character and world

[SirGeneralSir]

i need some 2nd thoughts on a character and the world hes in, its still all up in the air so any help would be appresheated.

Character:

Privet george Samsong (name is up for change)

combat engeneer with minor cybornetic implants designed to make him a more effective engeneer, doing tasks at 2X the speed and able to analize components or technology that is of alien nature.

not suited for actual combat, skills are meak at best, engeneering skills are surpassed by none, one of a kind.

attitude is smart ass, sarcastic, friendly, good natured, foul mouthed, does not have problem offending commanders or telling them things they dont want to hear.

Story:

year 2346, character is fixing a relay station and while he is in the depths of the inner workings of the station, his squad/guards of 12 marines are killed leaving him alone on the un inhabited world.

both sides use weapons of simular nature, laser/phaser types that are ether full auto or beam weapons and plasma based weapons that are burst fire or single shot.

difference between weapons is how its made and what it looks like, all in all they do the same things.

the character is able to ..... scan? the alien weapons and back engeneer them and combine a simular weapon into it as long as they are of the same type (human plasma weapon X alien plasma weapon)

he is also able to salvage armor and armor components from dead human and alien units and combine them into his space/enviroment suit and make it more effective, salvaging alien shield generator, cloaking field, night vision, jet pack etc.

this is all done so that he can get to a location to contact his ship for extraction and other things.

any thoughts on this?

[Tribalista]

Implants – interesting; probably some extra problems besides advantages? How does he cope with them? Then, do they add anything to his appearance, probably, people gave him a nickname because of them? (like, ‘Titanic’ because a person has a plate \ chip made of titanium implanted in his head ).

Nickname? Habits (esp. bad)? Mannerisms? Any quirks of character? Whatever makes a character lifelike – add it to his portrayal..

Personally I prefer reading about not super-professionals but rather people training for profession, so they are shown in process of accomplishing anything. It’s more interesting – and complicated. Or the situation of competition, or actual combat \ struggle – it’s dynamic, never boring (and generally hard for authors to describe )

If he isn’t ‘suited for actual combat’, how does he plan to defend himself in case of danger? Any strategy \ inventions of his for the worst case scenario?

What about his reaction to the death of his squad? How does he cope with isolation issues, if he has any (?) Is he a loner \ team worker by nature? Does he miss anyone?

What about his attitude to the work he’s doing, to machines \ devices etc. Is it his vocation (so he’s a technophile) or was he forced to do it by…?

Very important: what are his thoughts and observations concerning this ‘uninhabited world’ around him? Any ideas how to survive in case of long-term stay, any potential dangers…?

Details, descriptions, inner monologue etc. - all these are very important. So lots of ideas here . Hope it was of some help to you.

Edited April 12, 2012 by Tribalista

[SirGeneralSir]

well the implants in some cases are literal, like an actual cyborg arm that opens up into ..... 3? multi tooled arms or standard of a claw like arm.

other think would be connected to his suit, if you ever played Diablo 2 and had a socketed any thing, its some what like that in, there would be different levels of tech, like a lvl 1 power shield, cloak etc

all of this would some what slow him down in some ways i would think.

Nick name ...... didnt think about that actually,... tweek? because hes always tweeking things and making modifications to .... every thing.

Habits, during his off time hes working on some thing new, upgrading the pulse rifles to fire with a 10% reduction in energy waste from the battery/powercell.

Mannerism, i would say very witty, he knows what hes talking about, knows you dont know 1/2 of it, give him attitude and he gives it right back, want to mess with him, he can make your console explode and make it look like an accidental overload

nice to him, he will make SPECIAL toys just for you because he likes you.

hes not superman, a spartan from halo or sam from metroid, though i did use them in ways for reference.

hes a pro as an engeneer/technition, loves working on new things, like a relay station that has mysteriously stopped working, sounds like some thing fun to rip appart and make it better.

his ability to fight, better off giving a gun to a 12 yr old thinking hes going to save the universe than him.

when using weapons hes very nervous, would hit the brawd side of a barn with 500 rounds when hes supposed to just fire 1.

some of the upgrades that he finds would assist him, like a targeting assistant device of some kind.

his upgrades to weapons would just make them work better, fire more rounds for 1/2 the cost of the battery, do more damage, have an extra function

the reaction i think would be some think like this.

As he exited the duct that lead him into the depths of the station, he turned expecting to see at least a few of the soldiers playing cards or some thing, what he saw dumbfounded him.

sitting in pools of their own blood, all 12 soldiers were all dead.

"You have got to be FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!, i was gone no more than an hour and look at what happens, what the fuck?"

