
Fandom: Original
Pairing: MC/multiple
Warnings: 3Plus, F/F, Fet, Fingering, M/F, Oral, Other, Preg, Rape, SH, WIP,

http://original.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600109810

Edited April 15, 2021 by SirGeneralSir

[SirGeneralSir]

So I added a second chapter a while back, still not too much in the sex department….. yet.

If anyone has had a chance to read it, I would very much like some feedback on anything really because its the first time I have written a story of this type in an original world.

Thoughts on the characters, The world, my flawed writing style?