LockedBox
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Uh, hello, people. I'm not dead. Know it seems that way. Chapter fourteen, well, it kicked my arse, but it's done now. Well, I'm calling it done. I had a big old ramble in the authors notes, so if you still care, that's where it is. Anyway, chapter Fourteen A Storm in a Teacup is done. Also, if you are unaware, I have some snippets over on my AO3 page. I do the majority of my reading and writing over on AO3 these days, since the site is much more user friendly. Have no fear though, I will continue to post MBWLAYWGS on here, at least until it's finished, so there no need for you to go out of your way.
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Tahn
I just found this story and I love it. The pacing is a little slow, but in this story it actually works well. Instead of rushing into things we get to see his life, and it's kinda refreshing. I hope things work out for them in the end without people getting hurt.
Aww, thanks! I was conscerned that the slow pacing might be offputting to people, I'm nothing if not verbeous and I don't think I could write anything shorter than ten thousand words if I tried to, and boy have I tried to. So the pacing really couldn't be anything but slow. I'm glad to hear you liked it. I can't make any promises without spoiling things, but if it's any comfort, I would tag things like character death and hatecrimes in the description, I'm not the sort of author who likes to dump that sort of thing into the plot without preamble. Still, things aren't always going to be smooth sailing for the two of them, especially given the times they live in.
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It took me a while to be able to read this chapter as i currently reisde in places where adult sites are being blocked. Very inconvenient. I managed to read it two weeks ago and enjoyed it very much as always. Unfortunately it took me this long to get unblocked wifi again so I forgot most of what I wanted to say about this chapter...let's see what I can remember... Lauchlan is a really sweet guy, but I feel a bit sorry for Theresa. I hope she 'll find her fortune with some other nice person someday. My dried ginger is quite soft and very spicy, I suppose it's an acquired taste. And honestly, I still like Corbin more with every chapter.
Though it might take me a while to review, I' be eagerly waiting for the next chapter.
Hey! I’m sorry it took me so long to get back to you. I have an email especially for all my writing accounts, which normally is quite useful for avoiding spam and such, but I’ve been so deep in my exam-induced seclusion that I neglected to check it. I’ve got it now though, and thanks so much for finding the time to leave me feedback, even under adverse circumstances. I’m glad you like Corbin, things are going to become a bit more interesting for him as time goes on, or at least I hope so. Don’t worry too much about Theresa. She’s young, and she’s got a good head on her shoulders, she’ll be alright. With your internet, I also cross post to AO3, here. Most blockers don’t block it in my experience, so that might be a bit more convenient for you.
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Oh hey! Sorry for the late reply, I monitored my reviews and review discussion posts for content, but didn't think to check up here! I'm glad that I could be of help, and thanks for posting about it too! It's good to know that the thread is doing it's job. If you want to keep better tabs on this I also cross post to Ao3. It's the same content, but Ao3 has more user friendly bookmarking and subscription tools which may be more convienient. I hope you enjoyed the chapter
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Chapter Thirteen Setting The Cat Amongst The Pigeons has been posted. Sorry for the long delay, I hope you all enjoy it!
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KaiBluOtaku
Chapter 12- I like this story so well. Your characters are so dimensional and layered, and the reading is very intriguing. Initially, I thought Corbin just wanted a piece of tail, but as much as he comes around without claiming his 'rain check,' I'm beginning to think maybe he's just as lonesome as Lauchlan is for a companion, though he's not as open about it. I'm hugely amused by the fact that they're ACTUALLY playing backgammon, and I was pleased that Theresa wasn't familiar with the slang, that might have been awkward!
I thought it was a good chapter, I liked it, and we got a little peek into Corbin's history as well. I see he's rather a tangled ball of string to unravel, so we'll have to be patient with him I suppose. Lauchlan wears his heart more on his sleeve, which is one if his most endearing characteristics.
Thank you for the mention that you appreciate having your mistakes pointed out, I'll read with more care next time, and note them for you as I go along. I've got an eye for that sort of thing, so if it's solicited, I'm more than glad to help (though I can't commit to a full beta position for anyone else at this time).
Rest assured, you'll hear from me. I'm a noisy reader, and I like 'paying' writers of good stories I enjoy, with feedback reviews. You're the first I've seen to have a separate review reply thread, it's nice though, thank you. And I do stalk my favorite stories on here regularly for updates, so I'll be around!
