Metroid - the Bergman Affair feedback, comments, and workshopping

[HunterOpera]

Regarding "Reins of the Tomb Raider," Leo said:

Yay! Happy ending.

Always shipped LaraxSam but canon served to sink that ship as it almost always does *shakes fist*

Yeah. It'd be nice to see an LGBT couple actually survive a show in mainstream media. The Sam/Lara thing was especially frustrating, but it did play nicely into the ending of Reins, so I can't complain too much.

Sam and Lara compliment each other nicely, too, which may lead into a proper romance in this weird whatever-it-is that I've stumbled into.

[HunterOpera]

Regarding "Reins of the Tomb Raider," Anon said:

What was that?!
Seriously abrupt ending.

And then followed it up with:

To the sad little boy who left the last review: GET OVER HER!
I'm sorry that mean girl rejected you It's over.SEEK HELP!

Is it bad that I sometimes imagine that all of the Anon reviews are left by the same person, and it's just this massive case of DID floating around...? I just kind of think it'd be funny if that were the case.

Anyway, no, it's not over. If you've been following this thread, then you'll realize that I've stumbled into continuity and I want to know what sort of world I've walked into.

For the other, people have kinks and sometimes wish things they enjoy would continue after they're over (or not over, as the case may be, but moving on and becoming something different), and that's okay. Provided those kinks are explored in ways that don't hurt anyone else, let people do what they like and try not to read into motivations that may or may not be there.

Personally, I keep hoping Understories will come back because I want more of the story Rules are Rules, or that there'll be an update on It will be fun over on GaggedUtopia.

[Guest THE OTHER]

I know. I was responding to the evident, over the top rage in his first sentence. He was too upset in my opinion. Seventeen chapters of excessive inhuman degredation wasn't near enough for him.

[Guest THE OTHER]

Sorry Hunter. He won't come to the forum. STILL I should be more mature than to respond to him at all

sorry.

[Guest THE OTHER]

You (HUNTER) have every right to be bullshit at me. I'm to blame for it.

[Guest THE OTHER]

Remove my last. review... it'll end it.

[MorbidFantasy]

Someone needs to take his adderall, lol.

[Guest THE OTHER]

Yo Morbid -SOLD! Got any?

lol.

[Guest Boooh Yeah]

Junior High got out early?

[HunterOpera]

Regarding "Reins of the Tomb Raider," Anon said:

Dear Thought Police,

Free. Effing. Country.

Opinions are like a$$holes...

Which means, by the transitive property of equality, you are like an opinion.

Sincerely,

One of your many possible fathers
(But likely not or you'd be smarter)

And then Anon said:

Hello again Mr. Mello ANON - Thanks for the validation of my assesment of you. Now... breath...
lol

And even more Anon:

Speaking of "validations of assessments":

It's 'breathe', genius.

Oh, yeah.

lol

And my response is to reach for the popcorn, sit back, and imagine that this is one person arguing with him/herself. It's glorious.

[HunterOpera]

Remove my last. review... it'll end it.

Nah. The entertainment value was there, so let it stand. Besides, it seems to be leading to a better quality of conversation here. Welcome to the thread, man.

Junior High got out early?

I don't know. I mostly avoided mine. With a handful of notably exceptional teachers, I found school mostly got in the way of my education. I would have been happy to get out of it early.

[HunterOpera]

Regarding "Reins of the Tomb Raider," Boo Yeah said:

Hunter, old man. This was sick, twisted AND amazingly well writen.
I had trouble reading it because I hated where it was going. BUT Glad I kept reading, because I loved that great ending.(All for the Lara/Sam love; and feel Drasha aint gonna like Lara comming back to Parmastan.)
Amazing story.

Thanks, man. The idea was percolating for a while, and I finally had the chance to get it out. I'm glad it changed tone - one of the reasons I never went back to Masque'd Hawk was because I couldn't find a good way to end that, but by tying it to this story I think there'll be a good ending at the end of whatever this ends up being. Heroes should win in fiction, and in life; we have enough horror winning out in real life, I think.

Drasha is definitely not going to like the return of Lara, but that's a ways off; I've got some other stories to explore first, starting, I think with Kate Bishop/Katie and then, I think, Claudia Donovan/Punky. I want to finish Bergman this year, too - there's some stuff I've been contacted to help with that might end up becoming something interesting, but we'll see where that goes (if anywhere).

Sam was a damn cool character and I'm disappointed she didn't return for part two; here's hoping we get more of her in part three, or at least in the comics. I'm going to have some fun with her here; she and Himiko are effectively combined into a single god-being that can watch over Lara, using her as an emissary to explore this weird world. I'm sort of plotting that out what that looks like now, figuring out timelines and exactly how this all came to be.

