darthel0101
-
Posts
78 -
Joined
-
Last visited
-
Days Won
2
Content Type
Profiles
Forums
Events
Posts posted by darthel0101
-
-
-
I just gotta join in this festival, too.
WELCOME BACK, Magus! ! !
-
I trust they actually removed that "splinter" this time?Lol bullets don't hurt that much it's takeing them out that hurts
I didn't see comment on the outcome of the operation, only the cause.
-
Nearly finished, be posted either tonight or in the morning, I laws are not conducive to writing. Besides my little nieces are like spider monkeys, you need a crowbar to pry them off.
Why use the crowbar, relax and enjoy them.
I wish that I had nieces of that nature to suffer with.
-
My personal opinion on the matter of the cliffhanger is that it needs to be acknowledged and talked out but with the PTSD effects and other things happening ATT, needs to be put off at least until Tara's family finishes their move into the area.
NOTE that I am not saying that they should not kiss, cuddle, or even actually sleep together (most likely as a threesome) but that the emphasis in those interactions should be helping HIM through his emotional quagmire to ground which is a little bit more solid.
I also want to weigh in on the inclusion of Becky in dealing with the issue: try having Becky initiate a sit-down with Kayla and Jack as well. The statement that she KNOWS what Jack is going through will be a huge help for him and will help to cement her in the story as well by allowing him to help HER without becoming actually involved with her outside of that interaction.
-
how many times has Max blown up stuff and left pits an pieces of tech in those places? remember Alice was watching him on a satalite when he went to the north pole the first time. if she could watch him others could watch him.
Alice was watching Max in CHINA via that old satellite.
BTW - Max never went to The North Pole, he simply went far north in The Northwest Territories. There is a lot of water between the two.
-
He never did say what was inside the guns. It was stated that they were custom made for them so he might have put some type of fail safe device in them. Remember as the writer he does not have to tell us everything he does to the tech items. All he has to do is make us think that he messed up and we will start to think that Magus messed up again when he knew all along that the weapons were fail safe. Would he have given a weapon to Hans that did not have some type of system in it that would make it unsafe to use against any of the family members. We will never know what he did to the weapons because he never told us.
Now would I do that?
nope, never.
you would NEVER mislead us by giving us only partial information.
ROFLMAO and enjoying every minute of it
-
Mmm, probably because I mixed her and Tess up...oops
Ok, so about half the Nell's are actually Tess's...damn more editing in my future
ROFLMAO
You've put so many characters into this story that you're gonna start pissing off your readers when you have some die so that you can remember who is who.
I hate to think about what will happen when you start writing about Nick and crew again.
STILL ROFLMGDAO
edited because of the damned Android auto fuckup, I mean, autocorrect
-
Some of my favorite chapters are the ones with just them interacting with each other too.... the times where they just got to be kinda "normal" whatever that may be. Amy being herself, Max being the modest one like he used to be, the way all of the girls are out to drive him batty. That's part of why I picked up some of the original BITG chapters again, and I have to remind myself that Max, Emma, Amy, Mike, Evan, Leia are still actually just teens themselves. Love how you brought all of that out again.
Rest up, get healthy, and we'll all be here when you keep going. BTW, not too bad of a chapter for being all doped up, lol.
I have to agree. The adventures are nice but the personal interactions are what make this story great.
-
I like the holiday theme and the truly upbeat activities, but I missed seeing Hans in the mix.
-
Exam is scheduled for this Saturday. Fingers crossed I pass it the first time and then I can get back to writing
After a stiff drink of course lolI will join in wishing you well on your test.
-
Yeah, COJimmy is correct; the term "Red Shirt" means the group member that is expendable to move the plot along.
I stand (well, sit) corrected.
-
Another cliffhanger. So who is wearing the red shirts. Know what you meant by the red shirt. The security people in the original star trek wore red shirts and were the one's also getting killed on the show.
Nope - red shirts refers to Mirror, Mirror. The episode where the transporter sends the victims to that parallel universe where Kirk is a despot and Spock a pirate.
