Character Evaluation: Is she realistic?

[thenighting-gale]

Fandom: Original

Name of character: Adelrune (last name undecided)

Race of character: Vicscoleria, which is a cross between a Vampire and a Valkryie.***

Age of character: 579 (looks 18 though)

Height of character: 5'6"

Weight of character: 123 lbs.

Wingspan: 6"

Brief background of character: Adelrune was born circa 1430, the offspring of a vampire ancient named Eran and a Valkyrie named Svava. Svava went back to Valhalla after giving birth of Adelrune so she was raised by Eran and the other vampires in his coven, mostly a female vampire named Elizabeth.

Character's position or job: She works for the Skrovit Carstvo the Serbian-Romanian vampire lords, it is her job to lure in rogue and posessed vampires, and any other jobs they assign her.

Strengths/Skills: Adelrune is extremely good at luring vampires into traps, and she is rather seductive, especially when she wants something.

Are these skills typical of the fandom? If not, why?: Her ability to trap vampires makes up for her physical weaknesses.

Weaknesses/Bad habits: Her temper gets in her way, and she was raised without wanting anything, so Adelrune is a little spoiled. She expects to get what she wants and it is unintentional, but other people's feelings aren't at the forefront of her actions. She isn't the strongest physically, even compared to others of her kind.

Distinctive features, if any: Her wings are black and feathered, with a red sheen.

Are these features unique in the fandom? If so, why?: Grey or brown wings (think the spotted brown wings of an owl or a hawk) are more common, but black wings aren't overly rare just less common, even though her race it's self is less common. How often do vampires and valkyries get it on?!

How does your character get on with those around him/her?: She gets along fairly well with others, most of the people she spends time around have been in her life for many years, and are used to her and understand her fairly well.

What does the other characters think of your character when they met her/him?: She gets mixed reactions, many vampires don't come across Vicscoleria very often, so as a rarity she is the object of attraction until they get to know her, when they see she has little interest in them. Older vampires find her endearing, as they are usually good friends with her father Eran, or they think that if they impress Adelrune she will help them advance their standing through her powerful father Eran.

***Vicscoleria are a cross between Vampires and Valkyries, they look more human except for their large wings which they can retract. They live off blood, preferably human blood. They are immortal, and like vampires they are extremely difficult to kill. They are nearly indestructible, but no where near as strong physically as vampires, although they are stronger than humans. Their bodies mimic a heartbeat when they have blood inside their bodies, to lure vampires in, their blood can also be drunk but when the vampire has nearly emptied their body a venom is released instead which paralyses the vampire. Other details are under construction!! Any suggestions would be WONDERFUL!

So any suggestions would be wonderful, I tried to balance out her strenths with equal weaknesses, because I really don't like characters who are really really awesome, without any flaws. But its very hard to create one. So please! LOTS OF SUGGESTIONS!!!

Edited December 2, 2008 by thenighting-gale

[Solaris]

Truthfully, she sounds very realistically. No Sueish behavior that I can see.

Beth

[aoisuiren]

The character sounds very realistic. It sounds like you have done your homework, so to speak. You didn't just pluck up some person give them a basic physical appearance and call it a character, it sounds like if you put her into any situation you would be able to make her respond properly and such.

^__^ good job~

[JadeRyuu]

I think that so far, from what I have seen, she does seem realistic. It's a very hard thing to do - because when we create original characters they're like our kids, and we want them to have everything, and sometimes that's a bit much.

The only thing I see with this that gives me pause is; They are immortal, and like vampires they are extremely difficult to kill.

Immortal means something that does not die or expire. To keep you from over-playing on the immortal bit, I would suggest replacing 'immortal' with 'long-lived' or even 'as close as immortal as one can be', because you've stated that she is difficult to kill. This means she can be killed, does it not? (My apologies if I seem to be picking, I don't intend that in the least!)

This may be the basics that you've posted, but do you have a more detail oriented outline for her? I understand maybe not wanting to post all of the details, but if you don't have a more detailed outline, let me know and I'd be more than happy to share the reference sheet I've made for my writing community, if you like?

You've done really good so far, keep up the good work!

Happy writing!

[InvidiaRed]

She is realistic

no sue that I can see

however,

I think you need to differenate between vampiric immortality.

and true immortality

since you protray them as hard to kill

but not impossible to achieve.

Edited October 15, 2009 by InvidiaRed

[Guest Naga-Lord]

If not immortal, you can say they grow old without ageing :3

The only thing I thought about is her wings. They also have a red shine to them? Sounds interesting, but is she the only one who has it? Why in that case? That's the only danger I can spot. It sure looks like you've given this whole thing quite some thought! Good work C: