JayDee's Review Reply Thread (Buffy Subdomain)

[julpups]

Gnah I didn't mean it like that! *Throwing myself down at your feet in submission*

There are different types of genitalia, meaning form, color, size of particular parts etc. Are the nipples pink and very prominent or rather dark and flat but big in girth? How big are the areola, which color? Is her rectum rosy, small and cute or rather dark and slightly prolapsing? Long or short clitoris, outer labia covering inner labia or the other way around? I meant this kind of stuff. Or is that too much detail anyway?

Sorry, that was not supposed to sound like I wanted explain female anatomy to you. That came out wrong obviously.

Okay I give it a try, the rough preference description that is.

All the parts pre-coital and unstretched:

My preferences fit to Willow's character with her being the rather cute/sweet/shy variation and her Caucasian and pale appearance.

So she gets- hmmm... let's call it the 'lolita' setting. Means in color rather pale and rosy and in size/girth/form unobtrusive and cute (but not preteen!).

Nipples and areola are rather small and pink. If aroused, the erect nipples are visibly pointed out.

The rectum is small and inconspicuous as well as rosy in color.

The clitoris is only visible when spread and aroused. The outer labia covers most of the inner. When spread they are visible though. The color is a soft pink also at the inside when the vagina is spread open. Generally, the p*ssy is like it sounds. A cute little p*ssy. (Again, not preteen. I know how that sounds!)

I don't think that Willow is that sort of girl who shaves or trims her pubic hair. At least not at that time; in the later seasons when it get's to p*ssy eating that could change though.^^

So she gets untrimmed pubic hair. If she is a natural redhead or not is your decision (*No, she doesn't dye it. Period!*) . Untrimmed means not rain forest! Give her a small bush above the clitoris. During the party they could shave her though or coax her to shave herself. What do you think?

Ass to mouth is hot and approved; also other combinations. She could 'lubricate' the penis for her first anal penetration for example. The anti-bacterial aspect is cool.

Big red bush is covered above.

Felching as in the guys have to penetrate each other so she can clean them out? Then no.

Or does she get a very long straw to suck the semen out of her own orifices? Then yes.

Or do you mean the guys clean her out? Well, only maybe as a prank like you have planned with Jonathan. That's okay.

I just took a short look at Urban Dictionary about what Felching is. Is there more to it?

As for the swallowing; Well just the occasional spurt who lands in her mouth is swallowed immediately. You know, for example she is double penetrated on the couch and really into it, two blokes sneak up on the group and jerk off on her face and mouth. She is so into it right now from the double pleasure that she doesn't really think and just opens her mouth and greedily gulps every spurt down which hits home.

But when in the next scene it's mainly about the come, like letting her gargle it, it's a different situation though. This all just came up in regards to deepthroating.

When she is facef'cked, there is no come in her mouth (pre-climax). Let's take that as the golden rule.

*Edit*

Yep, 'special sauce', 'special dip' or 'secret ingredient' is all approved. When it comes to come-feeding, I have almost no pain threshold. Almost. *Put that stomach tube away! Right now!*

*Edit #2*

And here we go...

I thought about the hygiene again. I figure the guys would every now and then go to the bathroom to clean themselves off with a washcloth or something other superficial. In the case their bodies came in contact with come on Willow's body, or to freshen their penises (though Willow does most of the c*ck-cleaning) Willow though doesn't have this opportunity.^^

About Willow's hygiene at the beginning; since she was originally out in hope for a breakthrough with Oz, she could have taken a foregone extensive shower with armpit/legs shaving, teeth brushing and other maintenance procedures etc. Perhaps a sort of girly best friend ritual with Buffy or something like that.

As for her hygiene and anal sex: I know the porn actresses use enemas previously of the shooting. I would leave it up to you if you rather want to use porn logic, with Willow being just clean there naturally, or you may use an enema just once and not explicitly described if you prefer it more realistic. For example, two of the pretending-to-be-nice-and-considerate guys ("You'll see, it feels so much better.") go with her to the bathroom and it happens off-screen or you have another harmless way to clarify her cleanliness.

The point is: No chocolate sausages!

*Edit #3*

Some more liked positions and practices and other thoughts.

Some can be used as fill-ins or background noise while others get some spotlight. Some make more sense at the beginning others at end. And they can of course be combined with each other and additional stuff.

And please add every position/practice which comes to your mind and you'd like to write too, should I not have mentioned it. Just consider my exclusions regarding warnings.

The positions/practices/action I'll describe here are only that detailed because I'm getting quite into them while writing them.

It doesn't mean I think you have no imagination!

It is also writing practice for me, should I sometimes dare to write a story on my own. The ideas are there, it's just that my mind goes blank when I try to start. Hopefully, the comments I write, will help to loose up my head-block.

Plus, I'm figuring it helps you to create a rough profile of my likes and dislikes to advance your intuition.

Some stuff:

She is penetrated from behind (doggystyle), vaginal or anal, very hard (almost brutally, but no pain), in a rapid and frantic pace. Her body jerks back and forth increasingly, her breasts wobble heavily. Loud slapping sounds from hips banging against her ass-cheeks and, in case of anal, testicles smacking against the labia. Willow does the banshee (as in screaming and wailing in pleasure), the guy grabs her hair and yanks her head back causing Willow to open her mouth wide in ecstasy and a little pain (the good pain). Her screaming is suddenly interrupted by another guy who takes her open mouth for better use. The screaming is replaced with the usual muffled wet gulping/gagging sound. His tempo and roughness matches the other guy's. It gets more frantic and faster and both guys come moaning and grunting simultaneously, holding themselves in to the hilt at both ends until they’ve finished (and then some; the guy in her mouth could tenderly look down into her eyes and give her some twisted-sweet compliment while patting her hair, while she looks back up into his, with wide open, red and watery eyes and with her nose buried deep in his pubic hair).