Well, hello again Kai, great to hear from you so soon.
I'm very glad to hear you liked it, this chapter was a fun one to write, though not the most cheerful of the bunch. I'm glad that you got a laugh out of the backgammon scene, it really was a slang term for sodomy back in the 1800's which I found rather hilarious as well, which pretty much lead to this whole chapter. Not sure why people stopped using it to be honest, it's pretty subtle and witty compared to todays euphamisims.
And hey, if you feel at all inclined out my many mistakes then please, please feel free! I live and breathe for concrit, and if you think I can make this story better than I would definitly love hear it. I did have a betareader at one point, but real life, the demanding mistress that she is, snatched her from me. It's just too late in the game for me to build up that kind of relationship again, so I'm trying to teach myself to edit, and rope in my RL friends when I can get away with it. I think I'm improving a lot but a lot of stuff gets through all the same, so any help in catching it is appreciated.
Thatnkyou again for leaving such lovelly, helpful reviews. It's always a joy to find one in my inbox and I'll be looking forward to hearing from you again
Yblue
I put this story on my ‘to read list’ over a year ago. Had I known it would blow me away like it did, I sure as hell wouldn’t have waited for so long! Your story has a fairly slow and detailed, but great flow, so you really shouldn’t be insecure about it. Your characters are wonderful human beings with their flaws and imperfections, and your story telling brings the setting to life in a way that it’s almost tangible. Absolutely brilliant.
Lauchlan is a unique, but wonderful and adorable main character. Though his actions, and more often his thoughts have made me facepalm probably at least once in every chapter. I’m even more intrigued with Corbin. There’s still so much mystery about him, and Lauchlan may love him, but he sure as hell doesn’t understand him. I somehow like that Lauchlan doesn’t try to extract any information from him, and instead fairly passively wait for his ‘debt’ to be collected, although there’s a kind of sadness to that too, and I feel Corbin will address that expectation again in the near future. But what I meant to say was that I think it should be okay sometimes if you don’t tell your lover your darkest secrets. I hope I’m making sense here. I could go to sleep now and review in the morning when my head is clearer, but I’m not going to.
I was also very glad to read your sidenote on the fact that in this setting, Lauchlan can never be out. Although it seems rather obvious, I’ve come across fiction that appears to be set in a historic timeframe, but then suddenly it turns out to be some magical fantasy land and everybody is supportive about all the gayness and they lived happily ever after. In Edwardian times you didn’t come out. Period. It’s good that you stay true to your setting. So to their environment Lauchlan and Corbin will be just two friends who occasionally share a drink or play a game of backgammon. I like the way Lauchlan was adjusting to that idea in the last chapter.
So yea, I’ll be looking forward to updates! You have a new fan.
JC
Yblue
Okay, I read my review again and realized that I made it seem like I thought the story was set in Edwardian times. I meant to say that I like that you stay true to the concept and setting of your setting. I hope that's how you would interpret it anyway.
For some reason I also want to tell you that I've read your bio, and read that you'd like to meet other people with Asperger's, and I've been told by two different people that my main character of 'Unconditional Love' might have Asperger's, but I'm neither able nor qualified to tell if he does, and he's a fictional character. Also, my best friend's son is diagnosed with it too, he's a great kid but he's seven and doesn't speak English, so that information is fairly useless to you as well, I suppose.
*sigh* I know how it feels as a writer to get good reviews and unfortunately I'm not very adept at writing them.
Hello! Waking up to find not one but two lovelly long reviews was quite a way to start my weekend.
Thankyou so much for your kind words and encouragment, it really does mean a lot to me
I love hearing how other people respond to my characters, your facepalming annectode made me laugh! That's Lauchlan for you though, if he didn't make you groan every chapter I wouldn't be writing him right. His perception of the world, and of himself, is rather different from everyone elses, and that can result in some things being lost in translation. His understanding of social cues is even less comprehensive than that.
I feel the same about people copping out with being 'out' in historical settings. Having one or two side characters in on it is alright, but there can only be so many rainbows and puppies before my suspension of disbelief snaps all together. Homophobia isn't something that can be magically fixed by a sit down and talking to. It's an insipid, irrational mindset that's been ingrained in western culture and religion for so long that it's become part of it. If it were otherwise we wouldn't be fighting it tooth and nail after all these years.
