Star Wars Rebels: Teenage Response

[The_Yellow_Lantern]

Hey there, I wrote a story last week and have updated it with a further 3 chapters since. It has 700+ hits but not a single review. If anyone wouldn't mind reading it and giving me feedback, I'd really appreciate it. I recommend you be a fan of the actual show though to get the most out of it.

http://cartoon.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600094929

It's basically about Sabine Wren and told mostly from her perspective, her loner attitude from the crew is tested particularly when a most unfortunate event happens to her.

Thank you!

[JayDee]

I had a quick look, think you might need a rape tag for that first chapter. What with the whole begging him not to fuck her and then him fucking her.

I'll try and give a little more feedback later. Don't know those SW characters at all!

[The_Yellow_Lantern]

I had a quick look, think you might need a rape tag for that first chapter. What with the whole begging him not to fuck her and then him fucking her.I'll try and give a little more feedback later. Don't know those SW characters at all!

Thank you!

[JayDee]

Ok, so, missed an oportunity for a punny chapter one there, "Rape of That Sabine Woman," just to wind up the fine art fans.

On the erotic side! I thought the scene in part one was actually pretty hot. Not bad at all for a first effort, I thought, used the force quite well.

Could use a little more polish on the grammar - basically the same thing as people say about my stories! - eg with the tense in "She had came." or ""Just finished me!"

I don't know that I'm enough of a fan of that part of Star Wars fandom to check out the rest (being pretty busy all the time!), but good luck with your story, and, yes, there's a lot of cases with many hits and not many reviews.

[The_Yellow_Lantern]

Ok, so, missed an oportunity for a punny chapter one there, "Rape of That Sabine Woman," just to wind up the fine art fans.

On the erotic side! I thought the scene in part one was actually pretty hot. Not bad at all for a first effort, I thought, used the force quite well.

Could use a little more polish on the grammar - basically the same thing as people say about my stories! - eg with the tense in "She had came." or ""Just finished me!"

I don't know that I'm enough of a fan of that part of Star Wars fandom to check out the rest (being pretty busy all the time!), but good luck with your story, and, yes, there's a lot of cases with many hits and not many reviews.

Thank you so much for the feedback! I'll have to keep that in mind for when I finish the next chapter. I notice that IPad's don't respond very well with AFF, which has resulted in unbalanced spaces and such.

But thanks again for your feedback, I've been dying to hear someone say something about it