How to completely ruin the mood.

[DarkInuLord]

In a fanfiction of course.

I thought I would write up a quick guide on how to completely ruin the mood of your story in just a few simple words, to help those writers that just can't figure out how to make people stop reading!

Step one: Substitute normal terms such as 'climax' or 'orgasm' with slang terms like 'cream' and 'jizz'.

Step two: Remember to dress your characters as 'ghetto' as possible, dew rags and wife beaters are a must, and don't forget the baggy pants and no belts!

Step three: When all else fails, use more slang! Here are some easy terms that you can put into your story to add just that little bit of extra flair!

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?...=Pearl+Necklace

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=emo

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bearded+clam

Optional: Have them smoke marijuana and drink a lot, drugs are hip!

Remember kids, the more your story pisses people off the more likely you are to get a review!

And hey, even if they stop reading half way through they still clicked it and you're still getting hits from it!

[PorkChopExpress86]

Step one: Substitute normal terms such as 'climax' or 'orgasm' with slang terms like 'cream' and 'jizz'.

I don't mind words like that, its when it gets REALLY ridiculous that I have to stop reading. Stuff like "love staff" and "bearded clam" as you point out.

I used pearl necklace in a story because one character was trying to be funny only she blew it and called it a diamond necklace. It was in character tho, otherwise I would stay away from terms like that.

[Psychostorm]

I'm pretty sure the sick bastards who get off on my stories wouldn't have their pleasure derailed by something as trivial as all that. But then again, trying to be sexy or arousing isn't the main point to my fics anyway, its just a small cog in the larger machine of depravity.