I actually intended Lauchlan's breakdown to be a fair bit darker in the first draft, culmnating in Lauchlan questioning his own sanity. I ended up easing up on that because I felt like I was just dumping too much hardship on him, to the point where he was becoming too much of a chewtoy, and a bit too 'special' which made him less believable. I do miss some of the dialouge I got out of that little plot cul-de-sac but I'm glad I cut it out, it was rather melodramatic, more than it really needed to be, and I really don't have the skill to pull of that kind of crisis well.
I do know what you mean about the setting. But it's perfectly okay if you think of it as being a little bit edwardian in style. I avoided giving specific dates or real world place names because I wanted to leave things open to interpretation. Imagining it in the edwardian era would not be any less valid than anything other interpretation.
It's nice to hear about other characters on the spectrum, even if it's unintentional. I'll give it a read if I have the time, there really arn't many to be found in adult literature.
And don't worry, you a very good at writing reviews from what I've just read. If you give everyone feedback like this, you'll have a lot of happy authors!
Thankyou so much, and i hope to hear from you two again some time
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Chapter twelve, Water Under The Bridge has been posted! This one got out much sooner than expected, I hope you all like it
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Staar
you wrote the chapter really good ok...In those times it must of been very hard, not that they are not now,...thing have changed but all there yet....thanks for the update and see you soon.!1!!!
Thankyou staar! I'm so sorry I haven't gotten back to you until now, I'm afraid that uni's been keeping me busy and your review kinda got lost in the shuffle. Thankyou for your support and for following my scribblings
KaiBlueOtaku
I was a little shocked in your notes to see you are a cishet female... Your work is stunning, and since I identify more on the spectrum of what I consider genderfluid, I definitely think you've done a wonderful job of exploring the mental trauma of Laughlan as he comes to terms with his sexuality (and his other baggage). Thank you for Laughlan finally asking Corbin to stay the night... I've been waiting so much for it. Laughlan needs a level of comfort and intimacy that I'm worried Corbin might not be willing to provide. Corbin seems to be looking for a "friends with benefits"sort of situation, and Laughlan needs something more. I just wish he could open up, and let Corbin know. This story is magnificently well written, minor errors and all. I'm curious about Corbin, what's his story? I hope this one continues for a long time still, I love it! Thank you for sharing your world and its inhabitants with us, it's a fascinating place. You're wildly talented, the writing on this is flawless in its quality.
Aww, thankyou so much! You're gonna make me blush you flatterer! Thankyou so much for your insightful feedback and your reasurances, it's very good to know that I'm getting something right. Lauchlan isn't done with his baggage yet I'm afraid, but the worst is over. As for Corbin, well, Corbin is just complicated. It's a bit difficult to explore Corbin with the story grounded in Lauchlan's perspective and Corbin being, well, Corbin. However, the next few chapters will hopfully start the ball rolling on that front and I do hope you like it. Thankyou again, I hope to hear from you again some time -
I use the story promotion thread for the most part. I thought of doing an email alert at one time, but after thinking about it I figured it would be more trouble than gain. Most other sites I use have subscribe, bookmark or favorite options that do the same thing, and the section of AFF I post in is really not large enough to lose a story in.
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Hey Guys! Chapter eleven: The Straw That Broke The Camels Back, has just been posted.
Also, chapters one through four have received minor edits. Mostly cuts and corrections, hopefully it will serve to make the first few chapters a little smoother.
While I'm glad to have gotten this one out so quickly, I'm afraid the next is unlikely to be finished until early to mid November due to this being my final year at uni. If you want to see what I'm doing in class take a look at my deviantart, I intend to post some of my works there once they've been marked.
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Scrobette
I'm always ecstatic when I see a new chapter...Hurrah!! This chapter is wonderful... I feel all the misery that Lauchlan is experiencing and your setting descriptions are perfect... I even felt the cold and wet...and that's pretty awesome since I live in Blistering Hot South Texas. Can't wait for more.... please.
Well hurrah yourself
I admit my reaction is much the same whenever reviews are delivered to my inbox, so I know the feeling! Thankyou for your kind praise, and I'm glad to bring a little of the miserable British weather over to the states. I had the pleasure of visiting britan for a few weeks in the early winter and the weather was more or less what the media leads you to believe, wet, wet and wet! It's not to different here in oz during the winter, only much muggier and with more mosquitos. Staar
Thank you for the update, I had thought you had forgotten it...Chapter was good, the kids kinda scared me a little.. I thought they were going to do something bad to him....see you soon with another update !!!!!!!!
