unrealuniverse's review reply thread

[unrealuniverse]

Since there is no decent way to answer reviews I will do so for my story Marked Effect here. I will post a quote of each review before answering so that it is easy enough for viewers of this topic to follow.

Or you can read the story here :- http://games.adultfa...hp?no=600087559

Review from HenshinDaisuke :-

Well I just spent two or three nights reading this, hard to recall which. I find the characters rather interesting and I think the story is rather good. I think my only minor complaint is the lack of "fun" we have had lol though it really is not missed in the long run as I enjoy the character interaction very much. I do find it odd how easily Sam seems to get on with all these things happening in such a short amount of time but I guess it really isn't much different than the main character of any series adjusting to things.

I would rather hope we get at least one good bit with Sam, Ami and Adastra getting together just for the sake of an interesting meld. We don't hear much about any of the other races so far, will we be seeing any Turian or Salarian main characters at some point soon? (I do apologize if i miss spell the names of the aliens as I have a horrid memory for more SciFi species).

Props to you for HenshinDaisuke for reading through ~201,034 words in such a short space of time. It is nice to hear what I have written has managed to at least be good enough to read all the way through. The fun is just beginning to bubble to the surface at the moment so patience is certainly key here. I would say that Sam is getting on with things because he has no choice but to do so. I do think he gets quite a bit of help from others, so it is not like he is trying to fend for himself and he could always quickly look up things on his Omni-tool if it is needed. This issue does rear its head a little over the next few chapters but it is a valid point and I would, if I had the time, go back again and add in those doubts. I appreciate you pointing it out.

I can only say there will be those three in an interaction in the future but I cannot say any more without spoiling anything. This story will be be getting some more Turian and Salarian characters but they will not be main ones. Making extra characters is a pain when I think I already have ~80 to remember but the intention originally was to focus on the Asari. I have ideas for a follow on to this story which would very much involve Turians and Salarians to a much greater degree but whether I get around to writing it is not definite. Apologies if that is not what you wished to hear but this has already taken several months and will likely take several more before it is complete. Also you got the names of the species correct but I believe I have misspelled Illium somewhere in the story. How I managed that I do not know but you are certainly not alone.

I appreciate the constructive review and if you (or anyone else reading this) have any ideas or suggestions then since it is a work in progress I will at least take them into consideration. Edited March 25, 2013 by unrealuniverse

[unrealuniverse]

The following is a review for chapter 38 - Testing.

Review from HenshinDaisuke :-

Yet another great chapter to this rather addicting story. I do rather think that Ami's dark streak is one of the most fun bits of her character. I wonder though how Fostoria [Fosanta] (forgive me if I misspell her name) will take the news of what exactly went on in the basement. Would be interesting to see how Kate handles things over the next few days as well, if it makes her easier to be around or a bit more closed off to the group.

I will take Fostoria as a name and add it in as another character as I am always short of names. I am still in two minds about which direction to take the next chapter as I wrote it rather generically about five months ago. I hope it will be an interesting read either way when everyone sees it next week. I cannot say much about Ami other than, I think she is my favourite character, she wasn't in the story originally and if it was not for her I doubt this story would have made it to this site.

I appreciate the time you have taken to write a review of this story.

[unrealuniverse]

The following is a review for Chapter 39 - The Day After.

Review from HenshinDaisuke :-

Yet another great chapter, I am rather wondering if you might do a time skip at some point to a few months down the line or if things will progress day to day or week to week. I must say that Ami is fast growing into my favorite character and I even like Kate more in recent chapters.

I have up until now made the progress mostly day to day as there has been enough activity to keep it interesting, but there will be an occasional chapter coming up which includes multiple days. I am going to have to begin skipping midweek days or writing all five days into a round-up chapter (I am unsure which at the moment) as I have a lot of time to fill and work can get fairly boring .

This stories end is essentially going to finish at the event in May and that will become a more prominent feature in the next few chapters but getting there is going to take time. My idea however is as soon as I have written everything I will post chapters up as quickly as I can edit them to get this story complete before moving on to a sequel if this is popular enough. I thank you again for supplying your thoughts and I hope you enjoy next weeks chapter as much as the previous few.

