Metroid - the Bergman Affair feedback, comments, and workshopping

[HunterOpera]

JIMMY IS A CUNNING COCK SUCKER. But In a way you could say it is just where he would be if she hadn't ran off in search of answers, only she would be FAR less servile to her husband.

Jimmy is an awful human being who is having a refined temper tantrum, and is taking advantage of everyone to get what he wants. He's a sinkhole of selfishness with decent manners and fashion sense. Lara, I think, had an inkling of this and would have put it together before too long if she hadn't taken to adventuring. She's intelligent; he's clever, but his cleverness might be his undoing.

[HunterOpera]

I sort of predicted James would spin things his way, but the way you wrote it really upped the mind-fuckery.

It's unfortunate you intend to end this story on a bad note, at least to me, who hoped Lara would have some light at the end of the tunnel. Will still read on though, cheerios.

Interestingly, as I was working on the next bit the story took an unexpected turn, something that might lead to a much lighter ending. It's going to need an outside bit of backstory, though, to make it work - so I think I'm going to take a page from you and do a new story that acts as a prelude to this one.

This story has been drawing from the original timeline as a basis, but taking more from the survivor timeline at the start. The original timeline saw Lara as a loner and borderline psychopath with very few friends or allies, someone who very much did everything on her own. Without help in this circumstance, she would be doomed... but if we're talking about the survivor timeline, she has friends, people that care about her, a life outside of adventuring. She's not alone, and people do come to her rescue more often than not.

She's got a way out, in other words. The interesting bit will be in seeing how that plays out.

[HunterOpera]

Regarding Regarding "Reins of the Tomb Raider," Burnsidhe said:

I dislike "bad end" and "revenge rape" stories. This is turning into one of the worse examples of both. The villain of the story is apparently flawless, his plans work perfectly, and he suffers no setbacks. He needs a setback. Estates have existing trustees. English law does not recognize legal documents signed under duress. All existing trustee has to do to overturn power of attorney is prove Lara is being held in degrading conditions. Videos leak. Pictures get taken.

Traditionally, so do I. It's one of the reasons I was having trouble with Masque'd Hawk; the idea that this sort of revenge is somehow right is so inherently flawed that it's difficult to know where to pick apart the logic. There's the old thing about digging two graves when you head out to take revenge, one for your target and one for yourself... and you've pointed out several of the flaws in James' plan. He's locally ingratiated himself into Parmistani power structures, but he's a short-sighted idiot who's hanging himself using a very long leash, and I didn't realize exactly how this was going to end until earlier in the week.

I could still bad end it, but that's not where this story is heading anymore. Would have been back in the original timeline, I think, but there's people that care about Lara in the survivor timeline and that makes all the difference. It also gives me a chance to play with some of the characters that Rise of the Tomb Raider didn't bother with, or only talked about in passing.

[Guest Guest]

Don't forget TRINITY who want Lara out and about, unknowingly traking down artifacts for them - the only reason they didn't kill her. The Emperor is a dead imbred (Caligula fucked his sisters -TRADITION)monarch.

[MorbidFantasy]

Regarding Regarding "Reins of the Tomb Raider," Burnsidhe said:

I dislike "bad end" and "revenge rape" stories. This is turning into one of the worse examples of both. The villain of the story is apparently flawless, his plans work perfectly, and he suffers no setbacks. He needs a setback. Estates have existing trustees. English law does not recognize legal documents signed under duress. All existing trustee has to do to overturn power of attorney is prove Lara is being held in degrading conditions. Videos leak. Pictures get taken.

Traditionally, so do I. It's one of the reasons I was having trouble with Masque'd Hawk; the idea that this sort of revenge is somehow right is so inherently flawed that it's difficult to know where to pick apart the logic. There's the old thing about digging two graves when you head out to take revenge, one for your target and one for yourself... and you've pointed out several of the flaws in James' plan. He's locally ingratiated himself into Parmistani power structures, but he's a short-sighted idiot who's hanging himself using a very long leash, and I didn't realize exactly how this was going to end until earlier in the week.

