Funny or Stupid Game Stories

[foeofthelance]

From the Forum Games Board, at Dazzled's request. I will match stories for stories, until mine run out. Hopefully by then, there will be plenty of others as well. I'll even start it off, with the aforementioned story of how my party once turned a dragon gay.

We were hunting for the world destroying mystical artifact of a fallen god (what other kind is there?) when we found ourselves wandering through an extradimensional cavern. We had been in it before, but it was a vast, vast plane of existence. So we had discovered yet another entrance, and were exploring it, after looting the barren tower which stood over it. What, we're adventurers!

So we have made it more then half a day without much excitement. Dull rocks followed by more dull rocks. Not even shiny rocks, which was making our catgirl sorceress rather sad. She liked the sparkly rocks. Well, she actually liked anything sparkly, which was why her favorite spell was scorching ray, but meh. That's catgirls for you.

Finally, we find ourselves in a rather large cavern. And as is typical with such caverns, this one was occupied. By a rather large, and annoyed fang dragon as it turned out. Well, what to do when facing dragons? One can either fight, flee, or try talking it to death. The third doesn't actually work, since Dragons tend to live much longer then the average adventurer, but such is life, no? Well, this particular party liked the thrid option, mostly because it gave us time to cast all of our buff spells behind its back. If talking failed, preemptive strike! (Gee, that sounds familiar for some reason...)

Well, before we wanted to attack, we decided to get some information. Or, our gnome did. Those familiar with gnomes can probably skip to the end, having some idea of how this is going to turn out. For those of you who don't, this is gnome story, so be warned! Take hold of your sanity, lock it away some where nice and sunny, then keep reading.

Well, our gnome (He had a name, but nobody knew what it was. Nobody would go near him actually. He had found an enchanted Elven saber in an earlier encounter and had tucked it down his pants. When the encounter had ended, we had cast Detect on all of the loot, and the something long and hard started to glow in the gnome's pants. Needless to say, there much less curiosity about the gnome after that.) cast detect magic. Still with me? Or did that rather long bit in the parenthesis confuse you? Ok, good. Its not good to get confuzzled.

Well, being a creature of deep magic, the dragon began to glow ever so faintly. This inspried our gnomish hero (I use the term loosely) to great deeds. While the rest of the party continued its efforts to distract the dragon, the gnome boldly rushed forward to the attack. The dragon, only somewhat surprised at the attack, tried to bite the smallish target, but missed. Jumping through the air the gnome let out a great cry of 'Huggles!' and promtly latched himself on to the dragons front leg. Squeezing for all he was worth, he attempted to activate the dragon.

Well, we all know the fickle sense of humor for which the dice gods are known. Of course the die came up 20 on the roll. Our dragon was quite successfully, turned on. Yes, you read that correctly. The dragon found itself immeadiately attracted to the smallish gnome now clinging to its leg. This greatly confused the dragon, for he had already made plans to spend the evening with a lady dragon friend of his. And yet, here he was, his heart all but aching for him to be with the small lump fo fat and nose that was hugging him.

Remember that fickleness I mentioned earlier? Well, when the check was made, the die came up a 1. Our dragon was now quite gay. He even recieved the +10 to fashion sense checks that come with such a conversion. He let us go, with narry a blow struck, though we fear his poor heart must have broke when his beloved gnome left him for a life of adventure on the high seas.

[AmyMcClair]

Ah! Very amusing. I've got one for you.

My group of adventurers went to investigate a Kaer (hiding place) that we were trapped in by a group of thieves. As we wandered the many halls of this establishment, one of the floors caved in and three of us fell into a deep pit. My character was near unconsciousness from the fall and the human has lost consciousness, so our fate was left to the dumbest member of our party - an ork warrior with a perception (Int. equivalent) of about 6.

Well, long story short, Gwar (that is the ork) had a stroke of genius. If you have ever played with a really stupid character, you will know to always be leary of their geniusness. Anyway, he tied a rope to a Hawk hatchet with the idea of using the hatchet as an ancher for the rope to help climb out of the pit.

Unfortunately for the party, this is where his genius ended. Instead of trying to get the rope anchered to one of the nearby pillars, he saw the troll standing at the edge of the crater and decided to engage his assistance.

"Here, catch!" he yelled as he threw the hawk hatchet at the troll at full strength (wouldn' t want the troll to be unable to catch it afterall). Well you can see where this is going...For those of you who can't:

The troll caught the hatchet in the center of his chest. To make matters worse, the ork tugged on the rope to be sure it was secure and then used the rope to climb out of the hole - all 300 pounds of him. He then approached the troll, grabbed the hatchet and yanked it from his chest saying, "nice catch," before looking into following my instructions to get the rest of us out.

Orks aren't very bright sometimes.

[Guest Big Samurai]

I had a player attempt to fly -- in D&D -- by throwing his dagger and grabbing it in mid-air. This is the same player who liked to use one character to start fights with whole shiploads of pirates. The name of said character was the French word for 'turd'.