Edited July 29, 2012 by unrealuniverse

[unrealuniverse]

The following is a review of Chapter 40 - Unexpected News

Review from HenshinDaisuke :-

I rather enjoy the little plot twist of the investigation, though it makes me wonder how things will go next. Ami being given some more freedom is a nice idea too, i do wonder though if she will try to take advantage of it a little at some point. Also wondering when Kate and Fosanta might end up having themselves some little blue children.

Unfortunately there is little to be said here other than thanks for the review and keep reading as your questions will eventually be answered one way or another.

[unrealuniverse]

The following is a review from Chapter 41 - Unexpected

Review from HenshinDaisuke :-

I am rather addicted to this story, it is a shame it's only updated once a week but I know people have lives outside the interwebs.

Anyway, I rather dislike Seliha, or the darker bits of her anyway. I do look forward to seeing what becomes of Sam and Amistathya when they get their new place. I wonder if the bodyguards will finally get upgraded from background/side characters and placed into more of the story. Oh and I was wondering when we might see the inside of Sam's mind yet again, I wonder how more of Ami's past might effect the look of the place. If Sam might make more changes depending on the over all effect the memories have on him or if Ami might end up making some changes herself without him noticing.

I honestly thank you for some of these questions as I had not thought about other changes Sam may have made (or Ami have made) to his mind. I suppose I have hinted at a sort of visual clue to Sam's state of mind by how his mind is expressed. It was however, until you pointed it out, extremely unintentional but I hope you do not mind me taking that idea on-board and running with it for future chapters.

Hymara and Lianta will become much closer to the action due to them intending to live with Sam and Amistathya.

Seliha is an odd character out on her own for the moment. I have deliberately not given everyone the full explanation yet to give the reader an idea how the others in the house see her. I hope she comes across a strange and contrasting character eventually and not evil in her intent but I understand that you may not like those kind of individuals.

A quick point about the updates. I really wish I could get these chapters out there faster but I must try and maintain writing about ten chapters ahead as sometimes a tweak is needed in an earlier chapter to make something work. This would be impossible to do if it was already out there and I never plan what happens in each chapter unless it is written specifically into a previous one. Given this and the fact I can usually get 2-4,000 words a day done means it takes typically three to five days to write one chapter and a further one to edit and refine it before posting. I apologise if that is slow but I would rather take my time and enjoy writing than think of it as a job that must be done.

Apologies again for the late response to the review.

[unrealuniverse]

A bumper number of reviews to reply to as I have been caught slacking. I do enjoy having that e-mail of a new review appear in my inbox, especially on particularly depressing days when the weather is rubbish (which is most of them). I will answer each of them in the order that I received them starting with the oldest first.

Review from HenshinDaisuke :-

I rather like this chapter, it feels slower than the rest which is good sometimes to just let the characters have down time and with Ami being ill it makes things really feel like they have slowed. I'm not sure why but it feels like the story tends to revolve more around Sam and Ami's life together than the rest of the characters lately. Might do some good to take the focus away from them for a little bit and let somebody else have the lime light for a little while.

I actually agree with them taking the limelight and I did find myself slipping into this trap. I will certainly try to better balance most chapters from this point forward but it is occasionally tough to do so with varying plots.

Review from HenshinDaisuke :-

Lovely chapter, the new apartment sounds like an interesting place. I'm not sure how to feel about the new servant yet but I'm sure she will grow on me in time, Looking forward to the next chapter..

Silana does take some time to grow into her position from her first appearance in chapter 43 so expecting miracles over the next chapter or two is not going to happen unfortunately. Keep reading and you should see something positive.

Review from Cookie :-

Damn! I love a story with plot, just taking a min to tell u I love your story, keep it up!

Please!!!!..

I just had to laugh when I first read the review at how a story with a plot seems like such an alien concept. Your pleas will not go unheard and I appreciate the minute for the review.

[unrealuniverse]

Review for chapter 44 - Moving.

Review from HenshinDaisuke :-

A nice chapter, Ami is coming a bit more out of her shell eh?