BTW: Holding her head in place with his penis down her throat accompanied with vocal cheering, whistling and egging on, while counting, from the others (“Fifty-seven! Fifty-eight! Fifty-nine! SIXTY… wohoohooo…” *clap* *clap* *whistle* *whistle*) is hot, approved and appreciated.

Another nice position is a form of the missionary position. He holds her legs apart on her calves, bend forward causing her hip to roll up, and also pounds into her very hard (anal or vaginal or swapping), her body and breasts jerking back and forth. Another guy is sitting on her face and grinds his rectum and testicles on her mouth/nose while she masturbates him with both hands in an increasing tempo and uses her tongue on his orifice and sac (multitasking). When they come the one pulls out, moves forward and straddles her chest and both come together in her open, awaiting mouth, with her having her tongue out. An example for variations or combinations could be that a third guy replaces the one in her vagina while the other two come in her mouth. Or during the vaginal or anal penetration with her hips rolled up, the camera guy films between her and his legs close-up.

As for humiliation/degradation elements:

During the beginning, before it becomes really naughty, the lead guy (Do you have a leader of them. Someone who is mostly in charge?) could show her off to the others. For instance, she is on her hands and knees and he pulls her ass-cheeks apart and presents her orifice to the others. They talk about how cute it looks and how they can’t wait to slide their pricks in, in how many ways they can make use of it etc. You know, kind of a discussion/appraisal about her attributes.

Then they could make her crawl around a lot. They want to bang her on the table? They grab her by the hair (not violently and painful, Willow is compliant) and make her crawling over to the desired place, using her hair as a leash.

I'll add more during the day.

*Edit #4*

A possible combination of humiliation and the use of sex-toys. They insert two big vibrators to the hilt each in her anus and vagina. The tools are attached to a safety belt around her waist, making it impossible for her to expel them. They turn both on to their highest levels and letting her do several tasks with which she's struggling of course since she repeatedly orgasms over and over again. One task could be to undress the two newcomers to the party. She has to undress them completely and then she has to suck them off, all the while moaning, whimpering and shivering through the ongoing double stimulation. Another task could be to let her lick the misfired come of the floor. Or something blunt and unsexual like washing the dishes xD.

A funny/outright evil addition could be to attach a bunny-tail on the end of the anal vibrator and put some bunny-ears on her head. I'm sick!

Then one possible magic sex-toy. I don't how it should look, maybe it's some kind of powder. Anyway, it caused her sexual stimulation without outer influence. All her erogenous zones are stimulated at the same time on their own accord. The result is: She lies on a low table (i.e.) trashing, moaning, whimpering and coming over and over again while the guys are standing around her in a circle and laughing at her for being a b*tch in heat and they occasionally jerk off on her.

*Edit #5*

Something less humiliating - the Group Grope or Gang Grope, short the GG:

Willow lies on her back, stomach or side (doesn't really matter, she can also stand, her legs won't hold her for long though) and is repeatedly brought to orgasm by the hands of several guys. She's the only one who receives pleasure in this scenario. The guys just revel in Willow's screams and moans in lust and pleasure. Could be done by the nicer guys who might want to even the scores in regards of orgasms.

They're groping all of her body simultan; fingers in ass and vagina, hands on breasts, fondling nipples, sucking on toes, muffling a moan with a kiss (there wasn't much about kissing in our brainstorm until now; kissing and french-kissing are allowed and wanted if it fits to the situation).

They could alternate between soft, almost caressing, and rough, jerking on anus and vagina, twisting nipples etc. The 'squirting' would be appropriate here. Oh and they sex-talk to her which also alternates between tender to dirty.

A bet between a few guys: Who can bring Willow to orgasm under one minute.

Come as reward: They let Willow do something or ask her questions/riddles or stuff and if she does it good/answers right/comes to the right conclusion, she receives a load in her mouth as reward from the guy who gave her the challenge. Belongs rather to Master/Slave stories but it could be done at a later time where Willow's inhibitions are already pretty low and could be approached as some sort of fun drinking game. They could ask her school stuff for instance. Since she's very smart, there would be many rewards given. They won't say school isn't fun anymore. Much laughing, from the guys AND from Willow, would be suitable. It's a fun game after all.

*Edit #6*

I forgot:

Some spilling of beer or food on her body is okay, it will be washed away by the come anyway. The magic formula here is no exaggeration.

Seriously, if one guy drops half of is pasta on her back because he thinks it's a good idea to eat his spaghetti while he penetrates her posterior from behind, he should be decent enough to wipe it away, at least superficially.

It would be funny as a slapstick though.^^

Balls licking, sucking, tugging and fondling is ought to appear in this story too. Just crossed my mind.

Edited February 9, 2016 by julpups

[JayDee]

Not, not wrong to describe genitals and the like it's just with a request fic what the requester gets is a story that hopefully takes their ideas and fleshes them out into a story they and hopefully others can masturbate over. What I get out of doing free requests is being creative in that world - the fun part for me is trying to come up with good descriptions and plot-hole solutions and the like! If the description is done + the plot then I'm not writing, I'm just editing. I hope I didn't sound pissy about it! Some of your sex descriptions in the above post show a pretty good talent for writing actual porn, I'll have to be careful not to plagiarise them

I think there's a lot of things to be going on with here in terms of set piece events for the story, so probably further suggestions/ideas likes/dislikes would be best around what's there. I'll get the bullet points around that content. If you have other extra ideas I totally recommend writing as much down as possible, because anything that doesn't get used in the story I write can either be suggested to someone else who takes the request, go in a different request, or perhaps even form the basis of a story you write yourself once you get some more confidence! Anytime you have an idea, write it down. You'll be surprised how soon you have a text file full of things that make you go "What in the nine hells was I drinking?" only a year later!

