Ajwf

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Lol... Too true.

I loved that post... Made me tear up a bit laughing.

I guess... But the idea was to use jail as a change... Though, now thinking about my story (and having watched Les Miserables recently), I realize this idea isn't as novel as I had thought... (Then again, Hugo wrote the story in the 1700's, right?)

Hmm... 6 years may not be enough for what I had in mind... Well, I'll see what I can't do. Thanks, Bw

Wasn't fun when I first got it, but now I'm happy I've kept it.

I'm particullarly fond of these two... Little backstory... The genre was adventure... And trust me when I say I'm not a romance novelist. I kept both since I couldn't figure out how to delete them, and now they're worth a couple of snickers. The part that got me mad was he reviewed under the anonymous setting... Death2Takari 8/1/11 . chapter 1 I wonder if this is going to be one of those typical Davis bashing Takaris where the two brats of the team think they're the most powerful and are totally pathetic and sappy all through it. It's certainly seeming like it at the moment. There's already been Davis bashing and that bit about that slut Kari being the most powerful is a load of bull! If anything she's the weakest of the lot of them! She's always hiding behind someone! Shes pathetic! I'll probably read one or two more chapters but if the Davis bashing carries on then I'm going to stop. Also, Gatomon's the one to be disgusted with. She shouldn't even dare to show disgust since she worked for an evil Digimon. Also I do wish people would remember that Kari never ended up with either of the guys which was good as she didn't deserve them. Plus Davis, while people like you badmouth him, wrongly I might add, he was the one that totally came through when MaloMyotismon got the Digidestined all caught up in the Dreamworld! People seem to forget that even their precious ickle TK and Kari got caught! Those two aren't perfect! Chapter 3, same story.... This chapter was the final straw. Bad enough Takari and Davis bashing, but you've put bloody Sorato in it! That pairing is disgusting. But also, if you're going to stick to the pairings in the actual anime, then you shouldn't have bloody Takari! Since they DIDN'T HAPPEN! Damn you stupid idiots for putting these two pairings in! I was going to carry on, but when I saw the sick Sorato part I flipped! Screw you. I'm always up for a GOOD Takari, but I DETEST Sorato! So screw you! I REFUSE to read anymore of this garbage! Unless of course you message me and tell me that Tai gets her instead of that ugly blonde! Get a grip and stop using Sorato AND Takari. Unfortunately for you silly fans, only ONE of those disgusting pairings happened! If Taiora had happened and there weren't so many of you people badmouthing Davis, then I might like Takari still, but people like YOU have made me HATE them!

