DemonGoddess

The 1980s didn't come to Molvania until the late '90s.

Dear Mrs Tightbottom,
I write in deepest gratitude for your advice. I used your tips to the fullest and have since been entwined with my dearest. Our love knows no bounds, and with your advice not to tell anyone, nobody has disturbed our passion, though I nearly had to find somebody help me fish a finger out. I'm sure it's a problem everyone has faced!
Anyway, I must stop writing now as I hear the rats returning.
Yours in eternal thanks,
Libitina “Libby” Mortimer

Dear Mrs. Tightbottom,
I hate to bug you but I once again need your help.
Last night, just as I was about to go to sleep, I heard a tapping noise at my window. Now at first I passed it off as nothing. And then suddenly it became a pounding. At. My. Window. Now I don't know about you but I would think it was rude to damn near break a window in the middle of the night. At any other time of day I'm fine with it, my windows and doors get broken in a lot. Stupid do-gooders trying to stop me from doing what I do.
Anyway, I went to the window and opened it only to find a damn package on my balcony. Now normally, I would take the package inside to check it but it was three o'clock in the damn morning, I was tired and I didn't want to wait. So I opened it and as I was about to take off the lid it fucking exploded. My balcony rail is missing a good chunk (because even at three a.m. I am nowhere near stupid enough to actually hold a damn mysterious package) and my favorite suit (because I had yet to change) is practically ruined.
By the way, have you any idea how hard it is to use a machine to petrify wood? It's not easy and all my hand rails and banisters and the like are made of wood I petrified myself. Now I have to tear down that entire hand rail to rebuild the damn thing.
To put it simply, not long after, I got a note saying:
Not only is that an English teacher's worst nightmare, but I must say I actually am kind of frightened. I've never... been bombed in the middle of the night before. Evil Stepmothers be willing, I would hope this was a mistake... or I might have to ask... the good guys. -shudders-
Please tell me you can help,
Evil Genius Larry, M.D.

Pen Name: MisatosPenPen
Story link: Snow
Type of fic: Drabble
Rating: Adult
Fandom: Naruto
Pairing: N/A
Warnings: ChallengeFic, COMPLETE, Death, MCD, NoSex, Oneshot

Prompt: Snow
Please remember to follow the rules as outlined here: Rules
Happy Writing!

This song is so fecking catchy.

"I am the man who arranges the blocks that continue to fall from up above."

Hi everyone,
Just wanted to invite you to participate in a cool event by Guiltless Pleasure Publishing. Take a look at this great M/M epic fantasy novel, and you could win a $20 Amazon.com Gift Card! No buying required. Hurry, the event is open only until December 15th.
For more details: http://www.guiltless-pleasure.com/novel/song-fallen
Good luck!

"Lick My Baby Back Behind" with Nicole Sullivan (MadTV)


Dora the Explorer stars in Incepción

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZrYPJ4Yc31g

This is the first original fic I've ever posted. It was an idea I've had for a while and I figured this would be an easier way to answer reviews and some questions you guys might have.
So hopefully I'll be hearing from you guys soon.

Deleted the story, fixed the placement for the category

Dear Mrs. Tightbottom,
IT WORKED! She's going for it as we speak. I think she just likes the taste of cat and snake... I have a camera showing her movements.
As for her being a Sue, I looked up what you were talking about and finally pinpointed exactly what type she is. I have a fear that she might be a Black Hole Sue and... dear sweet poison apples, SHE'S FOAMING AT THE MOUTH.
I feel so very happy. I'm actually tearing up. I can see her twitching too....
I should drop some acid on her... just to be sure.
Never mind, Sebastien did it for me. Her eyes even melted. I'm... rather happy now. I think I should celebrate by making the Jabberwocky. That would be good. Set it on the people in her home town. Make them leave me alone.
I've sent you her eyes, they should be there shortly. I hope you don't mind my finding where you lived on my own to send it but I'm very thankful for all your advice.
Hoping this is the end,
Evil Genius Larry, M.D.

Dear Dr. Evil Genius, Sasha and Sebastien
I do hope the three of you are together. It is important that you look out for one another. I am also relieved to hear you are in the chemical lab, that will come in handy.
I have been doing quite a bit of research for you trying to identify this creature. From what I can tell it is what is known as a Mary Sue variant. It will be perfect and untrappable and seemingly possess super powers that change to meet every mutating need in their environment. I believe this is why she sparkles as well. This will make her very difficult to trap although she may be tricked into eating poison.
May I suggest putting together a sort of snack try for her loaded with something nasty of your choice. I am sure your chemical lab is just filled with goodies like that. She must be hungry if she is trying to eat Sebastien! But just to be safe try for cat and snake shaped snacks.
Routing for team Evil,
Mrs. Tightbottom

Pen Name: Shadow Knight.
Story link: AFF Prompt - Turkey.
Type of fic: FlashFic
Rating: Adult +
Fandom: Original.
Pairing: N/A.
Warnings: Abuse, AFFO, Angst, Bond, ChallengeFic, COMPLETE, Contro, Humil, Language, M/s, NoSex, OC, Oneshot, SH, Slave, Tort.