I could still bad end it, but that's not where this story is heading anymore. Would have been back in the original timeline, I think, but there's people that care about Lara in the survivor timeline and that makes all the difference. It also gives me a chance to play with some of the characters that Rise of the Tomb Raider didn't bother with, or only talked about in passing.

If yall are in to hentai, I'd highly recommend the "Dawn of the Silver Dragon Brigade" manga by Mukai Masayoshi, which you can find at various sources which I won't list here. That manga also had such potential, but also had a sort of bad bs ending where the women dominated just seemed to go along with it. That being said, the artwork and the earlier volumes (especially volume 2 of the total 4 in my opinion) is superb.

It's also why I'm 99% never going to write a truly "bad" ending where the bad guys win so thoroughly. While I enjoyed the mind control and domination of female protagonists, I find that since the bulk of the story is things going to shit, if we end on that as well then the whole story has no "period" to its arc, and comes out as just a open ended trek into oblivion. It's not quite a cliffhanger, but the feeling is similar.

[HunterOpera]

Don't forget TRINITY who want Lara out and about, unknowingly traking down artifacts for them - the only reason they didn't kill her. The Emperor is a dead imbred (Caligula fucked his sisters -TRADITION)monarch.

I'm thinking this would take place after Rise of the Tomb Raider - Lara's seen some stuff and dealt with Trinity and Ana, so they're about as much a factor here as the Solarii. Maybe even less. Regardless, James doesn't know anything about either group, and neither would Zamir. Turns out that this lack of knowledge is going to cost them.

As far as Caligula goes, yeah, dude was into the incest pretty hard, but he was also into anything that happened to be around pretty hard. I figure the Emperors of Parmistan are a bastard line, the result of a child that Caligula himself never knew existed, or a bunch of people that claimed the name without actually having the blood.

[MorbidFantasy]

I'm thinking this would take place after Rise of the Tomb Raider - Lara's seen some stuff and dealt with Trinity and Ana, so they're about as much a factor here as the Solarii. Maybe even less. Regardless, James doesn't know anything about either group, and neither would Zamir. Turns out that this lack of knowledge is going to cost them.

As far as Caligula goes, yeah, dude was into the incest pretty hard, but he was also into anything that happened to be around pretty hard. I figure the Emperors of Parmistan are a bastard line, the result of a child that Caligula himself never knew existed, or a bunch of people that claimed the name without actually having the blood.

Ohhh didn't read this when I sent you the second pm. This time placement makes more sense. Disregard my second pm, haha.

[HunterOpera]

If yall are in to hentai, I'd highly recommend the "Dawn of the Silver Dragon Brigade" manga by Mukai Masayoshi, which you can find at various sources which I won't list here. That manga also had such potential, but also had a sort of bad bs ending where the women dominated just seemed to go along with it. That being said, the artwork and the earlier volumes (especially volume 2 of the total 4 in my opinion) is superb.

It's also why I'm 99% never going to write a truly "bad" ending where the bad guys win so thoroughly. While I enjoyed the mind control and domination of female protagonists, I find that since the bulk of the story is things going to shit, if we end on that as well then the whole story has no "period" to its arc, and comes out as just a open ended trek into oblivion. It's not quite a cliffhanger, but the feeling is similar.

I'll check that out tonight. Have you seen Princess Knight Lilia or Space Warrior Iris? I'm rather fond of both of those, where the protagonist seems thoroughly broken and then manages to win. It's definitely where Bergman is going.

Stories need an arc. There's an old thing about most stories following a yes-no-yes or a no-yes-no pattern, where the protagonist goes from being in either a good place or a bad place, facing something that changes his or her circumstances, and then somehow ending up in an exaggerated reflection of where they began. So, someone starts off fine but something happens and strips them of that fine, but they persevere and end up better than they were for the challenges they face.

