AnthonyFiction's Review Replies — Time for School

[AnthonyFiction]

If anyone is interested in reading this completed novel, feel free to click the following link. Unsurprisingly, I will reply to any reviews here. http://original.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600106856

Summary: An unremarkable high school student suddenly discovers an inexplicable, remarkable superhuman power inside of him. It doesn't take long for him to begin using it to his advantage, and make his fantasies come true. Fingering, HJ, M/F, Minor2, OC, Oral, SI, WIP

Redsliver 2014-03-09 id # 3000216863

Stumbled over your story tonight and was happily surprised. I like all of your women, Elizabeta and Jennifer being my favorites. The story is very well written, very well constructed. I like the slow pace. It never seems hurried and yet isn't dragging.

I'm interested in the shadows and noises but also just in the progression he has with each girl. I hope they all continue to play some small part. Talia has seemed so far just a flash in the pan. I really adored her response to the time stop. Discovering that wildness in a girl is always such a thrill. I'm glad Anthony seems to be appreciating it.

I like to add a piece of constructive criticism with every review. You're very descriptive. You use a lot of adjectives and dependent clauses. The simple declarative sentence can be powerful. You may want to consider using more of them.

Thank you for sharing this story. I look forward to reading more.

Hot damn, the first review on this story.

First off, thank you for the great review. I agree with your sentiment on the characterization, as creating those believable characters that people can relate to is what I pride myself on. As the character pool grows, it will be expectedly more difficult to kind of throw in the many characters here and there.

I also know exactly what you mean with the long sentences. It's definitely something I notice myself do. The thing is, when I'm writing the story and reading it back, those long sentences flow well in my head just because of the timing of what's being said/acted out. It just sounds right to me and I have placed smaller sentences in at times, only to feel like the full stop was too abrupt or too sudden. Again, I want it to flow nicely and not feel so chopped up. However, I will take this criticism seriously and give pause to my punctuation in the future.

Thanks again.

Edited January 15, 2015 by AnthonyFiction

[AnthonyFiction]

Redsliver 2014-03-20 id # 3000217129

I continue to enjoy this series. I wanted to take the time to reread and get my thoughts together in stead of simply giving my immediate first impression review of the new chapter.

My favorite part about the story is the pacing. It rolls out evenly, steadily, and never feels like its wasting time nor hurried. I love the flow of expositional chapters to sexual ones because the plot continues even the sex happens. The story is strong enough that if the story demands that you follow a sex chapter with another sex chapter, or a full story chapter with another full story chapter: do it. But for now I quite like how it works.

The characters are the draw of the story. You have a lot of different and positive women in Anthony's path. That in and of itself is daunting. But also your male characters are interesting. I like Brandon. I enjoy hating Jason. They add a very big benefit to the story in their very small roles. I'm looking forward to the conversation with Frank. However, the crux of this story is the women. I can't say I dislike any of them yet. I quite like most of them. There is a predatory part of me looking forward to Jordan's turn. I'd also love to see some repeat performances but so long as the story keeps progressing I'll enjoy following it.

As a geek, I often enjoy breaking down people's powers and figuring out tricks and cool abilities. The one that came to me for Anthony was to stagger time stopping his shoes, left, right, left, right, allowing him to walk up air like its a staircase. I point this out mostly as an example of how I enjoy reading your story. The plot devices are fun thing to play with bringing me back to read it again.

And the constructive moment: last time I spoke of run on sentences and your response to it was thoughtful and excellent. Thanks for considering that. This is in the same vein, I'd like to discuss word choice. Uniformly, you use the word sable for black hair. Great word, but a few other synonyms for black wouldn't be amiss. Another one that sticks out to me is using appendage for breast. It's not wrong, academically, but it feels a bit off to me. The "to me" is the important part there.

I've seen from the first publication date and the newest chapter that you are pumping these out at an impressive rate. I wish I could be half as productive. Good luck, keep writing and I'll quite happily keep reviewing.

Okay, wow! This is one mammoth post.

I know you touched on the characterization before and I replied to it, but I shall reply to it again. As far as the characters go, I like to list out their personality traits in my head and then think "what would they do in this situation?" A little random trivia: I don't know how obvious this is so far, but the characters in this story are based off of people I knew in school. Obviously I took some creative liberty with their characters and changed their names as well. It is possible that such an aspect gives me an added depth to how I think their characters will act.