Hi Everyone!
Recently, I was contacted by someone who was inspired by "Hazy, Hot, and Humid" and who created a beautiful drawing of Ryou and Bakura sharing a relaxing, very intimate moment on a swing built for two. The gorgeous artwork is entitled "Fireflies", and if you are at all familiar with the story, you'll know exactly where the scene from which the title was taken from. The artist, is the lovely and very talented Nightmaker, and the artwork can be seen on Deviant Art by using the following link:
http://nightmaker.deviantart.com/art/Fireflies-Tendershipping-186419373
Please take a look, and if you have the ability to do so, please, by all means, leave Nightmaker a review/comment.
As I told Nightmaker, it is very humbling to have created something that in turn inspired someone else to take one's vision a step further. I believe the look on Ryou's face is priceless... I also believe that that look was placed there by none other than The Dark One, Bakura himself, who no doubt just whispered something scandlous (yeah, dirty as hell!) in his ear, being the Man-Pig that he is. Quite frankly, I'm surprised Ryou's poor ear hasn't shriveled up, blackened, and fallen off by now...
Regards,
sglily

The time is here! The entries for the 2011 Calendar Contest have been reviewed to ensure they meet requirements and here they are for your perusal and voting!
Voting is open to all members of the forums as well as guests, though there are different steps for each. Voting closes 11:59 EST, Nov 30, 2010.
If you are a forum member:
Please review the pictures here
Come back to this thread and select from the poll above your Top 12 choices.
If you are a guest:
Review the pictures here
Then come back to this thread and in a reply to the post, rank your Top 12 choices.
Please note that only guests should respond in the thread. Any forum member responses will be removed from the thread to keep everything in order.
If you are a staff member, please refrain from voting.
Thank you to all of the artists who submitted work!

I'd have to look to find the exact breakdown, but if I remember right, once you get 10, you're "good" and I'm sure there are some for negative rates as well.

I'd have to look to find the exact breakdown, but if I remember right, once you get 10, you're "good" and I'm sure there are some for negative rates as well.

Okay, these are the defaults with the forum:
Bad -20
Poor -10
Neutral 0
Good 10
Excellent 20
The fun thing is, I can add to this...

Well, the reputation score is based on whether or not someone clicks + or - on a post you made.
On other boards you may have seen a "karma" thing instead of reputation. Same thing, done the same way.
As to the battle game, I also IMPATIENTLY await the coders making it compatible to IPB 3.x. *sighs*

Dear High Masters of Forum?
To many do-dads and thing-a-ma-jiggies on this new forum and no explainations as to why they exist? Why?
Damn-it I still miss the battle-game where I could kill things and get kill... it helped to reduce my daily stress levels.
So what's with reputation score thingies and what do they mean. How can I raise or lower it to be good or bad?
Bored badass old Dog/Wolf, which prefered the things the way were in the good old days, so there can you dig it?
Calanthee