Of course not! I will admit my update schedule is next to nonexistent, and with uni starting up things will be rather thin on the ground in the next few months (it's shaping up to be a very busy semester!) but I will finish this thing, one way or the other. I was really wanted to finish this thing this year, but with the way that the story just keeps growing I'll have to push that deadline back to February, barring any disasters. As for the children, well, don't be too afraid. They may think highly of themselves but think about how Lauchlan must look from their perspective, he may not act the part but he's an intimidating figure. There really isn't much they'd dare to do to him directly, and they aren't really imaginative enough to indulge in any decent pranking. Still though, this isn't the last you've seen of them yet
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Chapter ten, A Bitter Pill To Swallow has been posted. Hope you all enjoy and I'll see you with the next installment.
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I find the star ratings to be rather useless, even when they aren't being abused. People only ever seem to use two ratings: five stars if they like something and one or none if they don't, so you only ever seem to see the two extremes of the spectrum. It tells you noting about the quality of the story and it's so untrustworthy it may as well not be there in my opinion.
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You're All I've Got Tonight - The Cars
Dreaming From the Waist - The Who
For Crying Out Loud - Meat Loaf
Out of Mind, Out of Sight - The Models
You Got Me Rocking - The Rolling Stones
Women in Uniform - The Skyhooks
March Of The Black Queen - Queen
Talking to a Stranger - Hunters and Collectors
Heroin - The Velvet Underground
Here's what I've got for you. Not sure if this is what your looking to since I'm not really into anything that could be considered primal, and I most of this would be though of as being romantic rather than sexy, but I hope it helps. Heroin is a little out of the age bracket you specified, but you can't get much more primal in my opinion.
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Which says and I QUOTE: "The stuff that comes out of boys every time they use you has as many calories as seven whole pints of Häagen-Dazs. That's why all the girls who do "it" always get so fat and ugly and have that ulcerated skin that screams to everyone in church, "I am an insatiable slut!"
Okay, I know this is a necro'd thread and everything, but this can't be a real thing can it? I mean if boys could expel that many calories through their dicks half the worlds teenagers would be anorexic.
EDIT: Wait, wait never mind. My sarcasm detector has been playing up again. Just reread the post and realized I was stupid. Ignore the girl behind the curtain please.
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Building on what GeorgeGlass brought up, I've noticed that a lot of readers and reviewers seem to be attracted to a certain sort of story. If you just take a look through some of the subsections in the originals category, there's a pretty clear trend that shows that stories that advertise explicit sex (especially kinks like noncon and BDSM) get drastically more views than those with more general summaries, and that is after you take into account when works were posted and how many chapters have been added. As a consequence, they get more reviews, even if a lot are simple one liners commenting how sexy the story was. People just seem to be looking for certain things in their reading material here, and I'm not trying to be judgmental when I say that. People looking in the inuyasha fandom may want a very different sort of story to anyone in the Harry Potter fandom, each section seems to have it's own microcosm of readers who pounce upon some buzzwords that another fandom might snub all together and every now and again someone will write a story that, while not necessarily good, fills a niche that a lot of readers were looking for and gets an enormous response because of it. I mean, just recently there was a mafia themed story posted to the originals section, and it's view count has tripled compared to others with the same amount of chapters. Now, while it wasn't to my taste, a lot of the reviewers were saying the same thing; that they really liked mafia stories and wished there were more of them, which is certainly understandable.
Next time you see a story with a whole tonne of reviews, take a skim through them. Odds are that there will be a lot of reviewers commenting on a particular theme or kink that they really liked and wanted more of. I'm not a statistician by any means, but that's what I've noticed in my years here.
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I have a baby name book I thumb through for first names. It can be a good to pick a name that has special meaning for a character, but be careful not to go too far. If every character has an obscure or pretentious name that has a rather trite meaning, say a soldier with a name that means strength, or a a bookish lady with a name that means wisdom and so on that can easily start to feel contrived, and perhaps a little bit of a stretch. Just because a child is named for a virtue or principle, doesn't mean they'll ever grow up to have it.
Circumstances are important, try to look only at names that would have been well known in the time and specific setting and avoid modern spelling alterations that may have been made. Think about what the parents were like, and what they might would have thought when the character was named, I think it's always adds a nice bit of flavor to back stories when the name means something, not necessarily to the character, but to the background they came from.