Ok - the Edits

No shit featuring, got it. The body'll have to break down something to make all that extra sperm, no doubt that will account for more efficient stomachs leading to empty rectums. Jonathan can felch Willow while licking her ass, but not anybody else. Regarding long straw, well, they can maybe use the tube from the beer bong - Willow on her hands and knees with a tube over her shoulder and in her ass. Something like that.

Was going to put Willow in this outfit. Sure, the guys having showers and the like makes sense - while there will be 30 guys over all, including Jonathan, I think for a lot of the time there will be only about 5-10 or so actively around/engaged with Willow. I think I'll drop the idea of leaving her for Oz because that stretches events out too long and it'll be too cold. I think I can write it better going on from Nightfall until before/around Midnight on a winter night. Percy can drive Willow home afterwards, knock on the door and run off leaving her at the doorstop exhausted. He can leave some sticky polaroids for Oz to find, maybe.

I'll leave natural auburn bush. 90s porn did have some hair, I'm sure!

I'll try and work in as many of the positions as I can for variety. Not all of them will work, but the guys will have lots of time to experiment. It's a gangbang so it's heavy on the group participation and chants anyway, but I hadn't thought of counting so can probably add that.

I haven't worked out all the characters yet, I was going to do that around putting the bullet points together. I've got a few ideas to differentiate some of them, those guys will play bigger parts than others. A "Head Fuckmaster" or similar sounds like something the frat would have for a gangbang. To keep it to Willow's personality, I was thinking it would already be quite naughty by the time she was naked and fully exposed - she'll have had oral and vaginal intercourse (through ripped pantyhose) and then once her clothes come off that'd probably be the time for display to more guys. A kind of "Are these all here for me?" moment. I think the plot will need to rely on Willow needing desperately to feel wanted after the second rejection, and that causing her to go along more with things.

I'd actually been thinking of cat ears/tail toys - I saw it as a way to bring in a bowl of semen for that part of it. Bunny would work fine too, even if the idea would give Anya nightmares.

Willow without outside influence - Well, that would work with a haunted dildo - once Willow comes the first time the Dildo comes out and then Phanton Dennis' Sunnydale cousin goes to town. To the views there's nothing to see apart from Willow, but to her it's very stimulating.

Groping - Yeah, I figured later on the guys would be crowded around for that. I don't know if I could stretch the story to having it as separate scene. It can go on the "nice to have" list while not being essential to the original request.

Same with the last idea, the more slavey elements - They're interesting ideas and would work well in a story, but it may be too much extra for this fuckfic. A variation of it with a student getting into a debate on some point and losing while fucking her would be easier to fit in. "Huh, you're right. Well here's your prize." kind of thing.

I don't want to stifle your creativity, I just want to keep it to a manageable size! I think there's some great set pieces to work on! Thanks for your ideas and making it so clear what you like and don't like, I think a kick ass porno will come out of this.

Edit: Alpha Sigma Sigma Eta house. That can be the frat. Most of the other combinations are taken by real frats.

Edited February 9, 2016 by JayDee

[julpups]

*Edit #7* I was writing this during your post. I come back to you when I've read it!

There could be situations where Willow isn't in focus, like when you make a small Angel part, particularly when he peeps through the windows, or two of the guys discuss what they should do next with her, basically the parts between the many spotlights-moments or when you focus on another part of the story.

What I'm trying to say is: keep the impression that Willow is constantly f*cked, eats come, plays with herself, basically isn't just sitting around while other stuff is momentarily ostensible. You could indicate many actions she could be doing in the background:

- More different positions with different numbers of participants,

- She takes a occasional gulp of come from her glass which was previously filled by one of the demon blokes,

- The one guy who secretly always kinda really liked her has finally a moment alone with her and makes gentle love to her in a 'scoop me up'... only to be interrupted by the two drunken idiots who jerk off and accidentally hit him instead of her.

- She absently wipes some come of her body and sucks it off her fingers.

- Masturbation - giving and receiving

- etc.pp. and so on...

All stuff during Willow-off-focus-moments which doesn't deserve an own spotlight-scene. Was that comprehensible? I kinda had a hard time writing this paragraph.

[julpups]

Now to your last post:

Yeah, her outfit is perfect! I thought of that too.

An auburn bush sound decent. You're right, I keep forgetting it's playing in the nineties.

Cat ears and the ass-vibrator with attached cat tail makes more sense with the bowl of semen. Keep the bowl!

Or make both; for the bunny "outfit" they can paint their dicks orange and their glans green. Too silly? Just kidding anyway.^^

Seriously, the cat with a bowl of milk it is.

The stuff I suggested doesn't have to be in the same degree of spotlight. What you've already revealed of your thoughts how the story will roughly be about, and how you may use my suggestions, really appeals to me!

I'll will only add further thoughts to the stuff already mentioned (incl. Edit #7, did you read my thoughts about spilled beer and food btw?).

Though, there is one more thing:

The last suggestion with the come as reward. I bit my ass because it crossed my mind so late. I had it actually already in mind as I made the challenge, but kept forgetting it. Is it possible if I say 'pretty pretty please on top with cream and a cherry'? With as much guys as you can manage without to explode your story? At least three men?

Anything what you can think of that Willow is receiving come directly from the source into her mouth as a reward and that she actually feels rewarded by it too? And that she's eagerly awaiting the load while he jerks and then savors and cherish the taste before she swallows which is followed by a "Thank you".

*trying for puppy dog eyes, but failing pathetically, because I'm a 32 years old guy and what had worked with my mom 20 years ago, doesn't work now*

No further new stuff will be brought up. Check!

Edited February 9, 2016 by julpups

[JayDee]

Teabagging and dropped food will probably appear then!

I don't mind bunnies! I'm not Anya!

