Moondance Review Replies & Discussion

[DrunkenScotsman]

Just starting the thread for now. I'll reply to reviews from the first 3 chapters later this week, and I'll try to stay on top of it, more or less, moving forward.

[Aysha c.c.]

I'm wondering is tsukune really going to let anything erotic happen between himself and inner mocha on the first date? How will outer mocha react? I think she would be immensely jealous! I think after reading your story I'm going to have to watch the series again for the 4th time!

Edited June 13, 2014 by Aysha c.c.

[DrunkenScotsman]

Since I don't want to give anything away, I can only say "you'll have to wait and see" and "tune in next week."

[DrunkenScotsman]

As promised, review replies!

Fading Light: I'm glad you enjoyed "The Witching Hour" and are enjoying "Moondance." If you want to review "The Witching Hour" in more detail, please do so - even though it's long finished, I love getting feedback on my stories. Also, please check out "Died in Your Arms Tonight" - it's not connected to the other two in any way, and it's very different tonally to what I'm doing now, but I think it's one of my best pieces on AFF. (Edit: In fact, I'd encourage all of you to read my other R+V works and, if you're so inclined and haven't done so, to review them also!)

Verifiaman: I'm glad you're enjoying the sequel to the story you commissioned. My experience writing "The Witching Hour" inspired me to follow through with stories for all the girls, which I'd been wanting to do for a while but struggling with a place to start. So, thanks for your contribution, and I hope you continue to enjoy!

Aysha: Good to see you back, my friend. As usual, thanks for your eye for detail that catches things even when I miss it proofreading. In response to your above post, it's not so much a matter of Tsukune *letting* Moka do things to him, if you catch my drift...

Death from Above: If Aysha's comments were any indication, you're not the only one feeling teased thus far. From a meta-narrative perspective, I think it reflects how the whole date has felt to Tsukune thus far.

Ego Killer: Welcome aboard, and in keeping with the devil-face up there, I think your word choice - "what inner Moka will do to Tsukune" - is apropos.

I look forward to each of your reviews for upcoming chapters. I'll probably respond again in a couple weeks, after chapter 5 is posted.

Please feel free to discuss amongst yourselves as well!

Edited June 15, 2014 by DrunkenScotsman

[Aysha c.c.]

Ego Killer: It's good that you updated but I have to say I'm a little let down by this chapter.

All signs considered I had expected to see Inner Moka actually have sex with Tsukune and possibly unleash his inner power so to speak.

The foot fetish thing, as Aysha commented, I never understood.

Either way thanks for the update. Hope the next chapter is better.

I think it would be overly ambitious to expect either Moka to have sex with Tsuknue a on the first date, they are both too shy (though inner Moka hides it with her know your place bravado) to go that far on a first date. You also have to consider the fact that they share the same body. They do respect each other and I don't think that they would go that far without the other's permission. If I'm honest I think Drunken Scotsman pushed it as far as he could. Especially considering Tsukune's personality. If he had been more assertive, which I think he should of been, I think he could have pulled her down on top of him (boxers on) and they both could of gotten off doing to grinding. I think what inner Moka really wants is a more assertive Tsukune. However I think that is as far as inner Moka would go with out outer Moka's permission and I think the same goes for Tsukune. I truly would have been shocked, and would've told Drunken Scotsman that it was out of character, if they actually did have sex, even though that's what we horn dogs really want to read about. But don't worry I've read quite a bit of Drunken Scotsman's work and I know if your patient you'll be quite satisfied with what you get.

[DrunkenScotsman]

Thanks for the reviews, everyone. So it seems like no one was into the foot thing; sorry that it didn't work for y'all. My foot fetish is mild - what I wrote is about what I'd be comfortable with IRL, and I find the other foot-related stuff like sucking on toes to be kinda gross. I appreciate your collective honesty all the same.

More importantly, though, I thought Moka using her foot was important symbolically. I won't dig into it too much here; I'd rather my readers now puzzle that out for themselves.

Aysha, I very much appreciate your kind words and support in the above post. You're right that Moka needs something a bit more before she "takes the plunge," so to speak. Hopefully this upcoming chapter 5 will be sufficient for you.

[Aysha c.c.]

You are very welcome. As a writer you have earned my respect. not just because your stories are so good, and they are very good, but also because you take constructive criticism well, and you go after your mistake like they are a roach on the dining room table during Christmas dinner.

However I do have one question: isn't the other mocha being a bit on the dormant side throughout these interactions? I mean Inner Moka talks to the outer Moka when she's sealed away, shouldn't the opposite be true?

Edited June 30, 2014 by Aysha c.c.

[DrunkenScotsman]

That emoticon was an awesome follow-up to that simile. That IS how I go after mistakes.