Looking forward to the next one.

No need to worry about the lateness of the chapter, the real world comes first.

You will need to wait a few chapters to really see Amistathya but it should be worth the wait. These next few chapters are mostly the conclusion to the sub-plot that started several chapters back. I do appreciate the reviews as they really do allow me to work out what could be improved or where I need to concentrate the story a little more.

[unrealuniverse]

A reply to the review for Chapter 45 - Group Meet

Review from HenshinDaisuke :-

It does rather seem like you enjoy putting Sam in awkward positions, doesn't it?

I enjoyed this chapter, it does seem I don't have much to say about it though so I apologize. I may wait a few weeks before reading again as I tend to have more to say after reading multiple chapters rather than just one...Or maybe it's when the chapters are longer ( ) Either way it seems when there is less to read my comments aren't as helpful.

I wondered though when we might get to see some of the characters that have gone off to other planets and the like, such as....blast I forget the commandos name now lol the one that crashed with Adrasta.

Anyway, I do rather hope we get to see some little blue children appearing at some point, even if it is just inside Sam or Kate's minds as a result of some test from their mates.

Awkward situations and Sam is like a magnet and iron. To answer your other points. Yes they will meet up with Kriana, Emala and Shiala again on Thessia. I am not going to have the little blue children as some fictional entity, that you can be sure of. What I am not sure of is if you will see them in this story, or in a follow up one which follows times after the event until a suitable future point.

I do not expect a review after every chapter from you HenshinDaisuke and I entirely understand it is sometimes better to read several chapters at once. It is to be honest how I intend the story to be read, not as one chapter a week. Do take all the time you feel you need to let a chunk of chapters accumulate and I hope you enjoy reading the new chapters when you get back.

[unrealuniverse]

I have a couple of reviews to provide answers to but they can be rounded into one reply. The first was for Chapter 48 - Weekend beginnings.

Review From HenshinDaisuke :-

Been a nice few chapters, I have enjoyed getting to see the moving process and get to know Silana a little better, I don't like...blast what was the new character's name? from Sentix...Olissa? Anyway very unlikable type though I gather that was the point.

Olissa is not the worst individual in this story by quite a long stretch but she is out for herself. She is not as pleasant as Usarta from Armali Illium but then again Olissa grew that company herself and is not just someone who has been elected to run a division of a larger whole.

The next review was from Chapter 50 - Marking Boundaries

Review From HenshinDaisuke :-

I do rather enjoy the longer chapters lol. I feel like I ought to know what bonfire night is but I do not ^^;

Anyway thoughts on the story...

I am rather enjoying the build up to getting Kate and Fostana to be bondmates. Would be interesting to see the inside of her mind once more at some point I vaguely remember seeing it once...maybe hard to recall.

I think that keeping Silana around is a good way to help catch up readers on early events, since the characters can explain things to her that we may have forgotten about. Such has names of characters we aint seen in some 30 or so chapters lol, oh and I think it would be nice to involve her more in some of the interactions between Sam and Ami, maybe get her to meld with Sam once or twice.

I still don't much like the dominate half of Seliha, I liked her more at the start before the duality syndrome thing but maybe the point was to make her a little unlikable then build her back up. I'm not sure but if you are going that route it would be good to start making it easier to tell which of her is the one speaking as they don't seem to differ in speech patterns much.

The story could always use more Adastra though, I can not say enough good things about her. I really rather miss the interactions between her and Sam maybe you ought to give them a day out together to go shopping or something, ya know catch up on things and get to work on that danged engine some more lol. It seems like the story was to revolve around her and Sam then Ami got introduce and the plot took a right turn down a new hall wall making us forget there was the whole rest of the house to see yet lol.

Anyway I'm rambling a bit aren't I?

Enjoyed the new chapter, looking forward to seeing if Ami keeps the marking on her face or not.

Longer chapters are good but they take hours to edit and longer to write which unfortunately means they only occur every so often. I am also sure Google could help you find out about bonfire night/Guy Fawkes night if you wished to find out.