I guess I'd like to put as much detail as I can in the most important stuff, and then, sure, other things can get occasional references as happening but not focussed on. I'll see how it goes - it's the more big set piece ideas that do need details that I think there's enough of for this story - I'd like to finish it and as I say, anything that doesn't get used can go in another story.

If Willow's getting as much semen into her mouth as the story suggests, I don't quite see how this particular 3 or 4 ejaculations would feel extra rewarding, and a big part of the appeal for this to me is keeping Willow at least somewhat in character, however I shall give the matter some thought.

In the meantime, the names list -

Characters (not in order of appearance)

1) Percy West, High school, canon, responsible for bringing Willow

2) Jonathan, High school, canon, either grabbed in by Percy while passing, or working job delivering pizza and pulled in when arrived.

OCs:

3) Max Koch, exchange student from Bielefeld, Germany.

4) Richard "Big Dick" Biggs, House fuckmaster/gangbang organizer, tall, boisterous, and hung bigger than anybody except Jonathan. Alpha Sigma Sigma Eta house's top dog.

5) Demon Jerry Rogers, Fieri demon, Chemistry major who mixed the cock potion, looks human

6) George Levenstein, previously known to Willow as his family were family friends, good looking and erudite, Willow had crush on him once before is first seducing Willow

7) Frank "Ballbag" Buski, surprisingly large nuts, porn addict.

8) Matt "Johnson" Johnson, known for getting drunk and pulling out his Johnson.

9) Josh - "Big Josh" the shortest guy in the frat, one inch taller than Willow.

10) Josh "Little Josh" - The tallest guy in the frat, because if the gag was good enough for Little John, it's good enough for him.

11) Dan "The Man" Manson, deeply repressed homosexual, engaged in hyper masculine acts and homophobia to cover his lust for cock.

12) Ryan Garcia - half-hispanic, half-WASP, despite growing up in upper middle class luxury and attending college at the top of his class, acts (poorly) like a street gang member,

13) Billy Johnson, Justin's African-American buddy visiting the frat.

14) Wentworth Woodhouse III - Richest guy in the frat, addicted to Tekken 3 on the playstation. Kicked out of Harvard due to an ill defined incident involving three pints of cream, a live goat and the Bishop of Boston.

15) Patrick Byrne - Another human demon, Irish-Demon-American from the east coast.

And background characters unless I come up with more character points, names chosen in the finest comics tradition:

16) Jon Jenkins

17) Tony Taylor

18) Eric Edwards

19) Adam Allen

20) Kevin King

21) Tom Turner

22) Steve Samson

23) Stevey Scott

24) Kyle Kelly

25) Benny Bailey

26) Jake Jordan

27) Justin Jones

28) Shawn Sullivan

29) Bob Roberts

30) Derrick Derzuname

[julpups]

Wohoo! The story is gelling!

You're right, with the inflation of semen that is.

The basic idea is that she greedily and wanton awaits the load with her mouth wide open and her tongue out while groping/masturbating her breasts, vagina and body with her hands and shifting and squirming her body in needy impatience.

The men (I'd say 1-3) are masturbating their penises while pointing them in close distance at her open mouth.

It can be accompanied by degrading dirty talk from the guys.

During the ejaculation(s) she appears to be nearly climaxing expressed by whimpering and moaning and she's desperate to catch every single drop. When her mouth is filled, she holds up her hands and forms a bowl with them by holding them under her chin, because he/they hasn't/haven't finished yet and her mouth is overflowing, with the superfluity leaking out down her chin and flowing in her hands.

She visibly and vocally savors the taste. She's limited in her ability to articulate, though, with her filled mouth, which makes her do more muffled and gargling sounds which makes it more nasty. Willow moves her tongue around a bit as far as possible, deliberately gargles it and finally swallows it in an audible and overacted gulp and with expressed delight... and shows her appreciation by licking her lips, smiling shyly and thanking the donor(s). Subsequently, she drinks the seed out of her hands and licks them clean, likewise in delight and appreciation.

The traditional porn ending (and maybe the ultimate male fantasy and not meant as the ending here in this story), but unique in Willow style if you can manage.

That could be brought in by many occasions, by the huge amount which will be swallowed throughout the story anyway. To keep her somewhat in character is a facer though, I agree. Think of something, I dare you.

It doesn't have to have its own spotlight scene but can perhaps be included in an already planned scenario of the story. Scratch the reward aspect of it. It doesn't have to be expressed as a reward. Only the display, described above, of Willow doing this would be cool. You can vary it of course, doesn't have to be exactly like I have described it here.

The names are awesome!

I'm already curious of the role each will be playing. Some is already indicated.

I see Parker doesn't get to dump his load?

The idea of an OC (George Levenstein) on which Willow used to have a crush makes sense and is in her character. She had many crushes, though Xander was pointed out the strongest. And that his family is befriended with hers gives it more foundation. Kudos!

*Edit*

Bielefeld doesn't exist!

Ah sorry... you're not from here.^^ It's an insider, some kind of a running gag over here. Nobody ever seems to know somebody who is from Bielefeld, or was actually there. So Bielefeld doesn't exist. It's a myth. Some kind of a conspiracy. Our very own Area 51.

"I was on my way from Gütersloh to Bad Oeyenhausen on the Autobahn 2. As I passed the exit to Bielefeld, suddenly-"

"Wait. Did you say Bielefeld?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Well, it doesn't exist."

You always get such comments here when you mention Bielefeld.^^

*Edit #2*

Just more random stuff which may be included/added to already planned practices if you seem to see them fitting.