Most bad end stories start bad and get worse; they break the formula, and we end up waiting for something else to happen. The stories I'm working on should fit that yes-no-yes arc, at least for the heroines involved. Samus is free and relaxing, then has everything taken from her, and through her perseverance ends up freeing herself and saving the galaxy (spoilers~!). That works. Lara is on a dig looking for some lost treasure, gets caught and tried as a criminal, and then doesn't escape... that doesn't. The completion of the story is her freedom, or should be.

This started as a dark end fic. It isn't anymore. The trick is going to be figuring out where to install my out.

[Guest Guest]

TRINITY was still VERY active at the end of RISE. THEY killed Ana (post game credit scene) sniper - while Lara was pointing a gun at her. THEY let Lara live.

if you didn't know.

[Guest Guest]

I really didn't mean to come off as an asshole there. I just thought you didn't know.

[MorbidFantasy]

TRINITY was still VERY active at the end of RISE. THEY killed Ana (post game credit scene) sniper - while Lara was pointing a gun at her. THEY let Lara live.

if you didn't know.

Yeah well the tomb raider reboot has been stated to be a Trilogy, so come 2018 We'll be seeing Lara wrap things up with Trinity, maybe.

Doesn't matter though; other than the mention of Yamatai and Sam, Hunter has left enough vagueness in his fic with regards to the time scale that we could feasibly fit both Rise as well as TR2018 in before Reins and still keep continuity.

[Guest Guest]

2018? they set a release year?

[MorbidFantasy]

2018? they set a release year?

Not sure where I read that date. I think it might just be speculation. Could be 2017 for all I know.

[HunterOpera]

TRINITY was still VERY active at the end of RISE. THEY killed Ana (post game credit scene) sniper - while Lara was pointing a gun at her. THEY let Lara live.

if you didn't know.

I did, but it looks like the organization is in tatters - similar to where the Solarii were at the end of the first game. There's not as much tying them to Lara at this point, so i'm willing to let them lie. There is, however, still a connection between Lara and the Solarii, though there's inches and degrees. You'll see what I mean tomorrow, I think.

I really didn't mean to come off as an asshole there. I just thought you didn't know.

No worries, but thanks for the clarity.

Not sure where I read that date. I think it might just be speculation. Could be 2017 for all I know.

I heard 2019 somewhere. Can't remember where, though.

[Guest Guest]

How is 'similar... but different' a good ending?

I'll wait to read the end, and if she's free, I'll read the lead up.

I just don't. want to be misslead, then resent you for doing it. You seem a decent sort, and an excellent writer. I just hate this bad endings business.

I had given up on this till I read recent posts on this thread, stating a change. The writers notes at the end of the latest chapter, don't fill me with confidence.

[Guest BoobsWriter]

Hey, I've been reading your Tomb Raider story for a while now. Unfortunately I'm having some problems posting reviews on AFF. Whenever I try it just flicks back to a blank review box and nothing gets posted - after a few tries I gave up. Hopefully I can post in this thread however, as an anon - since I also can't register on this board due to captcha issues, goddamnit... Btw, my pen-name is BoobsWriter, I'm the guy currently writing 'Taming the Raider' - would appreciate your opinion on my story too, if you have one.

So here's the review I tried to post...

Really starting to get into reading this after chapter ten. The way
you're showing Lara's mental breaking is pretty cool - just giving the
reader a few hints at her decaying state of mind by describing the look of
desperation in her eyes slowly fading to one of dull compliance, or
the dumb grunting sounds she's now been reduced to after having been
portrayed as so educated and well-spoken in the games.

I wasn't sure about the narrative perspective at first (thought it
might limit the psychological insight a little too much to have a
first person narrator other than Lara) but you've made it work very
effectively. Also the voice of the narrator is well characterized and
adds something to the overall feel and individuality of the story

A few of the more painful sounding details of her outfits are a little
much for me personally, like the lips-clips and the clit bell. I just
kind of cringe at the thought, rather than finding them hot, but I'm
sure plenty of your readers will appreciate those details. Other than
that, your descriptions of her dressage were awesome - firm,
unfomfortable control that renders her pretty much incapable of
fighting back.

