Metroid - the Bergman Affair feedback, comments, and workshopping

[BoobsWriter]

If they do a tomb raider movie they have to do it as a movie and not a "video game" movie. That's one of the biggest handicaps for all of these game IPs that make it to the big screen. All in all I'm always skeptical with these adaptations for the aforementioned reason. With that being said, I'm giving Vikander the benefit of the doubt until we have more information.

By the way, I happened across the new Wynonna Earp series (supernatural modern western). Have to say, Wynonna and her sister Waverly have got it going on in those tight jeans and jean shorts.

Yeah, Waverly in particular

[HunterOpera]

Lord Dipshit needs gelding. In every way imaginable

I hope his ending works for you. Dude had it coming.

[HunterOpera]

Agreed about the Jolie Tomb Raider movies - bloody terrible. She's a good actress really, just her Lara was painfully unsympathetic and not even remotely hot.

This new girl may not be the worst thing to happen to the franchise, but I would still much prefer it if Megan Fox got a boob-job and signed up for an R-rated soft porn version with bondage and pervy bad guys - which of course I know will never happen, but it can't hurt to dream, lol

I want someone that can act. One of the things I've always found attractive in anyone, for any relationship, is competence. Megan Fox is just kinda there, and I think Lara needs presence; even sympathetic Lara can control a room if she has to, can direct the ebb and flow of attention. She knows her shit, and I'm not sure Megan could convey that.

That said, bondage and pervy bad guys would be fun to see in a major motion picture. We get hints of that over in the Shannara Chronicles, which is reason enough to watch that show. What I'd prefer to see, again, would be a healthy bdsm relationship somewhere in video media; too often you get bondage portrayed as something bad, when kink is one of the better ways relationships happen. Fun for the sake of fun instead of obligation.

And of someone like Lara - strong, competent, Lara - likes to play at being a sub in a healthy way? That'd be kinda great.

Don't think it would ever happen, though.

[HunterOpera]

If they do a tomb raider movie they have to do it as a movie and not a "video game" movie. That's one of the biggest handicaps for all of these game IPs that make it to the big screen. All in all I'm always skeptical with these adaptations for the aforementioned reason. With that being said, I'm giving Vikander the benefit of the doubt until we have more information.

By the way, I happened across the new Wynonna Earp series (supernatural modern western). Have to say, Wynonna and her sister Waverly have got it going on in those tight jeans and jean shorts.

No argument. It's what Marvel has down to a science - making good movies that have superheoes in them - and what DC, Warner, Sony, and Fox have yet to figure out. I want the new Tomb Raider movie to be good, but we won't know anything about the quality of it until there's a script. *shrugs*

I really want to like Wynonna Earp. The idea is solid, the leads are decent at the whole acting thing and plenty hot, but the sexy pandering feels unearned. It's like there's two teams of writers, one of which is very good at drawing the best out of the concept, and the other of which is "our characters our idiots, but look at the softcore porn~!" I'm much more willing to watch bad movies than television, because a movie is an amusing diversion and a television show is a season.

Hell, I collect bad movies.

[MorbidFantasy]

No argument. It's what Marvel has down to a science - making good movies that have superheoes in them - and what DC, Warner, Sony, and Fox have yet to figure out. I want the new Tomb Raider movie to be good, but we won't know anything about the quality of it until there's a script. *shrugs*

I really want to like Wynonna Earp. The idea is solid, the leads are decent at the whole acting thing and plenty hot, but the sexy pandering feels unearned. It's like there's two teams of writers, one of which is very good at drawing the best out of the concept, and the other of which is "our characters our idiots, but look at the softcore porn~!" I'm much more willing to watch bad movies than television, because a movie is an amusing diversion and a television show is a season.

Hell, I collect bad movies.

That's probably what I feel about the latest episode, which has some ridiculously vanilla soft-core betwen Wynonna and Doc Holliday. It was too gratuitous. I'd have believed it if they put that scene further in, maybe towards mid/end of season 1. Instead it's episode 5 and the semi-pedo smut commences. Like you said, the sexy times feels unearned. The one scene I did like was Wynona's seduction/interrogation of Waverly's fling. That was a way better character building scene than the most recent soft smut.

Latest chapter was cool. A little abrupt for James' end but still appropriate. A minor mistake would be calling the new stablehands "orphans" if their "mothers" are still alive and serving as maids. The Croft manor staffing overall was a bit less believable than Parmistan, where the culture made these sado-erotic behavior normal. Should probably include some detail about how the new hires also hailed from morally bankrupt cultures similar to the Parmistan youth.

If you do any followup stories outside of Reins Parmistan seems like a good setting to revisit, maybe with different characters and different plot premises.

[Guest Guest]

James becomes what he has always been: a warm, steaming pile of compost, unfit to fertiliz Lara's lawn.