Name: Toshi Morino (I used Japanese names only for the reason of not having a Sam standing next to a Shikamaru... Would be strange to have terribly different names) Naruto Fandom Height/Weight: 5'4", 130 pounds (That's a little stocky, if you don't know... I'm 5'5", 140, so I used a reference to something I knew) Background: Part of an elite organization in a village called the "Storm Cloud", he was among 4 other members who specialized in one individual change of nature. The idea was drawn up by mastermind Sojio, who believed in a little known myth of the hunters, who came before ninja. (They would turn out to be a decedent of samurai legend). He got this idea from stumbling upon a shrine in his expedition with ancient scrolls describing the purpose of the hunters, and their strengths. With all the traditions described in the scrolls, he became obsessed with trying to recreate these people. The issue was, each possessed an ocular based jutsu that wasn't apart of any bloodlines in the ninja world, thus samurai. He went to find Orochimaru, who at the time was still short-funded, and for a hefty price, attempted to summon long-dead spirits into babies. This was as he was developing his reanimation jutsu. After hundreds of attempts from children stole around the thunder's territory, he was finally able to produce 4 babies with the different elements bound into them. Orochimaru refused to create the last child unless Sojio would pay double what he did for the other four. It took him 4 years to finally create the funds and satisfy Orochimaru. The last one was Toshi, and so he was raised having the others as five older brothers. Sojio attempted to father the five, but he also was the leader of his village, and he was still a little crazy. He was paranoid and feared everyone around him would sell him out to the actual Cloud, or would try to take away his position. No one was allowed to leave the Storm Cloud village. Because of his fear, he tortured. One the kids would turn seven, until their 15th birthday, he would torture them everyday. (Pulling an idea from George Orwell), eventually the hunters saw it as necessary and found they'd come to accept this punishment. It would kill off emotion and pain better than anbu training and make perfect slaves for Sojio's own control. As a reward, at their 15th birthday, they'd be introduced to the community's Spring Pool, a coverup for a whorehouse that only ninja have access to. Toshi went through the same process, but was younger than the others and so was unable to join their squad, a squad of four plus a leader. Instead, he was entered into a basic academy where he'd be hidden away as the last hunter. Sojio decided to follow the third Hokage's example, and tried to coach the team that Toshi would enter into. Toshi felt it to be the greatest honor of his life, but unfortunately, the other two on the team were introduced to the torturing of Genins, which had long become an acceptable practice to keep ninja loyal to the Storm Cloud. They go on missions with Toshi, but never complete anything, since he refuses to let them kill. He doesn't feel bad for them but doesn't want them to deal with the missions that the storm cloud completes, the Storm's Wraith missions, which generally involve assassinating turn tails or bringing them back so they can be tortured and then killed. Eventually, the two with Toshi plan to escape. It takes a while for them to talk Toshi into it (2.5 years), as even for as smart as he is, he can't see the Storm Cloud as a criminal organization. But, they do eventually leave... You get the idea of what probably happens next. Unique features: Toshi is a simple figure, short and not physically strong by any measure. He has ragged brown hair that he trims as short as possible, but it's rarely seen under his cloak. He feels that his best feature is his stormy grey-blue eyes, since he enjoys having an attribute that he could relate to the village. His face is unscathed by any torturing, and he feels that "Sojio's kindness always prevailed while he taught me a lesson". He assumes this to be the reason he has no scars on his face. Under his cloak, he carries multiple headbans, it was once his way of taking trophies. For every target he killed, he'd take their headban and tie it around his arm. He only carried 10 out of the storm village. Toshi would wear his cloak in a volcano, even as heavy as it is. Given to him by Sojio for his graduation into the ninja academy, it is grey with a light camouflaged pattern on it, allowing him to almost disappear if he stands still. It is chakra infused to avoid detection, picking up the same frequency as objects around him. Everything he owns from Sojio, he still treasures, even though at times he talks bad of him. He feels split on whether he should return and beg forgiveness or accept his new life. Toshi grows out his beard because he tries to model another role model who isn't mentioned much in the story. He refers to the guy occasionally as the "Old Man". He keeps a journal given to him by this man which he writes in constantly. It's a special journal with the ability to allow Toshi to talk and have his memories stored. Toshi's a book worm. Not much to it, he insisted on stealing books and sealing them in scrolls as they left so he could learn or simply waste time reading. Out of habit, Toshi constantly pulls his hood forward to attempt to cover any emotions, including humor. He tries to continue his Storm Cloud demeanor, even though he's a traitor. Sometimes, he gets extremely angry at his two partners for making him a traitor. Relation to other Cannon characters: Hinata: Toshi allowed his group to go to the Village hidden in the leaves for two reasons: The Chuunin exams and to topple the village. He figured that if he could crash the village himself, he'd be able to regain Sojio's trust. But, upon deciding to buy property to use as a base, one of his squad mates gets in trouble. Being brought to the attention of Tsunade that they owned property in her village, she states that all ninja who have land in her village would be required to fulfill missions for her. The mission she entitles Toshi, Kiba and Shizune to was a rescue mission for Hinata, Sai and Shino. Tsunade has no choice, being short on spare members for the Chuunin exams. It wasn't her year to take them, but the Thunder was having "bandit problems" (or issues with the Storm Cloud meddling). When he sees what's been done to Hinata, Toshi finally has a change of heart. It is a shock to see what he had been doing to people for years, and, aided by Kiba's complete rage at how she had been treated, he officially turns his back on the storm cloud. Unfortunately, it is discovered that he was apart of the group that abducted her. His four older brothers rat him to Shizune, who eventually would tell Tsunade. Weaknesses, Bad Habits Toshi is completely indecisive for a long time when it comes to the Storm Village. Although bright, he can never allow himself to completely love the Storm village or turn his back to his home. He goes so far as to completely disguise himself among his friends and lie to them about his true feelings. Toshi would be considered a support on any squad. He was always insulted for not even possessing the basic ability to throw a kunai knife straight, let alone hit a target. Try as he might, the only weapon Toshi can feasibly use is his bow and a dagger he would eventually steal. Toshi is paranoid. Someone is always onto his plot. Years of being with Sojio rubbed off on him, he can't stand others and worries that if he slips up, he'll be ratted instantly and killed. For this reason, he always muttered to himself, and so he now is trying to forcefully stop this habit. This generally involves pinching his tongue. For the longest time, Toshi worries that Shikamaru knows something about him. He things Shikamaru is way too smart for his own good. On his first day, Shikamaru beats Toshi at chess, Toshi's best game, three times in a row. His plotting against Shikamaru almost causes him to get caught, as Shikamaru never suspected anything of Toshi. Toshi spaces out. Unfortunately, this generally happens when he's writing in his journal. He worries that someone will see what he's writing. Not only does he feel it's private information, Toshi feels the information in his journal could get him killed. Toshi doesn't sleep well. Due to paranoia and being a light sleeper, he wakes on every creak in the current area he's in. This results in him not being as good a desicion maker if he has a particullarly bad night of sleep. Toshi's anger is really violent with those around him. Occasionally, Toshi will end up yelling at the girl in his squad for something stupid and completely destroy her emotional security for a while. Toshi fears himself, he fears what he can become, would become and could become. Eventually, the stress becomes too much, and he completely secludes himself from those around him. He sometimes can become a tyrant in his squad, but genereally leaves when that happens. Toshi thinks he sees ghosts. Strengths, skills Toshi is incredibly smart if he has time to think. He's not impulsive when he's rational. He is very good with the bow he carries, and is crafty, having made the bow himself. The bow was designed with tricks that he implemented. Toshi is a good cook, he has cooked for every mission he's been on and all the time they were away. He hunts for food, so rarely does his squad have a meatless meal. I can see some issues, mainly the fact that his ideas are generally downtrodden, but I've always wanted to build a character based on paranoia. Power and insecurity seemed the best way to do so.

