Try Saying

[Guest Alien Pirate Pixagi]

My mother sent me this e-mail once:

TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.

INSTEAD OF: And when the fuck do you expect me to do this?

TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.

INSTEAD OF: No fucking way.

TRY SAYING: Really?

INSTEAD OF: Are you taking the piss?!

TRY SAYING: We've moved the goal posts.

INSTEAD OF: We've changed our bloody minds.

TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...

INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a shit.

TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.

INSTEAD OF: It's not my fucking problem.

TRY SAYING: That's interesting.

INSTEAD OF: What the fuck!?

TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.

INSTEAD OF: This shit won't work.

TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.

INSTEAD OF: Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?

TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.

INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his ass.

TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?

INSTEAD OF: Eat shit and die.

TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?

INSTEAD OF: Kiss my ass.

TRY SAYING: It's in the pipeline.

INSTEAD OF: No fucking chance.

TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.

INSTEAD OF: Fuck it, I'm on salary.

TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.

INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your ass.

TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.

INSTEAD OF: This job sucks.

TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?

INSTEAD OF: Who the hell died and made you boss?

TRY SAYING: I see.

INSTEAD OF: Blow me.

TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.

INSTEAD OF: He's a prick.

TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.

INSTEAD OF: She's a ball-busting bitch.

TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.

INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the fuck you're doing.

[dazzledfirestar]

That great! That will save me mountains of trouble at work!

[EveKnight75]

Thank goodness I never developed a habit of cursing out loud. I also tend to be a fairly level-headed person.

Maybe I'll pass this list on to a certain someone I know who's been having a hard time getting his foot out of his mouth. Pixagi, your mother is a very wise woman indeed.

[polywolly]

I have to add one. Just happened today. Luckily, I said the "try" out loud.

TRY: You are certainly entitled to your opinion.

INSTEAD OF: You seem to think I give a fuck.

[dazzledfirestar]

Ahhh yes... a very good one! That one I have used and it works like a charm doesn't it!

[englishwitch]

TRY SAYING: I'll certainly take note of that.

INSTEAD OF: What the fuck do you know?

[Guest Blayze]

TRY: I'm not going to be in the office tomorrow.

INSTEAD OF: I'm turning my fucking mobile off so you can't call me in on my DAY OFF.

[foeofthelance]

Ha! While this might come in handy someday, doubt they'll do me much good. I can get fired for leaning against a counter. Or sitting. Or merely looking relaxed. Or standing oddly. Or not looking busy. Or having my hands in my pockets. Or...(fill in really stupid reason). I hate my job. Yay for two weeks notice tommorrow!

TRY: I was serving as a wall support brace.

INSTEAD OF: No sir, I wasn't leaning.

[englishwitch]

TRY SAYING: I see

INSTEAD OF: I don't care either way

and

TRY SAYING: Sure thing

INSTEAD OF: I'd rather be doing anything else but since you're the boss and you gave the order what choice do i have?

(At the very least its a timesaver)