Taking a closer look at the bodies, it was clear they were killed by weapons not unlike the standard Earth Core weapons, ether plasma or laser based, but they were then mutilated, gutted in a most horrific way that displaid every thing or would have if it was not missing.

but why do some thing like this? was it some kind of ritual? for trophies? food? or worse, pleasure?

having annalized the data, his implanted AI assistant expressed his opinion.

"Well now look at that, these hardened fully trained and very well armed soldiers really bit the big one didnt they, what chance do you have? your fucked."

some thing like that.

[Tribalista]

The question i should have asked first is what you plan to focus on in the story: the man himself or he's a part of a bigger picture? (the world and life of some alien planet, the war, colonization of the planet, the life of the people in the space ship etc.) What's the story mainly about? Maybe all these details I wrote about aren't necessary.

So far the guy sounds like a very creative & inventive person, a perfectionist, workaholic and a child at heart (infantile like a teenage boy) and an annoying know-it-all .. does he have friends?

I wonder what toys he could make.. it’s interesting!

And such a person left with no protection on the planet.. it can be real fun for him if he's used to work on his own - no superiors, regime or orders.. He can use his own brains to find out the reason of the mass killing of the squad while waiting to be saved.. if just to kill time

Why is he so bad at using weapons? Is he a gun-shy, traumatized or just averse to it?

Any pets or electronic "pets" he made for fun? Oh, you see, I'm so determined to see the guy as a human. In fact, it may be not important at all..

[SirGeneralSir]

ok the story is about him, his team was just sent to fix the array, there is nothing actually wrong with it, its just being jammed by some thing.

i think the planet its self would be kind of like mars in most ways, some vegatation here and there, some animals etc, nothing too appealing really, at the moment, there is no war or any thing, this is first contact.

i wouldnt call him a perfectionist, he has no problems making some thing look ugly but better, like crossing wires to bypass a fused junction to make the ships weapons more effective or some thing.

he doesnt see his job as work, its more like a child with a new toy (sweet i get to take this thing appart, i wonder how fast i can do it)

fun toys would be some thing like, putting a pasma grenade as a 2nd warhead for a rocket/missile, giving it an extra boom.

unless your asking for special toys for personal use ^_-

he has friends, it just takes time to become a friend of his, he doesnt want to deal with narrowminded BS from people that dont understand him, if you want to be his friend then you can be, it will just take you time to actually realy become friends.

his inability to actually fight is because for him, hes a nervous shaking hand soldier, but hes also more interested in the workings of the weapons than actually using them, how can i make it a better weapon etc, besides hes an engeneer, the soldiers do the fighting

there is an AI aid that he works with, for now i will just call him Bob, and hes very helpful and every thing but in a very smart assed way.

"wow look at that, there must be 30 guys standing in your way ...... you know if you were to die, i would to so you better be careful and keep your head down"

"Careful not to cross the wrong wires, or you might get more than a little shock"

kind of acts like an older brother to him, helping but still being a pain in the ass.

[Lisbet_Adair]

Is there any friction between him and the Marines who accompany him? Are they annoyed to have to come all this way to babysit some geek so he can fix this thing they don't understand or are any of them interested? Are any of them doing this military duty to fund college or further training in engineering and are interested in what he's doing? In which case, if he has friends within the group, is he not devastated that they have all been killed? Do they respect him as an engineering geek, in which case how has he won this respect or do they bully him?

If he's a military engineer, he must have done some basic training, no? I'm fairly sure that everyone, even the pastry chefs in the army should be able to pick up a rifle and know which end is meant to be pointed at the enemy in case of emergency.

[mandolore]

new to this unsure what to do

also anybody read need a quad

[SirGeneralSir]

i would think that hes mostly detatched from every one, bit of a loner, he has no problems wiht any one really, and would you really want to bully some one that fixes, upgrades and over all keeps your weapons in working order when returned to an armory?

im thinking that his reaction would mostly be OMG WTF? WTH? WHAT? because he didnt hear any thing and they were probably killed fiarly fast and there is no sign of any enemy bodies/blood.

if it wasnt for this guys attitude, he could have been chief engineer of any ship HE wanted to be, give him a wrench and a broken warp drive, he could fix it, just wouldnt be pritty.

most of his friends would be all over the ship, they ask for HIM to fix things, like the engines of a pilots fighter, a Drs spictral scanner or what ever, a ship with him on it, run at 120% as to 100%

i would think that most of the troops would be ok with the job because, frst off, its protocal, you dont send any one alone unless they are commando, and orders are orders.

[Lisbet_Adair]

i would think that hes mostly detatched from every one, bit of a loner, he has no problems wiht any one really, and would you really want to bully some one that fixes, upgrades and over all keeps your weapons in working order when returned to an armory?