Your methods for breaking her will are inventive and believable -
sleep deprivation, routine enforcement, 24 hour discipline even when
she's sleeping etc. All great ideas that might actually condition her as you've described. And
having Drasha as her trainer was also cool - showing that Lara isn't
so tough after all. When it really comes down to it and she's in a genuinely hopeless situation perhaps even she could break - nice work.

Personally I'm hoping you continue after chapter 15, just draw things
out a little more. Mess with her mind again by staging some kind of
mock-escape, having Lara believe she's made it out of the country with the
Earl's help; give her a cooling down period where she almost returns
to her old self. only to have the Earl pull a big reveal like they
never really escaped Parmistan or something, then cue Drasha's return...

But that's just my wish list. I'm sure you've got something cool
lined up. Looking forward to it!

Also, I wanted to add a note about the mythology behind your setting, Parmistan. This was one of the details I initially skipped, but then picked up on later, after becoming really interested in the back-story of your fic. Having all these references to Roman emporers and Greek-influenced religious traditions was a great touch. It really adds character to the setting and makes it all the more menacing for Lara's plight, having her stuck in this wierd semi-futuristic land-that-time-forgot - reminds me a little of that creepy 70's movie The Wicker Man, and to a lesser extent the hilarious Nicholas Cage remake!

[HunterOpera]

How is 'similar... but different' a good ending?

I'll wait to read the end, and if she's free, I'll read the lead up.

I just don't. want to be misslead, then resent you for doing it. You seem a decent sort, and an excellent writer. I just hate this bad endings business.

I had given up on this till I read recent posts on this thread, stating a change. The writers notes at the end of the latest chapter, don't fill me with confidence.

Context. Context is everything; it can change the meaning of intent or action from positive to negative or vice versa.

That said, the way you're planning to read this is entirely fair. We're looking at seventeen total chapters now, by the by - I had to work the Sam stuff in, and that means that this is going to go longer than expected and require a few more quirks to make it work, but it's all stuff I can work in going forward.

I'll be curious to see what you make of the end.

[HunterOpera]

Hey, I've been reading your Tomb Raider story for a while now. Unfortunately I'm having some problems posting reviews on AFF. Whenever I try it just flicks back to a blank review box and nothing gets posted - after a few tries I gave up. Hopefully I can post in this thread however, as an anon - since I also can't register on this board due to captcha issues, goddamnit... Btw, my pen-name is BoobsWriter, I'm the guy currently writing 'Taming the Raider' - would appreciate your opinion on my story too, if you have one.

So here's the review I tried to post...

Really starting to get into reading this after chapter ten. The way you're showing Lara's mental breaking is pretty cool - just giving the reader a few hints at her decaying state of mind by describing the look of desperation in her eyes slowly fading to one of dull compliance, or the dumb grunting sounds she's now been reduced to after having been portrayed as so educated and well-spoken in the games.

I wasn't sure about the narrative perspective at first (thought it might limit the psychological insight a little too much to have a first person narrator other than Lara) but you've made it work very effectively. Also the voice of the narrator is well characterized and adds something to the overall feel and individuality of the story

A few of the more painful sounding details of her outfits are a little much for me personally, like the lips-clips and the clit bell. I just kind of cringe at the thought, rather than finding them hot, but I'm sure plenty of your readers will appreciate those details. Other than that, your descriptions of her dressage were awesome - firm, unfomfortable control that renders her pretty much incapable of fighting back.

Your methods for breaking her will are inventive and believable - sleep deprivation, routine enforcement, 24 hour discipline even when she's sleeping etc. All great ideas that might actually condition her as you've described. And having Drasha as her trainer was also cool - showing that Lara isn't so tough after all. When it really comes down to it and she's in a genuinely hopeless situation perhaps even she could break - nice work.