-
-
-
… deff. best cliff hanger. I would say legion stops him. besides they have killed a lot of people who might know who is the leader. So I say put Hans back in the pod and put a.couple demon AI.s in with him and get the information out of him. then put him in a.closet and walk away.
Legion could hijack nerve impulses (remember that Hans was chipped in the pod while waiting on his lungs to heal) and it is possible that Max has a mainframe available for personality download. If that mainframe is available then Legion could simply short circuit Hans' brain after downloading it.
Another option is either robot. Their reflexes are sure to be good enough to allow them to shoot the gun out of his hand (too much possibility of death-spasm still causing the shot to get off).
-
Yeah, not really happy with the chapter either, it just doesn't seem to flow; I actually deleted the whole first attempt. But I struggled with it for so long and it just seemed to get worse! Figured it was time to just take my lumps and move on.
The tittle is actually supposed to give you a hint at the next few chapters, an attempt a foreshadowing
I think I tried to pack too much into this chapter, I had a lot of good ideas that I should have developed more and maybe that would have made it less choppy. I think ythis should have been spread out over two or three chapters...live and learn
There will be times where your story will need more than one chapter to tell what happens. When that happens, plan the path that your story will take and then write that path. If it doesn't gel with one chapter than use more with breaks where they make sense.
You are the one who knows where your story will go; you are the only one who can take it there. Ultimately, you are the one who must be satisfied with your work. WE have the easy job of simply enjoying your presentation.
-
... I also liked the message of the playing card. Not sure it goes to prove that max can deliver on his promise on a blood bath. Might have been better, though harder to write maybe, to have all four of them take a shot. ...
The point is, I think, that they were being watched instead of how many were watching.
-
The Deputy I'm saving for later, the prisoner's just go back to jail, remember Carol made them promise to let the law handle it
I kinda figured that the deputies would be split on how they view Max even if their boss is against the boy. IIRC, At least one of the deputies has expressed admiration prior and obviously the one who found the rape in progress will tend to support Max. If Alice is able to bring known malfeasance of the sheriff to light then even those who support him might back down and let him take the fall.
I do find it interesting just how much involvement the sheriff has with cases which are the purview of the city, however.
-
I side with having the sheriff eat a bullet to avoid humiliation and exposure.
Of course, there will be a death (or two or three or …) among the gang but neither of these options would necessarily mean a funeral in the story.
If there will be a funeral involving the core then I would think possibly Tatiana finally finding peace and leaving the way open for Petra to rejoin the core.
The story concept here is sounding like Broken Birds with almost everybody being healed by the core person and bonding into a family unit. In this story, there is a little fudge factor with the core, however, and a lot of fudge factor with those being healed. Hans can be one aspect of freeing Suzy from some of HER demons and being able to teach the twins that not everybody in any organization will necessarily believe the same way as the others. IOW - even in a drug gang there can be somebody who is basically honorable if given a chance.
-
I have to wonder what would happen if Cynthia got chipped early with Legion now self-aware and being talked to by the twins. Cyn is already recognizing her daddy's presense and aware of her manipulations; teach her mind to be truely awesome in comparison to her elders.
-
and the last question: I am planning another book with new bad guys, it'll be something that evolves out of something Max did in the first book. But the third book will probably end the story.
Do us a favor and don't make it the DOD discovering what David did to them. Breach of contract is a hard fight and could end up giving them control of the mainframes. They also have computer/signal tracking abilities which rival most countries.
-
Re-reading BITG and found an issue with the timeline around the divorce court times.
Initial court session is Thursday afternoon but they are told the next evening that the next court date would be the next day. That would put official business being done on a Saturday.
-
your over thinking it a bit Nantes. As your story describes should be around size of a virus if not a little bigger. all you need to do is modify them to be more like a virus.
My impression was that the nanites would be (possibly were but I cannot find the reference at this time) VISIBLE on a blood smear slide which implies something at least near the size of platelets. AFAIK, most viruses are unable to be seen by an optical microscope.
Magusfang's Corner
in General
Posted