DrunkenScotsman Posted August 8, 2014 Report Posted August 8, 2014 Thread started for review replies and discussion of DrunkenScotsman's R+V fanfic, "Study Date." Quote
DrunkenScotsman Posted August 15, 2014 Author Report Posted August 15, 2014 Thanks for your review, Aysha! I'm glad you enjoyed it and that it felt sufficiently like an anime episode; that's what I was aiming for. Hopefully the second chapter, which I posted earlier, will get some more responses... :/ Quote
DrunkenScotsman Posted August 20, 2014 Author Report Posted August 20, 2014 Again, thanks for your review, Aysha. It almost seems like you're the only one reading this story... :/ About your critique: I certainly appreciate the feedback, though I'm sorry it was so vehement. What else would I use there, though? "His brown eyes locked with her seafoam eyes" - that second use of "eyes" is redundant. I'm not gonna use "orbs" or "globes" or anything like that. So if you have a suggestion, I wouldn't mind hearing it. Quote
Aysha c.c. Posted August 21, 2014 Report Posted August 21, 2014 (edited) how about "locked on the majestic seafoam green soul of the young woman he loves so much?" but no matter how you slice it even a redundant use of the word eyes is better then the word "ones" I swear it's like nails on a chalkboard to me! Edited August 21, 2014 by Aysha c.c. Quote
DrunkenScotsman Posted August 21, 2014 Author Report Posted August 21, 2014 That's overdoing it, but I'll think on it. Quote
Aysha c.c. Posted August 21, 2014 Report Posted August 21, 2014 maybe but it is an anime/manga and they do tend to go overboard with them. I'm just saying try to get creative Quote
DrunkenScotsman Posted August 21, 2014 Author Report Posted August 21, 2014 Okay, I went in and revised it a little. It's a minor change, but I hope it's enough to keep you from coming for my head now. Quote
Aysha c.c. Posted August 22, 2014 Report Posted August 22, 2014 (edited) I like it! Funny thing, S.E.T. happens to be my initials Edited August 22, 2014 by Aysha c.c. Quote
Aysha c.c. Posted August 31, 2014 Report Posted August 31, 2014 Man! I had to resubmit my last review twice because of the damn mistakes my voice writing software kept making so frustrating! Quote
DrunkenScotsman Posted September 1, 2014 Author Report Posted September 1, 2014 Yeah. I work with a student in the writing center who uses voice-to-text software and it usually causes several errors. They're usually easy fixes, though. Quote
DrunkenScotsman Posted September 6, 2014 Author Report Posted September 6, 2014 Ego Killer: Glad you enjoyed the story up through ch. 3. Writing Tsukune so passively is kind of a drag in some ways, but it's kinda freeing too, in that I can focus more on developing the character of the girl that he's with. It's definitely a fine balance though, and something that'll slowly shift as time passes in this series. Aysha: Once again, thanks for your input. Since your comments touched on similar aspects as EK's, I won't beat the dead horse on that. I'm glad you enjoyed seeing the possible downsides of Tsukune becoming aggressive, at least as inner Moka imagines them. Quote
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