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  • 2 weeks later...
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TCR Wrote

Jump (Desiderius_Price)

This was an interesting take…  I like it.  Well written and quite emotionally charged, held within the wording you chose.  The descriptions of the places were quite vivid and well done, I was able to picture them all.   And the characters were written quite colorfully.  The treatment described reminded me of things I'd read about Vietnam war vets coming home and one that came to mind was actually Rambo… (I think my age is showing…)  The fact that Kent was willing to stand up gets a good applause, too.  So, bravo, bravo!

Line I laughed at: “He's on official business.”  I just think about what had to be going through peoples’ minds seeing a naked guy walking around and being told it's official business.

Thanks, I’ve got a playlist that helps when I write these types of scenes/stories.  This is a story I really had to mull over, get the scenes right, positioning where Nick was such that he could talk to the police w/o them immediately “rescuing” him, hence, the grenade [which Nick knew to be a dud]. 

As an aside, this is where the original universe can be helpful, as this story’s genesis came from my notes on Kent, where he’d save the person in this unorthodox fashion.  BTW, he does get disciplined for this, but I decided to drop that scene because it’d ruin the overall vibe.  (If I ever do a “cops” style story, I’ll write that scene into that story.)

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