- Distortion: I couldn't think of another term. Means the hole (usually the mouth, but works on the other orifices too) is additionally to the penis stretching further manipulated as in 'distorted'. i.e. during fellatio he hooks both his forefingers into her mouth corners and pulls them apart, stretching the mouth in width thus distorts her face, all the time continuing to thrust with his penis into her mouth. More extrem is to use both forefinger and middle finger and spreads them out together with the pulling apart. Actually, it works with all finger including the thumb. It could also be used the whole hand, but that would be too extrem for my tastes. If you want to take it in, leave it by maximal two fingers per hand. On the other hand may be the distortion in the DVDA sufficient.

- If you want to use a blindfold, it wouldn't bother me. Just not all the time. Maybe for once, like with the handcuffs.

- Her hair can of course be used for leverage during any kind of sex, just not violently and unwanted painful.

- The always refilled glass/cup full of come, which is provided for Willow as a form of hospitality, from which she occasionally takes a gulp somehow appeals to me. But I see the characterization issues here too^^. If you like it and can think of something...

- We didn't talk about tit-f*cking! It is approved as an addendum although I'm not sure if Willow's breasts are too small for it.

I may extend the list, if something crosses my mind. Just know that these are no requests but suggestions. Maybe you think "Right, I didn't thought about that! That's cool!" or it's a 'Nice to have' or you can also dismiss it completely.

*Edit #3*

Any analogy here?

I don't think you are going to pull it up but Dan reminded me of it and I want to exclude it just in case.

No Slash! Despite the inevitable touching of certain parts during hole sharing or standing close while crowding Willow for instance, please no graphic display of homosexual sexual and latent or open romantic interaction.

Funny slapsticks in regards of Dan's repression tactics or whatever you may have in mind is cool and I can imagine how you intend to use it; just nothing graphic and it's solely Willow/Guys and not "Willow/Guys + Guy/Guy". In terms of tags: only M/F not M/M.

Another exclusion:

No Hentai effects.

You can't see the outlines of Jonathan's penis on Willow's torso during penetration and despite the amounts of come, her stomach doesn't balloon obscenely when she is swallowing.

Just in case. I'm fooling around a bit. On the other hand: You did write some real weird stuff.^^

*Edit #4*

An idea to make it more in Willow's character regarding the wanton come receiving at the beginning of this post, should you struggle with it.

I'd be comfortable with it, if she'd pretend this overacted/submissive/semen-is-the-tastiest-thing-in-the-world behavior.

For one, the guy who gives her his seed, could be a demon bloke with the special attribute that his ejaculate tastes in fact really good. Not just in porn logic but in reality as well. Willow wouldn't mind the taste here and might even appreciate it a bit in fact.

For her slutty/wanton behavior: It could be a kind of a reward from her to him. Maybe he in particular did her really good in a previous setting and his friend points out to her that he really likes it when the girl is submissive and cherishes the taste of his spunk, because he is a bit proud about his special attribute, some kind of a weird demon issue. His friend encourages her to give her best acting by which she complies. Oh and since she is in canon displayed as bad in acting and lying, you can make her wanton act also a bit awkward and funny to increase the willowyness in it.

Just an idea. I shall see what you have thought to make it somewhat in character.

As I said, this is an addendum to an already planned piece. And the point is the emphasizing of this particular c*m-shot.

All other come eating occurrences like other highlighted come feedings, the bowl, the beer-bong, the chance hits etc. are of the normal taste variety and Willow's behavior is up to you.

Edited February 10, 2016 by julpups

[JayDee]

Not responding to every point, but taking it all on board now. As opposed to Bored Now.

I had no idea there was a Dan on youtube of that name. I shall rename the character. You may rest assured that I wasn't intending to write any M/M content, I simply wanted to have one character who was angrier, more aggressive and taking out of self-hatred and basically a bigger douchebag than the rest. Also, he really likes anal. And, sure, slapstack, if someone calls him on looking at their junk too much and he gets pissed. I mean, if I'm writing about dude-bros there's gonna be homophobic characters. It's really just a way to differentiate one dick from the rest.

Forgot about Parker! I'll replace one of the alliterated guys with Parker. I have a small role in mind for him that fits with the requested porn; he’s a cameo like Jonathan. I might change/amend the names list a little, it’s a rough work as part of gathering everything together.

I guess the guys who drink the cum-a-lot potion will just have mildly addictive semen – not even as an intended side effect, but that could certainly cause absent minded licking, wanting to swallow more and the like. I really want to avoid drugging, but I can have it as only mildly suggestive, in the same way the body likes to eat more biscuits. Can possibly imply Willow liked sours and such sweets, doesn’t mind bitterness, Demon Jerry’s actually does taste of strawberries (Jonathan licks Willow’s ass, she tastes of strawberries.... one for Rack there.”) etc. Things that aren’t explicit in canon and silly but not too stupid can be twisted into the porn. Certainly Willow will be playing something of a role, will need to be to engage in some of the acts suggested.

I see the importance of this scene of “semen as a gift” and expressed gratitude to you, so I’ll put it onto the set piece bullet order plan, and see how it comes out. As it were.

I was going to have Max come from Fucking, but sadly that’s in Austria, so I went for the city that I have long been assured doesn’t exist as a suitable home for a fictional character.

[julpups]

Oooooh, I can provide you with many German towns/villages with nasty names:

Wichshausen (Wankville), Drangstedt (Lusttown), Fickmühlen (Fuckmills), Moese (Cunt), Busendorf (Bosomville), Hodenhagen (Nutshail), Schlitz (Slot), Geilenkirchen (Hornychurch), Blasen (Blowing), Petting, Vögelsen (BANGINGsen), Feucht (Wet), Sexau, Nutteln (SLUTeln), Titting and more...

But Bielefeld it is. It's totally okay!

Yeah, I imagined Dan's character to be like you implied from your character bits in the list. Totaly okay!

How you intend to do the absently eating come from body/cup etc. is cool! As you said, like when you can't stop to eat popcorn when started. Slightly addictive but doesn't change her character or clouds her judgement and cognition. I like it, also the bridge to strawberry. Very nice!