I was trying to find a way to cement Kate and Fosanta together into a cohesive unit and bringing some of Fosanta's past into the mix. This point is why I am going to have to make the next chapter the last before Christmas as this needs serious work. I do promise you will not see what is to happen in the Christmas episode coming and it will be worth the wait. I may also have covered your next paragraph in that chapter as well but I am not spoiling anything.

Seliha has been a little loose the last few chapters but at the end of this chapter (after having the little exhibition in Eternity) she seems happier to be back to how you first saw her. The signs of the differing sides is she uses names, generally apologises much more often and is generally a little warmer in her recessive personality. Her dominant tends to be a little brash, she only uses Adastra's name and is usually a little quieter. This gets cleared up in chapter 53/54 and beyond once and for all so keep your eyes out for that one but I will try and make them a little more distinct in the future to make it clearer to the reader.

What you say about Adastra is true and I know she has got neglected as extra characters have appeared. She will make stronger appearances in the next few chapters and your review has given me a couple of extra ideas on how to get them to interact a little more going forward.

I greatly thank you for such lengthy reviews as they are immeasurably helpful to me in both making a much more complete story and helping me ensure it is better to read.

[unrealuniverse]

I have a touch of housekeeping to catch up with it seems. Thank Christmas taking up all the time. So the first review I believe covers chapters 51 and 52.

Review from HenshinDaisuke :-

Great chapter, the long wait was definitely worth it.

So first bit to think on, I rather like that Sam isn't able to just blend in with his co-workers where ever he goes to. Though the floor manager or whatever she is called seems to be a little bit of a witch, kind of hope you at some point get her killed off by somebody. (Not killed by Ami though as I think that might darker her too much.)

The bio-amp testing seems to be an interesting sub-plot so far, wondering what Ami will paint hers to look like, I would guess she will try to get it to match her markings best she can.

Oh and the sub-plot of the "mystery person" sending them things, would be nice to be able to see them again for a bit, hard to recall but I think it was her step-'father' or something ya? The Asari that ended up with her Mother or something? I really have a hard time recalling anymore for some reason.

I wonder when we might see Kate's "mind-room" again I vaguely remember it being around once but it is so hard to recall too far back. I'm going to have to do a re-read on the story soon to get all the info straightened out in my head.

Anyway great chapter, hope the next one is just as good.

I do not think there is much I can say to this review. Watch this space as most of the ideas that you have had are ones that are forthcoming. I am trying to get the coming weekend (in the story) written and I have still to write the interaction between Kate and Fosanta as well as a few other points. Little ideas do help to inspire the plot.

The following was a review posted after Chapter 53.

Review from HenshinDaisuke :-

I'm getting the feeling that Seliha is going to have some kind of major meltdown soon-ish, which could be rather interesting to see really. Makes me wonder if you plan to write out one of her personalities or merge them together maybe, it would make for an interesting bit of subplot to have her grieving for the loss of one of the personalities as though it were a sibling.

I think that Lianta and Hymara are the most developed of the bodyguards but they still don't get much in the way of "screen time" really. Would be interesting to get a bit of a short chapter from their point of view, maybe walk the reader through their day and the thoughts they have while trying to keep Sam out of trouble. Maybe seeing what their days off are like? Just something to think on.

I was thinking it might be nice for Kate to have another go at being in charge, could be interesting to give her Silana for a week to see how things turn out.

I quite like this review as it has ideas and helpful suggestions within. It is sort of the review equivalent of a present, just without the wrapping paper and copious amounts of sticky tape

I have yet to fully decide on Seliha and what she is eventually going to do and that indecisiveness is becoming an issue. It will potentially be (hopefully) mostly resolved in the next chapter so keep your eyes peeled.

Lianta and Hymara are the most developed out of necessity more than anything else. This is mostly down to the fact that they live directly with Amistathya, Sam and Silana. I believe they will get some story time to themselves in... chapter 56 I think. This should give them a little extra depth. I do feel you have a point in that they do need some development and I will do so in upcoming chapters so thank you for pointing it out. It is occasionally hard to see the wood for the trees when ideas for the main characters come first almost at a cost to others as you blindly try to get your idea down in words.