You're issue is probably that his weaknesses are all apart of his "morale compass" and would be turned into strengths as time went on. You also kinda skipped "Personality" and "Appearance". Having no clue what he looks like, I'm at a bit of a loss.

I think you have enough background... It's still a rather depressing background... But I would like to see more ideas on her personality. Walls don't have personality, and so "Putting up walls" does not attribute to what she feels. Is she paranoid, scared, cold, completely anti-social? The good character will have their personality be a component that is directly related to their enviornment. That personality changes how they react with everyone around them. And, by the way: First rule of third person narration is you can't make judgements... So even here, using signal phrases as "unattractive", "has body issues", these all allow the reader to make unfair judgments before. If you want to say she's unattractive, either say it through how she appears, or in a story, have some character describe her as that way. That's a little fault to fall in, if you call her unattractive, you'd probably end up having someone like her for who she was anyways, thus making that point quite invalid. If the readers start to grow on her, to keep that air of unattractiveness, you'd have to purposefully work very hard. It's easier to give her strange habits, like gnawing on the knuckle of a finger or something. Gets the point across the same way.

On what, specifically? The idea that I developed a certain style of writing more towards an English origin than that of an American's writing? I feel the only reason I started to write in such an elongated style is simply because there seems to be a more formal etiquette behind it. An Indian professor, whom I had classes with, stated that English is a more circular language than American. American is said and taken at 'face value', whereas English will seemingly disguise its own meaning, or reveal the main point later in an article or sentence.

Reviews are kinda hard to come by for some people... I've always wondered how in the hell some people on FF would sit with 500+ reviews for a mediocre story. It, as you might imagine, disappointed me a bit. For 56,000 words that I put into my story, which probably would've ranked up in the top grammatically correct and most readable stories on FF at that time, I ended with 25 reviews. 2 were flames. Those two, by the same person, pissed me off to no end because he did it anonymously. Not only that, I was trolled because of a minor pairing in an adventure story. So, yeah... Reviews are very important to some people... Kinda like precious metals; they become more valuable the less you have. I don't quite understand the system of how some stories flourished... Some people said that the author simply interacted with the community more. Or the people who initially reviewed. I don't know, I never did read an OC created story... Too little detail in those for the most part, review whoring. At the end of the day, though, one negative review from a well written author can completely shut a story down... As a reviewer, even if you are giving criticism, you can't go and crush someone's story, but to tell them that they aren't very good? I will say this, I've expressed my issues with being unable to stand bad grammar... This is what always makes me nervous about reviewing. I care a lot about perfect grammar; for some reason, I have developed a slightly English writing style, opposed to our common American style of writing. I don't like it much myself, I cannot express my opinions well through my own writing anymore. That's the main reason I can't review. I come off like a major asshole 90% of the time. I feel that my review would be unwelcome. I would wonder if this is the same for some other people who feel like reviewing.

Random word generators. Hate to throw a wrench in everyone's ideas... But that's where my random ideas come from.

Crud... I can't edit my last post. My last post was a response to But I didn't realize it wasn't the last page...