Personally I'm hoping you continue after chapter 15, just draw things out a little more. Mess with her mind again by staging some kind of mock-escape, having Lara believe she's made it out of the country with the Earl's help; give her a cooling down period where she almost returns to her old self. only to have the Earl pull a big reveal like they never really escaped Parmistan or something, then cue Drasha's return...

But that's just my wish list. I'm sure you've got something cool lined up. Looking forward to it!

Also, I wanted to add a note about the mythology behind your setting, Parmistan. This was one of the details I initially skipped, but then picked up on later, after becoming really interested in the back-story of your fic. Having all these references to Roman emporers and Greek-influenced religious traditions was a great touch. It really adds character to the setting and makes it all the more menacing for Lara's plight, having her stuck in this wierd semi-futuristic land-that-time-forgot - reminds me a little of that creepy 70's movie The Wicker Man, and to a lesser extent the hilarious Nicholas Cage remake!

Weird on the way that reviews are failing you; it's yet another reason I'm glad the forums are here, and they're a better place for discourse anyway. I haven't been reading your fic, but that is going to change as soon as I'm done here. As far as setting an account goes, well, wound recommend. 10/10. I've gotten a lot of useful intel out of reviews like yours, and the chance to talk a little shop is always welcome. I've found the mods here are incredibly helpful, so if you're having an issue try contacting one of them.

As to the story, I'm a big believer in the idea of the psychology of a story being just as (if not more) important than the physical acts therein. Different people react differently to different stimulus; it's the why of what they feel that defines that action and the character. It's one of the things I really dig into with Bergman, and one of my struggles with Masque'd Hawk. It's the impact of experience, I think, so I'm trying to highlight that in Zamir's simple dialogue, and I'm glad that working out.

And, yeah, Zamir was a bit of a thing. There was a lot of thought put into Zamir and Parmistan. I study some lingual theory and a lot of history and culture, and the challenge of seeing everything through Zamir's eyes was one of the reasons I wanted to do this. The idea of Lara as a pony girl was always as enticing one - her grace and athleticism, I think, work well for that kink - but I needed a means of conveying that transformation that made sense within context to a story. In that regard, both the Fatman Chronicles and Lara Croft in Hard Labor were invaluable.

Working within the cliches and tropes of a story matter to me, especially within my own work. I want this stuff to read like something that could happen in the world I'm basing these fics in, but that also means playing with the cliches and tropes of the stories I'm overlaying onto the pre-existing world. Sirgeof is a reference to a site run by a guy who calls himself Sir Jeff, and he has a massive collection of pony girl fic. I read some of that, distilled the things that worked for me, in them, and have tried to be as true to those stories as I have been to the Tomb Raider universe. Part of that is dressage, training, and breaking, so a lot of what Lara has been forced into comes from stories told there.

The psychological stuff is, however, all me. I'm an insomniac and I read a lot on a variety of subjects, and the idea of breaking a mind is something I looked into a while back. There's a host of writing on the subject and it all makes for fascinating (if terrifying) reading. The trick is always in applying techniques that would work on the mind of the person involved; what works for Lara, for example, might not work on Samus, Hermione, Kate, Sakura, or Juri. Then, that needs to be further distilled into things that can be sexy as a fantasy. The real truth is that anyone can be broken in the right circumstances, and playing it for sex instead of horror takes a lot of thought and planning. Lara would destroy Drasha in any circumstance except the one she's in. Hell, without the intervention of James, I don't think the Parmistani people would have caught Lara at all.

I've got a similar idea to the one you discuss that's coming in chapter fifteen - there had to be a reason for James to want Croft Manor, right? - but it's not the same. Again, I was aiming for a much darker ending than the one this story has started moving in, and I'm not sure what that says about me as a person or a writer. I hope this story lives up to your expectations - it's certainly been playing with mine!