I hope you continue reading, and I'm glad you decided to stick with it.

[Guest Saz]

How many chapters did you plan for Masque'd Hawk?

[HunterOpera]

Regarding La Mairee, phantomfan20 said:

I really hope you continue!

Yep. Next chapter should be up sometime this week, possibly as early as Monday night.

Is there anything you're liking or disliking about the story so far?

How many chapters did you plan for Masque'd Hawk?

Eleven. It's designed to be a slow build. Should have the next bit for Masque'd Hawk, Bergman, and La Mairee up this week.

Is there anything about the story that you're digging or not digging so much?

[salarta]

Hey there, HunterOpera! I have various things to say, and the nature of some of them makes me think they'd be better off as a post in your thread than as a review on Bergman Affair.

Thanks for leaving a review for Federation Farce, and especially such a thorough one. Usually when I write fics like Federation Farce and explain my inspiration, I get negativity more than anything else. It's nice to see some people understand what I was trying to do and enjoy it.

I'm not planning to continue the fic, because I'm basically done with writing porn fics. I'm in the process of posting stuff I started that's just far enough along that I can do minimal editing/additions and post them. However, I did leave the fic open for anyone to add chapters if they wish! I've had other ideas and Metroid fics that never got very far along. One I started and never finished was Samus' Power Suit hacked by some outside force; it takes her to the Federation barracks, makes her fuck cadets, and translates everything she says into porny stuff. Another idea was mixing Samus with the Ladyball kerfuffle from earlier this year, with the Federation forcing her to promote it. Last idea, which could've become a chapter later in Federation Farce, was Samus as the ball used in Blast Ball by the characters from Federation Force. Every blast would give her a surge of pleasure.

That out of the way, I continue to read Bergman Affair, and I'm absolutely looking forward to seeing what more you have in store for Samus! I love the constant theme of Samus as hunter turned prey, increasingly made lesser and lesser. I get a real sense that Damara has some truly nasty and exciting things in store for Samus here. The various ways you rework and toy with Samus' use of power suits in her degradation is an awesome touch that I wish more people tried. Far too many characters go without having bits of their franchise or character used as part of the story.

[HunterOpera]

Hey there, HunterOpera! I have various things to say, and the nature of some of them makes me think they'd be better off as a post in your thread than as a review on Bergman Affair.

Thanks for leaving a review for Federation Farce, and especially such a thorough one. Usually when I write fics like Federation Farce and explain my inspiration, I get negativity more than anything else. It's nice to see some people understand what I was trying to do and enjoy it.

I'm not planning to continue the fic, because I'm basically done with writing porn fics. I'm in the process of posting stuff I started that's just far enough along that I can do minimal editing/additions and post them. However, I did leave the fic open for anyone to add chapters if they wish! I've had other ideas and Metroid fics that never got very far along. One I started and never finished was Samus' Power Suit hacked by some outside force; it takes her to the Federation barracks, makes her fuck cadets, and translates everything she says into porny stuff. Another idea was mixing Samus with the Ladyball kerfuffle from earlier this year, with the Federation forcing her to promote it. Last idea, which could've become a chapter later in Federation Farce, was Samus as the ball used in Blast Ball by the characters from Federation Force. Every blast would give her a surge of pleasure.

That out of the way, I continue to read Bergman Affair, and I'm absolutely looking forward to seeing what more you have in store for Samus! I love the constant theme of Samus as hunter turned prey, increasingly made lesser and lesser. I get a real sense that Damara has some truly nasty and exciting things in store for Samus here. The various ways you rework and toy with Samus' use of power suits in her degradation is an awesome touch that I wish more people tried. Far too many characters go without having bits of their franchise or character used as part of the story.

No worries. Federation Farce was great for the reasons already highlighted, and was as much a critique of Nintendo's boneheaded treatment of Nintendo as I like to think Bergman is. I've gotten a good share of the negativity, too, and It always amazes me how people seem to think that a writer can agree or support the actions of a written villain. They're the bad guys , the people the hero needs to overcome, and their actions should be reprehensible. Your Federation troopers nailed that concept, but I doubt you think they're in the right any more than I think Melissa or her lot or anything close to good people. We're both doing satire with elements of porn thrown in, because why not?

It's cool that you've decided to get out of the smut, sort of, but I do hope you continue writing elsewhere. You've got a knack for character development over a short period, and an efficiency with words that I kind of admire, and I'd love to see what kind of narrative you could come up with outside of this genre. I'm sorta trying to work through Bergman and the rest of this madness I've immersed myself in, but I'm hoping someone else runs with the morphball. There's a lot of potential in the world you've built there, and some of the other ideas you've posited are interesting. The hacked powersuit is a close parallel to where I'm going with the minus suit, though there are some fairly extreme differences; I like exploring the psychology and core tenants of characters and deconstructing them, and I think it works more than it doesn't.