Never a boring session, though, I'll say that.

[Guest echtrae]

Years ago, I gamed with one individual who wasn't too overly bright. Fortunately he played a character that was the mental spitting image of him.

One time the party found a trapdoor while exploring the ruins of an old temple. After opening the trapdoor and throwing a rope down, they decided that the party leader (a ½elf fighter-thief) and the brute fighter (the previously mentioned individual) would be the ones to go down and check things out.

The ½elf lands and looks about. The brute fighter lands and announces that he looks in the other direction.

DM to ½E: You see some movement down the corridor in front of you.

Brute to DM: Do I see any movement?

DM to Brute: No.

½E to DM: I ready my weapons as I move closer to get a better look.

DM to ½E: As you move slowly down the corridor, you determine that there is definitely movement ahead.

Brute to DM: Do I see anything yet?

DM to Brute: No.

DM to ½E: You can make out the movement, they appear to be walking skeletons and they are advancing with weaepons ready.

½E to DM: I back up slowly. Are they gaining on me?

DM to ½E: Yes. They are nearly upon you.

Brute to DM: Do I see anything?

DM to Brute: No (as dice are rolled), but you hear the sounds of combat echoing around you.

Brute to DM: I ready my weapons.

DM and ½E proceed with combat with ½E losing ground quickly. Brute fighter player is quickly getting upset with the repeated responses by the DM of No, you don't see any combat. Finally, what was going on dawned on the rest of the party and together they shouted at the brute fighter. Turn around you fool!

[Iggy_lovechild]

Hmm...I hope you don't mind a little V:TM action.

My boyfriend was always a strange Storyteller. One story really took the cake though. He got the clever idea to make book characters come to live. Imagine Puss in Boots walking down Bourbon Street, challenging people to duels and you get the general idea of the atmosphere of the game.

Anyway, so eventually it comes down to various players going into books (of course they're magic) and at one point mine ended up going into Lord of the Rings. I was playing a Lasombra and, during a desperate moment, accidently killed Frodo by trying to hide him with Shroud of Night. Eheh...I've always had difficulty remembering it suffocates mortals.

Later, when confroted by Gandolf, I shot him dead with a big old shotgun full of incidinary rounds.

Said boyfriend also used to DM back in the day. He has frightening tales of talking rabbits with decks of many things....

[foeofthelance]

Ah well, if it is decks of many things, let me tell you of the great Death War in poor old Solace. The place really has too much drama in my opinion.

Anyway, the party had recently come back from the northern wastes, where they had been battling some rather nast bug people. Several stories could be told about this, but for now, the deck. In the course of their travels thay had cause to visit an abandoned library, where they found such treasures as a Bookf Of Vile Deeds, and more importantly, a Deck of Manythings.

They returned to Solace with their treasures, and made good with the man who had hired them. Having some down time the CG kender paladin and CE half elf rogue headed for the local tavern. After a few drinks, the kender challenged the rogue to a game of war. Pulling out the Deck, they divided it up between themselves, and sat down to play.

The game was amusing, in and of itself. The rogue became lawful good, before returning to the dark side, while the kender became permanately lawful evil himself. Kingdoms were won and lost, demons irritated, and minds and souls lost and regained. There was not much change really, until the last round. On his final play, and the last one of the game, the Kender turned over the Death Card.

Well, the death was summoned, and proceeded to attack. Having lost all his worldly belongings earlier (including the money for the bar tab) the kender broke a chair and began to attack the Death with a chair leg. The rogue, seeing his friend in trouble, decided to attack with his Lawful Good vorpal rapier. (The sword was convinced his insanity was not due to him being evil, but the cause of him being evil. The bit where the cards briefly switched his alignment cemented this for the sword. It had a low intelligence score.) This of course caused a death to appear before him for the rogue to fight. Well, he had slain the first one, so the kender attacked his. This caused another Death to appear.

Well, by now the majority of the Inn of the Last Home had been evacuated, and the town cleric to be sent for. A level 20 cleric of Mishakal, though she had no adventuring experience. She sees the rogue go down, and rushes over to heal them. This counts as interference, so low, another death. Ten minutes later they've gone through about six of the Deaths, the kender has cut two of the scythes into sickles, and is now actively interfering.

The cleric, terrified beyond all measure, goes running out the door, only to attract the attention of the town guards, including the sheriff. They began chasing her, and tackled her when she wouldn't stop for them. technical interference, and three more deaths pop into existence. They begin to fight off their own dooms. The rogue is now chasing after the cleric, either trying to save her or kill her, no one is entirely sure. The kender is sitting on the steps leading up to the inn, swigging from a stolen bottle of dwarf spirits.