Thanks for the "tasty semen, thanks" inclusion. I'm curious with what you'll come up.

Edited February 11, 2016 by julpups

[JayDee]

Salty popcorn in this case, I guess

Ok, working on the bullet points/story order plan I'm going to take a little longer on the bullet points than normal to make sure I cover everything that works, and also add notes about motivation and that, and then I'll PM you and see if it all hangs together/makes sense, changes that need to be made. It's going to be a bigger project then I initially thought, but I'd like to get in as much as possible! Hopefully be done by the weekend though. (as noted I am not fastest writer ) And no doubt I will overlook something as with Parker, so do mention anything missing.

I also realised one of the guys needs to be called Ben for a joke I want to fit in a character making, so Benny is now Ben Smith.

[julpups]

Yay! I'm looking forward to it!

You know, it's the first time that I'm doing something like this, as in taking part in the progress. I had much fun so far!

I hope I wasn't too finical, though...

Many thanks and further thanks in advance. It is really appreciated. I have a feeling this will be an hell of a porn fic.

When this monster is done, I'll attempt for a story on my own. I've thought of a shortfic for starters, around 2000-3000 words maybe.

A Bukkake story, AU, BtVS, starring Willow with Faith as Co-Star. Buffy, Xander, Giles, Oz, Cordelia and Angel will have guest parts. The one or another OC, too.

Might deal with mentioned characters, a few hundred men (& demons), a transparent bathtub in an hall and an hypothesis about the use of demonic ejaculate and magic in the cosmetics industry. Something rather silly for beginners. Too sick? I guess I'll have to search for a beta first, though, anyway.

Edit: Ben Smith it is. I would probably had pictured this fellow from the video if you had kept the name. Might have been a down turner. He doesn't striked me very whedonly.^^

Edit #2: Ah, you referred to Benny Baily Forget the first Edit.

Edited February 10, 2016 by julpups

[JayDee]

It's all good fun I might make it Ben Wierzbowski yet, if he has a bigger role. Ben's the important bit though. Not every surname will make it in anyway, it's just a list for me to refer too to keep the one dimensional OC bangers in some kind of order. I mean, if I forget Parker, what chance does the guy whose only role is to shout "Consume my ejaculate, else I warm thy rebellious behind with my crop you fiery mane'd filly" have? Wait, sorry, that's a character who escaped from another far-less-readable story.

Write what you feel! There's a small chance you'll get negative reviews for just doing silly/PWP works, but you can learn from the constructive criticism and be amused by the people who just don't like that it's porn. You've got tonnes of ideas and you write posts fluently, so it'd mostly be a case of planning it out and writing what you want to see, then polishing it up. Starting with a short story is a good way to go, or maybe even a few short chapters - at least here on AFF you can post up quickly, even if feedback can be a little patchy.

I'm no good as beta because of my limited time, poor knowledge of the technical side and the like, but I'll happily look it over when you write it and let you know of anything obvious that sticks out. Write first, edit later. Or fling it onto the internet and wait for someone to point out all the errors. That, uh, that worked for me.

[julpups]

"Consume my ejaculate, else I warm thy rebellious behind with my crop you fiery mane'd filly"

So mote it be!

Thanks, I might come back to you for this.

It's quite amazing what you can learn about language just by reading fanfiction and writing comments. I mean, I have basically just only school knowledge (grades rather below average due to laziness) to which I attended over ten years ago and no real need for use in RL either. Two years fanfiction brought me closer than eight years classes.^^ Adverse is that I lack the theoretical knowledge. I write mostly intuitiv though especially prepositions are giving me still a hard time. Speaking and hearing is a complete different issue though... "Huh? What? Can you write it down?"

A trifle for potential use:

If one of the bigger guys should also have rather big hands: For movement of Willow's body to a different position/location he grabs with one hand between her legs, thumb in ass, fingers in vagina, the other arm slung around her chest, and lifts her up. Basically using her holes for a better grip. Saw that in different videos, the girls didn't appear to be in any pain.

Edited February 11, 2016 by julpups

[JayDee]

I think there key there would be where pressure is applied. You can lift up around the chest without hurting someone at all, so as long as most of the grip was there and the shocker was just steering, then with porn logic applied it could be pretty pain free. So long as he doesn't follow up the bowling grip by throwing her down an alley.

A lot of it is practice, I guess. There's probably speech modules you can download for English, too, if you did want to get more used to hearing it and meanings - there may even be porn versions . "See Willow Come. Come, Willow, Come. Willow came."

Some people prefer cum to come as a spelling in porn, especially to refer to semen. I can go either way, but sometimes expect cum to continue in Latin, "Yeah, swallow all my cum grano salis! vidi vici veni! Ad infinitum! vae me, puto, concacavi me!" Or something. Nothing original there, it's all quoting.

I'd estimate most of the western world's English speaking population don't know the meaning of the word preposition. They probably think it means bending their partner over for sex. So you're ahead of the game there, and as I say when it comes down to it my own technical knowledge is kind of weak. I get tenses mixed up, miss words, and so on. Luckily, not usually bad enough to stop someone masturbating over my porn!

[julpups]

LOL! Bowling grip Nice! That gave me a funny picture in my head.^^

Cum in dialogue, come in narrator!

I'd say to put the colloquial terms into dialogue like cum, jizz, spunk, her flower and everything else Willow and the guys would say according to their character. If the narrator would use these terms as well, I'd get the feeling that the story is told from the POV of an additional character. I like the narrator to be detailed descriptive, telling what happens, how things look like and what is done with a breeze of omniscience. He know and is ought to tell how Willow feels and what she thinks when the penis slides into her anus for instance.

Just not exaggerated!

