Interview your people

[Keith Inc.]

An Original Character Interview

(shamelessly lifted from DeviantArt)

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1. Choose 3 of your characters. Yours. YOURS.

2. Have them answer these questions.

3. Go ahead and add some questions, as well.

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I chose my Naga, Clarisse; one of my sphinxes, Damietta; and an assistant to St. James at the zoo, Jolene.

>How old are you?

Clarisse: So old that the question becomes meaningless.

Damietta: I just turned 500.

Jolene: No, you didn't. You're about 200 years older than that.

Damietta: At least I didn't lie on my driver's license.

Clarisse: And this would be when Jolene shuts up.

>What’s your height?

Clarisse: I don't like them to measure me.

Damietta: She's about 70 feet long.

Clarisse: What did I just say?

Damietta: I didn't measure you, I guessed. Of course, it's an educated guess.

Jolene: I don't think she minds the method as much as others knowing things about her.

Clarisse: You know this about me, Jolene?

Jolene: ::ulp!::

>Your weight?

Clarisse: Not a word....

Damietta: I'm as a mummer.

Jolene: ::gestures a zipped lip::

>Do you have any bad habits?

Clarisse: Killing people that annoy me.

Damietta: No, I'm pretty close to optimal.

Jolene: I sometimes help people finish their crossword puzzles.

Damietta: The clue was MISSPELLED!

Jolene: I didn't mean anything by it.

>Are you a virgin?

Jolene: Effectively. With my work schedule, the only screwing I get is by FICA.

Clarisse: Can we talk more about my bad habits, little man?

Damietta: I have a child.

Clarisse: Well, so do I.

Damietta: But not of your flesh and blood.

>Who’s your mate?

Clarisse: Living? None.

Damietta: He's the mascot for the Seattle Sphinxes.

Jolene: ::sigh::

>Do you have any kids?

Clarisse: Debbie. A delightful child.

Damietta: Macchus. A delightful child who isn't a threat to all life in the zoo.

Clarisse: Hissssssssssssssss!

Damietta: ::Bronx cheer::

Jolene: Sometimes, I kind of see the animals in the exhibits as my kids.

>What’s your favorite food?

Clarisse: Journalists.

Damietta: Oh, don't mind her. She likes anything still living. I like asps.

Jolene: Anything that doesn't come out of a vending machine, or come wrapped in waxed paper would be nice.

>Have you killed anyone?

Clarisse: Enough to people a city.

Damietta: No.

Jolene: No, ugh. I could never do that.

>Do you hate anyone?

Clarisse: Too much work.

Damietta: No, I could never do that. Even big meanies.

Jolene: People who can divide other people into those that deserve and those that don't deserve their protections.

>Have any secrets?

Clarisse: I know what race Keeper St. James is.

Damietta: I...what?

Jolene: If it's a secret, then he must not be human. Is he?

Damietta: What is he?

Jolene: Yeah, what?

Clarisse: It's a secret.

>Do you love anyone?

Clarisse: My daughter. The current roster of keepers have their uses, too.

Damietta: My son. And, his father, sort of. Some of the keepers.

Jolene: Um... I respect St. James. And he respects me. That's cool. But I haven't really... No.

>Do you have a job?

Clarisse: I'm an exhibit.

Damietta: Yeah, not exactly a job. More of imposed room and board.

Jolene: These two are my job. At least part of it.

>What do you do when you want to relax?

Clarisse: Play with my child.

Damietta: Hey, me, too!

Jolene: Curl up in the break room and power nap.

>What’s your favorite song?

Damietta: Tubular Bells.

Clarisse: Oh, yes, that's nice.

Damietta: You only like it because it's in The Exorcist.

Jolene: 'It's Raining Men.' Any version NOT sung by gay men.

>What’s your sign?

Clarisse: Year of the Serpent.

Damietta: Oh, it is not. You're older than that calendar.

Clarisse: And you're not a Leo, no matter what you told the reporter.

Jolene: Girls!

>What is your favorite alcoholic beverage?

Clarisse: I don't understand the question.

Damietta: Champagne.

Jolene: You don't drink.

Damietta: I still have a favorite for OTHERS to drink.

Jolene: Only because they serve it at parties. And you love parties.

>What story are you in?

Clarisse: In? Darling, I AM the story.

Damietta: Then why is it called 'Lamia?'

Clarisse: Poor planning on the author's part.

[Guest Knorg]

bwa ha ha. Awesome. That deserves posting as an interlude in the story itself, Keith. I thought Clarisse's daughter was Dorothy though!

*runs back to re-read. Well, any-excuse really*

[Keith Inc.]

Crap, you're right. Where the hell did i get that....?

[Guest Knorg]

You interviewed Clarisse.

And she lied to you.

To you.

RUN! RUN WHILE YOU CAN!