The rogue and the cleric make it back to the temple, with the cleric now being followed by three Deaths. The rogue lets off a lightening bolt at the three of them, killing them all. Unfortunately, he now has another three to deal with. So he runs back into the main altar room, and taps the altar with his rapier. Blessed by the gods, it instantly recharges.What follows could best be described as an assault launched from a mchinegun emplacement which is spitting lightening bolts.

Outside a full fledged battle is raging in the town square. There are now about ten town guards, as well as five wizards balsting away at the deaths. The wizards were called in when it appeared the threat was magical. By the end of the engagement the kender had killed about eight Deaths, the Rogue an even dozen, and the town guards had close to twenty. The kender managed to get three levels, while the rogue earned four.

The rest of the party enters the tavern to find the cause. They stare at the deck for a few moments, until finally the sorceress finds the courage to draw a card.

She gets five levels and two animatd golden lion statues, putting her above everyone else in the party. And she never fought a thing.

[quamp]

There's several sources for gaming stories. One is a comic book series The Knights of the Dinner Table. Another is the online strip Full Frontal Nerdity, part of the Nodwick site.

[Guest Agaib]

This is a story about a semi-recent game session that occurred while playing a nice game of D&D.

To help someone less familiar with the game than I am understand. I should explain that in Dungeons and Dragons trolls may only be killed effectively through the use of either acid or fire damage. Unfortunately, not every time a party of characters faces a troll in combat do they have such weapons at their disposal in order to "kill" it.

Anyway, the adventurers consisted of a rouge, a typical fighter, a psion and a wizard. They were fighting their way downward through a huge tower filled with all different sorts of giants.

Once, while the party was in a particualrly bad position in this tower (they were low on resources and HP) they happened to run into a room FULL of ogres. Before they fully understood the maginituude of the predicament the rouge jumped forward dramatically and shouted.

"The cleaning service is here!"

Not fully comprehending what the rouge said (the giants don't know much common) they merely stared back dumbly. It seemed unlikely to the haggard party that a bunch of giants would look at a fully equiped group of adventurers covered in blood and sweat and beleive that they were merely midevil janitors. Luckly, they had overestimated the intelligence of ogres.

After much fast talking and a few die rolls(or actually very slow talking as one must do with an ogre) the rouge successfully convinced the ogres that they were indeed there with the intention of cleaning (though the very concept of cleaning also had to be explained to the ogres).

In the end, after all of the fiddle-faddle they found themselves in an especially large bathroom made for giants. The adventurers were forced to undergo several hours of grueling labor before the ogre that was standing guard to make sure they did the cleaning fell asleep.

Using their momentary advantage they quickly and quietly killed the ogre without alerting the rest of the mob. After much sneaking around, and finnally a lot of battle, they managed to force the ogres to come one at a time and successfully destroyed the group.

Just as the party thought they were safe, and would no longer have to worry about the stupid giants an enormous troll burst into the bathroom which was now, interestingly, the cleanest room in the tower. A few quick rounds of combat later the party ended up with a dead psion and a seemingly dead troll.

Because of their novice as brave warriors, our poor adventurers did not realize the dangers of their current position. Because even as they desperately tried to revive the fallen psion, the troll was regaining its strength and preparing for another attack.

Though the troll nearly killed the warrior with its second time around the party managed to hit it into unconciousness. They quickly realized that disposal of the troll was of the utmost importance at the moment. After a quick look around, the rouge realized the only way.

"put it in the toilet..."

The rest of the party laughed slightly thinking the comment had been made in jest, but the rouge said again.

"Put it in the toilet! We're in a tower! that hole probably goes down a good hundred feet! there's no way it could get us again from there."

After a moment of deliberation the party agreed and thrust the trolls "corpse" down the midevil toilet (which is really just a deep hole in the ground).

They have since left that tower behind, but whenever they need a good laugh, the can think back and image. A suffering troll trying desperately to climb the feces ridden walls of the hole, just as the suffering creature reaches the top an ogre sits back down on the john and bathes him once more in the nasty goo. In its anger, perhaps the troll would try to grab the offending buttocks and try to hoist itself to freedom. But alas, the ogre would merely stand back up suprised and angry, it would thrust it's massive club down the toilet in a similar manner to a plunger and thus sending the troll falling back down to oblivion. Cursed to live forever.

[Neito]

my friends on IRC and i where playing a game called mafia. In it, one person is a "mafia" and each round kills one person. Everyone else are civilians, and must guess, each turn, who the mafia is. If they guess right, the game is over. If they guess wrong, the person they guess is dead.

At one point, when i was the mafia, i was absolutely certain they had me. The two remaining non-mafia players where publicly stating it was me in their minds.

Then, i get a PM.

<One of the people saying its me> It's <name of the other guy saying its me>, right?

<Me> Yes.

<One of the people saying its me> 'kay, lets vote for him to die next.

<me> 'kay.

Well, he died, and it turned out it wasn't him who was the mafia. I then go on to win, of course, because the mafia only has to survive till there's one other.

Needless to say, i was laughing like mad, and the guy who voted with me was pissed.