I cannot remember Kate ever being a temporary owner or more dominant individual for any length of time yet. I may however be wrong as it feels like several years since I wrote the earlier chapters but I am fairly sure of that. Kate will however get her first chance in chapter 56 (on the upcoming Saturday in the story) but quite how it will play out with regards to the others I do not know yet. If you meant Fosanta then she does get a couple of opportunities with others in the future (as well as Kate) but who they may be, I am not going to say.

I may attempt to make chapter 58 cover the entire following week as one single lengthy chapter, as I have nothing major planned for it. I have heard that you at least appreciate the longer chapters and I feel it would help speed the story along a little. I appreciate your time and effort to give solid reviews as you did not need to do so. They however have been helpful to me, especially since they help create some ideas that are occasionally difficult to find in the alcohol and food induced festive fog.

[unrealuniverse]

The last reply before the new year goes to the following review which was for Chapter 54 - Answers.

Review from HenshinDaisuke :-

A decent chapter, if a little short. Starting to feel a little bad about not being fond of Seliha, though not quite bad enough to start to like her.

Oh and ya I had been thinking of Fosanta in my last review lol. I think putting her in a position of control over somebody for a week might be fun, or maybe putting her and Kate in the control of somebody else. Maybe giving Silana a chance to be in charge of somebody would be a nice switch up for her.

The chapter was a little short and there was extra scope to increase its size but I wanted to remove the focus away from Sam and the others a little. The next two, potentially three chapters should be longer to make up for the shorter ones. The next one particularly is (I hope) one worth waiting for as it provides some answers to a loose end or two.

I think Seliha is not an easy individual to get to know. I always assumed that while she was at Armali Council, Thessia that she was pleasant towards individuals at work but never really interacted with others outside of work and kept herself to herself generally. You may have assumed differently about what happened as I have not been specific about that time at the moment. Seliha's story will continue to unravel itself and I hope that she can be seen as at least a tolerable but not entirely trustworthy individual.

I am starting to wonder if you have a keylogger on my laptop when you come up with your suggestions All I can say is that neither will be with who you expect and it may be a while before it happens.

Have a happy new year and again, thank you for the reviews.

[unrealuniverse]

A review that is not a review because of me being slow. Apologies about that.

Review from HenshinDaisuke :-

Hey, no new review this time around. Mostly because there isn't a new chapter yet lol, seems life has taken you away from the site for a bit. No worries though Starting to re-read the story from the start, just as good as the first time around.

(oh and I also sent you a friend request on Steam this morning.)

I do have a small plan to go through and polish up all the earlier chapters again once (if) I complete this as there are some rough edges still. It seems no matter how many times you read through you always miss something (or is that just me?). If you would have waited another few hours then you would have had a new chapter to read (wasn't deliberate, honest.)

I have got a steam friend request from a .Burst but whether that is from you or some other random individual is still open for debate as the nickname is not the same as you stated. (Fortunately as that one was rather lolworthy ). If that is you do say hi.

Edited January 23, 2013 by unrealuniverse

[unrealuniverse]

Yet another review to comment upon relating this time to Chapter 55 - Expanding Expectation

Review from HenshinDaisuke :-

Howdy, not quite finished with the chapter at this point but I did
notice something so I decided to open a new Tab and start on the review
as I read lol.



So the other test subject, is their name Abaea or Ebaea? because I noticed four time where the name shows up as both.



A lil further in the story. Why is it any time somebody looks in a box I
get the feeling there are some very interesting times ahead.



Oh a box of lube, rope and some toys...Interesting times ahead indeed lol.



Okay just finished, rather good chapter all around. I think it would be
nice to maybe get Kate and Fosanta involved with Sam an Ami a bit too, you
could always give them a night out at a motel or something. Maybe have
them switch up partners.

The first point about Ebaea stems from me trying to be so pro and not looking at my file with everyone's name in. I will go back and fix that shortly. The box is always a good way to make Adastra a little childlike again and is something I am trying to keep with her personality, I will try to get Kate and Fosanta with Sam and Ami but constructs make that difficult at the moment. Watch this space is about the best that I can say.