[Guest Guest]

Sorry, I ment: hot, bubbling, stinking, wretch enducing pile of rodent nausiating filth unfit to be flushed down a tenement toilet in the most. putrid sespool this side of a sex slave trafficers rv

[HunterOpera]

That's probably what I feel about the latest episode, which has some ridiculously vanilla soft-core betwen Wynonna and Doc Holliday. It was too gratuitous. I'd have believed it if they put that scene further in, maybe towards mid/end of season 1. Instead it's episode 5 and the semi-pedo smut commences. Like you said, the sexy times feels unearned. The one scene I did like was Wynona's seduction/interrogation of Waverly's fling. That was a way better character building scene than the most recent soft smut.

Latest chapter was cool. A little abrupt for James' end but still appropriate. A minor mistake would be calling the new stablehands "orphans" if their "mothers" are still alive and serving as maids. The Croft manor staffing overall was a bit less believable than Parmistan, where the culture made these sado-erotic behavior normal. Should probably include some detail about how the new hires also hailed from morally bankrupt cultures similar to the Parmistan youth.

If you do any followup stories outside of Reins Parmistan seems like a good setting to revisit, maybe with different characters and different plot premises.

Keep me posted on that one; again, the concept is cool enough that I want to watch it, but the writing is so damn wretched that things characters do don't make sense from one scene to the next... mind you, I did sit through Warehouse 13 and that didn't even make sense internally. The character moments saved it and it knew it was silly and it had fun with itself, so it had that going for it. What else you watching?

I wanted James to just die; I couldn't see him having any kind of battle with Himiko/Sam - Himiko is almost a god, and working with Sam means someone like James doesn't stand a chance. Zamir and Steph got away, and they hauled that corpse with them. I might do something with that later; I haven't decided yet. I'm definitely not done with this universe, and Parmistan is too good a setting not to play with. I'm considering copy/pasta'ing my notes on the place here, and letting people do whatever they want with it.

The orphan thing was a last minute addition that came about from re-reading some of the responses in your thread - the idea of Lara ruthlessly murdering people that stand in her way. Those people have families, presumably, and I thought it might be interesting to do something with that and ended up adding it in without much thought. I initially was going to being some Parmistani people to Croft Manor, but thought the widows and kids would be a little more interesting. You're right about them needing further development, I think...

[BoobsWriter]

Sorry, I ment: hot, bubbling, stinking, wretch enducing pile of rodent nausiating filth unfit to be flushed down a tenement toilet in the most. putrid sespool this side of a sex slave trafficers rv

Wow, really not a fan of James then? I guess HunterOpera should take this as a compliment to his writing skills, that his character has inspired such strong feelings of revulsion in one of his readers, lol

[MorbidFantasy]

Forgot to mention that I dug your low tech no frills version of the pleasure suitcase. I had always intended mine for human trafficking and yours is exactly what I had envisioned for the majority of FMC's underground sex trade. The fancy one I had in FMC was for Lara and Lara alone.

I'm giving Wynonna Earp until end of season 1 to impress me. Usually I play shows on my second monitor while I do stuff on the main so it's not that bad of a time sink.

Used to watch Castle but fell away from that. Alexis in the later seasons was smokin' though. I also hear that Stana Katic is leaving at the end of this season.

Other than that it's the usual suspects. The Flash, Arrow. I got tired of Legends of Tomorrow four episodes in but might give it another go later.

[Guest Guest]

Well then, BOOBSWRITER, what does it say of your skills that if you multiply my James rant by ten... you have my opinion of your Alistair, and Zip?

Rob her blind just to get her to enslave her body; then, even after the fact they are now billionaires, use her to make them richer, all because. she's hot. AND treat her like crap. James had a tasid motivation. THEY were her trusted friends.

LOVE the writing, but they are scum.

[MorbidFantasy]

Well then, BOOBSWRITER, what does it say of your skills that if you multiply my James rant by ten... you have my opinion of your Alistair, and Zip?

Rob her blind just to get her to enslave her body; then, even after the fact they are now billionaires, use her to make them richer, all because. she's hot. AND treat her like crap. James had a tasid motivation. THEY were her trusted friends.

LOVE the writing, but they are scum.

Lol was this an attempted burn of boobswriter?

Listen, go back and read the fics in the TR section, then you'll see that overall there's been an uptick in quality in the recent postings. Most of the grievances you might have with plot elements are basically just mainstays in smut writing.

Not saying the premises of Zip and Alistair being evil is believable according to canon, but that doesn't mean we can't enjoy these "what if" scenarios.

[Guest Guest]

no burn intended. Just want to make folks laugh.

It worked.

[Guest Guest]

A mercy killing? Ok.

GREAT writing.