For surnames and place names I flick through the white pages, and then double check the names I find on the internet to make sure that they make sense in the setting. I never put too much hidden meaning into surnames because I find that sort of thing to be a bit trite. You can't choose your surname, and neither did any of my characters, so I decide purely on what I think looks and sounds good. Though, I did end up having something of a motif happening recently, but that's up to your personal style to decide whether you want to make it a story element or not.
Now, as for preventing sueisms, I think you have that down pat in the example you've shown. Most suish name choices happen when the author tries way too hard to make their characters name have special meaning, or choose a name that is a radical departure from what is considered normal in that setting (Ebony Darkness Raven Way, anybody?) Bridget's name works, both because it sounds good and because I could easily imagine a parent naming their child that, though I would hope that she has some eastern European heritage to rationalize that surname. The nickname works too, because with her backstory you can easily imagine how her friends would make the leap from one to the other. However, I would be careful about naming an entire group of characters on that theme. Having an entire cast with names that coincidentally sound like types of guns or other weapons might sound kinda cool, in an action figure range kind of way, but I guarantee it would be very hard to pull of without sounding incredibly trite and lame. It's a pretty fine line I guess.
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Scrobette
Poor Lauchlan...He is so very much deserving of a "break". Please give him the courage to ask Corbin to return...Lauchlan is in desperate need of that man. I want them both to be happy...and I still want to see Lauchlan really whip those Urchins into shape. They need to be taught to respect him...those little whippersnappers!!
I really do love this story. The way you describe everything in such detail has me believing that I am standing in the midst of the action. Incredible and exciting!
Yeah, poor Lauchlan does get raked across the coals in this one. Unfortunately for him I am a somewhat cruel author, nowhere near GRR levels of course (I can dream though, can't I?) but it's not going to be butterflies and songbirds for Lauchlan, not for quite some time.
Thanks so much for your complements, I've been trying so hard to keep things engaging, I'm so glad it's paying off
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DeeDee
*hugs Lauchlan tightly, gives him a kiss on the forehead, and murmurs words of comfort* Poor Lauchlan, what a traumatic experience, I've been giving my cockatoo the stink for about 5 minutes now. Corbin should've stayed and Lauchlan should've asked him to stay! Oh Lauchlan you big coward, man up and go for what you want! Gay Romance would be so much easier for men if they had a miniature women on their shoulder whispering in their ear. Nonetheless great chapter, though I did have to skim through Lachlan's experience with one eye open.
Aww, there's no need to give your poor cockie the stink eye. If Lauchlan had brushed with a parrot he'd be missing an ear, not an eye!
I don't think having a shoulder-woman would help him much, in all seriousness. Have you ever read Pride and Prejudice? It's not quite the same era or setting but the ideals of masculinity in MBWLAYWGS are very similar to those held in P&P. The masculine ideal is to be stoic and composed at all times. To see a grown man like Lauchlan break down like that is almost unheard of in "civilized" company. There's no Freud yet, no real principles of psychology to draw from, and if it was anyone but Corbin witnessed this, Lauchlan would probably end up branded as emotionally unstable and dangerous, or at the very least distasteful. Having a feminine figure encouraging him to emasculate himself would probably make him feel even worse, even if she was completely right. It's a bad situation for everyone involved.
Though now you've put the image in my head I'm imagining Lauchlan's inner child on his other shoulder yelling "Help, I'm being repressed!" and that's much funnier than it has any right to be.
Sorry if this chapter was a bit too gory to stomach. I hadn't intended for it to be quite so graphic when I planned it out, but the more I wrote the more is seemed that the graphic violence was needed. Anything else seemed to downplay it too much, and that would be too underwhelming with all the build up I've put into Lauchlan's mental state. I hope I ended up striking a good balance here, Though I do understand if some of it was a bit too much. It was hard to write at times, but it needed to be done. Just try to remember that Lauchlan is going to be okay, and it might be a little easier to read.
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Hello people! Chapter nine, Adding Insult to Injury has just been posted. I hope you find it worthwhile.
See you with the next installment
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Hello people. No new chapter yet I'm afraid, but I have got something else for you. I've been a big fan of TVTropes for a few years now and I've decided to make a TVTropes page for MBWLAYWGS. TV Tropes is a surprisingly useful tool for self analysis, plotting and storycrafting in general and I heartily recommend it. If you want to read the page pop over here and check it out. Feel free to edit it and add tropes as you see fit. I'll pop round every now and again to add a trope or two but apart from that I'm not about to interfere with it.