Really glad you're enjoying Bergman. It started off as a dare and just kind of became its own thing, and a big part of that was an exploration of the character established in all the games and the manga that Nintendo eschewed in Other M. Honestly, I think the smut we're writing is treating her with more respect than Nintendo is, which is a severe problem rooted in a baseline misunderstanding of the franchise and its appeal, all of which lends itself well to the terrible ordeal she's undergoing. We're nearing the end, though, and the stuff I set up way back when and have been building up should come to fruition in about eight more chapters.

I've always thought that any fiction needs to respect the characters in it; the more one can look at the themes and concepts tied to that world, the better one can get immersed in it - and isn't that the whole point?

[HunterOpera]

Regarding The Bergman Affair, ANON said:

I love it, Cant wait for more chapters where Samus get abused even more. Keep it up.

They're coming, about ten more of them.

Is there anything you particularly like or dislike about the story?

[HunterOpera]

Regarding La Mariee, ANON said:

I liked it. There's isn't nearly enough Warehouse 13 fanfiction that includes Claudia.

I know, right? She was the most interesting character on the show: introduced as a misunderstood villain and eventually becoming Warehouse caretaker. Pete and Mika became comic relief, really, and everyone else kind of revolved around Artie until they were revolving around Claudia. The only character to avoid becoming a satellite in her orbit was HG Wells.

Glad you're digging the story. Should be more soon.

[HunterOpera]

Regarding La Mariee, ANON said:

Love it! Keep writing!

Thanks. I plan to. There's three more chapters to this part of the story, and then it'll branch out into the stuff hinted at in Reins of the Tomb Raider .

I do have one question, though regarding that weird continuity I stumbled into; I sorta backed myself into a corner with MJ, because I can't find a use for her story-wise. She's interesting, sure, but she doesn't fit with the story I want to tell and I kinda want to swap her out with Chloe from Life is Strange, who very much does fit this story.

Would anyone mind overmuch?

[Guest porneater]

Hey there, just wanted to let you know I'm enjoying your new additions to Bergman.

Although a lot of the details and minor characters tend to go over my head since I don't really know much about the Metroid universe, I can't help but enjoy reading about Samus going through all this. Excellent work on your plot and characterisation, and direct yet descriptive narrative style. You're certainly one of the few writers on this site whose work I like to keep updated on.

I'm really kinda hoping you will continue with your street masters story sometime soon - that one ties in my preference with your tomb raider story - seems like you're tipping an iceberg there which I would like to see explored further.

Btw, if you're in need of inspiration for upcoming chapters, check out this guy's patreon page - he's done some awesome animations of Samus ... take a look:

https://www.patreon.com/posts/samus-on-duty-5555535

https://www.patreon.com/posts/samus-still-on-5768437

[salarta]

I hope you continue Bergman Affair, but I also understand if you've decided to stop writing that fic or writing in general.

[HunterOpera]

Hey there, just wanted to let you know I'm enjoying your new additions to Bergman.

Although a lot of the details and minor characters tend to go over my head since I don't really know much about the Metroid universe, I can't help but enjoy reading about Samus going through all this. Excellent work on your plot and characterisation, and direct yet descriptive narrative style. You're certainly one of the few writers on this site whose work I like to keep updated on.

I'm really kinda hoping you will continue with your street masters story sometime soon - that one ties in my preference with your tomb raider story - seems like you're tipping an iceberg there which I would like to see explored further.

Btw, if you're in need of inspiration for upcoming chapters, check out this guy's patreon page - he's done some awesome animations of Samus ... take a look:

https://www.patreon.com/posts/samus-on-duty-5555535

https://www.patreon.com/posts/samus-still-on-5768437

Thanks, man. I really do appreciate it; it's good to know that the stuff I'm doing is working, and that the story and writing style are doing what they're supposed to. I'm rounding things out and heading towards the endgame, which means wrapping up the outside metaplot in the next couple chapters so we can focus solely on Samus and the terrible things that are going to happen to her and her eventual triumph. Glad you're digging it; the next few chapters are definitely going to the heart of deconstruction, so we'll see how that carries over.

I'll be returning to Street Masters after wrapping up the first bit of La Mariee and Masque'd Hawk, then maybe doing something with How to Get Away with Murder and/or Life is Strange. Is there any part of Street Masters in particular that interests you, story-wise?

Have you seen Armored Knight Iris? It kind of feels like someone tried to do a Metroid hentai without Nintendo getting upset about it. Also, if you can and like Metroid, check out AM2R; someone redid the whole of the Metroid II and it's kind of brilliant.

