Boulevard of Broken Dreams Review Replies & Discussion

[DrunkenScotsman]

Opening review reply thread for the story "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" in the Rosario+Vampire section. Feel free to chime in with your thoughts and speculations about the story, and I'll answer questions and reply to reviews as well.

Link to story: http://anime.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600055343

[Aysha c.c.]

I read all your reviews on the story so far and it looks like you're generating a lot of interesting feedback.

It doesn't look like you have to worry about too many people rejecting your work. It is as usual well written and well told.

I think it was inspired of you to think about sharing the deepest fears of the girls in the Newspaper Club, I wonder, did you do the same for Tsukune? I wonder, would it include his mother finding out that her teenage son has his own harem and that he's having sex with each of them on a weekly basis?

I WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT! I HATE HAVING TO WAIT!!!

Edited February 8, 2016 by Aysha c.c.

[Guest Guest]

Guest reader again. Clearly the theme of this sub-series is deep fears.

Moka Outer and Kurumu I look forward the most to. I wonder if Kurumu's fear is that she becomes the classic succubus and has her own harem of men but not Tsukune so it's empty?

[DrunkenScotsman]

Thanks for the feedback, gents!

Guest: Damn, that would've been a good idea for Kurumu. I kinda wish I'd gone that route now. Outer Moka's is coming soon, so I won't reveal too much about it.

Aysha: I will tell you that Tsukune does get his own chapter, but it's not to do w/ getting caught by Mom. That woulda been pretty damn funny, actually, so maybe it's better that I didn't go that route?

[Aysha c.c.]

I think a horror has to scare the reader more then the characters in the story. You know what I mean?

[DrunkenScotsman]

Good point. I guess maybe I was shooting for psychological thriller, maybe? Like I said, this story is so far afield from what I normally write that I have no idea what I'm doing.

[Guest Guest]

DrunkenScotsman here is an expanded reply to the one I already gave.

Kurumu stroked Tsukune’s face and planted desperate kisses on his lips, hoping against hope that the fairy tales might come true for her. Tears streamed down her face and sprinkled Tsukune’s until he had a faint sheen, like in the stories and pictures of saints brought by the Catholic monks to Japan five hundred years ago. Sobs and whispered apologies sneaked out between kisses.

“I love you, Tsukune,” she murmured when she finally recognized that he wasn’t coming back.

If you had stopped right here and then moved to having Kurumu wake up THAT would have been more of a horror I think.

“Delicious, no?” hummed her mother from her desk chair, also inexplicably nude. The flowing waves of her dark-blue tresses barely brushed the swell of Ageha’s bountiful bosom.

Kurumu started. “M-Mother!” she yelped, unsuccessfully covering herself with her hands.

Or as Aysha points out if you want to freak the reader out have Kurumu enjoy the 'taste' of Tsukune's life force so much that she can't get enough of it. Something like she keeps him captive on the edge death to drain him again and again. A more sadistic version of Moka's blood snacking stick. So when Kurumu shows up to have sex and drain him Tsukune begs her not to sleep with him, not to drain him or just to kill him to end his suffering. Perhaps Kurumu kills Tsukune and wants more so in the dream she goes after Mizore to have sex and then drain her. Last thought before Kurumu wakes is which girl is drained next to feed her new hunger.

THEN Kurumu wakes screaming.

This entire theme of uncontrolled hunger might have worked even better with Inner Moka now that I think about. You established she is afraid of drinking his blood, because the injury is so much more savage than normal since its 'love bite'. So in the dream she drains Tsukune and the only regret is that there was not one more drop to drain. Cut to wakes up screaming.

[DrunkenScotsman]

Thanks for the feedback! Regarding the "uncontrolled hunger" part, I think what I was aiming for was to draw the parallel between Kurumu and Moka - one of the original points of contention between them was (and continues to be, if jokingly) that they both only want Tsukune as a "snack," just in different ways. One could also say they both only want him for one of his bodily fluids - Moka for blood, Kurumu for semen.

Given that one of her motivations is to repopulate her race, I thought it'd be pretty terrifying for Kurumu to have to eat the soul of the man she loves most, that she's put so much effort into having a relationship with, in order to procreate. I think I was trying to pit one of her fundamental motivations (procreation) against the other (romance).

The whole thing w/ Ageha was to try to symbolize Kurumu's character growth; she's renounced the use of her succubus powers on Tsukune, even against her mother's wishes. Her fear, then, is of backsliding into the person she was before she met Tsukune, which Ageha had molded in her own image. She's afraid of destroying herself and what she has with Tsukune in favor of becoming the person that her mother wants her to be (that is, a "little Ageha").

If this seems wishy-washy, half-baked, or otherwise unsatisfying, I apologize; I'm trying to remember where my head was when I wrote this chapter several months ago.

[Guest Dumpster117]

Hello.

I'm a fan of your stories and have read every single one. I'm enjoying broken dreams and I have some ideas you could use to make more stories.