The 'time stop staircase' idea is cool, but I will say that it's not something I could find myself using. However, there are plenty more new plot devices to come later in the story.

I've always thought that 'female appendages' was a good synonym for 'breasts.' Personally, I try to keep the more "vulgar" terms to a minimum; which is why I don't use 'tits' or even 'boobs' very often. Though, the opportunity is always there - after all, this is a first-person POV story which lets me get away with a lot in terms of wordage. I'm always looking for synonyms to expand my vocabulary, which is why I usually have webster.com's thesaurus handy when I sit down to write.

And finally, as for the rate of production, I've actually been struggling to hurry up and make new chapters. For one -- I made the mistake of not having multiple new chapters ready to go from the start, and two -- as I mentioned in the opening author note of the story, I intend to make this a series. So, a part of me is kind of itching to get to that next story.

Thanks again for the great review. I think at this point, it's safe to say you're my biggest fan.

[AnthonyFiction]

WildWestSamurai 2014-05-19 id # 3000218763

I came for the sexual content, and wound up staying for the story.

The premise is interesting. Boy who can freeze time, but with X-rated content. Now, that's something you're never gonna get out of a Nickelodeon movie.

The characters are basic, but likable. I'd like to see a bit more variety to their personalities. What kind of video games do they play? What are their interests? I only say this because you might be falling into the Gary Stu/Mary Sue trap despite your stated intention not to. A good story can only carry bland characters so far.

Still, the sex scenes are serviceable. Hopefully, they become more varied as well. Maybe your hero has some kinks in his closet? The mystery of what strange force is watching him has me engaged. I want to know more. Who it is, what it is, what it wants. Keep the story going, because despite my criticisms, I really did enjoy reading it and want to know what happens next.

I appreciate the fact you enjoy the story. Truth be told, I'd be interested like hell to see that out of a Nickelodeon movie, haha.

At the risk of looking like a defensive twat, I disagree with your notion about the Sue trap. The main character is the only one with the Sue potential and, because of that, is the character getting the largest - almost constant - amount of character advancement. However, my apology to you or anyone who feels any of the other characters are underdeveloped. I truly feel that, from my perspective, they're getting plenty of love. I have gotten other reviews praising the secondary character development. You may have also noticed in my opening author note that I intend to make a series out of this. Because of that, I'm kind of itching to move on, so some people and sequences may be rushed along. It's unfortunate, but necessary for the series as a whole.

Again, though, I appreciate it and I thank you for your review. I hope to keep you guessing and keep you in perpetual cliffhangers until the very end.

I wanted to also take this time to apologize for the long delay. I've had to deal with some varied real life things that kept my mind off of the story for some time. It also caused me some distraction when I'd try to sit down and write some new content. Another problem was that I rushed into publishing the story with only two chapters. I blew both of them in a week, which was dumb. That left me struggling to keep up the pace and write new chapters as quickly as I could, which may have caused some burnout. Hopefully this new chapter will be enough to make up for it for now. It's the biggest chapter since chapter two, so plenty to read in the meantime as I get some more chapters churned out.

Edited June 24, 2014 by AnthonyFiction

[AnthonyFiction]

Redsliver 2014-06-23 id # 3000219593

Hey, wow, two chapters since I last checked! Today is a great day.

You keep proving yourself as a writer and storyteller and I'm happy to watch you continue and, I'm thrilled to say, improve.

I have only really had one moment of doubt in how you executed anything. It is in Ms Adanna's acquiescence (Kudos on keeping her called Ms Adanna throughout the scene, most hot for teacher scenes have that moment where the teacher asks to be called by her given name irrevocably changing the balance in their friendship.) When Ms Adanna's first reaction was "no, I'm a teacher." I was quite pleased. Her rapid turnaround felt a little too quick. I feel it may have served better if time had restarted after the no until perhaps she caught his eye a few minutes later in the class, giving a discreet nod or gesture and then returning to the timeless world, would be better. Still, this is your story and it is coming along brilliantly and I'm looking forward to more of everything you do. Keep writing and definitely trust yourself because you're doing great.

You have many beautiful girls to get to and a half a dozen to keep happy. A daunting task for the best of us, good luck.