I hope you continue Bergman Affair, but I also understand if you've decided to stop writing that fic or writing in general.

I plan to. I've only got eight or ten chapters left, depending upon how much I want to spread things out. I do want this fic done by the end of the year; I've got a sequel story in mind and I might develop that, though there are some interesting options coming out of other work, so we'll see where that goes.

The next chapter for Bergman should be up sometime next week, and I'm never going to stop writing.

Regarding Reins of the Tomb Raider, ANON said:

read the first couple of chapters...

together with porneaters work(s) among the best tomb rider stories out there.

really like the darker approch.

Thank you; I'm a huge fan of porneater, so that's a cool compliment. If you like the darker approach, I humbly suggest checking out either Masque'd Hawk or La Mariee. Certain chapters of the Bergman Affair might also interest you, especially the Cavern and Ridley arcs - to say nothing of the one that is coming.

[HunterOpera]

Regarding The Bergman Affair,  Newenglandee said:

This is such bullshit, what's happened to Samus. Plain and simple. It's not hot, it's cruel. Depressing. UGLY. 

Your name is familiar. Gimme sec, because I think we’ve done this dance before and… wow, three years ago. How you doin’? Been a while. Hope things are okay with you. I’m kinda wondering why you’re still reading something you’re clearly not liking very much. If it helps, there’s less than ten chapters left, and the last four might be a little more to your liking.    

Because, admittedly, this is cruel, depressing, and ugly. It’s not a pleasant story, and it would be horrifying if it were real. I’ve mentioned this before, but I think of myself as a feminist in real life. I think rape is about the worst thing a person can do to another person, and part of the idea of this was to explore things that disturbed me. This story does that. It’s a deconstruction of one of my favorite video game franchises by way of sex fantasy, taking combat violence and replacing it with sexual violence.

The tags on this make it pretty clear, I think: Abuse BDSM Beast BP D/s Humil MC Oral Other Spank Tent Xeno    

Violence inflicted on other people is cruel, yes. The deconstruction of another person, especially a hero, is depressing. And as for ugly, well… 

Where does one draw the line with fantasy? A fantasy that remains a fantasy is just that, and human sexuality is weird and colorful and as long as we’re not hurting anyone in real life – so long as everyone involved is able to give consent and is enjoying themselves – I think we’re pretty free to have at it. The scenarios that we create are still fantasy: Porneater, MorbidFantasy, TheDaiLi, Salarta, and others are building fantasies with words that apply themselves to pre-existing worlds, seeking to shed light on the worlds they’re working in while also fulfilling their own kinky needs.

And there’s nothing wrong with kink. Some people enjoy being tied up. Some people enjoy doing the tying. Some people adopt role-playing scenarios into their tie-up games, but they are just that: games. The scenario ends and aftercare is given and we go out and maybe grab some dinner. I can’t speak for the other writers, but, for me, this is just another type of scenario, another game. My words aren’t going to affect Samus in the slightest: she remains who she is despite whatever I might write because I am not writing within her canon, but around it. Fan fiction.   

 

Think of it like some of the videos Kink.com does, the ones with stories involved. The actors and actresses involved are working off a script: no one is really being hurt, despite the sex happening on screen. If you're a fan of Arrow, Thea Queen was never really mind-controlled because Thea Queen isn't a real person; she's a character played by an actress named Willa Holland. It's a fantasy. If you don't like it, you can turn off the television or watch something else. You have to actively look for the fiction you consume.   

So, remember: this is a fantasy. It’s only a game. If you’re not consenting to play it and aren’t enjoying it, don’t read it. The tags are there as a warning to let you know what you’re getting into. Your safeword is not clicking the link. 

You’re going to be okay. This, too, will pass. 

 

[MorbidFantasy]

On 8/30/2016 at 1:08 PM, HunterOpera said:

Regarding The Bergman Affair,  Newenglandee said:

This is such bullshit, what's happened to Samus. Plain and simple. It's not hot, it's cruel. Depressing. UGLY. 

Well at least he seems invested in the story lol, obviously invested on an emotional level.

Job well done I say.

[HunterOpera]

On 8/31/2016 at 6:26 PM, MorbidFantasy said:

Well at least he seems invested in the story lol, obviously invested on an emotional level.

Job well done I say.

 

Thanks, man. 

I’ve been thinking, though, and I’m wondering if he’s referring to Nintendo hitting AM2R with a DMCA. I mean, taking down the best game in the franchise – a fan-made game, no less – on the thirtieth anniversary of Metroid is bullshit. It wasn’t hot and it was cruel. Depressing. Ugly. 

If only there was some way to ask him… like the footer of the next chapter. Which should be up sometime this week.