Tcr

Well, been a while since having to crack fingers here… A two-fer from SinfulWolf (which, btw, thank you so much for), both on Hunted: From SinfulWolf on July 30, 2018 I'll be doing another review later when I finish everything, but wanted to leave something for the first chapter to partially let you know you have a new reader. First off I'd like to mention that I rather enjoyed this as an opening. Set a bit of the state with bits of information, but not large info dumps that would have been boring. Small ones sure, and they might have been able to be trimmed down a touch... but it still worked here as establishing the setting. I think my only real complaint for this chapter was the fight. It was so one sided and quick that I wasn't entirely sure why she was running and hiding in the first place. Perhaps because she tapped into that blood rage? If so I think it needs to be made just a bit more clear. Still, greatly looking forward to reading the rest of this. Quite excited for it, gore and all. I owe a vast majority of those ‘small’ info dumps (and this is a compliment, because I have a tendency to include massive info dumps...) to my beta there. She’s constantly been getting me to cut back on some of the information I throw down and intercut it with the rest of the novel instead of in one eighty-line paragraph (...exaggeration, yes, but I’m sure it feels like that sometimes). Admittedly, as you’ve said, the fight was one sided and that was intentional on my part, but perhaps too one sided. It was intended to introduce the concept of the bloodrage in there, not to mention the Guard and Idun and Cheyenne, but also to show that a lack of cohesion within the group does lead to a rather quick and bloody end. Although, as you said, probably would have been good to expand on that. AND: From SinfulWolf on July 30, 2018 Well... now I need to wait it seems. I'll be patient, I'm slow enough with my own work to pester others. But I rather enjoy this story. I like the growing relationship between the three. I love that you didn't go for a typical love triangle and that you're exploring a polyamourous relationship. There's so very few of those I find (Granted I am new to this site). I love the touch of history and using the Varangian Guard as the vampire hunters in the setting. It's also quite a switch, especially to vampire fans, to have the hunters being the 'villains'. And they are downright villainous. Some readers might not like this, but this is definately a "mileage may vary" kind of moment on how to portray the antagonists. So things I've noticed though. Careful with the use of Gods' names. Later on you were using proper Roman Gods (Juno, Venus, etc.), but earlier you were using Greek Gods (Zeus being the first one to pop out at me). I really like that you're being very graphic with the violence. Love it. Vampires should be brutal, bloody, killing machines. And you've captured that with the arm rippings, decapitations, and disembowelments. It's fuckin awesome. My only real recomendation for the action scenes would be to perhaps slow down a touch. Sometimes there's so much happening, and your offering sometimes rather similar descriptions, that it can be difficult to see exactly what's happening. Put a little weight into the fights and kills, cause I'd really like to see what you come up with. Another small thing I've noticed is that most characters who are straight in this story seem to be completely and utterly bigoted. Again, its your story, so I don't want you to change stuff there if that is your intention, but it is certainly something I've noticed and became somewhat glaring later on. Especially with the introduction of Shy's ex. It's a bit over the top, and I think some inclusion of more subtle bigotry can also really help sell the story of these three leading ladies as well. All in all, quite enjoying your three characters. The different kinds of strengths and vulnerabilities they show, how they interact with one another. And I do quite enjoy the sex when it does show up. But story is queen here, and I'm in for the long haul. Looking forward to the next installment! Well, I’m glad to hear that you’re enjoying it, firstly. And I’m glad you like the interactions and growing relationship between the three. I was absolutely worried that I would have botched it drastically. It’s a first venture into the polyamorous relationship dynamic, so it’s been one of those worrying things ;). I do have a tendency to write in a more flipped expectations idea (ie: everyone’s heroes are the villains, et cetera), and I certainly love putting that spin on things. I admit, I did come across the alternating Greek/Roman mythological names and corrected them in the master file. As for the fights and violence, I’ve been told that the graphic natures of them are among some of my better work (and I have to agree). And I certainly love the unabated violence that can be portrayed within them; I tried to use the violent tendencies of the Varangian Guard as a foil to the attempted gentler (well, when not provoked) nature of Lucretia and the rest. For the hetero characters, I admit, I wasn’t too sure about what you meant, so I went back through and read over it again. You do have a point here, though I never actually thought about it. Indeed, I had almost forgotten about the Twobears until I read it again. Rita was always written to be bigoted (and kind of based off someone I formerly worked with… The ‘I accept everyone until I’m alone with people, then I’m a phobe, racist, et cetera). Although, that didn’t quite come off as much as I had hoped, so you have a point with the subtlety (which, I admit, I’m not great at writing...). Cheyenne’s ex was just a written jab at someone else I know, BUT we won’t go into that. But yes, definitely have to work on the subtlety aspect… And thank you, again, for your review. It was definitely a refreshing and much appreciated (and unexpected) sight to wake to. TCR On a side note and completely shameless plug of my beta’s writing, if you’re looking for a good polyamorous relationship told in writing (not to mention just good writing, too), you should checkout PlagueClover (formerly CloverReef)’s story Cold Snap.

