Techno-Ninja Posted December 29, 2010 Report Share Posted December 29, 2010 SneakySpy LOL, I loved it! XD Even if you butcher it, would people notice since it's a bad!fic anyway? >;D I'm glad you enjoyed my story. :3 Some people do notice. As much as I hate to admit it, some of my butchering was unintentional. XP Me (no, not me.) XD 'Ren was so kawaii! Taichi was in love, and he had to have him right now, plot development, character growth, and logic be damned!'You slayed me with this. I was nearly on the floor with laughter So many brilliant quotes and astute observations. And can I just say how much I love the title? "Me", whoever you are, I'm glad you got a kick out of my sense of humour. Wynja *lol-* this was so much fun! -glances at my Yaoi bookshelf- and sadly mostly true... here's to more and better yaoi in our lives! I could toast to that! ;3 Glad ya liked! dekorx lol! I thought this was funny as hell! Good job! XD; Thank you! :3 BronxWench Oh, my goodness, that was wonderfully funny! You've captured all the tortured lack of logic, vacuous plot development and total disregard for reason that yaoi can fall prey to, and poked it perfectly. Well done! I'm beginning to wonder if it was more of a punch than a poke. But thanks! :3 ShadowKnight "Ren's dick didn't matter, and never would." That right there was the very best part of the story. That truth was piercing sharp and hilarious as hell.There are some minor grammar issues to improve, and I would get rid of the definitions (I personally find them distracting), but it was all in all very well done. I would also recommend (if you're into concrit) to take the more... direct digs at the genre (those at the last paragraph, specially) and rewrite them for a little more subtlety. Directness can be used to good effect in humour, but often grace and elegance help elevate the writing into new heights of hilarity. You have a good wit, use it often, but also try to blend it in with more... sophistication, if you will, so that it sounds like a true mockery and not so much like a thinly-veiled rant. All in all, though, an extremely enjoyable read. Thank you for the concrit! You made a lot of good suggestions, and I greatly appreciate the input. I'll look into the grammar issues, and perhaps put the definitions at the bottom of the page. Subtlety and elegance are probably lost on me. I lack grace of any kind. But, I'm thinking that some of my story needs to be re-wrote, especially the end. At the time, having the characters rant about the crimes often committed against them seemed like a good/funny idea. But now that I've had some sleep, and am reading it again, I don't think I pulled it off as well as I could have. A different approach is definitely in order. I'm glad you liked my story. :3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Techno-Ninja Posted December 29, 2010 Author Report Share Posted December 29, 2010 DemonGoddess This part... "Yes, Taichi-sama!" He chirped. "I'm your uke, so it is my job to never grow a spine, or a personality beyond useless, but somehow adorable idiot. I'm obviously gay, because of my short stature and effeminate appearance. I'll get used, abused, and have my very rights as a human being trampled into the ground without saying a word! The only thing I'll do is cry my beautiful uke tears for you," --had me laughing. Quite a bit. Good job! Thank you! :3 I'm prolly gonna change that part, because I think I have a better idea for the ending. But I'm glad you got a kick out of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Techno-Ninja Posted December 29, 2010 Author Report Share Posted December 29, 2010 Apollo "plot development, character growth, and logic be damned!" ROFL - Awesome line! Wonderful laugh and great satire!(Note: Recaptcha is Pedo Happcack...) Thank you! at the recaptcha. So random. XD Chanii HILARIOUS! OMG, you wrote everything that I have been thinking for awhile. I adore Yoai but yeah there are many elements that can be made fun of. Good job. Thanks! :3 Yaoi is awesome, and it would nice if it didn't fall victim to all this stuff so much. wanderingaddict lawlz, I'm so glad to see another person carry the torch for a bit this was lulz, especially the whole "tears flooding the bathroom to his knees" thing, hahaha It was a fun torch to carry. :3 Thanks, glad ya liked it. Darkling Willow This was brilliant... had me giggling like an idiot through the whole thing. I have to agree with the above review, there are a couple of grammar mistakes that need fixing, but I didn't think they were too bad.I started reading yaoi because someone (on AFF I think) mentioned "Haru wo Daite Ita" to me, and I was hooked. And you've nailed just about every cliche, that I know, in this little story. So, standing ovation and a stomach-ache of giggles. My favorite part was this... Quote: "From now on, we will fuck whenever I want. I will spend hours upon hours lovingly preparing your ass, unless I'm extremely horny, in which case I will jump you without warning and take what I need. I will never touch your penis, because you don't have one. This is because I was clearly a homophobic straight man at the beginning of thist story, and the switch is never addressed or explained. I just jump in bed with you against my will, because the writer makes me do it. Is that understood?" [...] Though they never stood a chance at growing as characters, their universe was vague, and their plot was paper-thin, Taichi and Ren had lots and lots of sex. There were no emotional or legal consequences what-so-ever for the rape. In fact, it's the reason Ren fell for Taichi! The hot, and completely illogical yaoi pairing lived happily ever after. End Quote. This is so painfully true... and yet so frigging funny... Good job. I'm glad to know my attempt at humour wasn't a failure, thank you! I've never heard of the Yaoi you mentioned. I'll have to look into it sometime. :3 The first Yaoi I watched was "My Sexual Harassment." But the one that hooked me was "Sensitive Pornograph." It was pretty. Bored_Straight Very funny!! Especially the suffocating tits in the beginning!! Thanks! :3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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