Hello and welcome to my humble abode. I am Shadow Knight, also known as SK and 'that guy over there.' Please, have a seat and help yourself to whatever strikes your fancy, including leaving any comments to my forthcoming book reviews. Speaking of which, that's the purpose of this thread, in case you've failed to deduce that on your own accord. I have so much stuff to read, mainly series that have been recommended to me, that I figured out I might as well make my thoughts public. Most of the time, I stumble across something that not only fails to capture my interest but annoys me a great deal. The by-product of such event is snark. Lots and lots of vitriolic snark. Which in most cases end up being a lot more fun, to me, than the reading itself. If you enjoy that kind of humour, read on! If not, I would advise you turn back now, before it's too late...
FIRST BOOK: INK EXCHANGE, BY MELISSA MARR.
Apparently, the story is about a paranormal romance set in Huntsdale, where three of the four Courts of Faerie reside. Apparently the King of the Summer Court is looking for his Queen, who was taken the form of a normal girl. This should make you frown right from the start. This is the Wikipedia page for the series.
Prologue: Bland and rather uninteresting, full of clichés and ominous characters. Ooh, spooky! A poorly explained evil is rising and this random girl is... part of a vague plot. I have never seen THAT before!1 I can tell already that you aren't a particularly gifted author, Mrs. Marr. Your only saving grace? You present the convincing illusion that your heroine might have a strong personality, rather than the AFGNCAAP2 protagonists normally plaguing novels.
Veredict: Barely passable. Keeping a vomit bag in hand.
Chapter One: Let's start with the only thing you got right, my mentally-challenged author: tiny details about everyday life in a broken home. Hiding food, struggling with the bills, yaddayadda. Don't say I don't give credit where it is due. Now, let us move on to dissect what you did oh so very wrong: EVERYTHING ELSE. You did a reasonably believable attempt at representing a broken home, hovering between dysfunctional and 'please, someone call social services NOW!,' but then you fucked that up like there was no tomorrow. Your attempt at portraying the mental state of someone in that kind of situation not only fails utterly and in every single way, it also reveals quite transparently your sheltered, WASPy background. A girl that (apparently) GETS RAPED BY HER STONER BROTHER'S FRIENDS would never act the way you describe. What you describe is an upper-middle class suburban girl who thinks about hot boys and getting herself a tattoo because her head is vacuous. A struggling teenager from a broken home is, in no way, that ridiculously vapid, no matter how much she whines about wanting to maintain the illusion of normalcy.
Also, you fall into the typical trap of making potential romantic characters (or what's worse, the 'magical race' of the novel) absolutely gorgeous. That is clichéd and fucking annoying. Ten lashes for you, you shallow imbecile. As an aside, your intolerable shallowness is further exposed when we examine the heroine's reason for getting a tattoo. It's implied in the title of the book and the prologue that this is rather important. One would expect this to be given more thought by the heroine, I would expect an entire fucking chapter of waxing poetically about body art and its significance, its meaning, its implications, about her thoughts, desires, fears, emotions. YOU GIVE ME NONE OF THAT. Bitch. I get, at best, a vague desire to express herself, then a lazily explained internet search about tattoos and their history that just 'resonates with her.' Yeah, right. You aren't fooling anyone, Mrs. Marr. I can tell you just find tattoos 'cool' or 'hot' and like the imagery. The amount of effort you put into disguising this is so small it borders on the insulting.
As an aside to any writer reading this, to avoid making the same mistakes she made, do try to avoid presenting anyone (much less a whole race of Marty Stus in a paper-thin disguise) as objectively beautiful. It's fine if you're in the protagonist's PoV and you state stuff like 'she felt inexplicably attracted to him' or 'she found him extremely handsome' or 'there was something about him that she couldn't quite place, something that stirred dark desires within her' or something like that. That is biased. It explains that the character is beautiful to the protagonist. There's nothing readers (especially old snarky fuckers like me) hate more than being told what to think/feel. We enjoy making our own judgements about the characters, thank you very much. No, you do not get to argue with me about characters being 'objectively beautiful' because there is no such thing. We all have different standards for beauty and it is simply bad writing to force yours upon me. So you find a certain kind of fashion/looks/scene hot. Good for you. Now have a little courtesy to the reader and assume that applies only to your protagonist, no matter how 'universal' you think it is.
Also, avoid avoid avoid avoid avoid AVOID the old 'oh my life is so awful! If only some hot person would rescue me...!" personality, because it annoys the ever-loving fuck out of me. I am reminded of all the passive people stuck in awful situation that refuse to lift a finger to help themselves, instead waiting for a shining knight (AHEM!) to swoop down and save them. Yeah, right. Dream on, kid. Dream on.
Veredict: Dear Mrs. Marr: You fail. You eat failure for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Please do me a personal favour and set yourself on fire. I will not progress further into the book nor the rest of your series3. Thank you.
SECOND BOOK: WICKED LOVELY, BY MELISSA MARR.
Dear Shadow Knight: YOU STUPID FUCK, CHECK THE ORDER OF THE BOOKS BEFORE STARTING A SERIES. Twenty lashes for you. Yours sincerely, COMMON FUCKING SENSE.
Prologue: *groans* GIVE ME BACK THE FIVE MINUTES OF MY LIFE I SPENT READING THAT ATROCITY! I facepalmed so hard I almost knocked myself unconscious. Holy shit lady, you sure know how to start a book! There are so many things wrong about your plot that I simply have no clue where to start! Firstly, your AFGNCAAP decoy protagonist is an idiot. She is warned that she might spend eternity cursed, doomed to actively fight against those who might actually free her from that curse, and she chooses to go ahead because 'she's in love with that boy'? I get it, Mrs. Marr, you were deeply in love when you were young, and you were fucked and then tossed aside like a used toy, but dear heavens, woman! Leave your personal history aside! We don't want to read about retarded people doing retarded things just so that you have a cheap way to make the real protagonist's plight even more dramatic later on. We, the readers, are NEVER convinced when a random extra gets offed at the beginning, just to prove how dangerous the plot device is. Or do you think we have all failed Genre Savvy 101, like you? For shame, woman. For shame.
Veredict: I am stopping here. No more torture for me. Mrs. Marr, eat glass shards and choke on your own blood.
COMING UP NEXT: SOMETHING THAT HOPEFULLY WON'T MAKE MY BRAIN BLEED. STAY TUNED.
1: For more details on this overused, unrealistic plot, see Changeling Fantasy.
2: Ageless-Faceless-Gender-Neutral-Culturally-Ambiguous-Adventure-Person. Many writers do try to give their main characters a personality, though. Most of the time, however, they just give them a gender and call it a day. In which case we end up with a Ageless-Faceless-Stereotypically-Gendered-Culturally-Ambiguous-Adventure-Person. But the acronym is nowhere nearly as catchy.
3: Retarded, retarded me, confusing the first book of the series with the second. NOW I HAVE TO ENDURE MORE TORTURE.