Not like she tells: "Oh yeah, that feels so good!" and then follow several paragraphs deeply analyzing her statement with complete psychological profile dealing with all aspects of her personality back to her childhood. Next says the guy: "Yeah, you like my prick sliding up your ass?" follows likewise with complete thoughts and feelings, references to his relationship with his parents, his attitude towards immigration, political opinions etc.

That's an example for an over-exaggerated omniscient narrator for me.^^ And I've read these kind of stories.

The narrator uses the more neutral terms like cock, pussy, sperm, anus (you can leave semen out, for some reason it reminds always of botany ) and of course the circumlocutions. They can be very arousing if well placed but also very distracting if wrong placed. The term love-tunnel is such an example. The first time I've read it, I snorted and found it utter ridiculous but later in a different story it just fit and was very arousing. Unfortunately, I can't give you an explicit guidance when it's good or bad placed. It's intuitive, I can tell when I read it.

As for down turn circumlocutions, I'd say we see how it comes. I can tell terms like brown hole or birth canal are a no go. There may be terms, especially in dialogue, which I don't know and can't associate. But hey! What is Urban Dictionary for?^^

Salty goodness is a liked term for some reason, or when her asshole is happy from all the oral attention. It's fun to experience the author's creativity in regards of terms if he/she is good.

Also like descriptive verbs, adjective, adverbs in narrator. For instance: He shoves his shaft not just down her throat but his *pulsing* shaft down her *clutching* throat. Or even better: He resolutely thrust his throbbing shaft forward into her little, cock-hungry mouth, past her soft, clasping lips, over her clinging and fluttering tongue and finally to its goal down her tight clutching throat, her initiated moan in delight muffled to a slight gagging tone, her small damp cavern coating his excited cock in hot and wet saliva.

This is all from my readers perspective and may help you out. It's not supposed to press you into a style you don't like or which is just not yours. Write how you feel comfortable!

*Edit #1*

The bowling grip would be a nice "Eeep!" moment for Willow. Also throwing her over to the other three blokes sitting on the couch when they're done with her for now. Or pulling a pigling as in changing position while impaled on both ends. Hmmm hair as leash and letting her crawl much I already said. Ah, penis chasing, while in her mouth he moves back and she follows. Cock tickling. No hole left? I just rub myself between her feet or another part of her body.

Just a few silly trifles. Might contribute to the atmosphere.

Edited February 11, 2016 by julpups

[JayDee]

I guess as far as the language goes, when I've got it written and show you the first draft, you can copy/paste bits that you don't like and I can change them! Same will be for anything that I throw in while actually writing, if a guy does something or whatever that you don't like I can cut it out (and re-use it in another story sometime ) And of course, you have an open request so once this story is done you can point to it and say "I liked these bits, but these bits weren't as good" or "here's some extra thoughts I had that didn't make it in." Especially, I like to put in jokes and things to porno style stories, but if any of those appear distracting I can strip them out and re-use. I don't mean "why did the chicken cross the road," but stuff like a reference to Jerry being happy the potion worked properly this time, after the last batch had missing ingredients replaced with Twinkies and nearly gave a MILF diabetes when they shot their too sweet and fluffy sperm over her. Picked the MILF up at an art gallery, Jerry tells me. I wish characters wouldn't write back stories for me.

I don't think I've used love tunnel, but now I kind of want to. Something about how it was previously only open to one way traffic... I'm gonna do my best to keep away from anything that brings to mind scat/shit, obviously, which will be a challenge on how I normally write anal. At no point will I reference "A delivery of fresh cream to the fudge factory".

Quite busy and planning things in my head! Started on the lay out/bullet points at least and adding amendments/notes to the guys list. It helps that I've been thinking of it on-and-off since the initial request. but discussing it with you has helped me formulate the lay out/events to include a lot more and a much clearer idea of what you particularly like and don't like. If I can get it to write down like I have it in my head, I think it will be a great porn story.

[julpups]

I'm quite curious what words and belittlements you'll put into Willow's mouth in regards of sex and genitals. I can't remember any character in BtVS/AtS referring to his/her genital in any PG-13 way in whichever circumstance.

Willow's little Miss Kitty Fantastico?^^

One exception is poophead or other words with poop which Willow used herself as attempted insult. For characterization issues you can use them of course.

You're right. The holes are used and considered for fucking in this story. The vagina doesn't pee and gives birth and the anus doesn't fart and shit. With the mouth it's more complicated though because of the come=food issue.

Sweet and fluffy is alright!!^^

[JayDee]

I was thinking to write it with Willow thinking of technical terms eg "Penis" to start with, or "naughty thing" but as the gang bang continues she'll hear so many less polite terms that she'd be start them mentally too. I have an idea for a few dialogue exchanges over terminology as one of the things to keep talking going between descriptive paragraphs.

Edit: Not that she's like, a total innocent. She had a dirty sense of humor, just didn't talk crudely!

Edited February 11, 2016 by JayDee

[julpups]

Yeah, that's pretty plausible.

She's really smart in the technical terms of things. The progress to the dirty expressions could be a mix of encouragement/demanding of the guys ("Say it!"), deliberate learning as in she writes terms down in her mental notebook and reflects them accordingly ("Cock... check! Pussy... check!") and unconscious adaption of her behavior as well, the hornier and naughtier things get.

Is that believable and fits to her?

Maybe it'd make sense when she'd try for rather awkward belittlements at an earlier stage of the gang bang but not at the beginning. Sort of a transition from technical to naughty. She's not quite comfortable with the really nasty words, yet, but pressure from the guys and the whole situation makes her at least trying, with funny results. As further as it goes, she goes dirtier accordingly. What do you think? Is that Willow?

Oh she often puts "age" (slayage) and "y" (witchy) at the end of words when she is comfortable. I don't know if you know stuff like this.

And the Willow babble! I'd say the right way regarding her way-of-speaking attributes (-age, -y , babble, general cute words etc) would be a plausible mix. To not exagerate them.