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Damn, looks like I'm the designated sober person again. Bugger it.
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Look, all I'm trying to say is that taking up torch and pitchfork now isn't going to make anything better. I don't mean to be rude, but right now we know nothing of the situation beyond a few highly biased pieces of media, and even they tell little of what was really going on. I just don't want to sling mud around until we have a greater bank of verifiable facts to draw from.
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I really don't think that this is the time to sling blame around. We no little to nothing about these people, and it's highly probable that these two girls have serious mental issues that go beyond their chosen reading material. We don't know what part the parents played in this, what part the internet played in this, and what exactly was going through those girls heads. Perhaps we never will, but I don't think pointing fingers and declaring guilt will do anybody any good. Especially not now when a girl is in hospital and three families have had the rug ripped from underneath them.
Help with My Blurb/Summary Thing
in Writers' Corner
Posted
Hey guys. I've been crossposting my stuff to AO3 for a while now and recently realized that the little summary I had listed form my original fic Mix Beer With Liquor and You Will Get Sicker really wasn't the best. I've been too used the the short text limits of AFF, I suppose, but time to fix it!
This is what I have now, not bad but it definitly could be better:
Lauchlan awakes one morning with a pounding headache and another man curled into his side. The events that follow turn his life upside down, dredge up a landslide of emotions he was not ready to deal with and generally make his life a misery. Yet, somewhere along the line, he finds the time to fall in love.
There are some new drafts I made, placing emphasis on slighly different factors. I was hoping that you guys could offer me some feedback on what is/isn't working. Which would make you feel more inclined to read the fic, and what changes you think should be made, stuff like that.
Here's the first one. Meant to put emphasis on Lauchlans character arch, specifically:
Lauchlan lead a simple life, a happy one, and all things considered he was quite lucky. He had a steady job, a roof over his head and food on his plate, a family who loved him, if from a distance, and good company to surround himself by.
All it took was one night and a few too many pints for it to come crashing down around his head.
He didn’t know what drove him to it, didn’t know what he’d do, didn’t know what he’d done. All he knew was that he woke up in strangers bed, with a stranger man curled against his side with bruises like handprints on his hips, and the sinking realization that what he’d done could never be taken back, never undone.
He never thought he was the sort of man who would do such a thing. Never thought himself capable. Then again, he'd never thought he’d come to like it. Never would have believed he’d come to love him.
It turned out that there were a lot of things he’d never thought before.
Another, meant to emphasis the romance itself:
Lauchlan was a simple man, with simple desires.
He had a good food, good company, and a good home to come to at night. Sure, he was alone, but, he had never had the silver tongue and stalwart heart for romance, anyway. He’d learned his lesson once, and was determined to be happy with what he had.
His drunken self had other plans.
Now, there’s a man in his life, god forbid that was never a phrase he thought he’d say, who seems awfully keen that he hold up his end of a bargain he doesn’t remember making.
It was not a situation he ever though he’d find himself in, never thought his loneliness would drive him to this, but, he finds that the longer goes on, the less that he minds.
He always was a fool, and now, his fool heart was falling in love all over again.
And the third, with emphasis on the time period and the plot twits that got the two of them into the situation in the first place:
There couldn’t have been a worse person to wake up to, not in all of England.
Corbin is crass and rude and oddly insightful, but he’s also, most importantly, a man,
And Lauchlan, is, himself, a man, if a man with a bleeding heart and nerves of tissue paper. Really, that he awoke beside another man, a man with bruises like handprints on his hips and a cocky smirk on his lips, it should be reason enough to have him committed.
But, he values his freedom more than he values his dignity, so he agrees, and as he settles this favour he owes Corbin, he’s surprised by how little it bothers him. Every day, Corbin being a man, matter less and less, until he’s just Corbin, and Lauchlan is just Lauchlan, and he fears, no, not fear, believes, that, maybe, he could fall in love with this man.
He was still the worst possible person he could have woken up along side, but, Lauchlan finds that he really couldn’t care less.
I like the first one best, but I think that it still needs a fair bit more work. I'm not sure if it's too punchy or tropey. I'm going for a back of a romance novel type blurb, but I don't want to go too over the tope with the buzz words and trope dropping. Any advice or reccomendations would be much appreciated.