As far as Parmistan goes - I'm a big believer that setting can be a character. I needed somewhere remote and nearly inaccessible for this story to work, a place where civilization had gone weird that was still somehow politically important enough for Britain to not just declare war on them for kidnapping a citizen (and a royal, no less). The Parmistan of this story is very much the Parmistan of a movie called Gymkata, which is, well, it's not a very good movie. The Parmistan there has the perfect staging ground for satellite surveillance of either the Soviets or NATO, and both sides are interested in courting them, but in order to get the Emperor to listen to them they need to play a game that is a sort of lethal race.

I took the framework of that Parmistan and extrapolated on it: why is there a place called the Village of the Damned? How could I tie that in with Tomb Raider? How would Parmistan have evolved after joining NATO and becoming a staging ground for an advanced communications relay?

Tomb Raider is full of cursed relics, and Parmistan would have been around the places that Alexander conquered. The Romans might have followed, so it seemed simple enough to have Caligula set up a summer house there and his special brand of perversion seep into the earth, cursing that place, and for the bastard children of Caligula to see it as their duty to protect the place. Caligula was big into pony girls, so that worked, too. After that it was just a matter of figuring out which gods would be worshiped and how they would be worshiped, and taking modern communications technology to an illogical extreme.

As an aside, I love both versions of the Wicker Man, but for wildly different reasons. And Nic Cage is amazing.

[HunterOpera]

Quick aside to Boobswriter - I was wrong, I totally have been reading your fic and was sorta waiting for you to start a conversation on the forums. Gimme a couple minutes to get caught up and I'll hit you with a more detailed reply.

[HunterOpera]

Regarding "Reins of the Tomb Raider," MF said:

Chapter 13 was fantastic. Obviously Lara's not going to be serving out the full 10 years but so far she's spent upwards of 2 years in Parmistan. A good span of time for near permanent mental trauma. I really dug the day to day details, as usual, and how little she reacted to James, showing just how broken she was. Of particular interest is how the youngsters of Parmistan treat the "animals", how openly hedonistic they are.

A suggested edit would be regarding the details of the new plug in her front. I'm reading the plugs themselves are shaped like Bacchus and Poena, but wasn't entirely clear if the vaginal Bacchus plug also had hair on it, if it was separate from the pony tail plug, or how it's being held in (mechanical or by muscles alone).

It would be particularly interesting if Lara came into contact with other "service animals". I recall James seeing one during his initial visits to Parmistan, bu thusfar Lara hasn't had any interactions with ones such as herself, although I assumed that was because she was still in training.

She should race another such as herself, and if she loses (whether fairly or due to deliberate handicap), it might make for good detail.

Thanks, man. I figure Lara's mental fortitude would be tougher than most people's, but, yeah, two years of this sort of treatment is bound to leave a mark. I've got a way for Samus to deal with this kind of thing, but Lara? Especially post-reboot, sympathetic Lara? I don't see her coping well with this, not without some sort of exceptional outside help. Her therapist is not going to be enough, I think, but there are alternatives. All told, I think Lara's going to be stuck in Parmistan for three or four years, and then another six months or so outside Parmistan... but we'll get to that.

I'm also glad the small details are working; I'm trying to make the Parmistani people seem like a real nation with their own history and culture without distracting from the meat of the story. I'm glad the snippets are working out; the experiment here is really one of depth and perspective. The major deities of the Parmistani people are Neptune and Bacchus - Neptune was about as bad a rapist as Jupiter, and Bacchus was the god of drunken hedonism, so between the two of them you get a people that are very comfortable with sexuality, but have taken that comfort to a place that isn't especially healthy.

You're right about the plugs and the new harness - there's a chance for play there I missed entirely, and I'll have to do something about that in the next chapter. That should be fun. Thank you; I think I might work on that detail right now - it'll add a lot to what happens next.

Oddly enough, the next chapter will see Lara interact with service animals, and she'll be racing them in the chapter after that. I'm traveling a bit next week, so I should be able to finish this off while I'm gone, and then put out the next part of Bergman.