Your question is a good one. I don't know if the anime addresses it at all; in the manga, the mystical seal starts going on the fritz at one point, so that inner Moka is active even with the rosary in place. En route to getting it fixed, she has conversations with outer Moka (who's stuck in the rosary); but in those instances, the rosary is physically attached to her person. At least for the purposes of this date in my fic, she's not wearing it at all. If I recall correctly (since I've been working on a different story recently and thus haven't been thinking about the plot of "Moondance" as much), they discuss the issue in a later chapter. So an explanation is forthcoming, but I won't spoil it here.

As for her desire for Tsukune to be aggressive, that's one possibility. She could also prefer if he were passive so she can take the lead. Either one is a valid interpretation of inner Moka, but you'll just have to wait and see which one I used.

Other review replies:

DFA: Thanks! I'm glad I was able to explain some things with this chapter, which was its intent. Sorry for being such a tease.

EK: No apologies needed. Your feedback was honest yet not cruel, so it was definitely well-taken on my end. I'm glad that my writing had its intended effect in this chapter. I chose to keep inner Moka's thoughts a mystery up till this point on purpose, since she's such a mystery to Tsukune; but being inside her head here, especially given the content of her reflections, represents how she's going to open herself up to Tsukune a bit more now.

FL: I'm glad it clarified things for you. I think sometimes I'm guilty of asking my readers to take leaps of faith with my plots. Like, "I'm pretty sure you'll like what I've got planned, but you have to trust me. I know what I'm doing." I don't know if that's common among writers, or if it's a trait of good writers or bad ones. It blew up in my face pretty badly with one of my other stories, "Down Under" in the Marvel 'Verse domain. That's a long story though.

I look forward to hearing your thoughts on the next chapter, coming on Wednesday!

[DrunkenScotsman]

Not much to cover in the review replies, but here goes anyway:

EK: Wow! Thanks! I can't help but wonder what exactly you'd hoped, that I exceeded it so thoroughly.

DFA: Which part(s) did you find touching?

FL: Tsukune at least has some vampire mojo in his veins, but "half-vampire" seems a bit much for his anime incarnation. (Manga!Tsukune, on the other hand...) Also, I mostly included the BP tag to cover my ass, since it wasn't exactly intentional. More on that in future chapters. I could definitely see BP being a big part of vampire sex in any world where vampires exist, but going much further with it doesn't seem (to me) to fit the light and fluffy tone of the R+V anime.

[Aysha c.c.]

I just dropped my review today so you can read it and get back to me on it! I DEMAND SOME ANSWERS! LOL

"Did he just get me pregnant?" Thought other Moka.

[DrunkenScotsman]

Your comment about lack of protection is well-taken, and something I hadn't thought about. You're right that the topic needs to be addressed. Tsukune and Yukari's night together was totally without protection, but it can be handwaved b/c "no protection" doesn't automatically mean "knocked up." However, it stretches credibility too much if the girls continuously go "bareback" (as it were) but none of them get pregnant. It won't be addressed in this fic, but I will work it into the sequel involving outer Moka, I promise.

Also, I'll be posting the next chapter in a few minutes. I expect your review to be the first this time.

[Aysha c.c.]

I agree with everything you said in the above post so I'll wait and see how you deal with it in the next story.

As for my last review I was hoping that you would answer it by saying: "No you don't know me at all my friend; of course I'm going to write a chapter for Kokoa!"

Edited July 19, 2014 by Aysha c.c.

[DrunkenScotsman]

I'm still debating whether to include Kokoa in the grand scheme of things. I've got kind of a lot still to write as it is, with two actual haremettes still to cover, and maybe Ruby. Also, while writing outer Moka's story, I had a brainstorm that I think will lead to a "grand finale" of sorts, that will bring a lot of the conflicts and questions surrounding the Mokas and the rosary and R+V's whole "harem" setup to something of a satisfying conclusion, while trying to tie all this in w/ the anime. (Phew!) Not to mention, Daye's helping me kick around ideas for my next X-fic.

The answers to your review questions will hopefully be answered in outer Moka's story. I hope. :/

EK: Awesome. I'm glad this interpretation works for you. Inner Moka in the anime is a bit confusing, since she has a lot of the markers of the Tsundere archetype (which I kinda loathe, actually); so writing this is my attempt to understand her.

FL: Thanks for the compliment. I'm glad their dialogues worked for you. And of course Kokoa has a dirty side - she may look loli, but (as she points out) she's fifteen years old. Manga!Kokoa has an affinity for Boys' Love mangas; I haven't decided what my version likes to read, or even if making that decision is all that important.

DFA: "Not disappointing" - that's sure a ringing endorsement. :/ You're quite right about inner Moka. One of the funniest episodes of the anime is the one where she's trying to "replace" outer Moka due to the destruction of the rosary and clearly has zero idea how to socialize like a normal(ish) teenage girl or fit into the group dynamic of the Newspaper Club.

[Aysha c.c.]

As a fellow writer of epic stories, I realize that we fans of this story are asking a lot. However I think it would simply be a shame to leave out Ruby and Kokoa. I know it'll be a lot of work, especially considering that Ruby's would have to be such a long story, but hang in there, I know you can do it!

Edited July 21, 2014 by Aysha c.c.