1. A story of the girls having a dream about their perfect life if Tsukune choses them. Like Mizore having two kids and another bun in the oven, Yukari having Tsukune and Moka, and so on. The exact opposite to broken dreams

2. One with multiple choices. This can be the unofficial thing but the idea is let us chose who Tsukune choses. week one is Moka then Kurumu after that Mizore and so on. Each chapter is about one character with different times in their life with Tsukune.

These are just ideas and I don't expect you do use them but couldn't hurt to give them to you.

I love that you made this series and I hope you keep making more wonderful work.

[Aysha c.c.]

Some of us are still holding out hope that Moka will come to her senses and Tsukune will get to marry all the girls.

I find it hard to believe that, if she realized what she was really asking of Tsukune, that she could actually be so cruel and callous to him and the friends she loves.

The outer vestige of the Moka character is supposed to be the embodiment of kindness and caring.

It is the kind caring bubbly nature of outer Momoka, the girl who would do anything for her friends and go out of her way to help strangers, that he fell in love with from the beginning.

Later as he got to know her he fell in love with the inter persona of Moka when he realized that she would fight any monster or overcome any obstacle to protect the ones she loved but also I think when he realized that strength was a shield to protect her own emotional vulnerability.

If the two of them would actually stop and think about the consequences of Tsukune choosing her and only her as she demands; they would realize that that choice would destroy Tsukune and her friends, the ones who actually survived it would despise her the rest of eternity. Not to mention the fact that Tsukune would eventually come to resent her.

No! The only right way for the story to end is for them to all end up together, for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness or in health. Lol

[Aysha c.c.]

By the way, personally I think Yukari orchestrated this little nightmare fest to teach Moka this very lesson.

[DrunkenScotsman]

For the purposes of this story, I've decided that Outer Moka's biggest personality flaw is her jealousy and possessive nature. Hopefully that's been apparent thus far; if not, spoiler alert!

I think it makes an otherwise somewhat bland character more interesting, because it's such a contrast to her kindness and care for her friends - she loves them like sisters, but she doesn't want to share the man she loves with them. I think part of her naively thinks that ultimately the other girls will be okay with Tsukune choosing her.

As for the cause of the nightmares, nothing in particular is causing them, since they're spread over the course of several weeks amongst the members of the harem. Rather, if anything is causing them, it's their latent fears bubbling to the surface.

PS: Thanks for the support and for the suggestions, Dumpster! I don't know if I'll do any of those, specifically, but you never know how I might incorporate your ideas into what I do write.

Edited February 23, 2016 by DrunkenScotsman

[Guest Dumpster117]

I understand and thanks for reading my suggestion's

[DrunkenScotsman]

Thanks to everyone who reviewed Inner Moka's chapter! That was by far the goriest, most brutal thing I'd ever written; I named it "Mortal Combat" for a reason! The chapter also gave me a good opportunity to try my hand and writing an action scene, and I'm glad it had its intended effect.

Guest: That interplay and internal conflict is what I'm most enjoying about writing Inner Moka. I'm glad it works for you as well, though I can't take full credit for it - I'm borrowing liberally from the manga as well as the anime, even when their respective tones (dark action-adventure vs. silly harem comedy) make melding the two a difficult task.

Ego Killer: Your input is appreciated as always. Sorry that you're starting to hate Moka now. It strikes me that she's experiencing the onset of "loss of privilege": the more her formerly-dominant position is threatened, the harder she fights to maintain it.

Aysha: Thanks for the review, my friend! I'm glad you're amused by Kou; he's one of the most ridiculous parts of the anime, and my only regret about telling a story more strongly focused on romance is that I don't get to use Kou more often.

Dan: I looked for your story and username on FF.net and couldn't find it.

Darren: Dreams are FUBAR like that sometimes. That's what I find so fascinating about them, and why I wrote this story the way I did.

[Roadkill47]

Finally got around to making a profile. Was (guest guest).

Looking forward to the next chapter of the story.

[DrunkenScotsman]

Welcome aboard! Unfortunately, it'll be a while before my R+V saga continues; I'm in end-of-semester panic mode and have zero writing time. I'm also in the middle of writing a story in the Marvel domain, which will take priority until it's finished.

[Guest Kaywye]

Sir, it has been so long since you posted a new chapter, could you please continue this story? Or have you abandoned it? Please don't give up. It was really really awesome to read. 

[DrunkenScotsman]

Sorry it’s taken so long to reply – life’s gotten busy for me the last few months.

To answer your question: “Boulevard of Broken Dreams” is finished.  I’ve been working on the next (and final) story in the series, but it’s been slow going due to the aforementioned busyness.  The story itself has resisted being written at several points as well, further slowing things down.  I recently made a bit of a breakthrough, so the writing’s coming along much better; nonetheless, I project that the final installment won’t be ready until sometime this summer at the earliest.