Arian-Sinclair

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I started reading the second chapter. I haven't finished it yet, though.

You could Google the slang of that time period. I always Google for particular ways of speaking when writing out a character from a time period I am unfamiliar with the slang of. I am aware that people from an era such as the middle ages never used contractions such as "don't" or "can't", so writing a character who comes from that time frame would not go around using such words, instead speaking out all words that the contraction was formed from. Aside from that, that time did use words that today are very rare to hear spoken and would likely need taking a look in the dictionary to find out the meaning of. That fascinates me.

Thank you so much for the wonderful review! I find it a nice change to have a female character who is not of the typical variety written into fanfiction, even if it's my own writing. I'm glad you like it so much. I never contemplated whether to write it in first or third person POV. I normally write in third, yet this one ended up coming out in first person perspective. She's intentionally sociopathic and is a bit of a yandere(I'll provide a link to the wiki explaining it if you do not know the word) for Kaori, who is actually my favourite character created for this. For Kenmal and Darren, I intend to write a separate story that plays a a prequel focusing on them and how they got together, so when I have that one up, I hope you like it as well if you decide to read it. No, not at all. I find the skelly attractive as well. Heh~ Again, thank you for the review! Feel free to reply here in this thread if you wish to continue conversation, or shoot me a PM. If you're unable to do that, you can find me on Messenger or Skype.

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No problem. It's my honest opinion opinion, and I believe that's the best kind of input. If someone's just talking shit without saying anything on what they thought of what could be done to improve things, then that's not something that needs to be there as "criticism". Practice makes close enough to perfect. Keep at it and I'm positive you'll have each character sounding as you imagine them sounding. It's good that you're trying. Some out there would just give up and trash something just because it's not good enough in their mind. This may be of good use to you and help you with showing your characters' voices through your writing. That site is absolutely amazing and has more articles aside from that one that have all helped me in my writing in both writing in general and RP.

He was lucky enough to come across me and I was lucky enough to come across that story. Next up, chapter two! I normally wait until I've caught up with a story to review, though, so that was a bit new for me. Thinking on it now, I suppose quasi-demisexual would be slightly more accurate as a description of the sexuality. This is the first good inclusion of incest I'd read in a long while, which is surprisingly hard to find with all the talk I hear about it. I'm excited to read on to see more characters come into play throughout the story. I'll keep those comparisons in mind. A good way to add on just a little to his tone of voice would be to describe his facial expression when it changes around when he's about to start talking as well as right after before moving onto what subsequently happens. Don't slather too much into it or it'll come off awkwardly, but just giving a little bit on little changes in his expression can bring out a little bit, however slight. Visual cues are good with showing how a character is feeling and to show little bits of facial expression can help to liven what you're telling he's feeling. A blank slate on facial expressions make it easier to hear monotonous speech. Particular adjectives help much more for that. An example would be "He spoke decisively." having one imagine a stern tone and a characterisation that he is the type to have his mind made up, whereas "She spoke hesitantly." gives the impression of a girl who is either very shy or is worried about the reaction of the person she is speaking to. Adjectives are amazing tools in the world of writing to add a little expression into how a person speaks. There are so many adjectives to choose from, so choosing careful!y determines how the character ends up sounding.

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Any horror fans out there should take a look at this article written by someone I hold dear. Manic Exorcism an amazing writer, his articles always my favourite to read. As a horror fanatic, I find his articles a must read in finding what's truly good and what's just alright. So please, go right ahead and give this awesome guy some traffic for his superbly written article. You won't regret it.