caffeinegoddess

I don't actually have my quotes on hand, so some of them are gonna be pretty innaccurate. ~Lucy: Daughter of the Devil~ Cop: Is that a dildo in your pocket? Lucy: No, I'm just happy to see you! Satan's secretary: Hurray for Lucy and her horrible dildo! ~Xavier: Renegade Angel~ boy: *hands Xavier a hammer* Bash yourself in the raisins, Granny. Xavier: By bashing myself in the raisins, I'm smashing my mind in the balls. *hits his crotch with the hammer* OOF! It didn't work... *keels over* ~Futurama~ Universe 1 Bender: Bite my glorious golden ass! Zaph: Kiff, I've made it with a woman. Inform the men! Zaph: (to Leela) I do believe we've... met. Bender: He means you guys did it. Chatter guy 1: Hello! Are there any girls here? Chatter guy 2: Yeah, bring in the hot chicks! Leela: I'm a woman. Now, I don't like to play games, so I'll just tell you. I'm a one-eyed alien spaceship captain. Chatter guy 1: Eeep, it's a girl. Chatter guy 2: I'm scared. Farnsworth: God! Buddha! One of you guys do something! Satan, you owe me! Bender: Doomed! Dooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooomed! Farnsworth: Upon further analysis I've discovered that the essence of taste is just plain water. Fry: Wow, Bender! You really are a great cook. Farnsworth: Yes, yes, just plain water with trace amounts of LSD. ~Family Guy~ Chris: Hey little dude, you want some icecream for your birthday? Stewie: Alright, but no sprinkles. For every sprinkle I find, I will kill you. Stewie: My god, it's finally happened. He's collapsed under his own weight like a neutron star! Peter: Hey, Brian, look! I made a waterslide in the house! *falls down the stairs* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Brian: I'm not gonna call the hospital cause you won't learn anything if I do. Peter: Since when did they change the meaning of to to from? Brian: I think they sent a pamphlet on it last week, but you probably thought it said from Peter instead of to Peter so... You know, it's just easier to call you stupid. Trisha Takanawa: I'm standing outside of New England's finest new hotel because they don't let Asians inside. Brian: You speak English? Illegal Immigrant: No, just that last part and this one explaining it. Brian: You're kidding. II: Que? Stewie: Victory is mine! Lois: (after Mel Gibson falls off Mt. Rushmoor) My god, he just walked right over. Peter: Of course. Christians don't believe in gravity. Carl Sagan: (on the redneck version of Cosmos) The cosmos are filled with- redneck dub: lots and lots Sagan: of stars, theoretically created when- dub- Goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood Sagan: thus leading to the creation of everything we see today. ~Robot Chicken~ bar guy: Are you an angel? Cuz I've got an erection. ~Home Movies~ Brendon: I just want you to know, I have learned absolutely nothing! ~Pablo Francisco~ movie guy voice: They were lovers, they were homies, there were Homiesexuals. regular voice: What's a gay driveby like anyway? Is it just a bunch of gay guys throwing skittles out with window yelling "TASTE THE RAINBOW, FUCKERS!"? ~Carlos Mencia~ as Punjab: Oh, forgive me, I should not have insulted you, for in my country, cows are sacred. Carlos: This is it! Moses versus Jesus! Christianity vs. Judaism! Coke vs. Pepsi! They're besically the same thing! Edge: Who is that? Captain Crunch? Carlos: No, it's Elrond Hubbard, founder of Scientology! pirate Carlos: It says we have to find the haunted closet and bone the ghost within. Why is it for beaners, it's not enough to just come out to the family. It has to be some huge public event, like we'll be at a quinciniera and someone will be like *gay voice* "I have an announcement to make!" And grandpa will be like *old Mexican voice* "No, no NO! You're not gonna talk about kulo while I'm eating!" Drill Seargent Carlos: If you want people to stop criticizing you for getting high, STOP GETTING HIGH! pothead: But what do I do with the 6 ounces I still have? DS Carlos: Do what the man who brought them to this country did. SHOVE THEM UP YOUR ASS! Judge Carlos: He thought he was driving stick, but his car's an automatic. Hey stupid, keep your mouth on the road. For every stroke of genius, there's a retarded reaction. (about his performance at a children's hospital) And they were like, "Hey, do the dee dee dee joke," but you know it's a lot harder when they're staring right at you. What if it sucked? They would know. ~Steve Byrne~ Everyone's always like, "Where you from?" And I'm like "Seatle (?)" and they're like "No, seriously, where you from?" It's like I'm from the little mutant island of Half-Asia just south of the Philippines with just me, Tiger Woods, and Keanu Reeves playing volleyball on the beach all day.