Chapter 18 (Finding a Trail) is posted.

Chapter 16 (What’s the Plan?) is posted.

Chapter 18 (“...But I’ve Seen Him”) is posted.

So, a few days ago, a friend and I were talking about this sort of idea. The discussion for this thread, though, is more a case of how many OC characters do you like in your fan fiction before it gets turned off? In the case of the only fanfiction I have up here, which is that of a Star Trek Online, aside from a few ‘cameos’ here and there, the cast is entirely original characters. The conversation between us was a discussion about how a lot of people would be turned off by that sort of story, which I do accept and actually kind of agree with (strangely, considering...), but how many OC characters in a fanfiction turn you off? Would it turn you away from that particular story or does it even matter? Giving my thoughts on the matter as a writer, I don’t really like using canon characters because I, personally, feel forced into a tiny box to keep them in character. As a reader, if the canon characters in a fanfiction don’t feel particularly right (given deviations accounted for in regards to whatever the story is being told; ie, sexual stories, I can give leeway in canon characters being different than author portrayed (if this makes sense...). It’s a major reason why I didn’t include any in the main cast of characters for STA. That said, as a reader, I do understand why someone could, potentially, be turned away if there are no canonical characters. (I feel like I’m rambling, so my apologies.)

Chapter 17 (Dark Paths) is posted.

Well, in answer to the question: I listen to them to a certain point. I've had plenty of trolls lately (Not here, but some others) and a few really good, in depth reviews. For me, listening to the reviews is a good way to gauge the readership (if you get good, non-troll ones). Sometimes, it can be good in terms of assisting an idea to its fullest potential or correcting some minor errors. (Something like the one first posted here, not helpful, in my opinion.) As has been said, your style is yours. You decide how you want to write it. Taking, for example, George R.R. Martin: I cannot get into his writing... I cannot for the life of me, but he's doing a little fine (yes, sarcasm, my third language) for himself. And way to go for him. To have someone change that to, say, DP's style, or BW, or mine would take away things people do like about it. And if one person has a problem with your style, then maybe they shouldn't be reading it. As for reviews, when I leave one, I do a good-concrit-good idea. But I make sure it's not stupid concrit or nitpicky to begin with. I hope I'm making sense...

After a long hiatus… A major update. Chapters 31 through 40 are now posted.

I hadn't noticed. Lol. I think it all depends on the writer. An 'elegant solution' written by the blunt force writer won't really work that well, even well written, because of the style. Which I'm probably repeating… I think, too, it depends a lot on what sort of feeling You, as writer, want to convey. A quick death can be intense, fast, and portray a "blink and you miss it" situation. A slow one can also be intense, but be meant to show a devastating death that's meant to linger in the minds of the reader. Maybe I shouldn't answer when tired...

Chapter 15 (A Little Death A Day) is posted.

@CloverReefI think I remember that scene, you were in the zone at that time. You were all like “I’m starting it” and then it was like “I’m done it!” I was like… Damn, that tornado blew through pretty fast. And I definitely agree with the attachment to the characters. I have grown attached to mine (even if I’m unsure anyone else has) and, beyond any measure of doubt, it makes it really hard with this scene. Because I kind of don’t want to, but it also has to be done for various storytelling points and because I set it up throughout the last few chapters with that intention. And it’s a really painful time to write (even if she isn’t an MC...) But I wholeheartedly agree with that idea of high emotions and tensions. In the one I referenced for me, it’s a scene that, in the last moments of the character, truly defines them, which makes it a highly emotional and highly important moment for said character. I guess I’m always worried that those are the scenes that are going to fail badly in getting the point and the emotion across. If that makes sense. Because if it’s just another character death, then it’s a ‘meh’ sort of reaction. (Which doesn’t intend to sound as bad as it probably does...) @Desiderius PriceAll my characters I grow attached to. Although I don’t entirely think that I’ve used this one as much as I probably could have. She’s become more of a background character with higher importance (...does that make sense? It makes sense to me...). But the manner of death here is just… Heroically emotionally painful… So I’m procrastinating writing it. lol.

So, let’s not pretend this is me having an epiphany… This is me procrastinating with a good question… lol. So, as I come to the end to one of the many stories I have here… The major climax that leads to the denouement and subsequent finale and goodbye is becoming a pain in the ass to write. I’ve been finding myself having trouble writing some deaths of characters that are both minor and major characters in the tale and have, hopefully, been good enough to warrant someone actually cheering for survival… It’s problematic… on every level. So, my question, since I’m going to make a wild assumption that everyone grows attached to their characters (...we’re writers, I’m pretty sure we all do this… Even Bob...)… How do you all murder your characters? Do you struggle with it? Prefer it quick and simple as the end grows near or do you prefer long, drawn out deaths? Do you find yourselves procrastinating? Or is just an easy decision, like putting toast in the toaster?