[MorbidFantasy]

Regarding "Reins of the Tomb Raider," MF said:

Chapter 13 was fantastic. Obviously Lara's not going to be serving out the full 10 years but so far she's spent upwards of 2 years in Parmistan. A good span of time for near permanent mental trauma. I really dug the day to day details, as usual, and how little she reacted to James, showing just how broken she was. Of particular interest is how the youngsters of Parmistan treat the "animals", how openly hedonistic they are.

A suggested edit would be regarding the details of the new plug in her front. I'm reading the plugs themselves are shaped like Bacchus and Poena, but wasn't entirely clear if the vaginal Bacchus plug also had hair on it, if it was separate from the pony tail plug, or how it's being held in (mechanical or by muscles alone).

It would be particularly interesting if Lara came into contact with other "service animals". I recall James seeing one during his initial visits to Parmistan, bu thusfar Lara hasn't had any interactions with ones such as herself, although I assumed that was because she was still in training.

She should race another such as herself, and if she loses (whether fairly or due to deliberate handicap), it might make for good detail.

Thanks, man. I figure Lara's mental fortitude would be tougher than most people's, but, yeah, two years of this sort of treatment is bound to leave a mark. I've got a way for Samus to deal with this kind of thing, but Lara? Especially post-reboot, sympathetic Lara? I don't see her coping well with this, not without some sort of exceptional outside help. Her therapist is not going to be enough, I think, but there are alternatives. All told, I think Lara's going to be stuck in Parmistan for three or four years, and then another six months or so outside Parmistan... but we'll get to that.

I'm also glad the small details are working; I'm trying to make the Parmistani people seem like a real nation with their own history and culture without distracting from the meat of the story. I'm glad the snippets are working out; the experiment here is really one of depth and perspective. The major deities of the Parmistani people are Neptune and Bacchus - Neptune was about as bad a rapist as Jupiter, and Bacchus was the god of drunken hedonism, so between the two of them you get a people that are very comfortable with sexuality, but have taken that comfort to a place that isn't especially healthy.

You're right about the plugs and the new harness - there's a chance for play there I missed entirely, and I'll have to do something about that in the next chapter. That should be fun. Thank you; I think I might work on that detail right now - it'll add a lot to what happens next.

Oddly enough, the next chapter will see Lara interact with service animals, and she'll be racing them in the chapter after that. I'm traveling a bit next week, so I should be able to finish this off while I'm gone, and then put out the next part of Bergman.

Since we're talking about horse racing, don't forget the "betting" aspect. Should also award some sort of tiered "prize" to trainers/handlers/owners or to the audience of the races. Something like the following:

1. Race event is multi-day, with a race followed by celebrations each day.

2. Ten ponies per race. Last 5 placers of each race are punished by being "public service animals" to the masses for post race celebrations. Top 4 are rewarded by the affections of VIP and nobles. 1st place is rewarded to the highest winning gambler of the race.

3. Each day after the first race, the top 5 winners from the previous days are given handicaps via restraints, with levels according to their placement the previous day. This is for "fairness" as the bottom placing five ponies will undoubtedly be more worn out from post-race celebrations than the top 4. The 1st place winner in particular has the heaviest of handicaps to deal with.

Races can be held with chariots, the "jockeys" being the individual ponies' trainers. The handicaps can be weights in chariots or even increased wheel axle resistance.

[HunterOpera]

Regarding "Reins of the Tomb Raider," Leo said:

I recognise that reference... Steph was referenced in the first trailer when we see a strung up body Lara recognises in a cave at the start of the game, but they cut it out for the release.

Ironically, for this story Lara actually saved Steph's life by refusing to let her come along.

I wonder when Sam/Himiko will reappear... and if it'll somehow change Duchess' situation.