The "Babble" for instance, could appear two times. A nervous Willow babble at the beginning and a smutty Willow babble during an advanced fucking. Besides the normal sex babble many people do of course.

*Edit*

No she isn't a total innocent and could have really dirty and also outright mean thoughts, you're right.

When she tried to scold or to tell a piece of her mind she appeared fuming in a cute way with awkward wordings and when she realized her ranting, she trailed off in misery and embarrassment.

That could be porn-y-fied maybe, somehow.^^

*Edit #2*

Found this, a small Willow Speak essay. Sounds accurate what it says. Might be helpful, I dunno. You did say way of speaking is your weakness.^^ The -age and -y stuff is in it, too.

Edited February 11, 2016 by julpups

[JayDee]

If the writer of that guide found out I'd used it to assist in the writing of a morally dubious gangbang porno, I'd be a newt before dawn.

But, honestly, if any of the lines I write sound remotely in character, or like actual human dialogue, it'll be something like a miracle.

[julpups]

I've browsed the site a bit and there is heavy morally dubious content there, too! Maybe not many that graphic as you intend in yours, but much worse from a morally point of view.

This guide and the whole site is pretty old anyway. But to make sure to thank the writer properly for the guide you make an A/N below the disclaimer or at end of the story. "This work of fiction would not have been possible without the helpful guide of *** on www.****.us. Thanks Bro!"

Seriously though, her manners and way of speaking is of course porn-y-fied! For instance, she lets steam in style of her berating of Giles and Angel in Reptile Boy (S02:E05). Maybe something feminism (she claimed to be a feminist). The "trailing off" is here in form of a penis in her mouth or because one of them starts to caress her vagina during her rant. That would be suitable.

Porn can be a special kind of parody.

*Edit*

And why does "fiddlesticks" and "snackage" leads me to dirty thoughts again?

Edited February 12, 2016 by julpups

[JayDee]

Everyone's gonna be Dude, or Bro, or Fag if they're bitching at each other, 'cos Dude-bro homophobia. Sadly, someone else already made the "Vaginal sex is so gay" joke.

I don't think I'll contribute anything from that guide, it'd cramp my writing style to look too much at it. I'm just watching a few episodes from Season 3 for research, and I'll be disclaiming Buffy anyway.

[julpups]

I was kidding with the disclaimer!

I browsed the net for writing stuff concerning her character or BtVS in general for my use and stumbled above the guide and thought what the hell, it would do no harm.

Do it your way! To watch the episodes to learn the character is the best way anyway. And you're doing this kind of stuff for years.

However, I've just finished reading 'Pleasurable Evil' again, this time to the end, and currently formulating a review.

[JayDee]

"Oh, my god, you total evil scum I hope you burn in hell as soon as you finish my story"?

Edit: That was a request too, that story. It's amazing what I'll write to make someone happy.

Edited February 12, 2016 by JayDee

[julpups]

No! Patience!

I'm trying to make a good review which says more than "Hey, like your style!"

It won't be a bash review.

[JayDee]

Pleasurable Evils

Snore
Hey! I promised you to leave some reviews and I thought I started with your second Buffy story. As I mentioned I've already read this story a few month ago and had to stop when Willow was magically gang-raped, mutilated, beheaded, torn apart and eaten. And on top of that, her soul is damned forever in the grasp of the First Evil. Fred's and Dawn's ordeals were already quite strong stuff but "Enough is enough! I can't take it any more." was for me at that stage since she's my favorite BtVS character and kind of a soft spot. I was admittedly mentally not prepared and careless. Don't get me wrong, it's not meant as criticism on you. I DID read the warnings but read the story anyway out of twisted curiosity. ("Nah, this can't be THAT bad. Is he trying to scare me off or what? I show him...")

Afterwards I had to watch "Chosen" again to make sure they're all alright. Which speaks for you, by the way. The same content in a "bad" story wouldn't have had affected me so much.

However, one thing I've learned is to never take the warning tags lightly again, ever.

For the second read, I've disabled the part in my brain which is repulsed by the content. Worked quite well. I'd like to emphasize your great skill in your creativity of the tortures/deaths/rapes. It takes a strong imagination to come up with stuff like this and I'm really looking forward how you'll convert it in your current project. The cruelty of the First, Angelus and Spike or demons in general isn't out of place of the fandom as well. It wasn't just displayed in the show, however, it was implied (i.e. nailing kitties on the wall or ripping the groom's arm off and beat him to death with it). So basically are Angelus and soulless Spike capable of such acts.

Your characterization in general, despite your statement that that's your weakness, in the quieter moments are very decent as well as the typical Buffy atmosphere.

You're a great author but I never want to read something like this again!

Since this story is several years old, I can assume that your skills are even better now as they were then. Makes me really excited for the coming story of yours. Kudos!

By the way, what were the parameters of the challenge? Do you remember them? Just killing off the Scoobies in the most disturbing and gory way imaginable, or was there more?

Thank you for your review!

Yeah, I guess I always try and recommend for people who don't like that kind of content not to read it, it's for a niche audience of sick fucks and horror fans. I don't remember the parameters specifically, I think a major part of it was to be a hopeless and defeated Buffy jointly tortured/violated by soulless Spike and Angelus and I think the rest of it came out of that, to explain why Buffy's friends couldn't help her. It has been so long since I wrote/read it, I don't remember a lot of the details... I do remember the brief M/M content wasn't in the original request, I just tossed it in there because Dr B didn't object.

Just had a look through the last part -

“Bloody Hell! This slut is wetter than a Welsh holiday resort!”

Maybe it does sound a little like Spike... eh. Thanks again. And please, please, don't subject yourself to anything that looks to contain violence, gore, death, dickgirls or ridiculously racist characters.