Chapter sixteen (Home Sweet Home) is up for your reading pleasure.

Chapter 17 (They Say There’s No Devil...) is posted. On a side note, this one is no longer in the Games – S through Z – Star Trek RPGs and has been moved to Games – S through Z – Star Trek Online.

Thanks, DG.

Way to go, congrats, crack out the celebration and... Well, you've probably done all that anyway. Great news and .

Category: Games Subcategory: Star Trek Online Written Work Ready for Posting: Yes. Has been posted in Star Trek RPG under Star Trek: Adventurer (if can be moved to a Star Trek Online section, much appreciated).

That's a good point there. It's something I try to do with mine on every chance. (Come Hell or High Water, for instance, doesn't have any sex until Chapter 21, but it flowed organically (at least, I thought) and worked in the context of the story.) I don't see the idea of "too much sex" so much as "does it fit naturally with everything in the story up to that point (I kind of broke that with Blood and Honour, but yeah.)

Se ijin shan Erisiche halshaten? And what, are you saying I don’t write epic alien languages that leave you breathlessly wanting more language from them? ;). But, yes, I do agree that the author probably shouldn’t have an entire chapter between characters speaking different languages without A.) established the language to the point that it is understood (there’s a great scene in STIII that actually illustrates this well, but no one wants to hear that, I’m sure...) or B.) having some way that they can translate without pulling someone out of the story in such a time. And in highly romantic or emotional scenes, there’s definitely a point where the conversations should be understood, preferably in a language that’s understood…

I’m pretty sure everyone who writes has a story like that. I, personally, love the 3rd Omniscient as it allows me to explore a wild, wide variety of both the characters and events as they unfold without having the worry about keeping Joe Blow from Idaho in the middle of everything. I read a book where this author wanted to keep his character involved in every major point in that universe (reference point, Star Wars). It came off really jumbled and confuzzled (yes, I’m using that word, it’s going to be the next Quiz!); especially when the events were like: He has no reason to be there… But this kind of got off the rails here… Yes, the balance of the Non-English to Reader Patience is always a tricky subject. I do provide a translation in the main text, usually from one of the other characters or just after they say it, in order to not have people running throughout a book trying to find out what it means. (ie. ”Jin se kahlo.” I love you.) But I do understand what you’re saying. Obviously, I’m in the minority here in loving to see alien languages that show a rich culture and not just someone who wants an alien without having to background anything (… I’m looking at you TOS...)… In my somewhat outnumbered opinion, the development of a language shows a culture and, especially if the MC is an alien interacting with humans, would not, necessarily, use English (as an example) in every day conversation, either. Am I just rambling? I feel like I’m rambling... I’m probably not making sense either… Working nights really does a number on brain cells...

Recently, I had a conversation with a friend regarding the use of other languages within a written work (ostensibly written in English in this case, although it could be expanded to include English in any other language novels). In this case, I was discussing the entire language created by myself for Blood Prize (Straxian). The discussion turned to how much of a different language is too much. I have nigh an English-Straxi Dictionary going on in my files specifically for the use of this. Not to mention the creation of gender nominative words and sentence structures. (Does this make me insane? Probably...) To me, if the language is used correctly, it can add to a background and cultural aspect of a character and race. The use of a different language from English (in this case) allows me the immersion into said culture and the novel. Admittedly, I don’t want sixteen chapters of a language I don’t understand, but the occasional touch or even exchange in (and I’ll just use mine) Straxi is a reminder that this isn’t human and that the other people do have their own history. But… How much is too much for you? How far do you go in order to create a language for your tale? Have you or would you create one? I’d like to hear your thoughts.

...and As usual, TCR is late for the party!... Everyone's gone... Damn it… From everything I've read, I'll probably end up repeating things here. But... Repeating is my middle name, so… Honestly, I feel this whole blog editing advice is bull for this. Ending it to make up for a lack of style? Huh, wonder if anyone told King or Crichton or any number of other major authors that used a slamming door or other (as much as it wasn't used in the post) over the top actions? If, and this has been pointed out, the character in question is naturally hot headed and prone to outburst, or even if they aren't but emotionally it has set them off in that way so it feels natural, then a slammed door is a good indication. This isn't lazy or a lack of style, this is making a human character be human. Humans are, mostly, emotional creatures, for better and worse, and, as such, react emotionally. If it's set up that A has pissed B off to the point B is fuming like an erupting volcano, then have B erupt. That said, in my questionable opinion, it has to be set up properly. Having an argument that reads like a pair of old grandmas having tea end with a door slam probably isn't the most likely… That said, I'll stop rambling now.