Very true. 100% true. During writing, I also felt like it was a little bit rushed. The problem was, as I've said before, for the most part I'm in the mindset of just getting the story done. I did feel as though if I'd done anything to make the scene longer, it would've felt like it was dragging on in my mind. I like to think of the story as a big piece of gum that you chew on. I don't want to keep overexplaining and extending something more and more to the point where all the flavor runs out. This is just a minor instance, but even still, I wanted to take the 'shortcut' this time around.

Thanks for continuing to give the story a good read!

[AnthonyFiction]

threejack 2014-06-25 id # 3000219642

Time For School is a wonderful story. The actors are deeply developed and fully believable. The plot has wonderful twists and turns you never know who is going to be next and where it will happen. This is one of my two favorite stories on this site. I check for new chapters several times a day. Please keep writing GREAT Stories like this. THX

I'm glad that the aspects of the story that I always keep in mind are indeed being noticed! I strive for the believability factor as well as the elements of surprise and suspense. Thanks for the cool review and being such a loyal reader!

[AnthonyFiction]

Redsliver 2014-07-25 id # 3000220501

Your writing is noticeably improving as you go. I quite liked Sofia's surrender, it was well piloted the fact that it's the confidence and not the superpowers that get the girl is a better path to follow.

I'm curious if Anthony's mental insistence that these encounters are shared between friends is infectious and what's keeping any of the women he is with from expecting, imagining, or seeking more than he's offering. That all the women have been riding their post orgasmic high for weeks without periods of insecurity or disbelief is the most unreal moment in a story about stopping time.

I'm not suggesting you follow up on my questions, there's a compelling innocence to Time for School that could easily be lost by dwelling on the pessimistic. This innocence is particularly why I like the over flowery romance novel euphemisms. I tend to use harsher language in my own work but I'm not writing uplifting hopeful stories.

I'm looking forward to Elisabeta's chapter, while part of me looks forward to funding out you're misleading us to build more tension between Anthony and my favorite of his girls.

Whatever you decide, I'll be there to read it.

Thanks again for another great review. However, unlike the last ones, this one left me scratching my head. Specifically, this line:

"That all the women have been riding their post orgasmic high for weeks without periods of insecurity or disbelief is the most unreal moment in a story about stopping time."

So far, less than two weeks have even passed in the timeline. Aside from that, I really just don't understand what you're saying. What post orgasmic high? Why would they have periods of insecurity or disbelief?

If you ever get back to me on this, I could address these concerns (if there are any? I really don't know!) and use it to make the story better. But regardless, thanks again for continuing to be a fantastic reader.

[Guest Jamey Monroe]

I just love the story and I just want to know when the next chapter is going to be published?

I am older 63 and thru the years stories or movies (Twilight Zone) about stopping time has always fasinated me.

I also like your writing style. I have read yhe other comments and know what U mean when U say it is hard noy to use run on sentenses. Your head does not know when to shut off.

Having worked in an English Dept. Writing Lab. in College and then Teaching it is easy to read other peoples works and find errors. U are doing a fine job of telling a fun story. Keep up the good work.

Jamey Monroe

[AnthonyFiction]

@Guest_Jamey Monroe: Thank you very much for finding my story fascinating. I truly did not think that anyone would think of this story as such, but is really nice. So is having an English professor reading my story, haha.

Hot damn, has it been two and a half months? Go figure. Regardless, people like Jamey continue to show interest in the story and I appreciate the hell out of it - really. Considering the fact that I've been slacking on writing, it's invigorating to know that more people are still reading and enjoying this story. Thank you. I really hate going radio silent, but I don't want to ever make promises that I may not be able to keep. However, with that being said, I will make my intentions (read: not a promise) clear.

I really did not expect that I would take this long to finish this story after starting it at the beginning of this year. My personal expectations were to have it finished by August at the latest. It is now the beginning of December and it's still not done. So, in the interest of moving the hell on already, I want to finish the entire rest of this story by the end of the year. I still have a decent chunk of story to write, plot points to wrap up and one very big action-fueled surprise before I can finally slap "The End" on it. So I'm going to be buckling down as much as I can this month to get this bad boy finished up for good. Please, look forward to it - because I am.

[Guest Allegro]

I loved this story, if I had the power to stop time I would do everything that you did, except I would have have sex with the girls more then once. You should totally write a sequel to this!