[HunterOpera]

Wow, really not a fan of James then? I guess HunterOpera should take this as a compliment to his writing skills, that his character has inspired such strong feelings of revulsion in one of his readers, lol

I do. I think it's important to be able to write characters you don't agree with; James was a disgusting mess, a wretch, and if people despise him as strongly as they seem to it means I've done my job as a writer.

I'm feeling quite pleased with myself, really.

[HunterOpera]

Forgot to mention that I dug your low tech no frills version of the pleasure suitcase. I had always intended mine for human trafficking and yours is exactly what I had envisioned for the majority of FMC's underground sex trade. The fancy one I had in FMC was for Lara and Lara alone.

I'm giving Wynonna Earp until end of season 1 to impress me. Usually I play shows on my second monitor while I do stuff on the main so it's not that bad of a time sink.

Used to watch Castle but fell away from that. Alexis in the later seasons was smokin' though. I also hear that Stana Katic is leaving at the end of this season.

Other than that it's the usual suspects. The Flash, Arrow. I got tired of Legends of Tomorrow four episodes in but might give it another go later.

Legends is a wreck that's made worse by how well Flash handles time travel. I've had a lot of conversations on this one, picking apart the narrative - it's got a bunch of characters we like, but they don't actually do anything. It's an ensemble cast where nothing is accomplished, where nothing happens, and the character moments aren't enough to drive it home. It's pretty mostly and sometimes stumbles across interesting concepts and good performances, but I've not been impressed.

Really digging Banshee, and waiting for the final season of Person of Interest to start.

The suitcase seemed like a good idea - I needed to get Lara from one place to another without drawing attention to it, so I borrowed from you and insex. Did you ever see any of the stuff 49 did? There's one where they remove her from her apartment in a case like the one described, and then take her to the set and let her out.

Well then, BOOBSWRITER, what does it say of your skills that if you multiply my James rant by ten... you have my opinion of your Alistair, and Zip?

Rob her blind just to get her to enslave her body; then, even after the fact they are now billionaires, use her to make them richer, all because. she's hot. AND treat her like crap. James had a tasid motivation. THEY were her trusted friends.

LOVE the writing, but they are scum.

... so Boobswriter is doing his job, then? Alisair and Zip are villains in the world Boobswriter has conjured, horrible wretched traitors, shallow and selfish and spiteful.

James' motivation was about as petty as I could make it. He's a jackass, and he got what he deserved.

[HunterOpera]

A mercy killing? Ok.

GREAT writing.

Hahahahahahahaha no.

Zamir thought he was dead. Limited third-person omniscience means that I can set up one thing through one character's eyes and do something entirely different elsewhere. It's something I've used to better effect over in Bergman. Speaking of Bergman, we should have something up there in the next week or so.

I've got another idea for Samus, too, something that might be fun to explore. Decisions, decisions...

[HunterOpera]

Regarding "Reins of the Tomb Raider," Burnsidhe said:

Seriously? THAT is how you choose to deal with James? One shot and it's over? No revelation of how corrupted and foul he was to the world, no lingering public humiliation for him as a form of justice?
Just one lightning bolt and that's it?

Nope. That's what Zamir thought happened at that moment. James didn't deserve any mercy, and he got exactly none. As for corrupt and foul, it became apparent that James was a symptom of something worse as this story went on, at least to me. That's part of what I'm going to be exploring going forward, because it's the cause that Lara, Himiko, and Sam are going to go after.

As an aside, I love the name you've chosen. 'Burnsidhe' has got to be one of the cooler titles I've come across recently.

Regarding "Reins of the Tomb Raider," Anon said:

Very well writen; but I have to agree with the last reviewer. The cops showing up would do more to hurt all involved. Lara Croft alive and well, and in bondage; with all gloating conspiritors.
Here James died in victory.

Thank you.

I think the cops showing up would be bad for Lara; she's in no shape to deal with the press or really much of anyone after four and a half years of abuse. She's something of an introvert in the survivor timeline, and she's going to need some TLC before she's ready to go adventuring again. I see Sam spinning Lara's absence as a near death experience that's left her badly hurt; the quiet will mollify the nobles that were all too happy to leave her to her fate, though Himiko is going to have some things to say about them in coming stories.

And, as per the last chapter, James ain't dead.

[Anonnox]

Hey great to see the story completed! Definitely enjoyed all the slave training bits, and it's great to see James get his comeuppance. Although it's strange Himoko would just allow Steph & Zamir to just walk away, I was hoping for a little reverse-enslavement on Steph myself

[Guest Guest]

Two words: extradition treaty. Steph. WILL be back. For a long stretch in prison.