I think you might have an unrealistic scope of an engineer's talents. How does this work at the moment, say on an aircraft carrier where there are aspects of aeronautical and marine engineering combined with general electrical engineering and repair. Do they have catch-all engineers are do they have specialist staff? This guy, like most engineers, may have an appreciation of things outside his specialty but is it realistic that he's responsible for all of it?

im thinking that his reaction would mostly be OMG WTF? WTH? WHAT? because he didnt hear any thing and they were probably killed fiarly fast and there is no sign of any enemy bodies/blood.

I think this situation, for someone who's not familiar with the sight of bodies, is probably going to be quite frightening, especially when he realises that whatever did this is still there and may be hunting him. I think most people would be pretty overwhelmed and frozen, before being really sick.

i would think that most of the troops would be ok with the job because, frst off, its protocal, you dont send any one alone unless they are commando, and orders are orders.

Well, they have a job to do, but they might not be happy with the specifics. Are any of them scheduled for home leave (this sets up an element of tragedy) or retirement? Are they experienced soldiers who regret being pulled away from the action, or are the inexperienced and cocky?

[SirGeneralSir]

Hes one of many on a starship, think Star trek/wars/babylon 5/Halo ish type of setting.

on his ship, hes one of ..... 100? or so engineers, they all more or less do all the jobs, helps to keep them fresh in what ever should the need come, what happens if Bob is killed and hes the only one that knew how to fix the ..... ARS X 73 atomic pulse mega cannon.

also, it would be part of the protocal for every one to be on an away mission every so often, its more or less his turn, but hes also the best one for what this mission is SUPPOSED to be, he has the most skills with things like this, if he cant find the problem, he will over power the system to fix the problem if he can or do what ever it takes.

so really, he does do it all, but hes not the only one.

his reaction, i kind of pharaphrased it, his reaction would be clear, hes yelling things like "Oh my FUCKING GOD, what the hell happend here, how the HELL did they .... WHAT?"

the troops arnt really the focus right now really, there just the every day, faceless troops with helmets on, like you would see in games and the like.

[Lisbet_Adair]

Hes one of many on a starship, think Star trek/wars/babylon 5/Halo ish type of setting.

on his ship, hes one of ..... 100? or so engineers, they all more or less do all the jobs, helps to keep them fresh in what ever should the need come, what happens if Bob is killed and hes the only one that knew how to fix the ..... ARS X 73 atomic pulse mega cannon.

Fair enough.

also, it would be part of the protocal for every one to be on an away mission every so often, its more or less his turn, but hes also the best one for what this mission is SUPPOSED to be, he has the most skills with things like this, if he cant find the problem, he will over power the system to fix the problem if he can or do what ever it takes.

so really, he does do it all, but hes not the only one.

Okay. Is he resentful that he's been pulled of the ship, or does it feed into any adventure desires of going to distant worlds? This is sometimes a reason that motivates people to join the armed forces, especially when tourism isn't firmly established. Are there any redeeming features of the landscape that are worth seeing? What's the reason for the relay station in particular being there and why does he have such a large accompanying force for this world, is there a political dispute? Bearing in mind that whoever currently has a claim on Greenland (Sweden?) send a two-man team with dogs to patrol it, because no on is really expecting an invasion of Greenland. I would imagine this is the same, unless there is a war going on.

the troops arnt really the focus right now really, there just the every day, faceless troops with helmets on, like you would see in games and the like.

Perhaps, but fleshing out their characters and their relationship with the protagonist helps to establish the mood, and the personality of the main character. The reason lots of accessory characters in games don't get fleshed out is because we're not seeing the story as it progresses, but playing the action sequences.

[SirGeneralSir]

I think that for him, he would really enjoy messing with the Aray/relay station, there isnt one on his ship like that so its a new toy for him really.

hes in the military because thats where all the fun toys are, not to mention the chance to maybe encounter an ailen race and compair notes, technology etc, then see what he could do with it.

thats more or less his reason.

as for the troops ..... eh you do have a point, but i dont see them having much of a conversation, there just there to make sure nothing stops him from doing his job and the like.

the station is just there to give any signals a boost to reach their destination, it would recive what ever mesages from what ever ships or other stations, then relay them to another or to the targeted ship/station/planet.

other than that, there is nothing on the planet of real interest ........ so far, still thinking about it

[Tigro Spottystripes]

How is someone that can easilly figure out how alien technology works not able to easilly figure out how an enemy's body, weapons and accessories work and therefore quickly find weak spots and ways to break, incapacitate or otherwise exploit their workings to his own benefit?

ps:i hope when you write your story you don't mispell so much like how you've been doing in your posts here...

Edited May 27, 2012 by Tigro Spottystripes