I Am Acting Normal

[Psybee]

So here's my situation. I'm a college student who works two different jobs to help pay for tuition. I get good grades, get along with my girlfriend, blah, blah, blah.

Well, last spring I went home to visit my family who I have not seen in a long time. Work kinda prevents me from doing that. So I come home and I find that my dad is sleeping in the basement and my mom's taken control of the upstairs bedroom. I notice but I don't say anything. I just want to have a good time at home. Well, on the day I was supposed to go back up my dad pulls me aside and says, "Things have really changed haven't they?"

"Not so much. Andy (my brother) is still fighting with everyone."

"Me and your mother are getting separated."

It's funny how words can ruin your whole weekend and, possibly, the rest of your life. Did this comment affect me? Fuck yes! I saw all my hard work go down the drain as I barely scraped a 3.0.

Fast forward to Fall 2007. Once again my visits home are sparse because of work but eventually I make home for Thanksgiving. I don't even close the front door when my brother warns me to say away from mom. I brush off his advice and go see her. We hugged before I saw her face become serious.

"You knew," she asks. I mentally shrug and wonder what is she talking about.

"Knew what mom?"

"You have a younger sister." Now there is something I have forgotten to state. My father has two other children, a daughter and a son, who live with their mothers, so I'm thinking she's talking about "Shelly", my step-sister.

"No," she continues, "You have a 5 year old sister that lives with Robbie (step-brother)."

Sigh

To make a long story short I went through the same cycle as in the Spring and C's greeted me when I looked at my final grades.

Now it's 2008 and so far I have not visited home. Sadly I have to go home in the next two weeks because of a dentist appointment but I' terrified. I don't want to go home and find out another secret that will affect me and my grades. I don't have the emotional capacity and I don't feel like talk to my Advisor about my failing grades.

So AFF Community, do I have a right to be afraid of going home?

[greenwizard]

It sounds like things have gotten pretty rough for you. To ask if you're acting normal is a loaded question though. Normal is a relative term. What's normal for me probably isn't normal for you. I probably would have failed everything and had a complete nervous breakdown.

I don't blame you for not wanting to go home. Your family almost makes mine seem functional.

[shinigamiinochi]

Well, my older sister and I hate each other, my dad spends all of his time in the basement not talking or coexisting with the rest of us, my mom hates me and is never afraid to tell me all of the things that are disgusting about me, and the only times that my parents are together is when they're fighting. I am deeply shocked that they never got a divorce. For most of my life, they had been contemplating it, and my least favorite phrase that I remember as a kid is "the only reason why we're together is because of you kids". Gee, mom, thanks, I feel soooo much better. I dread going home. Don't get me wrong, I do love my family, but it's a love/hate relationship. The only person in my family that I really get along with is my cousin, Fu. However, a lot of bad memories circle around him, so while we're like brother and sister, our conversations can get really dark. I don't blame you for hesitating to be around your family. I mean, the happiest I am is that first night that I come back home from college, after that, it's hell. "65% of American families are disfunctional" Are you normal? Statistically, yes. I don't believe in normal though, are you realistic in your feelings? Yep. I'm actually sort of grateful for my family, since my cousin's life reads like a soap opera. It's selfish, but I like having someone around who's stories of family life are much darker than mine. I mean, no one in my home life has mental disorders, so I feel like I don't have a right to complain. You have every right to fear going home, I have the same fear, even when there is nothing really wrong with my life.

[Psybee]

Thanks all. I told another friend she was like, "You're so paranoid."

[DemonGoddess]

I dunno that I would say your paranoid. I can see where you would be anticipating more stressful news upon your return home though. It's been the pattern the last few times you've gone home.

As to talking to your advisor, you may want to anyway. If you're having problems at home which affect your grades, that is what your advisor is for, to help you. Maybe he/she can come up with something to help you cope better.

[Solaris]

I agree, talking with your advisor at school.

He or she will probably help you out.

And I think you are stressing out about what new news will greet me this year around.

Why don't you greet them with your own news of you dropping out of college and shock them a bit,, when they explode with anger, just tell them I'm not dropping out but your problems has resulted in me stressing out and getting bad grades. I have had enough of your problems to the point it is causing me problems at school, now if you have personal problems, don't talk to me about them. You will only stress me out and make me get more bad grades.

If you tell them that their problems is causing you problems at school, they may not talk about their problems with you or when you are around.

Beth

[Psybee]

I talked to my advisor yesterday.

His advice: "Never go home."

Or if I do have to go home to stay at a friend's place. I'm probably going to do that.

[DemonGoddess]

Obviously you can't really avoid going home at some point or another, so staying elsewhere would definitely be best.

[shinigamiinochi]

Eh, when my cousin decided that he couldn't take living at home anymore, he moved to Japan. now THAT'S commitment.

[Psybee]

I wish I had family in other countries that I actually liked. Sadly majority of them are Bible-thumpers.