Yep, that is the Steph you're looking for. Or at. Reading about? Whichever. I tend to watch and read a lot of media, so connections are made and discarded elements that I think could be interesting often get bandied about in these little experiments. Steph seemed like she could be fun - I wanted someone Lara would have known, but not someone that was currently in any of her social circles.

And given the themes this story has taken on, misplaced rage and revenge seemed like a good thing to tackle and Steph seemed like a good person by which to introduce a new element. What I'm wondering about is if anyone will get the real identities of the other ponies in the upcoming race - which, thanks to MorbodFantasy, has added another three chapters or so. They're mostly done, just in need of edits, so they'll be up soon.

Sam/Himiko will follow shortly, and is going to change the nature of this story entirely.

Regarding "Reins of the Tomb Raider," FuckUSay said:

Stephs in trouble.

No foolin.' Where do you think it's going and what do you think it'll look like?

[MorbidFantasy]

I'd somewhat offer a correction that Ada Wong (unless I'm mistaken) isn't that petite, being 5' 7-8", which in fact is taller than Lara, who's 5' 5 1/2"

Is speedy the speedy we know from arrowverse TV? It might be helpful to include a list of the animals and their true names here for the uninitiated lol, since you've gone full Xover mode.

[HunterOpera]

Regarding "Reins of the Tomb Raiders," MF said:

Lol do I see cameos from Marvel and Capcom in there? Do I see two cameos from your other "Masque'd" fic? That's quite a line up for the race you have there, which begs the question: when are the other race "entries" going to get their origin stories here in Hunterverse, eh?

I'd somewhat offer a correction that Ada Wong (unless I'm mistaken) isn't that petite, being 5' 7-8", which in fact is taller than Lara, who's 5' 5 1/2"

Is speedy the speedy we know from arrowverse TV? It might be helpful to include a list of the animals and their true names here for the uninitiated lol, since you've gone full Xover mode.

Huh. I totally missed that - I'll have to go back and correct that before posting the next chapter, and make sure it's consistent throughout. Thanks, man.

Speedy is definitely Speedy from the Arrowverse; I'm a huge fan of what DC has been doing on the small screen, and loved what they did with her character in the third and now fourth seasons. I suppose it's not too much of a spoiler to say that, yes, Dearest is Sakura Kusugano from the Street Fighter series, the Countess is Madame Masque, and her pet Katie is Kate Bishop/Hawkeye from Marvel comics.

... and I've stumbled into continuity, haven't I? Dammit. The worst part is, I can see a way to tie Bergman to all of this, and it would work particularly well with the new ending. Dammit. How much time do I have?

Okay, I have a question: I was curious to see how many people could guess the names of the women involved in the Great Game, but given the shorthand description I'm taking advantage of in fanfic, should I set the official list here? It's three comic book, three television, and three video game characters. Worse, I've got a basic back story for each, so... anyways, let me know. I'm finishing the end of the third day of the race now, and then I'll go back and edit the race chapters - Candover to Routard, Routard to Maraholme, and the Village of the Damned, all of which should be out this week.

Then we've got two more chapters for Reins, and then I'm going to alternate between Street Masters, Masque, and Bergman.

Dammit. There's continuity in this. I blame ComicCaptor as much as I blame MordbidFantasy for this. Thank you, both. This is going to be fun.

[MorbidFantasy]

Chars I immediately recognized:

Nefaria/Katie
Wester/Scarlet

Roman/Gutters

Ra's/Speedy

Chars I had to look up:
Karin/Dearest

Chars whose origins I have no clue to:

American/Innocent

Ivo/Karma

Parcelsus/Punky

Harry/Tiger

We should start a new miniseries here, maybe 1-2 chapter one offs, similar to my Philosopher's Stone series, that ties into this big race. You can even place it here in the TR section for ease of access as long as the first chapter is largely about Lara Croft or at least sets up the universe around Croftverse.

I've had an Ada Wong fic stewing on the after burner forever but seeing her her is motivating me to maybe give her another go, haha.