[MorbidFantasy]

Legends is a wreck that's made worse by how well Flash handles time travel. I've had a lot of conversations on this one, picking apart the narrative - it's got a bunch of characters we like, but they don't actually do anything. It's an ensemble cast where nothing is accomplished, where nothing happens, and the character moments aren't enough to drive it home. It's pretty mostly and sometimes stumbles across interesting concepts and good performances, but I've not been impressed.

Really digging Banshee, and waiting for the final season of Person of Interest to start.

The suitcase seemed like a good idea - I needed to get Lara from one place to another without drawing attention to it, so I borrowed from you and insex. Did you ever see any of the stuff 49 did? There's one where they remove her from her apartment in a case like the one described, and then take her to the set and let her out.

What fics for Insex are you referring to? Links? Also I don't know what 49 is, so recommendations are in order I think.

[BoobsWriter]

I am glad it ended so badly for James - he was a real piece of shit, and his unquestioning acceptance of Parmistani amorality, sexual deviancy, atavistic idolatry, and human rights abuses throws damning light on his total lack of... well, a soul, to be brutally honest. As a English guy myself, I feel more than a little disappointed to have my countrymen represented in your story by that moldy little nugget of skunk turd and.... Neville, who comes across as some kind of retarded wannabe child molester who was dropped on his head as a baby.

Given what your male characters have put Lara through over the past four or five years, I would say they beat my Zip and Alister hands down in terms of ugly, anti-feminist, sexually deviant, repressive masculinity.

Which I guess is a compliment.... given the niche genre we're both writing in....

Was reassuring you gave this a happy ending though... I seldom feel sorry for characters on AFF, but the shit that your Lara had to live through, perhaps due mainly to your extended narrative timeline, was pretty harrowing. A continuation, in the form of a more comforting and assuring coda, would be welcome

[HunterOpera]

Hey great to see the story completed! Definitely enjoyed all the slave training bits, and it's great to see James get his comeuppance. Although it's strange Himoko would just allow Steph & Zamir to just walk away, I was hoping for a little reverse-enslavement on Steph myself

Two words: extradition treaty. Steph. WILL be back. For a long stretch in prison.

Yeah, I'm not done with Steph or Zamir. They'll be back.

Zamir's got Innocent, remember, and Steph now has something of bloodfeud with her former friends. We'll get to that, though.

[HunterOpera]

What fics for Insex are you referring to? Links? Also I don't know what 49 is, so recommendations are in order I think.

Insex was a sort of precursor to kink.com - they laid a lot of the groundwork for that whole network, and even ended up handing over some of their locations, props, and models. There's a documentary on them called Graphic Sexual Horror that's worth watching, and a lot of their old shoots are - well, they're fascinating. Insex went defunct in 2004, I think? Maybe 2005? Oddly, it was regulation that did them in. The documentary goes into it at length. The resulting sale of their assets allowed their riggers to go and work for kink, dungeoncorp, et al.

They did a lot of story based stuff, and then did this thing where their models were often given numbers instead of names. One of their models was given the number 49. The shoot I'm thinking of is called "Apartment 49," and it's well worth checking out. Most of their stuff is.

Good hunting~!

[HunterOpera]

I am glad it ended so badly for James - he was a real piece of shit, and his unquestioning acceptance of Parmistani amorality, sexual deviancy, atavistic idolatry, and human rights abuses throws damning light on his total lack of... well, a soul, to be brutally honest. As a English guy myself, I feel more than a little disappointed to have my countrymen represented in your story by that moldy little nugget of skunk turd and.... Neville, who comes across as some kind of retarded wannabe child molester who was dropped on his head as a baby.

Given what your male characters have put Lara through over the past four or five years, I would say they beat my Zip and Alister hands down in terms of ugly, anti-feminist, sexually deviant, repressive masculinity.

Which I guess is a compliment.... given the niche genre we're both writing in....

Was reassuring you gave this a happy ending though... I seldom feel sorry for characters on AFF, but the shit that your Lara had to live through, perhaps due mainly to your extended narrative timeline, was pretty harrowing. A continuation, in the form of a more comforting and assuring coda, would be welcome

Yeah. James was a special little snowflake, but I wouldn't say he represented you or your countrymen so much as he represented entitled misogynistic toxic-masculinity bullshit. That sort of 'thinking' can pop up anywhere, and I needed a petty person that was a reflection of Lara herself. The Earl of Faringdon was noted in the lore as being engaged through a pre-arranged contract with Lara, so I took him on a journey that made him the opposite of her: a callow, selfish little brat, a petty self-obsessed narcissist with the weight of tradition behind him. If Lara had been American, the villain would have been American. Neville was a follower, a hanger-on who fell into a bad crowd.

And 'harrowing' is a good word. Lara's experience was harrowing, but it's far from the only time she's had a harrowing experience. With help she'll internalize this and come out stronger for it. She has people to rescue, a world to save, and mysteries to investigate... and some of that means returning to Parmistan.