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Wishful DragonCon


lexxfan4life

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To the reviewer from my latest story, Wishful DragonCon: http://original.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600107141

So here's my first attempt at constructive critism ok? First if all, you don't need to write dialogue like that when it's not a play. You're obviously attempting a regular narrative in the other paragraphs, switching it up makes the reader come out of the story. It just feels wrong. Also, try to work on fleshing the characters out. From what I read, they all seem to be based on people you must know (with the exception of hannah, who I assume is based off of yourself) because it seems like you know them and the reader has no idea who they are/what they look like/what their background is. Also, the story has no buildup or real detail. You go way too fast and there's no time to get drawn in. So it feels really dull and boring. Oh and you should work on the sex scenes... Not realistic, even for a fantasy.
That's all I really have for now but I hope this helps because you do seem to be very creative and you should keep writing!

First off, I usually take my critisim personally, but learning to take them as ways to write better.

I've always seem to write in a narrative transcript format. Yes, I had many complaints about it, but this is the style I'm comfortable with. I have, no complaints, for my recent version of Maroon Lust, which is written the same way.

Also, this story is mostly taken from it being made into a script. I was told, in a script, that there are less detail. Also, my characters are not based on anyone, I know, personally. Hannah, is not me, at all. I'm not the character's age.

I try, to make the story, as real as possible. Well, I try to make the settings real. Yes, I've been to Dragon*Con, so I try to make look like I'm not making any errors on location and what would generally happen at this particular convention.

Yes, it does feel short. Try writing it. It's 86 pages out on my WordPad and over 100 pages as a script.

As for the sex scenes. I am writing a script and try not to give out a lot of graphic detail. I have had, complaints, where my details were too graphic. That's tame, compared to what I can write.

I will try and make it more like a novel, but it will take a while. A long while. Also, you think this one is bad, you should read the plot from 2008. It may had, a lot of detail, but it contained myself and people I knew. But, the plot was confusing and some scenes actions didn't make sense, some dialogue was pointless and the action was out-dated.

That is all, for now.

Edited by lexxfan4life
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